Chapter 18
18
On hemmed-in ground, resort to stratagem. On desperate ground, fight.
THE ART OF WAR , SUN TZU
Bella ran the mascara wand over her eyelashes in the hotel bathroom mirror, careful not to disturb her eye make-up. She must have got ready for nearly one hundred gala dinners before, but none of them had made her feel like this .
Butterflies swept in circles around her stomach, and little shivers danced across her skin, fluctuating her body temperature from high to low with every breath.
She blinked and a spattering of black freckles appeared across her eyelid.
Biting back a curse, she reached for the cotton bud she’d dipped into remover and went to work fixing her mistake. This was why she’d agreed to use the hotel room provided, because it had to be perfect. She had to be perfect. This was the way she would help redeem her mistaken revenge against Chase. It was imperative that by the end of the night, she had undone the damage to his – and the gallery’s – reputation. And Bella clung to the lie she told herself: that she was nervous because of what was at stake and not because of Chase himself.
Bella’s phone vibrated with a message from the girls and as she read the ‘good luck’ from Paige who had come back to the group messages after they’d spoken last week.
Paige
What are you wearing?
Bella had sent them a picture.
Sienna
OHHHHHHH!
Astrid
I want your stylist. I want the dress, but I also want the name of your stylist.
Sienna
You’re going to look amazing in that.
Paige
Really amazing.
Just like a blonde Audrey Hepburn!
Bella laughed, swirling the beautiful black satin skirts around her mid-calves and smoothing her hands down the fitted bodice. She hadn’t ever used a stylist. She’d watched and learned from her mother for what clothes to wear, how to wear them, what event suited what style. She’d already checked, and thankfully her parents weren’t coming tonight. She didn’t think she could be the Bella she needed to be. Not in front of them. Not when so much was on the line.
Which was why she absolutely had to ignore this silly… crush… that would make her heart lurch and her stomach fizzy and her pulse jump and her skin flush just at the sight of him. Because it didn’t matter. Because he wasn’t what she wanted. He couldn’t be.
The man was moody, irascible, short-tempered, slightly arrogant and made her uncomfortable in ways no one else ever had. Surely that was a bad thing, right?
Marriage is not for me. Not again.
And it was all she’d ever wanted. Someone to love her . Someone to choose her.
A knock on the door crashed into her thoughts and startled her.
‘Just a minute,’ she called out, hoping to buy herself enough time to get her pulse back under control.
It’s not forever. It’s just for right now. And I want you. Right now.
The quote from Delia’s book came back to haunt her just when she didn’t need it to.
She shook off the thought. Her only goal tonight was to ensure Chase’s reputation was redeemed. Everything else was just a distraction.
She pulled open the door. ‘Sorry, I was just…’
Oh crap.
He looked incredible.
Chase filled the doorway, his six-foot height drawing her gaze upwards. His hair, thick, wavy, and carelessly tossed made him look debauched. Because even dressed in formal wear, a black, superfine wool of his jacket clinging to his body in a way that looked near indecent, it was the way his tie, not a bow tie like others would be wearing, but a classic tie that looked as if it had been yanked loose in frustration.
Sexy. It looked sexy. He looked sexy.
Every pulse point on her body began to throb at the same time sending hot and cold shivers that flashed over her body in waves becoming harder to ignore.
She avoided his gaze, because the heat in his eyes was burning her where she stood.
‘May I?’ she asked.
And although he didn’t say yes, he didn’t stop her when she closed the distance between them and reached for his tie. The scent of his aftershave, warm from his body, filled her and she bit her lip to try and stop herself from taking big gulps of it.
Taking the knot in her fingers, she freed the tails before looping them back into a perfect knot at the centre of his collar. She just managed to stop herself from smoothing her hands down his chest, but only by fisting her hands. She felt his gaze on her as if he’d known what she wanted, as if he could see it in the way her body tried to hide the tremor across her body with a roll of her shoulder.
She’d come back here at the end of the evening to retrieve her things, but for now she reached for her clutch.
