Chapter 34
34
brIAR
N ovember is one of my favorite months. The air turns cool, the leaves start changing, and it starts being more socially acceptable to eat soup for every meal.
Part of what makes November special is that the football season really heats up. Teams start to understand each other better, injuries start to change the trajectory of their season, and so much more.
It’s the second week of November and although Leo had a game on Sunday, Elara and I are getting ready to go to his Thursday Night home game.
All the girls are going to be there including Zara and although I’m excited to see them all, Leo and I have continued to interact like negative magnets. The second I walk into the kitchen to make breakfast in the morning, he runs for it. The second he comes home at night, I retreat into my room.
We’ve spoken in short texts just to let the other know if something important came up, but I know time is running out and we need to get back out there.
Is that really the issue though ?
Because it’s come to a point where I don’t even totally understand why we’re avoiding each other. Sure, things have been awkward ever since that kiss the night of the charity event. But that didn’t ruin everything we were before that. We were starting to be friends.
He was my friend.
He was more than that.
I shake the thought out of my head. I know that the cost of us having feelings for each other—if such a thing ever happened—would be tremendously high, and it’s not a price I’m willing to pay.
But that doesn’t stop my heart from skipping a beat every single time I catch his eyes lingering on me for a beat too long.
Doesn’t stop a chill from making its way down my spine as I imagine his hands settling at my hips.
And it definitely doesn’t stop me from thinking about the way his arm was wrapped around me the day I woke up with his dick pressed against me. A feeling that’s seemingly permanently printed on my body.
Because the truth is…
I want Leo Warner. I want him more than I’d want water stranded in the desert. I want him more than I’ve ever wanted anything.
And that’s devastating.
“Are you almost ready mom?” Elara calls from outside my room. She’s been ready to go for the past half an hour at the promise of stadium chicken nuggets. Some would say that mass produced nuggets, especially overpriced ones sold at stadiums, would be one of the last fun things to eat. But they’re for some reason Elara’s favorite.
“Yeah, one minute,” I call to her. Champ is already curled up in her bed, happily snoozing.
With one last look in the mirror, I head out my bedroom door to find Elara sitting on the floor, her arms wrapped around her jean-clad knees, her jersey about two sizes too big on her.
My brows furrow, taking her in. “What are you wearing?” I ask, annoyed.
She looks down at herself before shrugging, her large brown eyes staring back at me the picture of innocence. “I don’t know mom. A jersey I found in my closet.”
“Where’s Owen’s?”
She shrugs, trying her hardest to prevent the full-on smirk from overtaking her face.
And that flips something in my brain. Because surely my daughter can’t go to the game in a Warner jersey while I keep my Crosby one, right?
Surely we have to match. Even if I hate it.
But deep down I know that’s a lie.
With a deep sigh I spin on my heel to go find Leo’s jersey.
But it doesn’t hit me until I look in the mirror how deeply I’m fucked.
Zara knew something was up the very second she saw me.
Looking me up and down, my best friend’s eyes narrow. While Elara runs toward the front of the suite to Isla, Zara grabs my arm and drags me to the corner. “You guys are fucking?” she asks me, her arms crossed over her chest.
I shake my head. Because we’re not.
Even if I have thought about it.
“Elara wanted to wear it.”
She stares at me, her face stoic. “So you’re telling me that your daughter is getting so attached to Leo that she wore his jersey today instead of her uncle’s?”
I roll my eyes. “I don’t think she thinks that deeply?— ”
“You told me just the other week that she’s been getting up early because they’ve been making breakfast together.”
“Well yeah but?—”
Zara shakes her head. “No buts. That girl is going to get her heart broken.”
I’m going to get my heart broken too.
I worry my lip, watching her dance to a new song playing overhead with Isla and Amara.
“Can I tell you something without you judging me?” I ask.
She levels me with a stare, and I know that she makes no such promises.
“I like him. And I know I shouldn’t. But Zara, he’s so much different than we thought. Than I thought for the longest time. He’s sweet. And he loves Elara. Like I really think he loves her. They planned coordinating Halloween costumes behind my back, for crying out loud.”
“You know I think he’s a walking, talking red flag.”
I nod. “I do. But you also haven’t seen how he is now.” I grab her wrist. “He’s been going to therapy.”
