25. Chapter 25
Chapter twenty-five
-Bryce-
C lay leaned his shoulder against the wall. “Wow, y’know I really thought I’d never see another human again.”
He stared at me until I cleared my throat.
“Right, sorry, it’s just a bit weird. You’re Bryce, right? They said you’re here because of me?”
“We’re here to rescue you.”
“Oh.” He seemed taken aback. “That’s real nice of you, but no thanks.”
No thanks? I know they’d told me he didn’t want to go, but actually hearing him say it was jarring as hell. You didn’t usually have to convince abductees to be rescued.
“We got reports that you’d been abducted—“
“No, no, it’s not like that at all. Well, I mean yeah…kinda.” He grimaced and pushed himself off the wall. “At first, I guess, but then…it’s complicated.”
“Complicated?” Either you were abducted by aliens or you weren’t, surely?
“Ok, so, it’s a cute story really. You’ll laugh. Yes , I was technically abducted, in that Arcay literally carried me off my ship and then held me captive.“ He looked at the expression of horror on my face and waved his hand as he carried on. “No, but it’s actually really funny because then he forced me to take a bath and then physically washed me when I refused. And then he lied to me and told me I could see my crew if I did what he said, then said they were actually gone already, but they actually weren’t gone, but it wasn’t really his fault, and then he got mad and tied me up…“ He paused. “Ok, now that I’m saying it out loud it actually sounds quite bad?”
“Yeah.”
He waved his hand again. “Forget I said all that.”
“It’s kinda hard to forget something like that.”
“Let’s just stick with ‘it’s complicated,’ ok?” He perked up. “Is Caldwell with you?”
“Caldwell?” I asked, the name was familiar, but I couldn’t place it.
“Yeah, or anyone else from the crew?”
I remembered the name now, Caldwell was one of the men that had escaped the planet with Clay, before he had flipped out and fought his way back again.
“No, but they’re all fine. I think some official reports were made and so we’ve been briefed to some degree.”
“Right, so they probably told you I was brainwashed or something, right?”
“Something like that.”
I had imagined him slightly crazed, or hypnotized, or…something, I don’t know. But his eyes were sharp and intelligent. Completely lucid.
He nodded, and I got the impression of regret. “Well, I’m not. And I don’t need rescuing. Although I guess it’s nice to know people care.”
“But—“
“Look, let me make this super clear; I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to sound like an ungrateful dick, but I had the chance to go and I decided to come back, all on my own. No one is forcing me to be here. No one is holding me captive. So if you could stop shooting at everyone and just go away, that would be great.”
My face must have been skeptical, because he held up his hand. “No, honestly, I really don’t want to leave. Space scout’s honor.”
Kitari had told me as much, but a small part of me still hadn’t believed it. Maybe Kitari thought it was the truth, but Clay couldn’t really be happy here, taken away from his home and kept on this alien planet. I hadn’t believed it, until now. This man was not a prisoner, this was someone who was living in luxury.
But even with him right in front of my eyes, stating it clearly, I was still having a hard time accepting it. Not because I thought he might be lying or brainwashed, but because this was the mission—save Clay. And I had to complete my mission. That was the rule. That was the core foundation of my life. All I’d had for the longest time was this; complete the mission, prove my worth, stay a part of the team that I called family.
Fail the mission, get taken off the team, no family. No job, no life, no nothing. That’s what it boiled down to. The team was all I knew, all I had, the only place I belonged.
No matter how I tried to reconcile this new truth, my mind kept circling back to it. The mission was to save Clay, how was I supposed to do that if he didn’t want saving? Abduct him? If it turned out that this was some kind of mind control or brainwashing thing, then surely taking him by force would be the best thing to do for him.
“I don’t understand, you tried to escape at first. And your crew said you were acting crazy. They said you went insane out of nowhere.”
He took a deep breath. “Ok, I can see how that was confusing for them, and I feel bad about it. But when an omega and alpha have, um… intimate relations ,“ he broke off and flicked his hair out of his face. “God, I feel like I’m giving the birds and bees talk, they form a—it’s hard to explain, but I’ll give it a go—it’s like a mental connection.” He moved his hands like he was trying to fit together an intricate puzzle. “We can feel each other, even when he’s not near me. And I can kind of feel how far away he is too. When he gets close it makes my skin tingle. They call it a soul bond, and I’m soul-bound to Arcay.”