‘We should get going,’ she said to the room. She still couldn’t meet his gaze, half terrified of what he might see there. Terrified that he might act on what he saw there. But his lack of answer drew her back to him unwillingly.
Oh .
His gaze ate her up. Hunger and want barely restrained, marking his jaw with an angry tension that delighted her. Enflamed her. He made her want to fight. Bite, lick, touch, scream. All these things that good society girls just didn’t do.
Relentlessly physical. That’s what it meant.
Him.
Then he closed his eyes and when he opened them again, it was hidden. A small perfunctory smile graced his lips and he gestured for her to lead the way and she couldn’t decide whether she’d imagined it or not.
* * *
The Pulham was almost entirely given over to the Harrison’s gala. As one of the social events of the year, there were a lot of familiar faces to Bella. It was, in fact, the first time she’d attended something like this since the non-wedding, and she could see, if not imagine, all the whisperings and gossip that followed her and Chase as she led them through the reception towards where the auction items were being displayed.
‘Is this okay for you?’ Chase asked, low in her ear from behind.
No. I feel on display and as if my mask is cracked and everyone can see.
‘Bella.’ His hand on the crook of her arm stopped her.
She turned and smiled. ‘It’s fine,’ she assured him.
‘Five dollars.’ His hand was out between them, demanding payment for the ‘Bella Jar’.
She huffed out a low laugh. ‘It’s not ideal,’ she admitted with a shrug of her shoulder. ‘But…’
His gaze darkened. ‘But we need it because of my reputation and the impact that’s had on the gallery.’
‘No, I didn’t… I didn’t mean it like that,’ she said, genuinely. ‘I was going to say, that they’ll get over it. Someone will do something else and it will draw their attention, and this won’t matter one bit. It’s how it all works.’
‘And you don’t mind that it’s like that?’ he asked, as they moved side by side towards the room where the items up for auction were on display.
Chase tried to ignore the way that being so close to her made him so… aware .
‘It’s the way it works. It isn’t about whether I mind or not,’ she said in a way that made Chase angry.
The way Bella simply accepted things infuriated him and confounded him at the same time. But what really bothered him was that it was his fault. They wouldn’t have even needed to be here had he not, however many years ago, picked a fight with a journalist he knew was simply looking to make his name by being ruthlessly bombastic and careless of the careers he’d wrecked along the way.
That he’d brought her back here, to be the focus of gossip and whispers, made him distinctly uncomfortable.
‘We should go,’ he said, causing her to spin around to confront him.
‘Absolutely not ,’ she hissed. ‘We are here to do a job. This is part of that job. Nayak is contributing to the silent auction and has paid for the dinner. We will both represent the gallery perfectly, do you hear me?’
‘Yes, ma’am.’
‘Don’t call me ma’am,’ she whisper-hissed, but her eyes softened, making her look a little less ‘murdery’ than she had been before, so he followed her towards the room where the auction items were.
It almost looked like a mini gallery with items displayed on a plinth, or on the wall. Experiences had photographs and booklets, pieces of art were framed, there was jewellery, pieces of famous clothing, all donated by some of the wealthiest people in America, about to be bought by the wealthiest people in America, to raise money for the poorest.
Tej had given him strict orders to bid on as many things as possible and although Chase had money, serious and well-earned money from his art, the wealth here was inconceivable. Bella moved through the items as if she was supposed be here, but he felt that he still had paint and oil stuck beneath his fingernails.
Bella cast him a look from a few feet away where she was looking at one of the items.
‘What’s wrong?’
He tried to shake it off, because Bella was right; they were here to do a job, they were here to represent Nayak, to represent Tej. Chase could handle it. For tonight.
He scanned donations that must have cost an eye-watering amount, and he realised he didn’t know what they’d put up for auction. He wandered towards Bella who was looking at a Rodin, when it caught his eye. A projection on the large white wall, acting like a canvas, of the front of Nayak New York.
