Chapter 60
SIXTY
Gracie was amazingly upbeat as she opened up the hut for the children’s birthday party. She was thankful it was such a beautiful day – perfect for excitable five-year-olds to run around outside and not make so much mess. She threw the doors open wide and began to put pink plastic cloths on the tables. It was great that most Wimbledon mums had enough money to pay for personal caterers; it meant she didn’t have to worry about making sandwiches and cakes. The whole project had turned into a much bigger money-spinner than she had ever imagined. She liked the flexible hours, too. In that respect at least she felt she had got her life back.
She was just hooking up the last of the balloons when Ed appeared with a bunch of yellow roses. He handed them to her and kissed her lightly on the lips. ‘For you, ma chérie .’
‘Blimey, what have you done wrong?’
‘The other night was amazing, Gracie. I tried to get daffodils but I thought these were a good compromise.’
Gracie was overcome at this thoughtfulness. ‘They’re beautiful, thanks so much.’ She put them in the kitchen sink and ran in some water. ‘How did it go with your barrister?’
‘OK, I guess. I’m just worried about what the bouncer from the club might say.’ Ed grimaced.
‘He’ll be on oath, Ed. He has to tell the truth.’ Gracie remained upbeat.
‘I guess so. What you doing for lunch? Have you got time to have a sandwich with me in the café?’
Gracie groaned. ‘I’d love to, but I’ve got the mother of the birthday girl arriving soon, so I’d better not.’
‘No worries. You around later?’
She had agreed to see Leo later. She felt that she owed it to him to say goodbye, after falling asleep on him the other night. ‘I’m not, I’m sorry. I’m out.’
‘Out? Is that it, just out? It sounds slightly cryptic.’
‘Not at all.’ Gracie reddened. ‘I’m just meeting an old school friend for dinner.’ Gracie wasn’t very adept at lying.
‘OK. I’ll catch up with you tomorrow, then, I’m sure, sexy.’
‘OK. And thanks so much for the flowers, Ed.’
Gracie rearranged the roses so that all of the stems were covered in water. Flowers for being good in bed, now that was a first. Maybe that’s all it would be with Ed, a sexual fling. It was so difficult, as she didn’t feel now like they were in a committed relationship, but if it was him saying he was going out and not telling her who with, she would no doubt be furious.
Before she had time to reflect on her double standards any further, Cecilia Beauchamp-Coil appeared carrying a Selfridges bag full of expensive gifts for little Amelia’s party.
The next three hours passed in a whir of party games, sticky food, an appearance from Snow White and an ice-cream van, blaring ‘Happy Birthday’ from its speakers. Gracie was astonished at how much families spent on their kids’ birthdays. She wondered if it was about how much they cared about their little ones’ enjoyment, or really how far they could go to outdo the other yummy mummies.
She was just sorting out paying the caterers when Kate appeared.
‘How did it go, Gracie?’
‘I’m knackered, to be honest.’ Gracie pushed her hands through her hair.
‘Bless you. I’ll make sure I sort some childcare for the next one and help you.’
Gracie took a sip from her water bottle. ‘Don’t worry. I can’t expect you to be here all the time. I enjoy it.’
‘I had to see you, anyway.’ Kate sounded like an excited child herself. ‘I’ve just done a pregnancy test and you’ll never guess what!’
‘Oh my God, Kate, that’s just so amazing.’ Gracie gave her a huge hug.
‘I know. It must have been that one time we did it on holiday. Bingo! Mr Johnson’s sperm must have got its skates on.’
‘So when are you due?’
‘March.’ As much as Kate couldn’t contain her grin, Gracie couldn’t stop herself from bursting into tears.
‘Oh, Gracie, what is it? I’m sorry. I had to tell you.’
‘Of course you had to tell me. I’m just being silly. I’m truly happy for you, Kate. It’s just still so hard, sometimes.’
‘That’s understandable. Let me get us some decent coffees from the café. You stay there, we haven’t had a chat for ages.’
Kate was soon back.
‘I’ve got about thirty minutes before I need to get ready for Miscarriage Matters. I need to get my head straight.’ Gracie picked up her coffee. Kate had got her a flapjack, too.
‘So come on. How are you?’ Kate took her hand across the table.
‘I’m fine, honestly. It’s just…’
‘Just what, Gracie?’
‘I know it’s the circle of life, women are going to get pregnant, babies are going to be born. It’s just, well it’s just… I will never be in that circle.’
‘I can’t even begin to imagine how you feel, Gracie, but you have to draw on all the positives. You have a great nephew and sister and a new friend in me, I hope. Ed seems like a good guy. The business is booming and you’re looking really fantastic.’
‘Yes, I know all those things – but Annalize is pregnant, too.’
‘Annalize?’
Gracie took a tentative sip of her hot drink. ‘The woman Lewis slept with. I saw her the other day. I thought I was going to be sick on the floor.’
‘Oh, darling.’
Gracie broke her flapjack in half. ‘I don’t know if it’s Lewis’s – nor does he – but just seeing her made me so angry again and so bitter that she could become pregnant and I can’t. I don’t feel the same way about you being pregnant, it’s joyous, but…’
Kate looked pained. ‘What a nightmare. So does Lewis… do you … want to know if it’s his?’
‘I have to find out, I think. Because if it is Lewis’s there is no way I could ever consider seeing him ever again. It would be too painful.’
‘I didn’t realise he was in the equation still?’
Gracie sighed. ‘I’m so confused. I missed him the other day, when Ed annoyed me. I thought perhaps in time we could work it out. I shared so much with him, Kate.’
The common was heaving with mums and kids, cyclists and horse riders.
‘Look around us, Gracie. So many people, so many men. I always think it’s amazing we end up settling with one person when there is a whole world out there. Who says any of us end up with our soul mate? I love Kevin, but compromises are made all the time, especially now that we have Alice. It’s not a perfect relationship by any means. You have the chance to find somebody, no compromises required. Maybe not going back to the safety of what you once knew was the right thing.’
Gracie took another sip of coffee. ‘When you put it like that…’
‘How’s it going with Ed, anyway?’
‘It is what it is. He brought me flowers today, but it felt like a reward for some amazing sex we had the other night. He’s not the one, I know that.’
‘Mr Right Now instead of Mr Right,’ Kate laughed. ‘Take the good sex and just enjoy yourself, I say.’
Gracie thought back to her night with Leo. He had been so kind, so caring. She felt more comfortable with him than any other man at the moment. But tomorrow he would be gone again, on to pastures new, and with another young model or actress on his arm, she suspected.
She looked at her watch. ‘I’m not sure how many ladies will come today, the weather is so beautiful.’
Kate sounded concerned. ‘Are you sure you’re up to discussing loss today?’
‘I’ll be fine. It’ll do me good not to wallow in my own misery.’
‘Well, as long as you’re sure. Sally, my author friend, is coming today; she can amuse everybody and I can do the refreshments.’
‘We’ll do them together. And thanks, Kate, for listening.’
‘Always here, you know that.’
Gracie put her hand on top of her friend’s and squeezed it. ‘I cannot wait to meet that new bubba of yours.’
‘Nor me. He or she has been a long time coming. And… I know this is premature, but if everything goes to plan, I’d love you to be the godmother, if you’d like to be, that is?’
Gracie felt tears welling again. ‘It would be an honour,’ she replied softly.