Chapter 32 #2
“I’ve no idea. London? But it may be still too close. Perhaps Paris. The more adventurous option is to go westward, likely to New York City or Philadelphia, where I may find a community in which I can thrive, continue my political activities, and feel safe from Father.”
“He is at heart a selfish person,” Elspeth said. “It took me far too long to accept that, but I believe that if Mairi simply disappears, he won’t pursue the matter, largely because it would be costly and time-consuming. And his attention span is a short one.”
“I could fund her journey to whatever destination she chooses, but how is that a proposition? It sounds to me like a simple request.”
“I didn’t think you would listen to any request I made.”
“And yet you have just made one, and I have listened. But I’m curious to know how you would’ve sweetened the pot if I didn’t agree.”
“Oh,” said Elspeth. “I planned to say that if you helped Mairi escape, then I would return to you and play the role of wife.”
Struan expression went cold. “I do not want you to play the role of wife.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Then how did you mean it, Elspeth McGregor?”
“I just meant, that is to say…I would resume acting—no, not acting—I mean that I would live with you again. But I suppose you do not want me to live with you anymore.”
The way he looked at her made her heart stutter. He said, “The few months that you lived with me were the happiest ones in all my adult life.”
Mairi said, “I should go.”
“But it’s not the same now, is it?” asked Elspeth, ignoring her sister’s sudden discomfort.
“No, I fucked that up, royally,” he said with a dark laugh.
“I don’t know how to get you to agree to help Mairi.”
“As I said before, you could simply ask. You seem to think that I am a monster who must be bargained with rather than someone who wishes to do the right thing.”
“So you will help Mairi?”
“I don’t think I need help after all,” Mairi said. “Other than help leaving this conversation.”
“Then what will you do?” Struan was saying to Ellie. “Live on your own somewhere? I’ll pay your annual expenses if you do.”
“It wouldn’t be much,” said Elspeth. “I can manage any size household, so managing for myself, and one other will be no challenge.”
“Wait. Who is this other to be? Mairi will be far away. Am I to pay the expenses for you and some lover to keep house together?”
“Of course not! I already have one husband.”
“Then who’s the lucky person you intend to shelter and keep?”
Elspeth said nothing, biting her lip as she looked away. But her silence was information enough.
“My God, you’re pregnant, aren’t you?”
“Well,” said Mairi. “It is definitely time for me to find the men in the kitchen and see if there’s any food left before I have them take me back to my loving home. Good luck, Pest.”
“Mairi!” Ellie watched her sister’s retreat, feeling abandoned. But then again, it was her problem. She turned back to a furious, shocked Struan.
“Well?” he demanded.
“Well, yes. I’m going to have a child. Your efforts have borne fruit, as they say.”
“And you weren’t going to tell me?”
“I didn’t know until I’d already got to Edinburgh. I couldn’t confirm it until…well, today, honestly.”
“And you weren’t going to inform me until your sister forced the matter. It’s my child too, Elspeth. Any child of mine is my responsibility.” He inhaled. “Oh. I understand. So you were planning to hide them from me so that you could raise them on your own. My God. Do you hate me that much?”
“I made no plans at all,” said Elspeth. “It will be six months or more before the child is born. I have no idea where I’ll be in six months.”
“If you would listen to reason, you would be at home with me where you’ll have everything you need to be ready to bring our baby into the world.
You wouldn’t be boarding with your socially obsessed father, who’s already proven that he would sell a human being as quickly as a sack of onions.
I can’t believe that you would keep this from me. ”
“I know you want an heir,” said Elspeth.
“I don’t want an heir, I want a family!” he burst out.
“If you want to hurt me far more than I’ve hurt you, all you have to do is to keep our child away from me.
Knowing that I have a wife and child somewhere in the world and I’m not able to see them or be with them or share anything about your lives…
That’s hell for me. And it’s up to you whether you want to put me in hell. ”
“You’re a man. You’re my husband. You will be our child’s father. All the power is yours,” she declared.
“What good does that power do? What sort of home will it be to live in if you don’t want to be there?
If the only reason you’re there is because the law makes it so?
And what is the point of having my child there if my wife isn’t also there?
Could you seriously expect me to raise a child without their mother?
No, you’re the one with the power. And you’re the one who will make the choice about all our lives. ”
“I can’t do that!”