He watched as the fancy video walked the viewer through the gallery. Images of some of their artwork already secured for the opening was shown in glimpses. A voice-over invited the watcher to bid on ‘An Evening at the Nayak’, where the winner would get an evening that started with cocktails and an exclusive one-on-one tour of each piece in the gallery with each piece’s artist, followed by a Michelin-star dinner, in the gallery, and a weekend stay at the penthouse of Nayak Apartments, New York and…
The buzzing in Chase’s ears drowned out the rest. He was furious.
‘What is this?’
Bella looked at him nervously. ‘I know you’re angry?—’
‘Angry?’ he demanded, struggling to keep his voice down. ‘I will not have my artists prostituting themselves in this way.’
Lightning flashed in Bella’s gaze. ‘ Prostituting ?’
‘They should not have to perform for these people,’ he insisted. ‘That is not their responsibility.’
Bella reared her head back as if he’d lashed out and shook her head. ‘They wanted to do this. They were genuinely happy to help raise money,’ she informed him. ‘And while I understand where you’re coming from, not everyone is as hostile towards people with money as you are.’
He clenched his teeth together. ‘That’s not what this is about.’
‘Really? Then would you feel the same way if the person who won the bid was not rich? Would that be okay? For an artist to spend one-on-one time exploring the meaning behind their artwork?’
‘I would absolutely be okay with that, because they don’t get to have access to that any time they like, whereas these people click their fingers?—’
‘I will grant you that there are some people here like that, but not everyone. And your only criteria for disliking them is that they could afford to be here. Not because you know them, or are familiar with their work, or how hard they work to help others.’
He bit his tongue. She was right. But so was he. His gaze bore into hers. ‘You didn’t tell me about this because you knew I would be upset.’
‘Yes,’ Bella replied. ‘But I also know that a one-to-one with someone rich enough to win this bid is life-changing not only for the charity, but also the artists in your gallery. Is it really so bad that we not only get to help families who desperately need it, but the artists too?’ Bella asked. ‘ You did it. You met someone who changed the journey of your art. Is it so bad that we give the artists in Nayak the same chance?’
He stared at her, not having seen it like that before, and his head swam. Was he holding the artists back ? What kind of gallery director was he, if he let his own prejudices prevent them from moving beyond what he could help them achieve?
‘Chase?’ Bella asked, concern in her gaze.
‘Fine,’ he bit out, wanting a bit of space to think this over.
‘Fine as in “Bella Jar” fine?’ she asked, wincing hopefully.
It was damn near impossible to argue with her. Especially as it was so different to when he’d argued with Annalise. That was lava-hot rage and cryogenic levels of cold, furiously slammed doors and silent treatment on both sides. But Bella was like the tide, she might not keep her cool, but she explained herself, her thoughts. She used her words to open doors, and show him corners, there was heat and fire, yes, but it didn’t burn everything down, it brought everything in . And they could agree to disagree which was why it was impossible. She drove him mad. In a way that made him want to consume her whole.
She waited. She stood there and waited until he wrestled his feelings and thoughts back together. She gave him the time he needed to be able to answer coherently, where Annalise hadn’t, because it always had to be her way, on her time scale, on her terms. Even the end of their marriage.
‘As in, fine, I’m okay with the donation, if not entirely with how this came about,’ he grudgingly admitted. There was understanding in her gaze and he almost wished there wasn’t. Because it was that that would get them into trouble, he just knew it.
He watched her move around the space, making bids on auction items. He’d wanted to hold onto his anger. Needed to. Because without it, his desire for her began to spin out of control. And when their gaze met across the room, wide glistening grey eyes capturing his, he saw surprise, accusation, and something he shouldn’t see.
Want.
* * *
No one would know, to look at Bella Carmichael, that inside she was trembling. Having placed bids on behalf of Nayak on items she didn’t actually care about, she made her way towards the dinner knowing that he was following her.
Bella located their seats at the table, feeling Chase’s gaze on her the whole time. She smiled and introduced herself and Chase to the other people on the table, one of whom – Amanda – she vaguely knew from the ‘circuit’ of gala dinners and foundations. She tried to focus through the painstaking small talk that seemed all the more derisible with Chase beside her.
