Chapter Twenty-Four
Once we’re on the bus, it all clicks into focus—this is happening. The feeling in my stomach churns with a chaotic mix of anticipation, excitement and dread, like I’m perched at the apex of a roller coaster, bracing for the inevitable drop. The journey here felt like the agonizing climb, each turn of the wheels cranking me up, inch by inch. Now there’s no going back. The only thing left to do is to hold tight, steady my breath, and resist the urge to let the adrenaline spill over.
Elle spends the entire ride trying to calm me down. Every time she places a hand on my shaking leg, it ceases for a moment, but minutes later it’s revving again, and I’m unable to control it. We’re not the only ones on the bus, so when she blasts music from her phone and tries to start a dance party, it’s ill-received by the rest of the riders. I manage to grab her and pull her back into her seat just before she flips them all off.
“Tough crowd,” she groans and the team laughs at her.
“There’s really a delay in the excitement here, Anne,” Nicole says, leaning over her seat to talk to Anne.
“Well, I didn’t make the town so far away,” Anne whines.
“I know. I just feel like in the movies when there’s a grand romantic gesture or a chase, they don’t show you the boring bus ride the heroine takes to get there,” Nicole says, shooting me a knowing look.
“Thank you for making me even more nervous,” I say, hitting my head against the seat.
“There’s nothing to be nervous about,” Elle says, hitting my thigh. “This is going to be great. Happy ever afters all around!”
“If you say one more obnoxious, upbeat thing, I’m going to punch you,” I say, raising my fist.
“Noted,” she replies with a nod.
I text my mom to say that Elle and I have decided to take a spontaneous trip upstate for the long weekend and I’ll call her tomorrow. I can’t believe I’m really doing this. My mother texts back her equivalent of “WTF,” which is mainly just a bunch of question marks. I explain that it was very last minute and that we are staying in the same place I lived for a month, and not to worry. She tries to call me, but I text her saying I don’t have good service. I need to compartmentalize right now. One thing at a time.
I can feel Josie with me every step of the way. I can feel her courage in my heart. I can hear her cheering for me in my brain. She is getting a kick out of this. I know it.
I can’t stop my mind from racing the entire ride there. What if I get there and he refuses to see me? I won’t give him the option. This is the stuff of romance novels, dammit, and I’m going to get my high-stakes ending, even if I have to fight for it. I’ll say what I have to say and if he really doesn’t feel the same way, then at least I’ll know that I tried. I would have tried to make a commitment and be vulnerable for the first time in my life. And if he does feel the same way? I’m not sure what to do with that ending actually…
We live three hours away from each other. I realize it’s not 3,000 miles, but it’s not right around the corner. We have established lives in separate places, and I don’t know if he’s going to want to commit to something like that. I stop myself. I’m doing it again. I’m thinking of all the reasons why this won’t work instead of focusing on the one important reason that it should—it will: I love Liam. These last few months without him, I’ve been frozen. It was like I was only going through the motions and watching my life happen from a movie theater seat. The only thing I was invested in was the book, and mostly because it felt like spending time with Liam again. I could delve right back into our story at all the good parts and feel the way I did when I was with him. I feel a smile form on my face at the thought. A montage of my favorite moments with him passes through my mind and the feeling in my chest reminds me why I’m doing this. I want that feeling back. Elle is right, I deserve it.
I scan my phone for a photo from my time in Hudson Hollow and find one I took of Liam while his back was turned at The Point. I don’t want to post a photo of his face to my public Instagram, so I decide this one works best. His broad shoulders are perfectly framed, and the mountains in the distance look like they could have been painted, they are so perfect. Looking at that view makes my heart clench in a way I’ve never felt before. Is it excitement? Like this thing I’m doing right now—putting myself out there, making a change, being honest with myself about what I want—might actually be a good thing?
A lot of you may have noticed I’ve been MIA lately, and some have even messaged me wondering why. My trip earlier this summer was work related, but eventually became more than that. Thanks to this man right here.
