Chapter 8
8
brIAR
I f there’s one thing I love, it’s a small coffee shop buzzing with people mid-workday as I take my place in the corner seat to work on one of my secret projects.
It was something I started years ago when I wanted something that could make me money without Tony knowing, but he quickly found out, telling me it was one of the dumbest ideas I had ever had and not worth anything, and since then, I haven’t had the time to work on it.
Biting my finger, I drag a couple images into the document, putting the finishing touches on one section.
“Mom, can I have another hot cocoa?” Elara asks from beside me. It’s been three days since Leo and I fought, and we’ve been doing our own thing ever since. He hasn’t reached out for me to do anything, and since he hasn’t started training camp just yet, he’s clearly been fine making his own meals.
And I’ve been just fine without hearing from him.
I shake my head. “Honey, you already had a pretty big one. You’re fine.”
She lets out a sigh. “It was just so good.”
“It’s always good here.”
An old Goo Goo Dolls song plays over the speaker, filling the large, dark space with Johnny’s beautiful voice, and I start singing along, smiling when Elara recognizes it too, her shoulders swaying as she shoves lemon pound cake into her mouth at lightning speed.
Call incoming…
I frown at the caller ID, my body suddenly rigid.
Tony Cross.
I look at Elara, sweat suddenly running down my back.
“Honey, can you put your headphones on?” I ask.
She sends me a quizzical look before shrugging and sliding her headphones on, pressing play on her little yellow Walkman on the table next to her coloring book.
Taking a deep breath, I answer the phone.
“Where the hell have you been staying?” he immediately asks, his voice a hiss.
“I’m not sure what you’re asking,” I say coolly, sitting back in my seat.
“You haven’t been staying at your place. So where have you been?”
“Have you been stalking me?” My fingers feel icy as my body starts to shake a little. It only happens when I’m really upset, which happens to be any time I have to deal with Tony ever.
“I haven’t been stalking you, I’ve been trying to keep tabs on where my daughter is and where my money is going.”
“What I do with your money once I receive it is nothing to do with you.”
“You always have to be such a fucking brat, don’t you? Jesus Christ, Briar. Act like an adult for once in your life.”
“You know Tony, I’m really done with this conversation, but thank you so much for calling. I really appreciate your kind words and I really hope you have a wonderful day,” I tell him, saying almost exactly what my therapist told me to .
“I could easily take Elara, you know that right? I think you forget that sometimes.”
Over my dead body. My eyes flash to my daughter across from me, mouthing the words to whatever song she’s listening to as she grinds her green crayon into the paper a little too hard like usual. If there’s one thing I care about more than anything in this life, it’s her. And I’m not going to let Tony ruin her.
When we got divorced, we agreed that I would have her. But when he got really serious with the woman he cheated on me with, something seemed to have changed. He’s threatened this multiple times, and each time fire instantly ignites inside of me, consuming my very being.
Tony has money. He could easily take me to court for all I’m worth. Hell, I’m sure the slimeball could find a way to bribe the judge.
“You said you don’t want her,” I hiss, red clouding my vision.
“I don’t know. I feel like it would be nice for her to meet Amanda, don’t you?”
I don’t say a word.
“Where have you been staying?” he asks again.
“With Owen.” It’s not exactly a lie, right? If it’s just right next door? There’s no possible way he could ever figure that out. And he’s terrified of my brother.
He grunts, clearly not expecting that answer for some reason. “Well, you may want to get better locks on your door, Briar. It’s really irresponsible to have your kid living in a place so easily broken into.”
My blood runs cold as he ends the call, my eyes pricking with tears.
There’s no one in this life I hate more than him. No one comes close.
“Briar?” a voice calls from my left.
Lowering my phone, I attempt to shake off my hurt and smile, but the second I meet Amara and Heidi’s gazes, I break, my resolve cracking right down the center, the pain tearing through my chest.
Elara looks at me with concern, taking her headphones off. “What happened?” she asks, reaching for me.
“I’m okay sweetheart. Mom just got some hard news is all,” my voice breaks.
The two women are over to us in an instant, Amara taking my hand and pulling me up. “Heidi, stay with Elara. I’m taking her to the bathroom,” Amara says, her gentle hand leading me away from my table.
