4. Edovard
I thought we would get New Year’s Day off since it’s a holiday, but Gregory said that we’re evil, and evil never rests, so we have to work today. Santanos whispered to me that Gregory thinks we need to start off every year on the right note, so we don't give any of the minions New Year’s Day off, but they don’t mind since they get a winter break while Santanos is away recharging his ward.
I asked Hassan if everyone takes a break because Santanos worries about his minions when he can’t protect them, and Hassan didn’t say anything, but his aura flared with his love, so I’m pretty sure that’s why.
“Pupper, will you please get me some coffee?” Gregory grumbles before stalking into our shared office after we get off the elevator.
His assistant, Sharon, (I hired him a helper because he was always working too late and it wasn’t good for him) gives me a hug so we can start the work day off with the right attitude and follows him into the office. I really like her; she understands how important hugs are for some people.
Santanos’s love shines for me when he looks up at me. “I would like you to facilitate the minions’ New Year’s resolutions. Usually, they come up with resolutions to improve the spread of evil, but in years past, we’ve had to be careful because we didn’t want to tip the balance in the wrong direction. This year I want them to be a little extravagant in their resolutions because we’re trying to let go of some of the things that belong to Neutrality, so we need to focus on being extremely evil..”
I can look up “extravagant” in a minute. “You want me to talk to the minions about their resolutions for extra evit?” Sometimes I have to clarify what Santanos means, but it’s ok, because I like that he never talks differently to me than he talks to everyone else (except for how he loves me).
“Yes, please,” he says, and he pulls me down for a warm kiss.
I love kisses from Santanos; they always make me feel tingly down to my toes and give me goosebumps all the way to my hair.
After Santanos kisses me two more times, he finally lets me go and Hassan takes over, giving me twice the amount of kisses he usually does.
“Because Gregory didn’t,” he explains quietly, and then he follows Santanos into our office.
I probably grin all the way down to the breakroom where the best coffee is.
When I get there, a group of minions are hanging out together talking, but they all stop as soon as I walk in, and big smiles spread all over their faces. I really like seeing them light up like this. When I first got here, the minions were happy, but they’ve gotten more happy since then and their auras are all very pretty and easy to be around now. Of course, they all have lots of gray like Gregory, but it’s so happy it looks like clouds (not the kind that rains) just like Gregory’s.
“Edovard!” my friend, Karlesh, calls. He’s a lizard person and his mate, Dennis, is with him and waves to me too.
“Hey everyone,” I reply, walking to them and opening my arms up so anyone who wants a hug can come get one. All but two of them join in a group hug. The other two are busy talking to each other, and they look really excited about what they’re saying.
I let everyone soak up my love and ask, “What kinds of resolutions are you guys thinking about?”
Marlow, a demon minion that looks like the opposite of one of those cute baby angels, jumps up and down to tell me all about their resolution. “I’m going to start taking elderly people on slow touring walks around the city during rush hour! I’m going to make sure they stop often with lots of breaks. It’s going to be so much fun to make the people trying to get home slow down and detour around groups of old people.”
In this city, the commuters get pretty aggressive. “You should make sure you bring people to help keep the old people safe from bumping.” We wouldn’t want them to get pushed down on accident.
Harlow, Marlow’s twin, jumps in. “Oooh! Bouncers for the walk to enforce a safe bubble! I like it! I bet I could find the funds for that, or I could just steal them. We have a cousin who works in a bank. I go in there all the time to make undocumented withdrawals; they think they have a thief working for them and they’re being audited! It’s hilarious,” he adds.
“That’s a good idea,” I approve, and I pull out my digital recorder so I can tell it Marlow and Harlow’s resolution.
Verity, one of the two who didn’t come in for a hug, waves at me. She’s a little goblin with really long floppy ears and big eyes that almost never blink. “Are we talking about resolutions? Shae and I have come up with the best idea! We’re going to start a coffee shop! It’s going to sell the best tasting coffee ever, but we’re going to serve it at a temperature where the first sip is perfect, but the second sip is lukewarm!”
