Chapter 30
CHAPTER 30
Haleigh knew with certainty that this particular moment of her life would be etched into her memory forever. And played over and over to torment her.
Her second interview at High Tower Publishing had been going so well. Rosa, the executive editor, had been nodding along vigorously with all of Haleigh’s ideas.
By the end, she was beginning to believe that this job actually could be hers. The salary was high enough that she could potentially get her own apartment. One where she could fill the living room with bookshelves and finally own some more of her favorite books.
Then Rosa had asked one more question. “If you could, what changes would you want to make to our catalog?”
Haleigh had done a ton of research on their acquisitions. She’d read as many of their thrillers and mysteries as she could get her hands on. She had an answer to this question. A good one. She was going to talk about the importance of acquiring more queer books in genres that tended to be very cishet. She had examples of comp titles from other publishers and everything.
But in the moment, Haleigh was losing her battle over the adrenaline and nerves roiling in her, and while in her mind she had an eloquent response formed, what came out of her mouth was, “Nothing. I think it’s great.”
Rosa’s eyes narrowed. “Nothing?”
Haleigh pressed the tooth of her key between her index and middle finger. She could still fix this. Backtrack. Articulate herself more fully.
Except in the throes of her anxiety, she had lost the ability to use her words.
“I really enjoyed the last few thrillers you’ve released. And that cozy mystery. I’d love to acquire some stuff in that vein.”
Haleigh saw the moment that Rosa’s smile went from genuine to a mask. That millisecond when this opportunity slipped right out of her hands.
She barely made it through the goodbyes, her stomach heaving when Rosa said they’d be in touch. Pressure compressed her lungs like a hundred feet standing on her chest as her thoughts swarmed her. She’d fucked this up so badly. Her family was right, she was a failure. She was never going to get her life together. This was her chance and she’d ruined it.
Once she was in the car, she dug frantically through her purse as she tried to catch her breath. She needed to talk to someone. Her first thought was Brian. He already knew about the interview, and how much she wanted this job.
But when she pulled up their text exchange, she couldn’t bring herself to type anything. The messages on the screen stared up at her. All of his positive assurances that she’d be great as the interview grew closer. All the happy emojis. If he tried to put the same positive spin on this, Haleigh wouldn’t be able to handle it. That was not what she needed right now.
She glanced at the clock on the dashboard. Just after five. Jack probably wouldn’t be home from work for a while, but that would give her some time to figure out what to say, how to tell him everything that had been happening, and why she’d hid it from him.
When she pulled up, she was surprised to see his car in the driveway.
He must have heard her engine because he was standing on the stoop before she’d gotten out of the driver’s seat.
Haleigh swallowed hard against the sob that now clogged her throat. Just seeing him was a relief. A reminder that there was somewhere safe for her. She wanted to run to him, but she took her time.
“Why are you home?” she asked when she reached the bottom step.
“Early day.” His eyes trailed over her. Not in the way they had on their date last week, but in worry. “Are you okay?”
He looked a little harried himself. His hair was mussed like he’d been running his hands through it, and he was still wearing one of his work button-downs, open to reveal his white undershirt. Basketball shorts sat low on his hips. Jack never looked this disheveled, not even when he’d just woken up.
Her hand crushed her key necklace. If he’d had a bad day, he didn’t need her coming here dumping her anxiety on him.
His fingers tapped that rhythm against his thigh.
Haleigh took a step back. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I came here. It was just one of those days and I…”
A gentle smile pulled at his lips. “Haleigh, get inside.”
“You don’t need me making your day worse.”
He reached for her hands, lacing his fingers in hers as he tugged her up the stairs. “I always need you.”
Ten minutes later, she was cocooned in one of his sherpa blankets with Twinkie’s head on her lap and a steel tumbler full of cold water clutched in her hands. She hadn’t had to ask. Jack had simply pointed to the couch and collected what she needed.
