5. Ravik
Ravik
Lux mea was right there, right within reach.
So why did it feel like I couldn’t get close enough? No matter how long I stared at her, counted her breaths, or adjusted the blankets around her…it never felt like enough.
I’d spent the evening and well into the night making calls, talking to Waylon’s commanders out in the hall, and jotting notes on my tablet where a regional map of the east coast was displayed.
Yet through all of it, I continued to come back to her bedside.
Reminding myself and my wolf that she was safe, that she was within our grasp.
There was no way I could relax, let alone sleep, with the war still ahead of us.
There was nothing I wanted more than to climb into bed with her, to wrap her in my arms and let her vanilla cinnamon scent wrap around me.
But there were still plans to finalize, and I made myself stay at the small desk in the corner of our suite until the last message had been sent and the last confirmation received.
That had been an hour ago.
I stood at the edge of the bed and looked at my mate. She’d stolen nearly the entire comforter. It was bunched around her shoulders and wrapped around her body like a cocoon, but I didn’t try to spread it out, nor did the other two sleeping beside her try to reclaim it.
I’d made sure the room was warm before I started my work, when the three of them had first fallen asleep, and I was thankful they were still resting. We’d been through a lot, and there was so much more to come.
A dull thud in my head warned me of my own exhaustion. Eventually I would need to rest.
“Ravik,” Gracie whispered, looking up with a confused, sleepy expression. “Come to bed.”
“I will soon,” I promised. She let out a happy sigh and snuggled further into the blankets, trapped between Thornar and Basir. Her hair had spread across the pillow, a tangle of red that caught the low light from the fireplace. One hand was loosely curled near her face.
I watched the slow, even rise and fall of her chest and felt the tension in me ease. I had counted her breaths once tonight, and I was tempted to do it again.
I was thankful for the return of her scent, the sweet smell wrapping around me even from this distance.
There was no blood, nor the sharp antiseptic sting that had clung to the room when Healer Thorne was working on her.
Just lux mea. It was the only thing in this world that could settle me and bring me even close to relaxing.
Gracie was the only person who could do that.
But she needed rest, and I wouldn’t interrupt it by being selfish and trying to hold her.
Not to mention it wasn’t the only thing I wanted to do.
I wanted to put my own mark on her body like the other two had.
My wolf was fucking furious that they had a claim on her that we didn’t, but I was able to rein that in—for now.
I didn’t want her to have to worry about my more base urges while she was healing.
Although, according to Healer Thorne, she was healed. Both my brain and heart weren’t keen on accepting that as truth because how was that possible? I could see it was possible, that she was healed physically, but was it enough for what was to come? Was there a way to slow down the impending war?
As desperate as I was to find a way, there wasn’t one. I knew that.
Gracie had been so strong and so damn brave through everything she’d faced, including the assassination attempt when she’d thrown herself in the path of a bullet.
My fist tightened at the fear that rocketed through me, remembering the way her wolf jolted as she fell to the ground with an agonized cry. How had we let that happen?
Yet despite her strength and bravery, I still worried.
War was a different game, a different calculation.
It wasn’t even one I’d faced on my own outside of training and small-scale missions, and never with such high stakes.
Could I allow my mate to put herself on the line when I wasn’t certain of the outcome? Did I even have a choice in that?
No. I knew Gracie well enough to know that she would be part of this, even if I demanded she sit out.
And I wouldn’t do that. She had been through things, survived things, that I couldn’t conceptualize.
She wanted to be part of Ivan’s downfall, and I wouldn’t deny her that.
So holding her back from this war, trying to protect her from it, wasn’t protection at all.
It was selfish, and I wouldn’t insult my mate that way.
Gracie was right to want to participate, and the only thing I could do was to make sure our side had every possible advantage we could provide, which was why I’d spent so many hours working. To ensure everything would be ready come morning.
A knock on the door had me rushing across the room before they could do it again. When I opened it and stepped out, I was unsurprised to find one of Waylon’s top commanders. He offered me an apologetic look. “Sorry for the late interruption, but Alpha Waylon said it was urgent.”
“I figured. Go on.”
The commander spoke quietly but clearly. “In forty-eight hours we will meet our allies at the border of Grimfur Skulk territory to convene the war council. We leave in the morning.”
Less than two days to devise a plan to conquer not only Grimfur Skulk territory but all of Cold Moon Pack territory.
I was thankful we had the numbers, but it was still a monumental task.
Especially when we needed to map out the land support compared to air support and equipment being moved spot to spot.
“Tell Alpha Waylon ‘thank you.’ We’ll leave with the group in the morning.” The man nodded and disappeared down the dark corridor. I moved back into the room and closed the door, resting my head against the wood surface.
It was odd discussing battle strategy outside of my own territory. I missed home, both my family and the familiarity of my day to day. I craved that stability, and I wanted Gracie to feel similar. I knew we would have that once this was all over. That was what I was fighting for.
And so much more.
With both Thornar and Basir marking her, we were on a risky path to bring our imagined future to fruition faster than we expected.
My wolf howled. The idea of Gracie being pregnant was intoxicating, but we wanted—needed—to be in equal running for producing pups. I never wanted to rush Gracie, but I couldn’t deny how appealing the idea was.
I felt a panicked urge to make a future with her now, both eager at the prospect and worried it would be ripped away from us.
When I turned back toward the bed, I was surprised to find that I wasn’t the only one awake. Basir was already sitting up, his dark eyes finding mine and regarding me with concern. Thornar was a beat behind him, pushing himself upright with a low groan and running a hand over his face.
“You haven’t slept,” Basir accused.
“I was getting us ready for tomorrow.”
Thornar let out a chuckle and shook his head. “You mean standing at that desk for six hours, worrying over shit to handle in the morning.”
“Five,” I corrected him, but the look he offered made it clear that he found the distinction meaningless. “It’s been decided that in forty-eight hours our forces will gather at Grimfur Skulk territory. All of us.”
Both of them were suddenly alert.
“You sleep.” Basir’s gaze moved briefly to Gracie, still wrapped in blankets, before looking back at me. “We’ve gotten enough, and we need you well rested more than we need another hour.”
I wanted to argue with him. Argue that there was always something more to review, another variable to account for—that sleep was useless in the long run.
But Basir wouldn’t have said something if he wasn’t concerned, and now that I’d stopped ruminating I noticed that even my wolf had stopped pacing.
“There are more updates on the tablet,” I said, crossing to the desk and pulling up the appropriate screen. Thornar nodded, reaching to take the tablet from me. “We’ll look it over,” he said quietly. “Go to sleep.”
So I tried.
I lowered myself beside Gracie, careful not to wake her. She didn’t startle, just shifted in her sleep to settle closer to me. Like she recognized I was there.
Maybe she did. I liked to think her wolf recognized mine, even in sleep.
She was so delicate tucked against me. I’d had the same thought the first time I’d slept next to her, back in those first days when I was afraid to even touch her for fear of scaring her.
I still worried about that, and every time a possessive and feral need to protect lux mea from everything in this fucking world grew.
This type of danger wouldn’t exist forever. I wouldn’t let it.
As I laid in bed, I let myself think about the future, a version of this moment that didn’t have a countdown attached to it.
Gracie in Ironsun, surrounded by a life and family that she chose.
Pups if and when she was ready. Waking up without fear as she reached for one of us in the morning.
Laughing, carefree and relaxed as we went on shifted runs without a concern.
I wanted to give her everything, and I intended to once this was over.
I pressed my lips to the top of her hair and closed my eyes. For the first time all night, I let myself rest.