Chapter 26
TWENTY FIVE
Jen
I study Meredith’s face across the table, trying to read her expression, but it’s impossible, even after two glasses of wine. “Are you happy, Jen?” she asks eventually.
“Yeah?” I clear my throat, wondering why that came out sounding like a question and trying again. “Yeah. He’s really changed.”
Meredith takes another sip of wine and her silence echoes off the walls of the flat.
I slap my glass down on the table a little too hard and wince at the clack it makes on the wood. “Just say it, Mere.”
“Say what, Jen? I’m glad you’re happy. That’s the only thing that matters here.”
I glare at her. “But it’s not, is it? Because you’re not happy about my choice, are you? And you won’t let me forget it even if you won’t say anything.”
“What do you want from me, Jen? It’s not my place to interfere.”
“I don’t know, Mere. Maybe I want you to interfere, to argue with me. Maybe I want to talk to you about how I’m feeling so I don’t have to hold it in the whole time we’re together.”
She just stares at me. Fair enough, because I think this is the first time since we were little that I’ve let myself have this kind of outburst in front of my older sister. My perfectly calm collected, together, older sister.
“Have you ever thought that maybe Ma kinda messed us up with the whole ‘don’t talk about it’ stuff? Do you ever just feel a bit broken?”
Meredith sighs and reaches for her wine again. “I’ve thought about that, yeah. Don’t blame Ma, though. She was just raising us the way she was raised. You know what Bubbe was like.”
“Yeah I know.”
“Stop kvetching already!” A look passes between us, and she smiles softly. “You know, I think you’ve changed too, Jen.”
Already the hot anger that would have burned in my chest from being held inside has started to cool, and I return her smile. “Maybe I have. We’re in therapy now.” I snort. “OK, that sounds worse than it is. Our therapist is actually really nice even if she calls me out on my bullshit.”
Meredith laughs. “Oy, that sounds horrible!”
I hate that by the time we’ve finished dinner and the whole bottle of wine, Adam still hasn’t called or messaged.
I send him a goodnight text anyway, and then as an afterthought: I hate that I haven’t heard from you all day.
I hate that I miss you already. Look at me.
I’m even talking about my feelings now. Meredith says I’ve changed.
I wait, expecting the message to switch to read any moment and a reply to pop up, but there’s nothing.
OK.
I know he’s not asleep, so why isn’t he answering?
Rather than say something to Meredith right away and have her watch all the trust I’ve built in my decision to take him back crumble, I put my phone on the charger and switch out the light, resolving to get some sleep.
I’m sure by the time I check again in the morning he will have replied and explained why he hasn’t been in contact today.
I’m sure there’s some perfectly reasonable explanation and he’s not still hung up about last night.
My thoughts turn dark at the memory of our unfortunate night out, and as much as I try to put the incident out of my head, I have trouble getting to sleep.
Maybe it’s also because I miss Adam’s presence in the flat—in my bed.
It’s funny how quickly I got used to having him back in my life.
Like the hole that opened when he left never quite closed up.
I do manage to get to sleep in the end, but when I wake it’s two in the morning. I make the mistake of checking my phone. Still no reply from Adam.
I sit, knowing I’ll never get back to sleep. I’d get out of bed and go knock on his door except I don’t know his address.
Shit.
I call him, listening to the buzzing dial tone through the tinny speakers of my phone until it rings out, and then I try again and again.
He doesn’t answer. Eventually it goes straight to voicemail, and I curse and drop the phone onto the bed. This isn’t OK. This is not just some bullshit manchild behavior, I believe him when he says he’s changed. I mean, I’ve seen it with my own eyes.
There has to be something wrong.
I think with a shiver of the weird phone call I had with Annie’s friend the researcher doing his thesis on zombies. What if someone like that has their hands on Adam?
The hours until seven in the morning tick over like they’re trudging through a muddy bog.
Each minute seems to last a hundred. I can’t even talk to Meredith about my worries.
One, because she’s still asleep, and two, because I don’t want her thinking badly of Adam so soon into the renewal of our relationship.
But when she finally gets up and I hear the toilet flush, I hurry into the living room at the speed of light, and she narrows her eyes at me. “Hi. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I’ve just been up for a while, and I need a coffee.”
She rubs her eyes and sits on the stool opposite the counter while I make one, wondering who I can call to verify that Adam is still alive—well, undead?
It comes to me as I’m setting down the kettle, and I slap my leg. “Vinnie!”
“Hmm?” Meredith looks up from her phone.
“Oh nothing. I just have to make a call.”
Hurrying into my bedroom, I snatch my phone and check the time. The gym should be open now. Doesn’t Adam’s power hour class start now? I dial the number and wait with shaking hands while it rings. It rings out and clicks over to a message, but I hang up and try again.
A gruff male voice answers a moment later. “Lord of the Reps, can I get you to hold for a minute?”
“Vinnie?” I shout before I remember that Meredith is in the other room. “Don’t put me on hold. I just need to know if Adam came to work this morning.”
Vinnie lets out a heavy sigh. “Listen, I’m really sorry, but the class is cancelled, OK? Unavoidable circumstances. Geez, you ladies will be the death of me.”
Oh, he thinks I’m one of Adam’s clients. “No, Vinnie, it’s Jen Marsters. I’m worried about Adam. I just thought I’d call and ask if you’d seen him.”
I hear quiet footsteps behind me and turn to find Meredith watching me. Nothing for it now. I push on, knowing I’ll have to go into damage control in a minute. “Did he call?”
“No. He never called. I thought you guys broke up?”
“Long story. So you haven’t heard from him?”
“No. And I’ve got fourteen angry women breathing down my neck. If you see him, tell him I’d kill him myself if he wasn’t dead already.”
“Look, I know you’re probably annoyed, but I think something’s wrong. Do you know his address?”
There’s a pause. “Jen, is this some weird revenge shit? I’m mad at him, but if you’re about to dump all his stuff on the street and torch his rental place, I’d be a terrible friend if I’m the one who makes that possible.”
“No. It’s nothing like that. Please, Vinnie?”
He sighs. “OK, but only because you’re dead right about this being off.”
He gives me the address, and I scribble it down on a piece of paper Meredith hands me.
I hang up the phone, and we look at each other for a moment. “I know what you’re gonna say.”
Unexpectedly, she smiles. “Let’s go get your man?”
My mouth drops open. “Really? You’re not about to tell me he’s a loser or he’s ghosted me?”
“Jen, I trust your instincts. If you think there’s something the matter, then let’s check it out, OK?”
I stand, tears pricking my eyes, and Meredith takes my hand and gives it a squeeze.
“Thanks, sis.”
“Don’t mention it.”