Now he sat facing her, so close their shins pressed together. “What’s going on?” he urged.
The truth was at the tip of her tongue, and this time she let it fall out. “I bombed an interview.”
“An interview for what?”
“An acquisitions editor at a publishing company. For thrillers and mysteries.”
His eyes grew wide. “That’s amazing.”
“Not anymore.”
He cast her a sympathetic look. “I didn’t know you were looking for jobs.”
“Well, I have to move. And I can’t really afford that with my two part-time gigs.”
This time he threw his hands in the air. “Why?”
“Stanton and Ryan don’t need me there.” She held up a palm before he tried to talk. “They aren’t kicking me out. But I’m ready to go. Once I can afford it.” Haleigh took a long sip of her water, savoring the bite of its coldness against the roof of her mouth.
“Why didn’t you tell me any of this?”
Haleigh shrugged. “Because you already seem to have enough on your plate. Because you’d try to fix it. Because you already think I’m a mess.” Her chin was shaking with the threat of new tears by the time she got all the words out.
His face fell. “I’m sorry I made you feel like you couldn’t share this with me.”
“I could have tried.” She blew out a breath. “I’m glad I told you now.” And she meant it. Somehow everything felt easier when she had Jack in her corner.
His eyes seized hers. “I am too.”
With a sigh, Haleigh pulled the blanket down over her face and groaned. “What am I going to do?”
He tugged on it until she couldn’t hide anymore. “We’ll fix it.”
“How?”
“There are other jobs.” Whatever tension he saw in her face caused him to grab her hand. “Not like that copywriter job. Like this one. Something that fits you.” He hauled her up until she was in his arms.
“Everly did offer me a job at Stanton’s party.”
“There you go.” Jack grinned.
“I’d be working with Brian.”
Something passed across his face. It took him longer this time to shrug. “Then you know you’d be happy there.”
Haleigh didn’t know why that made her cry, but she was sobbing all over again. “I feel like such a failure. I should have figured this out by now. Look at you. Look at my sister. Why am I the only one flailing?” In her head, her voice said again and again: Failure. Mess. Disaster . She didn’t understand why Jack didn’t see it.
Jack cupped her face. “You’re not me. And you’re not Joey. And you don’t have to be. I’ve been in awe of you these past few months. I know how anxious new situations can make you, and yet you went on every one of those dates. You gave each person a real try. Just like you promised. That couldn’t have always been easy. And now you’re telling me you’ve been putting in job applications and looking for apartments too.” He kissed her forehead with aching gentleness. “You couldn’t be farther from a failure.”
Haleigh swiped at the wetness on her face. “Jack.” She tried to shimmy out from under Twinkie, put some distance between them. This was a lot. To hear him saying these things. To hear that when she thought she was falling apart, he was seeing someone growing stronger than ever.
She glanced around the room, taking in this space she’d spent so much time in with new eyes. All the bookshelves she’d figured he put in because, what else goes in a living room. They were a little more full every time she came over, but she’d never bothered to look closely at the titles. She’d always been too distracted by Jack. Now, though, she realized that she recognized them all. Thrillers and fantasies she’d recommended to him. Others she’d mentioned wanting to read. Even the newest release by her favorite author that she’d been complaining had a three-month wait list at the library.
The room was painted the rusty burnt orange color she loved. The furniture was comfortable and casual, not the more traditional pieces Jack tended to like. The pillows and blankets were loud colors and fabrics. The TV had the streaming services with all her favorite shows. The kitchen was stocked with her comfort foods.
It was exactly the apartment she imagined in her head when she’d thought about getting that editor job. Right down to the cozy sherpa blankets and thickly piled throw rugs. And Jack had already built it for her.
Her heart pounded harder. But this time, it wasn’t from her anxiety. “You really do know me,” she said softly.
“Every part of you.” He reached for a strand of her blond hair, letting it twist gently through his fingers. “The same way you know me.”