The first thing that jumped into my head was , That meant they had sex. I thought of Kitari and my mouth went dry.
“And that’s why you don’t want to leave? Because of this soul bond thing?”
He sighed again. “Before I came here, my life didn’t really add up to much. I liked being alone and doing my own thing, and the thought of being in a situation like this would have been literally my worst nightmare. But then, I don’t know, things changed.”
“What changed?” I said.
He shrugged awkwardly. “I fell in love. Man, that sounds so cheesy. I got to know Arcay. And I liked him. And then one thing led to another, and we were soul-bound. And it’s like nothing else. I don’t think I could live without it now. It’s so much a part of me, and Arcay, too, that…it’s hard to describe. I feel like I belong.”
I leaned forward off the cold stone wall. “What’s that like?”
“It’s nice, I don’t feel alone. Yeah, I had a few friends before and all that, but I always felt like underneath everything I was sort of adrift. And now I’m not. I found home. It’s like I was alone, and I thought that’s what I always wanted, until I wasn’t. Do you know what I mean? It’s like I didn’t realize how cold I was until I felt his warmth. It’s the best thing that ever happened to me. No competition.”
I hung on to his every word, utterly fascinated. Suddenly I wanted to know everything.
“What’s it like being with him? I mean, you’re pretty much married to a huge alien. That’s gotta be weird.”
He held up his hand, showing me the ring on his finger. “There’s no pretty much about it.” He lowered his hand. “You know what, it’s weird how not weird it is. It just feels right. More right than anything. Plus, he seems scary, but he’s really a massive dork.”
“I have a hard time believing that. He was in here earlier. He’s terrifying.”
Clay laughed. “He’s a total pussycat. He’s just very protective. Very, very protective.”
That, I could believe. Arcay had seemed ready to tear my head off and eat it.
“Is it hard, being in each other’s heads all the time?”
“Sometimes, but any relationship is like that. I love him, and I know he loves me. There’s no doubt.” He pressed his hand to his chest like he could feel it there. “I can’t tell you how amazing that is; to live without doubt.”
It must be nice. For a moment, I thought about how that would feel, to be a part of something like that; belonging without the fear of abandonment, without doubt, without constantly having to adjust to fit in just to make sure I wouldn’t be alone. Then I thought about Kitari. In the time I’d been with him, I’d never felt the cloying urge to fit in around him, to prove myself worthy in case he decided to leave me. And let’s face it, I would have been absolutely fucked if he had left me out there on my own. But I’d never once been afraid of him leaving, because, somehow, I knew he wouldn’t.
Clay gave me an evaluating look. “You came here with Kitari, right?”
I sat upright, startled. “Yeah, why?”
There was another thoughtful pause as he studied me. I shifted.
“He’s in a lot of trouble over you, but he’s a good guy. A few daddy issues maybe,” he laughed. “But when your dad is the head honcho it’s hard not to.”
I blinked. “Jursin is his dad?”
“You didn’t know?”
I shook my head.
“Oh. Yeah, Kitari is Jursin’s son.”
“And Jursin is the big one, right?”
“Scary huge dude with a shit load of gold in his face? Makes you feel like an ant? Yeah, that’s him.”
Damn. That made sense now that I thought about it. Especially the glare.
“Wait, wait. Kitari’s a prince?”
Clay looked amused. “Not really, it doesn’t work like that here. Succession of power and command doesn’t go down the family line; alphas usually don’t have kids. They have this whole complicated system for picking the leaders. Arcay is the second in command, and Silvun is the third.”
“Kitari said his dad was trying to pressure him into a life he didn’t want.”
“Jursin’s just worried. He wants Kitari to be safe. I’m pretty sure he has a god complex too.”
I nodded. I had a whole lot to think about now.
Clay thought of something and smirked. “You know he calls you Bryce Bryce Gunner, right? He thinks that’s your actual name.”
He did? I thought he’d done it to be funny.
Clay looked to the side like he’d heard something I couldn’t, and then half-smiled.
“I have to go, Arcay is getting stressed. Well, more stressed. I need to go tell him I’m not going to be running off with you guys.” He shook his head. “Such a dork. He knows I won’t, but he worries anyway. He’s going to give himself an aneurism one day. It was nice talking to another human again. I hope you figure out what you want.”
Clay turned to leave.
“Wait.”
He stopped.
“Do you know what’s going to happen to me? They didn’t seem too happy with me being here.”
