Chapter 44
Chapter Forty-Four
Stefanos claps a hand over his mouth, wide-eyed. His words hang in the air between us. All I can do is gawp at him.
“Stef,” I say finally when I can breathe again. I suck air deep into my lungs. “You know we can’t do that.”
He frowns at me. “It’s not any crazier than thinking it’s a great idea to marry some duke you’ve only met once. We’ve at least met a couple of times.”
I rub my face, hesitating. Stef looks hurt. He withdraws into himself, arms folded across his chest, and looks away.
Shifting, I turn to him on the sofa, tucking my leg under me. “Hey.” I take his hand. Reluctantly, he looks back at me as I speak. “I like you a lot, Stef. Just… remember the earlier part of this conversation? About the things hanging over you…”
Stef sighs, shoulders slumping. “I know. I don’t know why I said what I did a moment ago. I know your situation’s different than mine. And everything’s the way it is. I just want… to go back to pretending too, I guess.”
I give him a wry smile and squeeze his fingers.
“Please don’t marry the duke at least, okay?” Stef whispers.
I’m quiet, taking stock of him.
“Find another way. Even if we can’t be more than pretend. God.” Stef shakes his head. He blinks away tears. “Just—I’m sorry I said what I did, okay? And I get it if you want to be with someone who can be out and knows what they’re doing in life. I suppose that’s very different from my situation—”
“Hey…” I brush the tears from beneath his eyes.
Stef moves, shifting onto me, and I let him push me back against the sofa, straddling me. He leans in to kiss me while my fingers skim under his T-shirt and over his warm skin.
As our kisses heat up, I pause long enough as he reaches down to rub my stiffening cock through my clothes. I groan, pressing into his fingers, more than eager.
“You sure about this?” I murmur, hesitating.
“Take me to bed,” Stef says urgently.
I do, and we continue, his body taut with tension. Everything feels too vulnerable right now. None of this is reasonable, feeling so much about him, even though we haven’t known each other that long.
My fingers and mouth explore his body, following his urging, his gasps, his desire. He’s unrelenting as I eventually push into him. And it’s my turn to take my time and bring him to the brink again before easing off, until he’s feral and mine, arching beneath me when we roll over.
“Please, Theo—”
I ride him hard, till he’s sobbing and grabbing at me and soon spurting hot against our skin.
Then I continue till I come, quivering, as he pulls me tight against his body. We gasp for breath.
The rest of the day passes much the same way—plenty of intense sex with the occasional break for food, till he says he’s too sore and exhausted to continue, too emotionally tapped out.
“I’ll need to leave in the morning,” I whisper, lying on my stomach next to Stef in bed as he stares up at the high ceiling. “I don’t want to make this harder than it is already.”
He glances over, looking raw. “I guess that’s it, then.”
“I don’t know, Stef. I really don’t.” I roll onto my back, pillowed against the headboard. “But I don’t want you to be surprised in the morning when you wake up and I’m not here.”
An unhappy sound escapes his lips. Then, he slides on top of me. Stef kisses me lingeringly. I can feel his cock hardening against me.
“Again?” I ask with surprise. I slip my arms around Stef.
“Just once more. Please. Then… then you can leave if you must.” Stef can’t meet my gaze.
“Hey.” I try to catch his jaw. Reluctantly, Stef looks down, then kisses me hard, and we start all over again until we finally give in to our exhaustion. I fall asleep curled around him, not wanting to let him go.
When I’m driving home on Sunday afternoon, beneath overcast skies that threaten rain, a text chimes its arrival. It’s not until I pull over for a break and another coffee that I check my messages. It’s from Stef.
I loved having you here, but it’s too hard to keep seeing you, Theo. Our lives are too different X
Fucking hell. My eyes blur, my chest too tight. Confirmation, then, of what is inevitable. And yet it had to be another text to turn me loose, which cuts. What is it about me that people can’t dump me to my face?
On my last break, I text James that I’m back a night early and to see if he’s around to drop off his SUV at the palace. He eventually confirms he’s home. When I reach St James’s Palace again, it feels like a very long time has passed. Like a week rather than a couple of days.
Once I’m let through the gate, I navigate back to the parking area, where James waits. I pull into the space and roll down my window.
“You want a lift home?” he asks, taking stock of me. James looking concerned is an unusual sight. “Or to come in?”
