33. Chapter 33
Chapter thirty-three
-Bryce-
N othing had changed.
It was the first thing I thought when I opened my eyes. No bond had formed between me and Kitari. Maybe what we’d done hadn’t been enough. Or maybe you only got a bond if both parties wanted one. I allowed myself a brief moment of achingly deep disappointment.
Kitari stirred behind me. We had spent the night curled together, his huge arms wrapped around my stomach. I had barely slept, and when I did, it was the same variation of nightmares as always, resulting in waking breathless in a cold sweat. I tried not to wake him when I did, but he must sleep with one eye open or something. I didn’t want to think about how annoying it must be to constantly be woken up by someone jerking about.
He carefully unwove his arm from me and sat up. I closed my eyes again. What was going to happen now? Was I supposed to talk about what happened, or just act like nothing had? Did he regret it?
I heard him moving to the entrance of the burrow, small showers of dirt raining down as he squeezed out. He was gone for a moment, then returned and placed a hand on my shoulder.
“Bryce,” he said softly.
It made my stomach ache.
I blinked my eyes open, trying to look like I’d just woken up, and he smiled at me. “Good morning. The storm has cleared and there does not seem to be anyone nearby. It is safe to go.”
We crawled out and stretched in the sunlight, like bears coming out of hibernation. His dark hair was an absolute mess. Half of it was tangled and knotted at the back of his head, and the other half was hanging down around his face. Bits of twigs and leaves poked out of it. Epic sex hair. And he made it look damn good.
As he flexed his wide shoulders, I noticed short scratch marks across his back. Had I done that?
He caught me staring and smirked, but didn’t say anything. So I didn’t say anything either. Like ‘I love you’ or ‘please marry me.’
Just play it cool, you idiot.
I helped Kitari find us something to eat and some fresh water, and he showed me what to look for; which plants were edible and which to avoid. He pointed out some fruit that grew in clusters on a low-hanging tree and gave me some to try. I took a bite, grimaced, and nearly spat it out again. It was possibly the worst thing I had ever eaten, and I’d lived off freeze-dried rations for months at a time.
“Ugh, Jesus, that’s sour as balls. What is that?”
Kitari looked surprised at my reaction. “They are klava . A delicacy. They are one of Clay’s favorite foods, so I thought you may like them too, as a fellow human.”
I laughed. “There’s no way. Clay either doesn’t have taste buds, or he’s lying.”
Kitari frowned. “That would explain why he always saves them for later.”
We set off in the direction I estimated base camp to be. Kitari seemed to know where he was going at least.
The plan was clear; we would get back to base camp, Kitari would drop me off there, I would tell the team about what had happened, and we would leave. And I would go back to my normal life.
That was the plan.
It was a good plan.
It made perfect sense. There was no reason not to like it.
We moved at a fair pace, weaving our way through dense patches of jungle, with Kitari leading the way around dangerous-looking plants. He was attentive, making sure to keep me in his sight at all times, and checking in on me. I could tell he was moving much slower than usual to make it easy for me.
I was torn between letting him know I could go faster than this and wanting to go even slower. This really was an amazing place, but none of it rivaled the view I had of Kitari’s wide shoulders, or the way the muscles of his back shifted, or how his long legs picked a careful path across the ground. The dark hair that escaped the knot at the base of his head and trailed down his back. The golden glint of his metallic jewellery against his purple skin.
I ached to talk about what happened last night; it had felt so good and right. I tried to be rational and write this up as a fun experience that had to end. But try as I might, I couldn’t stop the intrusive thoughts from creeping in and painting my world a rosy shade of yearning. I wanted to know everything about him, I wanted to know what he was thinking about, every thought in his head, what his favorite food was, his hobbies. I found myself just staring at him for long periods of time as my heart raced. I thought about us living together, how happy I would make him, how I’d earn my keep, show him I was worth it. I needed him to value me, to think I was important. And every time he looked at me, I couldn’t stop the dopey grin that spread across my face.
I picked a leafy stem from a tree as we passed and ran it through my hands.
“So, what are you thinking about?” I asked.
Kitari gave me a look. “Excrement.”
“Excrement?”
