Chapter 6
Greene
Christmas Eve
The easiest thing in the world was to become attached to somebody you didn’t see coming.
I mean no part of me saw him coming, then bam, I was laid up in his bed, his hands rubbing through my scalp.
I was doing the very thing I needed to not be doing with a man who had a life thousands of miles away.
“Girl, you look like you’re walking on clouds. Out here smiling while cleaning up after that damn cow.” Raev’s voice made me look up from the task at hand into her face. Of course she had a smirk plastered there.
“Maybe I am, what’s it matter to you?”
She laughed. “And you’re sassy. Good dick must run in the family.” She tightened her robe and took a seat on the stool with my damn coffee cup in her hand.
A brief silence filled the space before she was speaking again. “So, you like him, huh?”
“Course I do, and that’s not a good idea. It’s stupid of me.” I dropped my head in shame. I was hard on myself, but I had to be that way to protect myself.
“Why?” She looked genuinely confused, even though the reasoning was obvious.
“He doesn’t live here. He has a life elsewhere, Raev. What am I supposed to do with that?”
“See, that’s the problem, G. You’re thinking so far ahead that you’re trampling on your own happiness. How can you ever be happy when you’re thinking about all the bad things?”
“How can I not?”
“Just like I don’t. Don was here two days, and it was probably the best forty-eight hours of my being.
I mean, of course I cried after he left, but the entire time he was here, I was happy with him.
I didn’t dare think about next week, or even tomorrow.
I just existed in that space with him. He said he’ll be back tonight to spend Christmas with me, but part of me doesn’t believe him.
He’s a drifter, moving from place to place because he can never be still.
I know who he is, and what he’s seemingly capable of, so of course I have no expectations for his type.
I just enjoy the intimate moments we’re in because I know when we’re out of them I’ll miss them. ”
I smiled. For the first time in like ever, I understood exactly what was coming out of her mouth. It was almost like willful ignorance and throwing caution completely to the wind to experience the entire moment while it was there.
“But what do I know? I throw this pussy at whatever nigga I’m feeling at the time.” She winked and was on her feet in seconds. “I gotta go get with a man about a dog, especially since your daddy has stolen both of my babies. I’m a good owner.”
I shook my head because she was so serious.
Along with a beautiful show horse by the name of Reeta, my sister also owned two purebred Cane Corsos.
One was a standard black, named Bane and the other was storm gray, named Odin.
She adopted them during our outreach weekend when we went to the local shelters to give free shots and vet advice.
They had been dumped in the middle of the road at nine weeks in a kennel filled with feces.
“Do you think he’s gonna get out of that window this year?”
She looked somber for the first time since she’d come out here. “No. I think that’s his way of coping. Mama was his sun, moon, and all the stars. Now he’s here without her. Most of the year he’s fine, but around this time he just needs to be by that window.”
I nodded.
“Too bad though, because him sitting in that window means he sees me come and go more than he has at any other time.” She did a little dance before turning to leave.
I laughed as she left me to do my cleaning. Her words resonated heavily with me, repeating in my mind over and over like a recording. Maybe she was right, but it was all flawed to me, because what stopped me from getting hurt? Then again, maybe that was the risk, and she deemed it worth it.
After I finished cleaning, I made my way into the house to check on Ethan. He was sitting in front of the TV of course, watching sports.
“Mommy did Santa get me a mini cow for Christmas?” he asked as soon as he laid eyes on me.
“I don’t know, is that what you asked him for?”
He followed me into the kitchen. “Yes.”
“Then you might, but you have to remember you don’t always get what you want, E,” I reminded him, knowing darn well I’d always get him what he wanted if it was within reason.
Then again, this Christmas I had proven I was willing to go beyond reason.
Because purchasing a mini cow from Guuds had been just that.
“Mommy.” He called my name, gaining my attention once again as I moved toward the refrigerator.
“Huh?” I turned and looked at him for a minute, then back at the fridge. My eyes landed on the check still pinned there. I had half a mind to rip it up because I had done it this long without him. What the hell did I need him for now?
“When are we going to put the Christmas tree up, decorate, and bake cookies for Santa?”
“Tonight. Hudson is going to come by and help us. Are you okay with that?”
“Yes, Mommy. He’s cool and he makes good burgers. Is he your friend?”
“Yes.”