He doesn’t follow this account, so I can say anything I want about him. Most importantly, that I love him. He doesn’t know this yet, but I hope he will soon. (continued in comments)
Before my trip, I was having a hard time (well, more than a hard time) finding the joy of HEAs in my real life. There’s only so many times you can be ghosted before you start to lose hope. When I went to a small town for a project (that is still under wraps!), I thought it was ridiculous. I thought it would be a complete waste of my time. But instead, I found everything I’ve been looking for my entire life.
I’m not sure how this story will end. But whatever way it goes, I promise not to doubt HEAs again. They’re out there. I know it.
Anne orders an Uber when there’s twenty minutes to go on our trip, because unlike Manhattan, there’s not exactly one waiting on every corner in Catskill. The knots in my stomach had loosened somewhat in the last hour of the ride, but when I start to see the familiar signs, they clench right back up. Not least of all because I still haven’t figured out one word of what I’m going to say to Liam.
“Are you ready?” Elle asks as we squeeze into the minivan with one too few seats for us.
“Not at all,” I mumble. The driver looks at us like we’re nuts. As I look around—Nadine, Callie, Elle, and I are squished together in the third row, Terri and Nicole are in the captain’s chairs and Anne is chattering the driver’s ear off without looking up from her phone—I realize that we are a little nuts. I also realize that this group of women has become so important to me over the last few years. When I moved to the city, I didn’t have a solid group of friends to ground me and help me find my way. Since working at Heartwarming, I’ve found a family. I didn’t recognize that until this moment, as I make the most impulsive and scary decision of my life, that these people are here for me . They may be here out of sheer curiosity—Terri in particular—but they are here to support me. And that’s a pretty good feeling.
When I see a sign that says “Welcome to Historic Hudson Hollow,” I think my heart might just pound right out of my chest. I swallow hard as we enter the town and tell Anne to stop in front of Liz’s with a shaky voice. I can’t believe I’m here. I can’t believe I’m doing this.
“Is it too late to go home?” I ask Elle, wrapping a death grip around her forearm.
“Yes,” she says confidently. I roll my eyes at her. We all climb out of the cab like clowns exiting a P.T. Cruiser on the opposite side of the street from Liz’s. It’s scorching hot out, and I have to cover my eyes to shield myself from the sun.
I approach the doors of the restaurant slowly, as if there is some dreadful form of doom waiting for me on the other side. Elle must sense it, because she’s Elle, and she wraps her arm around my elbow. I look over as she gives me a reassuring smile. Anne takes a few steps around me to get to the door. She smiles a gummy smile which squeezes her glasses up her nose as she opens it.
My stomach clenches as I step into the restaurant. The familiar scent of flat-top grilled burgers and maple syrup hits me and I feel a wave of something wash over me. Relief? Comfort?
Home .
I feel home.
Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe I’m setting myself up for failure here. Because if Liam still doesn’t want to see me, and just being in Hudson Hollow for two minutes makes me feel this good… what will I do if I never set foot here again?
“Lucy!” I turn around at the sound of a deep voice bellowing my name. I see Max and May heading toward me from a booth in the back. My eyes start to travel behind the bar, but I don’t see Liam anywhere.
“Hey, Max!” I smile as he puts the box he was carrying down and makes his way over to us. The rest of my traveling Motley Crew are still making their way into the restaurant.
“It’s so nice to see you. What are you doing here?” Max asks, giving me an awkward hug.
I exhale, feeling like I’m admitting to a crime. “I’m looking for Liam,” I say with a hesitant smile. I see in Max’s eyes that he’s curious about the backstory behind my statement, but I really don’t want to go through it all right now. After a moment, he smiles confidently, giving me a knowing look of approval.
“I knew there was something going on between you two,” May interjects as she embraces me. She looks around at the crowd of Heartwarming employees behind me looking very out of place.
“Sure you did, May,” Max says sarcastically.