I shake my head and get out, retrieving my bag and slinging it over my shoulder. I pass the keys over. “Thanks. Petrol’s full, as promised.”
“What happened?” James studies me, frowning, missing nothing. If only he had an off day here and there.
“Stef ended things. It couldn’t be helped, really.” I’m listless. I gesture at nothing in particular, in the vicinity of some pigeons pecking on the ground, though they at least have a mission. “Obviously.”
James’ frown deepens. He sighs. “Are you quite sure you don’t want to come in?”
“Thanks. To be honest, I just want to go home.” The reality of everything’s hitting hard. I want my own bed and sleep. I ache with fatigue from the drive and the weekend with Stef.
“I can at least drive you home.”
“I’ll walk. I need the air.” I give him a wry smile. “Thanks again. We’ll catch up soon.”
James nods, relenting. Mercifully, he doesn’t push me, about either Stef or the duke or any other schemes. “Another time, then.”
Feeling terrible, I head home through the wet London streets on Sunday evening, left too alone with my circling thoughts for company. None of them makes me feel the least bit better, more like a whole lot worse.
The next day, I’m early to work and set up on a corner of the workroom table with my laptop in front of one of the large windows.
I go over designs for a project and continue to put together a mood board.
Ethan’s in and out for a meeting, and he’s still out before lunchtime when the buzzer rings for the door.
We don’t have any appointments scheduled in the studio today.
I glance up and frown when I see the familiar figure standing there, looking around, holding an impressive arrangement of overflowing spring tulips As always, he’s well-groomed, with impeccable wardrobe choices.
Too bad he has no capacity for self-reflection.
Motherfucker.
I slide off my stool, sorely tempted to ignore the buzzer when it goes off again. Grumbling, this doesn’t do anything to lift the dark mood over me today. I yank open the door.
“Who are you, the vulture of death? Go away—I’m not in the mood for whatever this is,” I say tersely, standing in the door. There’s Miles, not looking impressed, next to Aidan, who looks like he’s showing up already berated.
“He promised this would be brief.” Miles gives Aidan a warning look, his arms folded across his chest.
Aidan gives me his pleading face. “You won’t answer my texts. I had no choice but to come find you myself and call on your door.”
“Yeah, right. You’ve got plenty of choices, actually. What do you want? Are you looking for more content to sell?” My gaze is cutting.
He reddens. “No! I came to apologize. I thought maybe we could go for lunch at the pub to talk. Like old times. And I brought these for you.” He nods down at the three dozen tulips spilling over the edge of the glass vase in his arm.
“Nope. You can say whatever it is you want to say to me right here.”
“Please, Theo. Don’t be like this.” A heavy sigh escapes Aidan as he rakes a hand through his hair. Of all the things I can fault him for—which are many—personal style isn’t one of them. “I just want to apologize to you. That’s all.”
My frown deepens. If only I could do the one-eyebrow thing that Stef has got down. I shove the thought of him away. Not helpful at the minute.
Aidan stuffs his free hand into his lightweight black wool coat, left unbuttoned. It’s one of those cool April days when it doesn’t know if it wants to be spring or winter. He presses his lips into a line. “Everything got far more out of hand than I bargained on.”
“So you accidentally sold me out to the tabloids?” I glare. “And all those payouts just landed in your bank account for no reason?”
He reddens again. “I didn’t expect all the intense media coverage that followed…”
I roll my eyes. “I’m a prince, Aidan. Of course the tabloids are interested. Moth, flame, all that. Royalty stories are their catnip. Now, you’re interrupting billable time.”
“Theo, please,” he says softly. “I understand you’re angry, but I miss you—”
“You also sent that text, if you’ve forgotten. Quite a way to end things with someone. Good luck with your groom or whatever.”
Aidan’s expression crumples.
“Don’t.” I scowl at him.
He rubs his eyes with a hand. “I guess I deserve that.”
“I guess you do.”
“What can I do to make things better? I’m so sorry. Again.”
My eyes narrow. “What do you really want, Aidan? Shouldn’t you be at work?”
“I’ve just gone out for lunch.” He shrugs a shoulder. “And I saw the story about the yacht and Greece, and I suppose James’ birthday party, and I wanted to see for myself that you’re alright.”
I gesture at myself. “Here. Fine.”