He held his hand out and caught my chest, stopping me. Then knelt and pointed to a pile of round, greenish blobs that blended in with the bushes. I wouldn’t have spotted them if he hadn’t pointed them out. He spoke in a hushed voice. “Specifically, this excrement. It belongs to an ahk-bkèlearino. Which means that ”—he pointed to a rock jutting out of the earth with a curtain of vines over one side—“is its den.”
I froze. That was one terrifying experience I didn’t want to relive.
He smiled. “But we will be fine if we remain quiet.”
We kept on walking. I held my breath until Kitari said we were a safe distance away.
I spent the next half hour picking the leaves off the stem and painstakingly shredded each one into tiny strips, flicking away each piece as I did it.
I poked the now bare stem at Kitari’s arm, flirting like a stupid teenager.
He smiled at me, slightly confused. “Are you feeling well?”
“Yeah, why?”
He stopped. “You are acting differently today. Is there something you want to talk about?”
I’m in love with you. I want to get married and live with you forever.
I opened my mouth, shut it, raised my eyebrows. “Nope. Can’t think of anything.”
This was ridiculous. Don’t be the guy who proposes after a single fuck. Get your head on straight and control yourself for once. There’s no chance, so don’t even go there.
Kitari watched me for a moment, then nodded and kept walking. I stared at his back again.
But why was there no chance?
Because he’s from an alien race that lives in a jungle, on a distant planet, that your team are in a hostile situation with. Not to mention how much his dad hates you.
So? It didn’t stop Clay and Arcay. They seemed pretty damned happy together.
So what are you gonna do? Live in the jungle and fuck to keep warm?
It sounded good to me. We could connect our souls and live happily ever after up in a giant tree and eat plants.
“So, how does this whole bond thing work?” I asked.
“Do you want the quick answer, or the long one, Bryce?”
I grinned. “I don’t have anywhere to be. And I don’t mind what you call me by the way.”
He glanced over at me.
“You can keep on calling me Bryce Bryce Gunner if you want.” I kind of missed it now that he had stopped. It seemed like such a him thing to do.
He laughed humorlessly. “You are mocking me for my stupidity.”
“No, I actually kinda liked it. I thought it was cute.”
He smiled coyly at me. “Then I shall call you anything you wish. And I find it astounding that you can consider me, being far larger than you, cute, Bryce Bryce Gunner.” Warmth spread through me, and I looked down. “And to answer your question, it all depends on the hormones. Once an Aldar comes of age and their BO awakens, they become one of three: a beta, an alpha, or an omega. Betas have a medium amount of hormones and are weaker. They are…more even-tempered. Natural workers.”
“And they’re the smaller ones, right?”
“Yes. Alphas, like me, have a high level of hormones. We are bigger and stronger, but we also tend to be more aggressive. Natural leaders.”
“And what about omegas? Where do they fit in?” And by that, I meant, where do I fit in?
“Omegas have a low amount of hormones. They are gentle, docile, and happy to be led. Natural parents.” He eyed me mischievously. “At least Aldarian omegas are.”
I snorted. Kitari carried on. “Omegas are not expected to work, only live and be protected. Because of our different levels and temperaments, betas are considered to be a whole individual, even and balanced. But alphas and omegas are believed to be two halves of a soul. This is why they are able to form soul bonds. It is believed that we were all once betas. Then hormone levels began to fluctuate in certain individuals. After that, our chromosomes started changing and, since then, alphas can only mate with omegas. Somewhere along the line though, something went wrong, and alphas lost the ability to reproduce. But even so, the omegas and the bond they formed were coveted. It used to be the right of every alpha to have a mate and a soul bond, until the omegas started dying out.”
“Do you know why?”
He shook his head. “Some who believe in the great goddess think it is a punishment for some wrong we committed. Others that there has just been a mishap in our evolution. Whatever the reason, an omega has not been born in a decade.”
I picked another leaf and made sure to study it closely as I asked as casually as possible. “So the bond. Clay told me it gets formed once you’ve had, you know, sex.”
“Yes, we mate to claim our partner.”
“So, uh, is that any old sex? Or does it have to be a certain kind?”
I saw him glance at me out of the corner of my eye, confused.
“Like, um, penetrative, for example? Or would just hand stuff work? Hypothetically.”
“It must be carin aleen, penetrative. There must be essence shared for the bond to take place.”