“Well, if there’s one person on this planet who needs it?—”
“Zara!”
“Okay! I’m sorry! But that should have happened a long time ago.”
I know she’s right. I think everyone would know she’s right. Leo should have been in therapy for the last decade. No one prepares someone for becoming their family’s primary breadwinner. And although I adore his family from when I’ve met them, and no matter how much I love Isla, Leo has made all of their dreams come true, and when he’s been hurting, he hasn’t had anyone in his corner.
Even me.
Not Owen, or any of his other teammates.
Sure, part of that is because of the way he hides behind his humor. He pretends to be dumb so people have less expectations of him.
But the man is smart. So much smarter than anyone gives him credit for. He just doesn’t understand how to let go.
“I know. But he’s going now. He started going before the charity event, Zara. I just, I don’t know. I really think that he’s changed so much. And I like this new Leo. And if I’m being perfectly honest, I wouldn’t mind seeing where something goes with him.”
My friend studies me for a long time before she bites her inner cheek, clearly a little annoyed at my confession. “I just don’t want you to get hurt, okay?” she says softly.
Zara has been there for me through it all, and seeing me hurt as badly as I did when I was with Tony is something she’s told me she never wants to relive ever again. Supporting me when I found out I was pregnant, helping me get out when I knew it was time, and helping me find a place and furnish it was something she did without expecting a single thing in return.
But the emotional toll it took on her is something I never want to put her through ever again.
But Leo is a million times different than Tony ever was. That still doesn’t stop me from worrying that I’m falling into the very same trap, and this time it’ll be my daughter and I both leaving with broken hearts.
But after everything that has happened to me, I do want to believe that great love does exist. And for whatever reason, my heart wants me to believe that it exists with Leo Warner.
There’s five minutes to go and the Cobras are down by three. My brother has kept his cool throughout the game, but one of the refs has been seriously testing his patience.
“I just know that’s going to be the only thing I hear about for the next two days,” Isla had said with a shake of the head when Owen got a flag.
They hurry into formation, with Owen on one side of the offensive line and Cooper on the other side.
The second the ball is snapped, the offensive line drops back into pass protection, with one of our guys practically wiping out one of their players. Cooper runs up the side a couple steps before veering to the left, and while one of our running backs helps with pass protection, Leo passes up the middle to Cooper, who finds a hole in their defense and leaps right through it, managing to put us in field goal range.
With three minutes to go, we’d rather score a touchdown than just simply tie the game and hope they don’t perform a miracle and score on us again.
This time, Owen runs up the side of the field, a camera man running right alongside him before nearly wiping out as he runs into someone. Owen doesn’t even see. Instead, he keeps running, and when Leo launches a deep pass, the entire stadium holds their breath.
And the second he rolls into the endzone with the ball safely in his arms, the whole place erupts in the loudest cheers I’ve ever heard, causing Elara to cover her ears.
The Cobras win the game.
We stand around waiting for the guys to come out after the game, and I can’t help but feel nervous. Elara is talking to Heidi passionately about one of her newest TV obsessions, and my hands start to feel clammy as I rub them together, looking everywhere but the doors in front of me.
Cheering erupts around me, forcing me to turn my attention to the men heading our way. Sweaty, tired looking men .
I find Leo in the sea of people, and even though they won, he looks wiped.
It takes a couple of seconds, but when I catch his eye, his face immediately lights up, his smile widening as his eyes twinkle.
He picks up the pace, getting closer and closer until he’s standing right in front of me.
“You waited for me,” he says, a big stupid grin on his face.
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“You’ve ditched me before.”
He’s got a point.
“Yeah well, I didn’t want to do that this time.”
As Leo grins in front of me, his gaze drops to my jersey, and his smile falters. “What are you wearing?” he asks slowly.
I look down, confused. Did I drop mustard on it? Did it rip?
“Your jersey,” I say as if it’s the dumbest question in the world.
“You’re wearing my jersey?” he looks back up, confusion still clear in his stupidly beautiful green eyes.
“Of course.”
A second later, Leo pulls me into a hug, and I hate the way he smells like home, even a sweaty mess.
“Thank you,” he whispers onto the top of my head.