“Can’t? Or won’t? People have taken advantage of you all your life, Elspeth. It must get to be a habit after a while. Thinking that you have no control and that you have to listen to what other people say, that you have to obey their orders.”
“Have you been talking to Mairi? You sound like her.”
“Have you been listening to her? Sounds like she’s talking sense,” he said.
“Anyway, I refuse to have you in any place you don’t wish to be.
But I won’t let you abdicate now and then play the victim later.
You have the choice of what to do with your life and my life and our child’s life. You’re the one who has to make it.”
Struan turned to walk away, but Elspeth grabbed his arm. “Don’t you dare leave me like this.”
“Like what?” He surveyed her as she spoke, and she couldn’t deny how his mere presence made her forget everything else. He dominated her attention.
“Alone. You’re the reason I’m in this condition. You and your desire.”
“My desire?” He was looking at her in that way that left her skin tingling even without him touching her. “I seem to recall you showing a lot of enthusiasm for the game as well.”
“Only because…you showed me.” Elspeth was having trouble getting her breath. And her skin felt uncomfortably warm.
He noticed, raising one hand to her cheek.
“Flushed, Ellie? Embarrassed to admit you loved being fucked by me? Or are you missing the blindfold from our early nights? Or the time you stormed into my bath, curious as a cat? Oh, you remember all that, wife.” He ran his fingers under her chin, tipping her face up to his.
“If I felt between your legs right now, you’d be wet and ready. Yes? Tell me the truth.”
She nodded, then whispered, “Are you going to torture me again?”
He went still. “That last time we…not the last time, I mean the last time before you left. I’m sorry I did that to you.”
“You mean when you tied me to your bed and pleasured me all kinds of ways except penetrating me because you wanted to prove a point?”
“Yes, then. And all the things I said to you during and after. I was lying about all of it. I had to lie to make you hate me.”
“I know why you did it,” she said.
“You don’t. I was just being a bastard.”
“Because you were afraid. Are you really sorry for everything you said that day?”
“God yes.”
“Good. I said horrible things too. I’m sorry for them. I didn’t…I’m not good at being mean, and I might have overdone it.”
He laughed, disbelieving. “God, Ellie. You’re marvelous at being mean. You cut me into pieces.”
“Thank you? But I didn’t like it. I don’t want to do it ever again.”
“And I’ll never do what I did again.”
“Actually.” She took a deep breath. “The truth is that while I hated everything you said, I liked everything you did. Tying me to the bed. Pleasuring me with your hands and keeping me on the edge.…”
“Christ, Ellie.” His breath had grown harsh. “Keep talking like that and I’ll drag you to my room.”
“Do it,” she said breathlessly.
His room was one floor up and on the opposite side of the house, which might be far enough to prevent anyone hearing them. He didn’t have to drag her—she was eager to get there. Struan didn’t bother with a tour. He led her directly to his bed.
She told him what made her most excited and desperate, all while he worked to remove her gown and shift, though he left the necklace on.
Clearly, he had no intention of repeating their last rushed encounter.
He lay her down naked on his bedsheets, then started on his own clothing.
He gently pushed aside her attempt to help.
“I like looking at you like this. So impatient and bothered. You look like you want something from me.”
She licked her lips when he revealed his stand. “I want that. Inside me.”
“You’ll have it.” He ran his hands over her waist and her thighs and her bottom, making approving sounds when she raised up her hips and begged him for more.
“In me,” she pleaded. “I want you inside me.”
“Soon,” he promised, his hands moving up her torso, regarding her breasts with hunger. He squeezed one, and she let out a startled gasp.
“What?” he asked, his eyes clouded.
“I’m just very…tender now.”
He bent his head and kissed her gently where his hand had been, and then he slowly took her nipple in his mouth and circled the pebbled part with his tongue until she forgot all about the previous discomfort.
“Better?” he asked, taking a breath.
“Yes,” she breathed. “Don’t stop.”
He suckled her with a level of devotion that left her panting, and even while he did, he eased two fingers between her legs. She convulsed when the pleasure hit her, arching her back as she moaned his name.
She was more than ready for him, but he continued to play with her, teasing her with his fingers, drawing out more moans and pleas as he drove her to distraction.