I tried not to sound too relieved. “Right, that makes sense.” He was still looking at me, so I cleared my throat and said. “So alphas can’t have kids? What about you? Your dad is the biggest alpha of all.”
“There is a way for children to be made. It is long and complex, and the success rate is not high, but essence is taken from both parents and implanted into a beta, who carries the child. The betas volunteer for this, and they are treated like gods.”
“So you were an IVF baby?”
“A what?”
“It’s what we call it. It’s pretty common from what I know. Implanted fetuses and surrogate mothers and all that.”
He blinked at me. “Your people already have this?”
“Yeah, I think most advanced planets do. And the success rate is pretty good.”
Kitari shook his head. “Clearly we still have things to learn from others.”
“That’s the good thing about not cutting yourself off, I guess.” I shrugged. “So alphas can’t have kids on their own, but they can still form soul bonds with omegas?”
“Yes. A soul bond is an elevated state of living, which is why omegas are still coveted.”
I’d never been in demand before. I wasn’t bad looking, but I’d always had to work to get attention and keep it. In the home and at the academy, there had always been a resident ‘hot girl’ whose attention everyone would vie for. I’d never been on this side of it before, and it was an alien feeling to me, in more ways than the obvious one.
“So, I’m the hot girl now?”
Kitari frowned at me. “What?”
“Nothing.”
I could listen to him talking all day, but it looked like the biology lesson was over. And with every step we took towards base camp, I felt like I was taking a step away from him. Like I was walking away from something I would never find again.
“I think we should rest for a bit,” I said abruptly.
Kitari stopped instantly. “Is your leg giving you trouble? Are you in pain?”
“No, I just…” I racked my brain for an excuse and came up short. “Actually yeah, my leg is a bit uncomfortable. Must have been all that activity yesterday.”
He nodded, and a shadow of that wicked grin appeared.
“You know, from all the running,” I added.
“Yes, the running.” He nodded, but that mischievous grin didn’t budge.
I returned it, and the urge to declare my love reared its ugly head again.
But if nothing else, I should tell him how I feel, ask him what it means to him. There’s nothing wrong with communication.
And exactly how many times had that worked out in the past for me?
There’s a first time for everything.
“I…uh, wanted to talk about yesterday. About what happened during the storm, when we...” I trailed off and gestured with my hands.
“Yes.” He nodded and suddenly all the amusement was gone from his face. “I have thought a lot about my actions, and it will not happen again. I am sorry.”
I blinked at him. Even though I’d been talking myself down all morning, that was not the reaction I was hoping for. “Oh.” I chewed my cheek for a moment. “Why not?”
He looked away. “I let the pheromones control me. I hope I was not too forward.”
I was shocked. He seemed genuinely ashamed of what was one of the hottest experiences of my life so far.
“No, Kitari, you weren’t too forward. It was great. Really great.” I took a deep breath and pushed on. “In fact, I’ve been thinking, too, and…” How was I going to phrase this in a way that didn’t make me sound insane? But I had to know.
I started again, “So, you know I’m supposed to be leaving with my team when this is over?”
Easy now, don’t be too needy.
He nodded again. “It was fun while you were here. And I will miss you when you leave. But of course you must stay with your people. I understand.”
He said it as if he was agreeing with me. Was that how he felt, or how he thought I felt?
My heart hammered far too hard and fast. “Kitari, I—”
His head snapped around, reacting to something I hadn’t heard.
This had happened more than enough times now for me to know what was about to happen. I would ask what it was, he would put his hand on my mouth, and then a huge, terrifying creature would try to eat me. So I skipped the first part.
Disappointingly, he didn’t put his hand over my mouth, just on my chest. Which was almost as nice. I held still as he scanned the trees, straining to hear whatever had spooked him, and expecting at any moment for a monster to come bursting through the trees. But I couldn’t hear anything except the normal jungle noises I’d grown used to.
Signaling for me to stay where I was, he took his hand off my chest—leaving the area cold—and crept forward to peer through the plants. As I watched, his shoulders tensed, the muscles bunching, and then he looked back at me. There was something written there on his face, but it was in a language I couldn’t understand. What had he seen? Finally, he tilted his head for me to join him.
Through the foliage, I saw a group of dark-clad figures moving through the jungle in formation. It was my team.
And they were coming towards us.