“I can’t wait to tell Mella; she’ll be so happy that you found your way back to us,” May says, beaming.
The air is heavy with expectation between us. I’m waiting for them to say something or for Liam to walk out of the kitchen, but neither happens.
“LIAM!” Elle screams into the restaurant, causing us all to jump.
“Elle!” I scold in a whisper.
“What? No one spoke for like thirty seconds,” she says, widening her eyes as if her actions were warranted. “We’re all kind of on edge with anticipation here.”
May and Max look at each other grimly, and then back at me, but their eyes are full of pity.
“He’s not here,” May says solemnly and something in my chest drops.
“He’s meeting suppliers out west this weekend. He won’t be back until Monday,” Max adds.
I inhale sharply, a mixture of relief and disbelief swirling in my stomach. I feel Elle’s hand on my arm, but her words don’t register in my mind. This was the single most ambitious and exciting thing I’ve done in my life, and it was all for nothing.
“Lucy, I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” Anne says from behind me. I feel a soft hand on my back.
I shake my head quickly. “It’s fine—” I start.
“Of course it is,” Elle interjects. “This changes nothing. You still want to see him. You still need to talk to him. This is not the end.”
“Of course not,” Anne adds. “It may just be the end of today’s adventure,” Anne says with a reassuring smile.
My face suddenly feels very hot, like the reality of the situation has finally hit home with my nervous system. I came all this way, and Liam is not here.
That makes my stomach lurch.
“We should go,” I mutter.
“You guys should have something to eat,” May starts, placing a hand on my forearm.
“That’s sweet, May, but I don’t think I could eat anything right now.” I feel Elle’s eyes on me like lasers as I talk. “You guys get something for the road if you want,” I say to the team. I quickly embrace May. “It was so good to see you guys again,” I stumble over my words as I move from one Lucia to another. “I’ll go outside and call an Uber.”
I turn and walk out the door of Liam’s restaurant, feeling like a hole is growing in my heart with each step I take. When I see the mountains in the distance, as picturesque as the day I first saw them, I yearn for the feeling of reassurance I thought I would feel when I saw Liam again. I thought I would feel like this choice, this crazy spontaneous choice that I made for myself, that it was right. That I was finally doing something for myself and it was going to pay off.
But instead, I feel regret. I feel ashamed. My entire team of colleagues just saw me crash and burn. But that is not the worst part. The most significant piece of emptiness I feel comes from the unknown. If I made this jump once, will I ever be able to do it again? At this point in a romance novel, the hero should be in the place where the heroine goes to confront him. This is the happy ever after, right now . And yet, for me, it’s not. What comes next in my story?
The bus ride back to Manhattan might be the most silent the Heartwarming team has ever been in the time that I’ve known them. Elle tries and tries and fails to get me to speak about the clusterfuck of a situation I just found myself in. She holds my hand for most of the ride, squeezing it occasionally when she sees me gazing out the window without blinking for too long.
When we arrive back in the city, it’s just about the end of the workday, so we all head back to the office together to gather our belongings for the weekend. Elle was supposed to go to her mom’s in Jersey for the weekend and she invites me to go with her, but I decline. I know by the time we get back to our desks, she’ll have found an excuse to stay at the apartment with me instead.
We walk from Port Authority to our office on Sixth Avenue, the warm breeze of late August blowing my hair along the way. I’m in a daze as we exit the elevator into our lobby. I’ve been staring at the floor for most of the walk anyway. As we turn to enter the glass doors of our department, Elle stops suddenly, her sandals scuffing on the floor. She places a palm on my arm and my head snaps up, looking for any signs of danger.
“What’s wrong?” I say, but before the last syllable is out of my mouth, I see a wisp of blonde hair in my peripheral vision.
Holy shit.
He is standing at the reception desk, a line of sweat showing through the back of his uniform black T-shirt. His hair is longer, the end of the waves reaching the bottom of his neck. The secretary sees me before he does. But not five seconds pass before he turns around.
