Chapter 57
FIFTY-SEVEN
Noms was giving Jack his breakfast when Gracie arrived home looking the worse for wear.
‘Good night, was it?’ Noms looked her exhausted-looking sister up and down.
‘Nothing happened, if that’s what you mean.’ Gracie poured herself a glass of orange juice and downed it.
‘Yeah, right,’ Noms said with a wry smile.
Jack was engrossed in a cartoon on the TV.
‘No, truthfully. We had an amazing dinner in his hotel room, I got drunk and woke up fully dressed on top of the bed. Bless him, he had slept in the other room. I woke to a breakfast tray and a note saying thanks for a lovely night. It’s so embarrassing. I was dancing around like a madwoman.’
‘Well, as long as you had fun, I’m happy.’ Noms put her hand on her sister’s arm.
‘I felt like I was on a movie set. It’s just a different world. One I don’t fit into.’
‘I honestly don’t mind if you take it further, though, Grace. Our ship sailed long ago.’
‘And what with you being on the path to pussy paradise, now and all that.’
Noms shushed her sister.
‘Can I get down please, Mummy?’ Jack pushed his cereal bowl across the table.
‘Yes, go up and get dressed, darling. Your clothes are on the chair. We’ll take Boris to the common when you’re ready.’
‘Are you coming, Auntie Grace?’
‘Not today, sweet boy.’
‘All right, then.’ He stroked Boris, who was lying patiently in his bed, and scurried upstairs.
‘Did he mention Jack?’
‘Of course he did. He’s adamant he wants to meet him.’
‘I did have a long think about it last night.’
‘And?’
‘I still don’t know what to do.’ Noms looked pained.
‘He suggested that he meet him without you telling him he was his dad. I guess at least then he can get to know him.’
‘And then he’ll be gone off again filming somewhere or other and he won’t see him for months.’
‘But if it’s just a casual meeting, and you announce him as a friend, then Jack will be none the wiser.’
‘Maybe. But I don’t want anyone to see us and to end up in the bloody papers. We’ve kept it quiet this long and that suits me.’
‘Well, it’s your decision. I thought maybe he wanted to have dinner with me to get me on side about Jack but he told me categorically that it wasn’t the reason. I think he likes me, Noms.’
‘And why wouldn’t he? You’re good company and you’re looking really beautiful. A tan suits you.’
‘He could have any woman he wants.’
‘And that, my dear sister, is why he likes you. You’re down to earth and not throwing yourself at him.’ Noms smiled knowingly.
‘I probably won’t see him again anyway. He’s leaving in two nights for Vegas.’ Gracie sighed.
‘And how do you feel about that?’
‘Fine, we haven’t slept together, Noms. It’s just like a lovely, romantic friendship. And if it were more, to be honest I couldn’t deal with all the not knowing when I was going to see somebody and having to deal with all the tabloid scandal. I mean, I got jealous of a girl in a bar in Cornwall, for god’s sake.’
Noms had to laugh. ‘Well there is that.’
Gracie smiled. ‘What happened between us was, well it was beautiful, and I have no regrets.’
‘Aw, I’m so pleased.’ Noms squeezed her sister’s shoulder.
‘Toast?’ Noms shook her head as Gracie popped two slices of bread in the toaster. ‘Lewis has already texted. He wants me to go to the flat for eleven. For just a few hours last night I amazingly forgot about the whole sorry situation.’
It felt weird to be knocking on the door of her old flat and not just letting herself in.
Lewis looked tired. He smiled weakly. ‘Hey. How you doing?’
‘I’m hungover.’
‘Oh, right. Coffee?’
‘A strong one please.’
Gracie sat awkwardly in the lounge as Lewis went to the kitchen. The flat seemed like an empty shell now that her things had been taken out. There was a lone empty beer can on the coffee table and the carpet looked like it hadn’t been hoovered in weeks. She was desperate to see if he had cleared out the nursery but knowing the pain that would bring, didn’t dare look. He had promised he would sort it out, sell the stuff and give her some money. She didn’t care about the money.
Lewis put her steaming drink on the table and sat next to her on the sofa. He went to take her hand; she pulled it away.
‘I haven’t seen her since… since that night, you know. In fact, I haven’t seen any other women.’ Lewis blew out a huge breath.
