Chapter 22
Thane held Cat in his arms, still stunned. Had Cat actually just given her whole self to him? Did she actually trust him that much? Or was her mind just so fraught that any release would do, even with a man she despised?
Except that she didn’t seem to despise him now. She lay half on him, her body supple and soft in the aftermath of sex. She breathed slowly, her mouth slightly open.
Her lips were a lush pink, swollen from their kisses. Her cheeks also had a glow that came only from intense lovemaking. He reached to sweep her hair away from her face, marveling at its silky texture. He couldn’t seem to stop running his fingers through it.
“You could buy me a comb, if it bothers you that much,” Cat said, her tone soft and drowsy.
“It doesn’t bother me at all. I just like to play with your hair. Do you mind?”
“No. It feels nice.” She cuddled into him, and something in Thane’s chest unfurled, responding to the sweetness of the gesture.
Oh, God. I can’t afford to be sweet about Cat, he thought, though part of him knew it was far too late for that.
He said, “You wanted it rough, Cat. Rougher than I ever would have guessed a woman would, for her first time.”
“It felt right.”
He gave one low laugh of agreement. “No argument here.” Then he frowned. “But I hope you aren’t hurt. I know you’ll feel sore later.”
She tilted her face to his, and gave him a wicked smile. “There must be something else we can do, something less rough, if you think I need to be…managed.”
His brain immediately caught fire. There were many things he could picture doing with Cat. “I wouldn’t want to shock you.”
Cat chuckled low in her throat, a sound that aroused him like no other. “Please shock me. Tell me something we could do that would send a proper young lady into a faint.”
He licked his lips, and growled, “I’d have you suck my cock.”
A quick intake of breath and widened eyes showed him that he did shock her, but for only a moment. “Would that…you’d want that?”
“Every man wants that. You liked it when I put my mouth on you, didn’t you?”
“I did,” she said, desire flaring in her face again. “But I might not be good at it.”
He laughed. “It’s a risk I’m willing to take.”
“What other shocking acts do you know about?” she asked, clearly determined to take advantage of the situation.
“Several. Taking you from behind, for example.”
“Behind?”
“You on your knees, me at your back. Like animals fuck.” He ran a hand over her bottom, and slipped one finger along the crack, teasing her there.
“And there’s always the option of fucking you there,” he said, pressing on her arsehole.
Cat whimpered, half excited and half scared.
He could see it. “But I wouldn’t do that until you’re ready.
Which you’re not.” He moved his hand to the small of her back, making little circles over her skin, soothing her.
“No,” she breathed. “I don’t think I could do that my first night.”
“Hell, no. Most women never do.”
“What do most women do?” she asked. “I don’t want to be…typical.”
“You’re never that.” He pressed her closer to him.
“Shock me some more. I probably won’t get a chance to ask anyone else about this sort of thing.”
She’d better not, he thought, instantly inflamed at the idea of her asking another man to tell her what to do in bed. She’s mine.
“I could tie you up. Lots of people get pleasure out of games like that.”
Cat frowned as she seemed to picture it, then said, “No. I wouldn’t like that. It would be too…restraining.”
“That’s sort of the point,” he said, laughing again. He ran his hand along her torso and stopped just under her breast, mimicking stays. He squeezed. “But I suppose you equate any restraint with oppression.”
“I’d tie you up,” she said. “Then you’d understand. You’d be helpless, completely in my power…” She trailed off, and bit her lower lip. The unconscious move created a stirring in his cock.
“You get it,” he said. “The idea of me tied up and in your power…you like it.”
“It has a certain appeal.” She smiled slowly. “There would have to be rules.”
“Always. It’s meant to be pleasurable for both.”
Cat chewed her lip thoughtfully, and Thane groaned. “If you’re going to be biting something, bite me, kitty cat.”
She responded by biting his shoulder, just a nip. But he felt it all down his body.
“More,” he ordered.
Cat narrowed her eyes, but then rose up on all fours and crawled over him. Oh, yes.