“We’re going to make the employees mispronounce everyone’s names!” Shae adds.
“Oh! This is a great idea!” Bubbles, one of the dog shifters, exclaims excitedly. They’re in their pup form and look like a terrier person with a long mustache and matching shaggy eyebrows. “We can say we sell croissants, but we sell out every morning before the first human customer arrives! That way we’re always out of our most popular menu item! Oh, but maybe we sell them for real on Mondays, but put a little mojo in them to make them mildly addicting, and then we don’t have them for the rest of the week because they’re always sold out!”
“You guys are really creative,” I praise them—it’s always nice to hear someone tell you you’re doing a good job. “I heard online about telling people to have the day they deserve. It’s not really evil, but if someone is being grumpy with the coffee shop employees, then they might think twice about it.”
Spike, a really cute little guy with dark red wings that he dyed that color (last week they were black), big blue eyes, and a black and red mohawk jumps up onto the table so we can see him better. He’s wearing all black except for the pink, glittery Doc Martins on his little feet. He’s pretty mean, and I can tell he’s about to be even meaner than usual because of the evil smile on his black lips. “I want to be in charge of the baking for the coffee shop. I’m testing some experimental mashups of sugar and magic. I can make the croissants addictive. Also, there’s some brownies I made, and everyone’s welcome to them. Just so you know, I’m a good baker.” He points to a big platter full of little brownie squares. There’s little swirls of pink and turquoise magic coming from some of them.
Spike likes to pull pranks, but since they’ve never been really bad, I don’t stop him.
“Thank you for the brownies, Spike, but I don’t think we can experiment on humans without them getting upset, and maybe then they stop coming to the coffee shop,” I point out.
“That’s why the coffee and baked goods will be addictive,” he argues, tapping his little foot.
“People willingly get addicted to caffeine all the time,” Karlesh reminds me.
“That’s true. Well, whatever you do, don’t make it more addicting than caffeine, ok?” I think that’s the best compromise I can hope for.
Spike grins and rubs his hands together. His black painted claws click together, but they’re so pretty I have to tell him.
“I really like how you did your nails, Spike. They’re very shiny.”
Spike’s aura pulses happily and a little of his love reaches out for me. “Thank you. I really like how they turned out.”
Verity jumps in again, excited by everyone’s ideas. “We should have a meeting that could have been an email to get everyone’s ideas for ways to make the coffee shop super annoying so everyone who comes in starts their day off just a little bit wrong.”
“And then we have another meeting later to sum up what that meeting is about!” Shae exclaims.
“You all are the best evil minions,” I tell them, opening my arms for another hug.
Filomena snugs in right under my arm and looks up at me with a small smile. “I was thinking of telling everyone with kids that get devices from their school to lose the chargers for the devices, I thought it would be really inconvenient and a little bit evil, and I’ve decided that I am always going to send my kid to school any time they get a little sick, that way the PTO moms can kiss my ass when their kids get sick.”
I don’t think Filomena likes the PTO moms. “I didn’t like the PTO kids when I was in school.” They were always the meanest kids.
She nods a little grumpily and snuggles in harder.
Alastor, one of the human minions, cuddles her on the other side. “I’m going to hold doors for people coming and then shut them in their face.”
“You should make sure they’re far enough away that they do the awkward shuffle run to hurry up,” Marlow suggests, and it’s a really good idea.
Alastor laughs. “I’ll make sure to do that as often as I can.”
“You all have some really good resolutions. I’m really proud of you, and I can’t wait to tell Santanos about your coffee shop.”
Charlotte, one of the minions who works in R I think Santanos would want to know my resolution too. “They’re a lot of fun, and I don’t want anyone to feel left out because I didn’t learn their names.”
Yeah, that’s a good one. We’re going to have a really good year, and it’s going to be super evil (but not too evil, because that would be bad).