Clay shook his head. “Sorry. Some of these guys can be a little regressive. Most of the time omegas are treated more like property than people, but I’m working on it. And it helps having the second in command wrapped around my little finger.” He gave me a smile that was half smirk, half apologetic, and turned to leave before he stopped. “Alphas can be assholes, but Kitari is one of the good ones.”
And then I was alone again.
I sat back against the wall. He seemed happy. Content. And not at all brainwashed. Even though the Aldar had told me, I hadn’t really believed it until Clay said it to me face to face – I could see it now, in the flesh.
I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t take Clay. Clay wasn’t brainwashed, taking him would be wrong. Which meant I couldn’t follow orders. I’d always followed my orders. I was torn and confused.
So that was it, we had no reason to be here. Sure, it was good news that Clay hadn’t been held captive for the last two years or so. That was great. But it meant our orders were wrong. This mission was supposed to be my return to form after my fuck up on K-Lash-4. We’d come marching in here to rescue Clay, but he didn’t need rescuing. I couldn’t help but feel deflated.
Now there was just the question of what they were going to do with me. I was surprised to find that I wasn’t that worried about it. Kitari wouldn’t let anything bad happen to me.
The amount of trust I had in him was slightly concerning.
***
I was sitting with my head back against the stone, lost in thought, when a voice jerked me upright.
“Did you find out everything you needed to know?”
Kitari was watching me through the barrier. He sat down with his back against the wall opposite me, long legs folded up against his chest. Seeing him again was like stepping out into the sunshine, and all the tension melted from my body.
“Yeah, it’s all good” I said quietly, although even to my ears I didn’t sound sure as I tried a placating smile.
He watched me with those molten amber eyes. I searched for something to say. A million questions yammered to get out, about Clay, about Arcay, about the soul bond, about his father. But they all felt too big.
“So, you guys like to keep to yourselves?” I asked.
Kitari tilted his head, like a bird, or a puzzled dog. Damn, he was cute.
“No one knows anything about this place or your people. We had no idea what to expect except for the vague stories from Clay’s crew.”
“We like our privacy,” he said.
“So you don’t trade with anyone? But you have ships.”
“Jursin and the high alphas tour our territory’s borders once every cycle.”
“What for?”
“Tradition, I suppose.” He shrugged. “We are a very traditional people. We rarely use the other ships. There is no need.”
The thought was insane to me, as someone who had spent almost their entire life traveling from planet to planet, marveling at each new thing I found. They had the power of space travel right there and they didn’t use it.
“Don’t you guys want to go to space?”
“What for? My people have everything we need here. They are perfectly happy.” He pulled a face, a downward curve of his lips. “Well, most of us are. Maybe I should say content instead of happy. Happiness is not a common trait amongst the alphas.”
It made sense. From what I had seen of this planet so far, it was lush and full of life. I could understand wanting to stay right here forever.
“I guess if you’ve got all this around you, you don’t need to go looking for more. I’ve spent most of my life traveling from one place to another. I guess I just never really thought about why.”
“Perhaps you are searching for something?” Kitari said.
“Maybe.”
“What are you searching for?”
“I don’t know.”
Kitari gazed at me. “Perhaps it is time you stopped,” he said.
I didn’t even know what that would look like for me. This was what I had always done, how could I do anything else? I had no life outside of the Corps. No home.
“It’s getting late, you got a home to go to?” I asked.
“I said I would not leave you,” he replied softly.
My heart felt like it was either going to burst or stop entirely. I’d always had to earn my keep, to work hard and fight tooth and nail for a place to belong. But with Kitari, it all just came so easily. There was no need to fight, because he was giving it to me freely without even having to ask.
“Thanks,” I said, just as quietly.
We sat in comfortable silence for a while, just kind of looking at each other. Weird things were happening inside my chest.
“You should try to get some sleep,” he said. “I will watch over you.”
I lay down on the floor, although there was no way I would be able to just fall asleep. It was hard to drift off in my own bunk, let alone on the floor of an alien prison cell. But, eventually, I must have fallen asleep, because the nightmares came and I woke with a jolt. The light through the window was pale and silvery. Kitari was still sitting opposite me, slumped and loose, but his golden eyes were still open and watchful.
“You are safe,” he said softly.
I closed my eyes again. Nothing could hurt me with Kitari here. Despite the nightmares waiting for me, I didn’t even try to fight the dopey smile that spread across my face.