“Lucy,” my name is an exhale on his lips. I don’t say anything for a moment, and I’m sure the look on my face is not the least bit attractive, so Elle slaps my side so hard I wince into focus.
“Oh,” is all I manage.
“Do better than that,” Elle commands, awkwardly.
The whole of the Heartwarming imprint is still behind me and the secretary and the few workers still left at their cubicles are now watching this spectacle unfold. Great. This is great.
“Lucy, I’m sorry to just show up like this—”
“Stop.” My voice even surprises myself. Elle looks at me concerned, and then smirks. She ushers the rest of the team to the side, giving Liam and me some space. Liam’s face is stoic, his brows arched in concern.
“I’m sorry,” I stutter. I flex my hands at my sides. I try to alternate glances between Liam and the floor until I find my courage, and the two dozen eyes watching me are not helping.
“I’m sorry, that came out harsh. I just mean—” I take a deep breath and finally meet Liam’s eyes. On my exhale, I let his gaze wash over me like a comforting wave. Liam is here. He came to Heartwarming to see me.
I push my disbelief to the side and inhale another breath. “I need you to ask me where I just was. Don’t say anything else. Just ask me.”
Liam looks at me and tilts his head. “Where were you?”
“Hudson Hollow,” I reply without missing a beat. His confusion deepens and then he smiles.
“You see,” I start. “I had to go there… to tell you I love you.”
I swallow hard. It’s not because there’s a bunch of people watching us or because I’m embarrassed, but because I’ve finally said the words I couldn’t all those weeks ago. That afternoon when Liam was so angry, and I was so desperate to explain myself, I wanted to say those words, and I couldn’t. And I’ve spent the last two months wondering if he even noticed my hesitation or felt the same.
“I like… really love you,” I blurt out. Liam lets out a soft chuckle, and a bit of the pressure releases from my chest. I shake my head, mad at myself for sounding like such an idiot when this should be my eloquent, heroine grovel moment. But Liam is smiling. He’s not angry. He’s not walking away. He’s coming toward me.
“And not just because you feed me delicious food all the time and don’t judge me when I embarrass myself at a baby’s birthday party,” I say with a laugh. “But because you’re the kindest, most empathetic, caring, and fun man I’ve ever met. I love how you love your town. I love how you love the people in it. I love that you’re a dorky dog dad that sets up baby monitors for his German Shepherd.” Liam bellows “Ha!” that reverberates through the office.
“Most of all, I love how you make me feel. I love being around you, and I’m sorry. I’m so, so , sorry for lying to you. I’m sorry for hurting you. But the last two months without you have been miserable. So, if you give me a chance, I promise never to knowingly lie or hurt you again. Because I love you, Liam Miller. A lot.”
We are quiet for a moment, but I don’t break my gaze with Liam. Speaking my truth, telling him how I feel, has given me a confidence that I didn’t have moments ago. The adrenaline I felt when I was back in Hudson Hollow is back, and I need Liam to speak. I need to know what he is thinking.
“So, you’re the romance expert,” he starts, his hand reaching for mine. I shudder at the sound of his voice. I can’t believe I get to hear it again. I wasn’t sure that I ever would.
Liam’s smile grows wider as he closes the distance between us. I can’t do anything but hold my breath and wait for his next words. “Would you judge me too harshly if I said you had me at hello?”
I bark a laugh of relief and jump into his arms. He wraps them around me and squeezes, all the pain and loneliness of the past two months lifting out of my body like dust from a fan. He sets me down and takes my face between his hands. He presses his lips against mine for just a moment before we both jolt at the sounds of applause that roar around us. I look around and see Anne, Terri, Nadine, Nicole, and Callie cheering and embracing one another. Elle is jumping up and down and screaming like she’s just seen a celebrity.
I shift my gaze back to Liam, my vision glassy with tears. He swipes a thumb across my cheek and lifts a corner of his mouth. “I love you, Lucy Bowen,” he says, before pressing his lips to mine again.