‘That isn’t really the problem, though, is it?’ Gracie took a sip of coffee.
‘So what do you want me to do, Gracie?’
‘Call her, say you saw her, and ask her outright if the baby is yours? As easy as that.’
‘Is that what you really want, though?’
‘I don’t think I could go on not knowing one way or the other. And if you’re honest with me, I bet you can’t either.’ Gracie felt slightly sick.
‘She obviously doesn’t want me to know if it is mine or she’d have been in touch long ago.’
‘Maybe, but I can never be at peace if we don’t find out. And I know you gave me all the “I’d happily adopt” spiel, but I’m not stupid, Lew, deep down I reckon you’d love it if you were the father.’ Gracie felt tears stinging her eyes.
Lewis looked away. ‘Don’t be so ridiculous, Gracie.’
‘I don’t blame you. Who would want to be with a barren old bag like me? Men need to know they’re virile.’
‘Stop it, Gracie! You know I bloody love you…’ He shot up and walked to the window and looked out. ‘Sorry, sorry for shouting.’
‘If you love me then be honest with me. Does part of you hope it’s yours?’
Lewis shuffled awkwardly.
‘I knew it.’ She looked up to try and stop her tears.
‘I’m so sorry, how can I make this better?’ Lewis groaned.
‘Ring her and find out.’
‘I don’t have her number.’
Gracie reached for her phone. ‘Here!’
‘This is so bloody awful. What am I supposed to say?’ Lewis screwed up his face.
‘Be a man, Lewis, for once. Go on. But don’t ring her from my number; she’ll never pick up.’
‘I’m not going to ask her outright on the phone. I’ll arrange to meet her.’ The words flew out before Lewis had a chance to stop them.
Gracie put her hand to her forehead and sighed. ‘Whatever, Lewis. Whatever.’
Lewis’s hand shook as he dialled the number. He was praying inside that she wouldn’t pick up. Gracie had asked him to put it on speaker so she could hear exactly what was said.
‘Margaret Good speaking.’
‘Oh, hello… I was after Annalize.’
‘I’m her mother. Who’s speaking, please?’
‘It’s Lewis Blair. I’m a…’ He looked to an agitated Gracie. ‘… a friend of hers.’
‘Lewis, you say? I’ve never heard her mention you.’ A nosy mother wasn’t what he needed right now.
‘Yes, that’s right.’
‘What do you want?’
‘Just a chat with Annalize.’
‘Well, she’s not here, I’m sorry.’
Lewis sighed with relief. ‘When can I talk to her?’
‘It’s a really bad time actually, Lewis. She’s not too well at the moment. I’ll tell her you called.’ And with that she hung up.
‘She always was a bloody hypochondriac,’ Gracie ranted. ‘And as for getting her mother to answer her phone, what’s that all about? Stupid bitch!’
‘Well, we’ve tried. As soon as she calls back I’ll arrange to meet her.’
Gracie drained her coffee. ‘And so the nightmare continues.’
Lewis stood up to hug her but she pushed him away.
‘Try not think about it too much, Gracie.’
Gracie huffed, ‘And that comment shows why we are no longer together, Lewis.’
She walked through to the hallway and pushed open the door to the nursery. Just as they had left it: two empty little Moses baskets. The eerie silence of what could have been.
The grief monster surged its way through Gracie.
‘And you can’t even do the simple job of clearing this room, you lazy bastard. No babies are coming here, Lewis. Unless you and Annalize get it together. Then you’ll have a ready-made bedroom!’ Angry tears started running down her face.
‘Gracie, stop it. You’re only hurting yourself. I can’t bear to see you like this.’
‘And I can’t bear to feel like this.’ She wiped her face with the back of her hand. ‘I can’t see you again, Lewis. Every time I do I feel angry and sad and now this has happened, I just can’t look at you.’
‘But it was you who arranged to meet me the other day?’ Lewis softened.
‘Yes, in a moment of weakness. But going back is of no use to either of us. There’s too much hurt, too much anger. Look, if you get hold of her, just text me. The way I’m feeling now, I don’t know if I care if that baby is yours or not. You two shit heads are welcome to each other.’
Lewis’s cry of ‘I don’t bloody want her’ was completely ignored as Gracie grabbed her handbag and slammed the door behind her.