Leo
I walk to the living room and find it empty, then I walk to his bedroom and guess what?
It’s empty, too. This man will give me high blood pressure.
I will die before I am officially thirty, and it will be his damn fault.
I go to my room, approach my bed, and try to locate my phone, which, as always, is missing.
I have this bad habit of sleeping with it.
Some people like sleeping with an extra pillow or a stuffed animal.
Me? I like to cuddle my electronics in bed.
By morning it’s lost among the covers, and that’s the good-case scenario.
On nights when I have been drinking, I can also find it with open messages, half-finished conversations I don’t remember having.
If I am lucky it’s just stupid memes and silly little chats, but most times it’s drunk texts to random hookups because my horny ass thought he could get some while he couldn’t even put one foot in front of the other.
Who needs to talk if their dick works, though, right?
Jesus Christ, I need to find new friends.
Kai has made me an image of himself. This is not a way to live life, jumping from one random bed to another.
Could be worse, though. I could be getting kidnapped by random women.
Although it didn’t seem like a bad time. Kai was way too happy to be kidnapped.
I find my phone and open Kai’s contact, press call, and put it on speaker. On the third ring he picks up, and I don’t wait for him to speak.
“Hey, where the fuck are you?” I yell through the phone, and at this point, I am pretty sure he can hear me without it from wherever the fuck he is.
I walk to the kitchen as I wait for his answer. A long pause follows, and I have enough time to reach for my coffee mug.
“Hey, buddy, I am at Rachel’s.” Kai’s voice is in this high-pitched tone. He only uses it when he hides something.
The mug slips from my hand, and there it goes right on the floor.
The moment it hits, I see it shatter into two pieces, and I curse under my breath.
This was my favorite one. Kai’s little kidnapping adventure has now cost me my favorite mug.
If he continues this way, I am going to report his fucking ass to the cops for stalking the girl.
That will teach him. Great ideas you have there, buddy, stalk the girl who kidnapped you.
Why don’t you invite her to the bar for a drink too?
How about the house? We need another crazy version of yourself with a vagina around here.
“I am going to pretend I didn’t hear that.” I say as I lean over the broken mug and pick up the two pieces and a small one that broke from it. I throw them in the bin and open the cabinet to find another mug. Fuck. Everything is dirty. We really need to start cleaning more around the house.
“Sure, sure that’s cool with me.” Kai’s voice fills the room along with a buzzing sound. What the fuck?
“Kai, what was that?” I ask as I wash one of the dirty mugs that have piled in the sink. I don’t bother drying it.
I go straight for the coffee pot, and at least the asshole has left me some coffee.
It’s not hot anymore since the coffee maker has been turned off automatically at least an hour ago, but luckily for me, the weather is still warm enough that the coffee is not too cold.
It will have to do for now. Once I am at the bar, I will order coffee and breakfast from my favorite coffee shop.
It’s kind of weird to order coffee from another business, but it’s better than barking at customers, or like yesterday, punching the regulars.
I make a mental note to apologize to the asshole I punched yesterday.
The assholes in my life are piling up. First my best friend, now the customers.
What’s next? Am I going to fucking date one?
Well, okay, the last one isn’t even a possible problem since I’m not dating.
And right now I am more into women anyway.
“The little criminal’s vibrating boyfriend.” Kai speaks, and I realize I was lost in my own thoughts. The buzzing sound has now stopped.
“Kai, what the hell are you doing?” I ask, but he ignores my question; instead, he changes the subject.
“Anyway, do you remember the number of the company we used for the cameras at the bar and the house?” I am pretty sure I don’t want to know why he needs that, but I ask anyway.
“Sure, I will send it to you, but why do you need it?” I need to learn how to fucking shut up one of these days.
Clearly today is not the one. Why did I even ask that?
I know exactly why he wants it. This asshole is about to go full on stalker mode.
I walk to the drawer we keep all the important papers we might need, and pick up the little post it with our lawyer’s number.
I walk to the fridge and secure it with a magnet because we are going to fucking need this soon enough.
What if this one reports him like his ex?
Can they declare you as a creep or a sex offender if you keep stalking women?
I mean he hasn’t hurt any of them yet. I doubt he would, but stalking should be a damn red flag. Dude needs therapy.
“Trust me when I say you don’t want to know.” With that I agree, my friend. I do not want to know. Even if I am pretty sure I already do. In fact I would like to forget all about the past twenty-four hours and make sure I am not called to testify as a witness when this woman disappears.
I love my best friend. He is great. Most of the time, sometimes he is also a little insane.
Those times are the ones I like him less.
Those times are also the ones that land him restraining orders from the exes he stalked.
“Message me the number. I’ll see you at the bar.
” He says, and before I can reply, he ends the call.
Goodbye to you, too, asshole.