She bent her head and nipped and nibbled her way across his chest. The bites were interspersed with licks and kisses, and he realized she was testing him, figuring out what he liked.
He liked it all, and told her so. He reached to cup the back of her head, guiding her very gently as she explored. When she paused at his nipple and sucked hard, he groaned.
“You sweet dirty girl,” he said, his voice hot with desire. He was hard again, ready for more. He couldn’t take her again, not so soon. But she could take him.
“Shock me, kitty cat,” he begged.
She hesitated, watching him, her big blue eyes widening when she understood what he wanted, needed from her. Then she gave him the sweetest and most sultry look he’d ever seen. “Say please.”
“Please.”
Cat continued to kiss and bite her way all down his torso, seeming to inch along so slowly that he’d go mad. At last she laid a hand on his cock, circling him delicately as if afraid she’d hurt him.
“You can be rough,” he told her. “I know you like it.”
“I don’t really know what I like. Yet,” she said.
Before he could say anything to that, she took him in her mouth, and Thane’s mind went white.
She licked and sucked as if he were her first meal in days, and through it all he wanted to howl her name.
He’d grabbed a pillow to stifle the sounds he made, and Cat was determined to make sure he needed it.
How the hell did she know just what he liked? Then Thane wanted to laugh. He’d like anything she did to him. And her lips around him now…paradise.
When he was close, he told her to stop. She didn’t listen, and he had to grab her hair and pull her head back.
“Why?” She pouted.
“Use your hands to finish me,” he ordered, feverish with need.
She did, and a moment later he spilled, covering his stomach with seed. “I couldn’t make you swallow,” he gasped.
“I could have,” Cat objected, somehow annoyed at his decision.
“God damn it, kitty cat. You don’t know everything.”
“How do I learn if you don’t let me?”
“You’ve learned quite a lot in one night.” He used a corner of the bedsheet to wipe himself clean, and let go of her hair. “Lie down, Cat.”
“Why should I?”
“Because I’d like to feel you.”
“Oh.” She stretched out next to him, and he reached to hold her. She was so good in his arms, her curves melding into his body.
“Did I shock you?” she asked softly, and after a second he realized she was nervous. She wanted to please him.
“Magnificently.”
“I suppose I ought to go to my room now.”
“In a while. We’ll wait till everyone is asleep.” It sounded practical, but the truth was that Thane couldn’t bear to part from her just yet. He pulled the blanket up over them both.
He ran his hands over her slowly, savoring the feel of her skin under his fingers. He sensed the moment Cat started to doze. He couldn’t fall asleep himself. He needed to stay alert so he could return Cat to her room safely.
And he needed to sort out what the hell just happened.
* * * *
About an hour later, when all was silent, Thane woke Cat and helped her dress.
He made sure Cat got back to her own bedroom without anyone seeing her—or him—as they made their way from the room in the tower back to the main part of the building.
He should have then gone to his room, considering it was well after three in the morning.
But he couldn’t sleep. He might never sleep again.
He instead returned outside, where he found Cat a lifetime ago. He paced from one end of the old walk, wondering what he just did. And if he would do it again.
He would.
But hell, he shouldn’t have. It didn’t matter that it was Cat who reached for him this time. It was Cat who was torn up inside, and he let her believe that what they did together would make her forget her pain.
Nothing could do that. He knew, because he knew exactly what that pain felt like. And he still hadn’t dulled it.
Never mind that she told him it was what she wanted, and he wanted to believe it.
He shouldn’t have given in. Even if it felt so good to have her.
To know exactly how she felt when he touched her, and how she sounded when she let go, and how she looked like a queen when she left the room at the end. No regret, no remorse.
That’s what she said anyway. But she might feel very differently tomorrow, in the cold light of day. And then it would be his fault that he took advantage of her grief, even if in the moment she told him it was her decision to make.
He still shouldn’t have let her make that decision. Catriona thought she knew enough to make her own mistakes. He knew the world didn’t forgive many mistakes.
Thane would never be forgiven for his.