Ethan nodded. “Well that’s okay, Mommy, and he has a nice house.” My baby shrugged, then walked away like a little old man, leaving me to wonder why it mattered that Hudson had a nice house.
“Let me get this right, you put together a whole cookie house then you don’t eat it?” Hudson’s voice held nothing but amusement.
“Yes. The cookies are always nasty and so is the icing,” Ethan responded.
I laughed. He only said that because one Christmas he ate the entire gingerbread home and was sick as hell on Christmas. My baby was throwing up gumdrops and sprinkles like the gingerbread man was fighting to get out of him.
Hudson laughed.
Something about seeing him sitting at the table with my son made my heart palpitate. This whole scene felt like it belonged and that was scary. Though this wasn’t his world, he fit in a way that I couldn’t deny.
“You both need some more icing? Or you good with what you got?”
“Yeah, baby, lemme get some of that blue. I’m tryna get a beach house built over here.”
“A beach house gingerbread cookie house,” my son repeated, looking over at Hudson’s structure with one eyebrow raised. Then amusement filled his expression. “I like it, can I make mine like that too?”
“What’s wrong with a regular house?”
“Nothing, but I’m tryna bring sand to the beach.” Hudson winked in my direction.
Seconds later I was moving toward him with the bowl of blue icing and a smile.
“Yeah, Mama, like Hudson said. We’re bringing sand to the beach.” My baby was completely obsessed with Hudson and that had me torn because I didn’t want him getting attached to a fixture that wouldn’t stay in his life. Then again, I wondered if my fear was spilling over to my kid.
Once I set the bowl down next to him, I went to go back to the living room, but Hudson grabbed my hand, pulling me back into his lap.
“Where you going, shorty? You’re supposed to be helping us build.”
“To finish sorting the lights. Since I have your height, we might just be able to get the lights above the doorway and arch this year.”
He nodded. “That can be done together. Right now you boutta help us build.” Then he pecked the side of my face before resuming the fourth wall structure.
For the most part I helped, but only in supplies replenishment.
Then, after long enough, I slipped away and made sandwiches, because the last thing I felt like doing was cooking.
Around this time of year I was always worn out on the cooking side, as I had been the only one to cook Thanksgiving dinner.
My sister, of course, was out gallivanting the night away and being thankful.
Yeah, that was a whole month ago but I was still burned out from it and absolutely refused to cook anything remotely similar.
Last Christmas I made sloppy joes, this one we’d be eating cold cuts with an array of chips.
That wasn’t the only reason though, but also because most of the cattle and mares loved to go into labor around this time, so holidays were always spent on the go.
“Lemme step outside and take this, aight?” Hudson’s mood shifted and his tone was heavy.
I figured I’d give him some space while I tended to Ethan, making sure he had everything while he sat at his table in the living room eating.
After doing so, I moved to the kitchen window, watching him talk on the phone.
Whoever was on the line had summoned a tension so thick into his being, I just wanted to go out there and hug it out of him.
Instead of standing there thinking about hugging him, I gave Ethan a once over before hightailing out the door to Hudson.
Five steps later I was standing in front of him with my hand out for his phone. He looked at me strangely before ultimately handing it to me. Then, without looking at the caller ID, I hung it up and slipped his phone into my back pocket.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I watched as he took a seat on the steps and rested his head on his hands.
“That was my mama, wondering if her Christmas present got lost in the mail.” The irritation in his eyes made me want to find and slap her.
I shook my head, but I didn’t speak. I got the feeling he had more to say.
“There was no ‘Merry Christmas, son’, ‘how are you doing’, or any of that, just the ‘where is my gift’. Then, the fact that I didn’t get her shit has her harassing me like I fucking owe her.”
“You don’t owe her or anyone anything.” I stepped forward in front of him.
“You asked me if it was that easy for me to turn my back on everything I knew there, right?”
I nodded, anxiety coursing through my veins, wondering where he was going with this. “Yeah, I did.”
“Well, the answer to your question is yes, in a fucking heartbeat, and that’s exactly what I’m doing.” He was on his feet with his arms wrapped around my waist quickly, pulling me as close as humanly possible.
“Are you serious?” I peered up at him, looking for the slightest amount of amusement in his features. Of course this would be a cruel joke, but shit, he couldn’t possibly be serious. Or could he?