Of course—he’s seen the kiss with Edward. Which has seemingly sparked some more jealousy from an unexpected direction. Or he’s trying to find a way to monetize it himself.
He gives me a critical look. “You don’t look fine. I know you, Theo. You’ve got dark circles under your eyes, and you look, well, rough.”
“Fuck off,” I say irritably. “I definitely didn’t answer the door for a critique. I didn’t sleep. I’ve got stuff going on. It’s fine. And you lost the right to worry about me. Now, would you kindly go back to whatever you’re meant to be doing and leave me alone? Please.”
Miles glowers at Aidan, who speeds up at last to the point.
“I just wish things could be different. That we could have another chance. Because… because I want you back. I want another chance. We deserve another chance.”
My gaze bores into him. “You’ve completely lost the plot.”
Aidan frowns. “Theo. I miss you. And I love you.”
“Well, I loved you too, back then, for a minute, for the record. But it’s not enough. Not after the way you’ve treated me. That’s no way to treat the people you love, Aidan.”
His face matches the pink tulips spilling out of the large containers on either side of our studio door, spring bulbs I planted last fall.
Back when I thought things were going great with Aidan.
He thought it was hot that I liked working with my hands, and he loved watching my reels set to music on my social media channels, where I restored furnishings or made over someone’s home together with Ethan.
Not that he ever stopped being jealous of Ethan.
And I don’t want to mention Stef’s name around Aidan in case he gets to meddling or who knows what.
“You love me?” Aidan entreats, giving me hopeful eyes.
“Past tense. Long ago.” I fold my arms tight across my chest and stare him down.
The wind ruffles his glossy brown hair. He looks like he stepped from the pages of a magazine fashion shoot, and for all I care, he could go slip right back into them, out of sight.
At least I can close a magazine. Aidan on my step is another issue.
I’m definitely not inviting him in, the karmic vampire that he is.
His expression softens. “I knew it. Theo, I’m here because I love you. I think we deserve a second chance—I deserve a second chance. I made a big mistake.”
“You dumped me by text!” I hiss at him.
“I… panicked. I didn’t know what to say to your face.”
I frown. “You could have tried, Aidan. That was beyond weak. At any rate, it doesn’t matter anymore.”
Aidan frowns too. “Don’t I matter anymore? I mattered a lot to you before.”
“Actually, no. You don’t matter to me now. You had your chance and blew it. Then you hooked up with some other guy right away.”
He looks tearfully at me. I screw my face up. Fuck, he knows I have a hard time when he’s upset. “I’m sorry.”
I sigh, glowering at him.
“Please. Theo. Take these flowers, at least. I saw them and thought of you because I know you would love them.”
He’s right that I love flowers, and especially spring flowers. “All the tulips in the world don’t make things better, Aidan. It’s over.”
“Because you have someone else?” he tries carefully.
“Irrelevant.”
“Please, take them. I’m headed out of the country tomorrow for the next two weeks, and they’ll be wasted in my flat,” Aidan tries, offering the tulip arrangement once again.
With a reluctant sigh, I take them this time, because I feel sorry for the flowers, and not for him. “Where are you going?”
“Italy.”
I just nod, studying the flowers. One of our favorite getaways. Last year, Aidan thought a chance of scenery would help me deal with my grief.
“So, you’re seeing a duke now?” Aidan asks carefully.
“I’m not telling you anything about who I might or might not be seeing, Aidan. It doesn’t matter. It’s over.”
“Are you sure? I can’t imagine that’s what you really want…”
“Yeah. That’s what I really want.”
We consider each other in a stalemate. Miles steps closer to Aidan, advising him it’s time to go. My chest is tight. It’s hard to remember how I was in love with Aidan once. Especially after he sold me out so badly.
A couple of moments later, Ethan’s black sedan pulls up in front of the building. Aidan gives me a curt nod, followed by a quick glance at Ethan as he gets out of his car.
Ethan looks at him in surprise, then at me with the armful of tulips. “Am I interrupting something?” he asks carefully.
“Aidan was just leaving.” I stare Aidan down until he flinches. Good. “An unauthorized rendezvous.”
“Nice to see you, Ethan. Bye, Theo.” At last, Aidan turns to walk down the cobbled lane in front of the mews houses and buildings. Ethan watches him leave too, a question in his eyes when he finally turns to me.