Chapter 28
28
LEO
T here’s a million different things I shouldn’t be worried about during a football game, and what Briar Crosby thinks of me is at the top of the list.
I’m just grateful the rest of my damn team has also lost the ability to play today, too.
Stepping back, I examine the field as Cooper runs deep, cutting up the center at the same time as Crosby begins running toward him. I throw the ball at the same time as a linebacker grabs at my waist, and I watch the ball soar as I fall.
Cooper catches it, continuing to run sideways as he passes it to Owen, who almost immediately drops it.
None of us have been having a good game.
The score is 3-24, and to say our playing has been abysmal is a huge understatement.
Our offensive line has let everyone through while our defense hasn’t stopped shit. No one can catch, and I can’t fucking throw, either.
There’s only seconds left in the game, and no pitchy pitchy woo woo is going to win us this game.
The second the game is over, I’m flooded by relief and anger. Our first loss of the year, and it was an absolute embarrassment.
The locker room after the game is nearly silent as everyone decompresses. There will be finger pointing, but most of us know that we were all fucking embarrassments today and we deserve to sit in it.
I watch Crosby leave and follow after him, ready to see Briar. Terrified, but ready.
But she’s not there. Only Isla waits for us to come say hi before she leaves.
Owen hugs her, cradling the back of her head as he pulls her into him, whispering something that makes her laugh into her ear.
I’m too annoyed to find it gross.
“Where’s Briar?” I ask, looking around. Maybe she’s trailing behind.
Stepping back, Isla looks me up and down. “She left for your place, why?”
A rock forms at the pit of my stomach as I frown. “I just thought she’d come say hi, is all.” Looking down, I try not to pout. I knew she was going to be mad. Of course she was. I just thought she’d get over it quickly.
My sister looks at Owen before placing her hand on his chest. “Can I have a second with Leo?” she asks, shooting him an awkward smile.
He nods, his eyes flashing to mine.
Things have been better between Isla and I. Of course they have. I feel like they haven’t truly been as they used to be since last December, and I get it. I don’t blame her for the distance. I just wish I knew how to fix it.
“Leo, you know why she left.”
My lips thin as I look around, not exactly feeling up to being kicked while I’m down.
“She likes you, you know,” she whispers, folding her arms. She tilts her head, trying to catch my eye .
“I’m not so sure about that,” I chuckle sadly.
“She does. But this thing that you keep doing? Where you think that money is going to impress everyone? You have to stop, Leo.”
“But you?—”
She shakes her head. “You did help me. And I’m forever grateful. But you know what Leo? That didn’t give you the permission to do what you did last year, and you know that.” She takes a deep breath. “You have a history of buying people things and expecting something out of it, and I think that’s part of your problem. Why would anyone want to accept them if they think you’re going to charge them for it another way?”
“I never meant?—”
“Your intent doesn’t erase impact, Leo, even if it’s not how you meant it. I love you, and I know that you bought me that apartment and did all of those things for me not expecting anything in return. But then you still took something, and I think you need to sit and think about how that looks to other people. I think you need to sit and think about how to give up even a little control in life, yeah?”
Obviously she has a point, but I feel an argument rising within me. I’ve only wanted to help, and that should count for something. But before I can say something, Isla looks behind her, making sure Owen isn’t within hearing distance.
“She’s been through a lot, Leo. Don’t you think she’s scared of being trapped in something she can’t get out of again?”
It feels like ice is poured down my back. Like I was punched in the gut. Like I was hit by a car going eighty miles-per-hour.
Because she’s right.
She’s right, and there’s no argument to be had.
I watch as my sister ducks her head, trying to capture my eyes. The same color green stares back at me, and I can see as her face relaxes that she understands that for once, I’m not going to argue.
Because she’s right.
She’s always been right.
When I got to my apartment it was empty, the SUV I bought sitting in the parking garage where I left it, bow and all. Briar’s old beater, however, was nowhere to be found.
Throwing my stuff by the stairs, I turn on all the lights, wishing that Briar would magically appear.
Because it’s cold here without them, and I wonder how I functioned for so long without the growing collection of plants on the windowsill—Ken, as Elara affectionately calls the middle one, is starting to get a patch of brown on a leaf. I make a note to ask them what kind of plant it is and what I need to pick up to make sure he’s happy.
When did I start talking about plants like they’re people?