To her surprise, Chase entertained the table with stories of various artists he’d known, or met, galleries he’d showed at and art scene insider gossip. He charmed the women at the table and involved the men. Amanda was practically drooling in her soup by the end of the first course and Bella was irritated beyond belief.
It was exactly what she’d wanted though. Chase, proving that he was nothing like the article. The redemption not only of the gallery’s reputation, but his too.
So why was she practically flinching every time Amanda laughed at something Chase said?
Astrid
How’s it going?
Bella
A little too well. I think Chase is flirting with someone.
Astrid
Is that a problem?
Yes. No. Bella bit back a groan.
Bella
Of course not.
Astrid
You sure?
Bella
Yes. I am.
Three dots appeared. Stopped. Appeared again and stopped again.
Astrid
I just… thought that you might have…
Bella
What?
Astrid
You know. Fallen for his charm.
Panic rose in her chest as she typed angrily onto her screen.
Bella
What charm?
Astrid
B, I know exactly the kind of charm Chase has.
Bella hated the sudden twist of jealousy that thankfully flamed out as brightly as it had come into being.
Astrid
And I also know the kind of woman that would interest him.
Bella’s heartbeat picked up. She didn’t want to be having this conversation, certainly not at a dinner table with Chase sitting right next to her and practically frowning at her and her phone.
Astrid
And I want you to know that it’s okay.
Because I know you’d feel bad and I know you wouldn’t do it if you thought it was bad.
Because, B, you’re a good girl – one of the best I know – and it’s okay to be good. And it’s okay to be happy.
Oh shit. Bella felt tears press against the backs of her eyes.
Astrid
So if you find yourself wanting to have something with Chase, then know it’s okay.
That’s all. Love you. Xx
They’d not talked about it. Bella certainly hadn’t said anything to Astrid or anyone else about the feelings she was beginning to have for Chase. No. Not feelings, because she knew that they weren’t right for each other, but she couldn’t deny it any longer. She wanted him. And Astrid had just taken away one of the last barriers preventing her from doing anything about it. With trembling fingers, she tucked her phone back into her clutch, aware of Chase watching her with hooded eyes.
‘Is everything okay?’ Chase asked, his voice low for her ears only.
She nodded. Wiped the corner of her eye with the pad of her thumb, cleared her throat and nodded again.
Waiters appeared, clearing the dessert plates, and offered coffee and digestifs to those who wanted them, ahead of the silent auction announcements.
She tried to avoid looking at Chase, but as the lights went down in the room to spotlight the MC for the dinner, she couldn’t help herself. Her gaze came back again and again to the profile she could just about make out as the spotlight swirled around the room to highlight each winning bidder.
She took in the line of his jaw, the slight angle of his nose, the furrow to his brow and the tension across his shoulder. She wanted to touch it, trace her finger along it. She wanted to know whether his skin was as warm as she imagined, as rough as she imagined. Whether he was as rough as she imagined.
The muscle at his jaw flexed.
‘If you don’t stop looking at me like that,’ he whispered harshly, without looking her way, ‘I’m going to have to do something about it.’
Air stuck in her lungs, her heart leaped in her chest, turning beneath the clear warning in his tone.
‘What?’ she stammered. ‘What would you do?’ she whispered back.
After an interminable minute, he turned his gaze on her and every single part of her body was engulfed in heat and flames that drenched her in desire from head to toe. She felt sick she wanted him so badly.
But no matter how much she tried, she couldn’t drag her gaze away from him.
The muscle at his jaw flexed again and his gaze flickered between her mouth and her eyes.
He stood, pushing the chair back, the noise near shocking in the quiet of the room listening for the MC.
‘Come with me,’ he said, taking her by the hand, pulling her from the chair and near dragging her out of the room.
And this time Bella didn’t care that they drew attention from the other guests. She didn’t care that they had left the dinner before what was socially appropriate. She didn’t care that people whispered or stared or looked after them as they left the room. All she cared about was whether finally she could rid herself of this thing, this living breathing thing in her chest that wanted him and only him.