“You don’t have to do this,” I start, but she hushes me with a wave of her opposite hand before pushing the bathroom door open.
Closing it behind me, she heads over to the paper towels just as I completely lose it.
The weight of all of it crashes down around me.
Years of therapy, working on myself, and trying to block Tony out seems to be washed away in a second. I know enough to understand it’s still there, and this is just simply a moment of weakness, but I wonder how many moments like these I’ll have throughout my life, simply because I fell in love with the wrong person. Someone who never had my best interest in mind.
Someone who’s so okay with breaking me down, he makes a sick hobby of it.
Wrapping me in a hug, Amara holds the back of my head as I cry into her shoulder. She doesn’t speak. Doesn’t tell me everything is going to be okay. Doesn’t push me to tell her what I’m crying about. She just holds me, letting me get it all out.
“Why are you being so nice to me?” I ask quietly when my tears have slowed down.
She pulls away slightly, her beautiful eyes sparkling with their own tears.
“Isla is our family, and you’re her family, Briar. You’re family to us; it doesn’t matter how often we see you.”
I stare into her eyes, trying to find an ounce of malicious intent in them. But I can’t.
And I have to remind myself that not everyone is out to get me.
When the divorce got messy, I almost lost Zara. Despite everything she did for me, I was convinced that she was going to screw me over. That she intentionally got me a bad lawyer to mess with me. The guy wasn’t even bad, he was actually really good. But at the time nothing was ever good enough for me.
Because I saw everyone through the lens of what Tony would do. Tony would screw me over, so surely my friends would too. Everyone, including my parents and Owen.
The only person I knew I had in my corner was Elara.
But that’s exactly what Tony wanted.
And after months of therapy, things got better. That doesn’t mean I don’t lash out every once in a while.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Amara asks, her hand dropping to my arm.
I shake my head, taking a deep breath. “My ex-husband. He’s been making everything difficult for years, but lately I, I don’t know. I don’t know what changed, but he’s become insufferable. Threatening to take Elara away.” My voice breaks saying the words, and I squeeze my eyes shut, attempting to stop the sob from escaping. “and I think he broke into my house. I don’t know. He said something about getting better locks.”
“Oh my God,” Amara whispers, wiping my tears away. “Listen. No one is taking that little girl away from you, you got it? I don’t know much about this asshole, but I can tell you right now that you’re better for that girl than that little bitch will ever be, got it?”
I nod .
“You think he did it just now while you’re away?”
I wince.
“I’ve been staying elsewhere actually,” I tell her, not sure if I want to go into details.
She doesn’t pry.
“We’re going to figure this out, okay?”
“Can you do me a favor?” I ask quietly.
“Anything you need, Bry.”
“Please don’t tell Isla right now. She’s going to tell my brother and he’s going to kill someone. Training camp is coming up and I don’t need him worrying about me on top of everything else.”
I can tell she doesn’t really like this idea, but after a couple silent moments, she nods, pulling me into another hug.
“Whatever you think is best for you, hon. But at some point you should tell him.”
“I know.”
“Mom! Look what Heidi did!” Elara calls when we emerge from the bathroom, finding our way back to my table. We emerged to a small line of women, scowls on their faces from having to wait for the bathroom, but the second they see my face their eyes soften with sympathy.
And somehow that feels worse than them being angry with me.
“Oh that’s beautiful!” I tell her, taking the coloring book into my hands and flipping between pages. The difference between Heidi’s beautifully shaded koi fish and Elara’s scribbled monkey puts a smile on my face, and I instantly feel just a touch better.
I place a kiss on top of her little blonde head before meeting Heidi’s stare. “Thank you,” I mouth, setting the coloring book back down.
“No worries at all. We had a lot of fun actually, right Elara?”
She nods aggressively, her eyes wide as she looks up at me. “Can Heidi and I hang out again?”
I didn’t think we were in the bathroom for that long, but I’m glad that she had someone I trust out here to watch her, and I’ve never seen her so enamored with another person before. Sure, she likes Leo a little more than I would prefer she did, but the smile she has on her face watching Heidi pick up another crayon is a whole other thing.
“Actually Heidi, are you still looking for a job?”