And Cat would never know what his mistake was. He’d die before he’d tell her. If only he could keep that resolve, because every moment he spent with her, Thane wanted to tell her everything. It was cruel to keep it from her.
But if he told her, he’d lose her. And that was more pain than he could face.
Because Thane knew why he’d really let Cat persuade him last night.
He loved her.
When did his irritation with her, his resentment of her attitude, his frustration with her refusal to listen to a damn thing he said to keep her alive…when did that all cascade over the edge and become love? He had no idea.
Possibly when she first kissed him.
Possibly when he threw himself in front of a bullet to protect her.
Possibly the moment he saw her, rushing toward him like a storm.
It didn’t really matter when, because he was lost now. He was hopelessly in love with Catriona Ross, the one woman he couldn’t have and the one woman who would hate him if she knew the truth about what he did during the war. The truth about why he was the one who came home when her brother didn’t.
Thane flinched at a wave of memories, unprepared for the onslaught of wartime images after having spent half the night in the pursuit of pleasure. He’d pay in gold if someone, anyone, could extinguish the bitter thoughts of the war and replace them all with just the feeling of Cat’s mouth on his.
But no one could, and Thane either had to shake off his mood, or get raging drunk to dull the bad recollections.
He didn’t want to use whisky as medicine, though he held the idea in reserve. What he needed was to restore his sanity. What he been doing before the evening birthday party, when his tenuous hold on sanity collapsed?
Suddenly, he remembered that he’d never written to Kai about his new idea.
The thought was enough to jar him out of his brooding, and he turned to go back to the tower stairs.
Were the men still in Edinburgh? He was probably too late for a letter to intercept them.
Damn it, why was there not a faster way?
It was maddening to be so hobbled and chained, when thoughts couldn’t fly, and words would be carried only as quickly as a vehicle or ship could take them.
He needed a bird. Or a messenger, ordered to lose no time. That could work.
But what if Thane’s idea was wrong? It was a long shot in any case, a wild notion that might not have any bearing on reality. What if he actually pulled the others from their current investigations to go off on this tangent?
In his study, Thane lit a candle and reached for a pen and paper.
The ink dripped and smeared in his haste, but Thane scrawled his message to Kai.
Kai would know what to do. Despite his youth, Kai possessed a rare ability to strategize and make the most of his resources.
He’d assess Thane’s proposal and parcel out the duties among the men.
That is, assuming the letter reached them before they left the city for Kinlochlie.
He sealed the letter and went down to the ground floor in search of someone he could use as a messenger. Luckily, he spotted a good man in no time.
Angus was a short, slender man over forty but not yet fifty. His hair was grey and he wore a short beard. Thane had known him his whole life; he’d also served in the army, though long before Thane did.
“Angus, care to take a journey?”
“Where, sir?” Angus asked with appropriate wariness.
“Edinburgh.”
Angus relaxed. “Ah, that’s all right, then. What am I to do there?”
“Deliver this letter. As quickly as possible.”
“Shall I take a ship? Or meet a mail coach?” Angus’s questions were good ones—he was a sharp man who understood the task, which was one of the reasons Thane believed he’d be a good choice.
Thane pondered, then said, “Head for Inverness. Take a ship if one is leaving the same day. Otherwise, there will be mail coaches. Ride with one—don’t just pay for the letter.” He handed Angus a small pouch of coins, which should still be enough to cover any potential issue.
“Aye, sir. I’ll leave at dawn.” Angus took the letter and the pouch and tucked them away. Then he paused. “Is it about the young lady?”
“In a way. Why?”
“Nothing, sir. Not my business. But…it’s known that someone’s after her. Because of the men you’ve put on duty watching for strangers. No one wants anything to hurt the lass.”
“Well, I hope that the letter might prove helpful in that regard. The sooner you get it to Edinburgh, the sooner my friends can act on it.”
That fired Angus up, and he strode off to pack his things. Thane had no idea that Catriona was so instantly beloved at Kinlochlie. But then again, he shouldn’t be surprised. Not with the way she’d twined shoots all around his own heart.
Christ, what was he going to do about her?