The stuffed rabbit on the couch catches my eye, and I sigh, brushing my hair back from my forehead. When did I start missing the way Briar yells at me? Or the clicking of Champ’s toenails against my nice, expensive hardwood floors? I didn’t even want a dog. In fact, that was a hard rule.
I also never liked kids, but Elara’s alright. Even if she wants to eat my heart, apparently.
It’s thirty minutes before I hear the key in the door.
It opens slowly, and a second later I hear the quiet pitter patter of small paws on the hardwood. A second later, Champ turns the corner, her brown eyes meeting mine before she breaks into a full sprint toward me, leaping onto my lap.
“Have fun today?” I ask her with a smile as her eyes stare into mine. She jumps forward, trying her absolute hardest to lick my face.
I’m not sure I’m ready for that stage of dog parenting yet.
Briar walks by me, a sleeping Elara in her arms.
“Bri—”
Her eyes meet mine, and they’re angry.
Because of course they are. I knew they would be.
She shakes her head, her gaze flickering down to her daughter in her arms as she continues down the hall to Elara’s room.
About five minutes later, she returns, her arms crossed over her chest.
And she’s silent.
“I’m sorry,” I start, looking at my hands.
“Sorry for what?”
“I’m sorry for doing all of that without asking you.”
She bites her lip, her hand massaging the back of her neck as she looks at the ceiling. “Leo, I need to ask you something, and I need you to be honest with me.”
I don’t reply.
“Why? I need you to tell me why you did it.”
It’s an easy question. “Because I want you to be happy.”
“But what are you going to want for it? That SUV alone is over a hundred thousand dollars, Leo. You’re paying for Elara’s college basically. Giving us a roof over our head. Why are you doing it?”
“Because I care.”
She shakes her head.
“Is it because you care? Or is it because you need some sort of control?”
Heat floods me as the sound of her voice starts to feel further and further away. “I want?—”
“Leo, normal people don’t do that, and I don’t need to owe you anything.”
I know she has a point. I know that this is trauma talking. I know that she has every right to question a man she’s not in a real relationship with, one she has a contractual obligation to, giving her expensive gifts.
I get it.
But as much as I’m angry about my motives being questioned, I have to ask myself if I’m more upset that that’s what she thinks simply because I so desperately want her to ask if I’m doing it because I like her instead.
I want her to think, even just for a moment, that this is me trying to win her over.
But I should know better. Women like Briar don’t settle for things .
“I just want you to be comfortable here. To feel like someone cares.”
She looks around as she worries her lip, a deep crease settling between her brows. “I don’t want to feel like I owe you anything, Leo. I can’t accept these gifts,” her arm lifts, gesturing to the office.
A rock settles at the pit of my stomach. “You don’t like the records?”
It’s not until the words are out of my mouth that I realize they’re entirely the wrong words to ask. As tears well in her beautiful brown eyes, I move to her in an instant, wrapping her in my arms.
Tucking her head to my chest, I rest my chin on her head. We’ve been in this position before, back at her apartment.
But this feels entirely different.
“Hey,” I tell her as she starts to cry, my thin shirt instantly damp. Moving my hands to her shoulders, I gently push her away just enough for me to look down into her eyes, hoping and praying that my words come across sincere. “I did that because I wanted you to smile. I wanted you to have a place in my home where you can go and do what you love, because if you’re staying here, you deserve that. I got those records because I want you to look at your collection and think about how much you love those songs or that band. I didn’t want you to constantly think about the records you were missing, ones you clearly loved, because they were broken.”
Briar blinks slowly, her eyes sparkling in the dim light of the room, and when her lips part, I so desperately want to capture them in mine.
Watching a strand of blonde hair drop from her bun, I grab it, tucking it behind her ear, and I feel her shiver at the contact.
“I promise you,” I tell her, my finger trailing from her ear to her jawline before settling under her chin, tipping it up. “I swear on my life that I will never hold any of this over you. I promise on everything. These things are nothing to me, and even under this tough exterior, I know the records meant a lot to you. At least let me give you those.”
Briar continues to stare at me, and our proximity becomes unbearable as I feel her breath against my lips.
But she nods. It’s not a big nod. It’s not an action you’d notice if you weren’t looking for it. But happened.
And before I can do something I can’t come back from, I back away, raking my fingers through my hair as I watch her look anywhere but me.
Without a word, she turns on her heel and heads to her room.