Chapter 9
STERLING MADE his own dinner and sat at the table with a book, a steak, and a bottle of red. He turned on the television, and immediately Alexander’s face shone from the screen, touting some shampoo. Sterling flipped it off again and turned back to the table, eating alone. He picked up the book but couldn’t concentrate, his mind turning to Connor.
He wasn’t sure what was going on with him. Sometimes Connor seemed so interested, and at others he could feel him pulling away. Sterling understood how he felt. It was hard being rejected, and the things people said during a breakup could be hurtful as all get-out. He finished eating his dinner and took care of the dishes. Sterling wondered what he was going to do for the rest of the evening. Television didn’t hold any interest. He thought about going out for a walk, but a roll of thunder changed his mind. Sterling figured he’d go on back to the studio and work on the images from the day.
Thunder shook the house, and the lights flickered and came back on for thirty seconds before flashing off and staying that way. Well, that shot that particular idea. Sterling got the flashlights and candles out of the lower kitchen cabinet as a pounding on the front door sounded over the storm.
Sterling pulled open the door to find Connor there, his shirt soaked and sticking to his skin, kilt drenched, hanging straight down, dripping on the concrete. “What are you doing out on a night like this?” Lightning lit up the sky, and thunder followed almost immediately. “Get inside.” The storm was getting worse.
Connor stepped onto the rug, and Sterling closed the door. “What happened? I thought you had a meeting.”
“I did, and we went to dinner afterwards.” Connor pulled his shirt away from his skin. “But when I was walking home, the sky opened up. I thought I could get there before the rain started.” He waved his arms, and a shower of drops fell to the mat.
“Come on upstairs.”
“But I’m going to make a mess everywhere,” Connor protested.
“Don’t worry. The floor will dry.” Sterling led the way up the stairs toward the bathroom. He handed Connor some towels and a flashlight. “I’ll get you something to put on and be right back.” Sterling went to his room and grabbed a pair of shorts and a T-shirt out of his drawers. He returned as the bathroom door opened. Connor peeked out wearing only a towel. Sterling paused, because the sight was something out of one of the dreams he’d had the past few nights. “Connor….” His throat went dry at all the golden skin on display. He had seen Connor shirtless before, but this was different. Only that damned towel clinging precariously to those hips stood between Connor and nakedness. There was something wicked about that, and it was enticing as hell.
“Are those for me?” Connor asked, and Sterling pressed the clothes into his hands and took hold of one of his hands. “What is it you want?”
“I was going to ask you the same thing.” Sterling swallowed and drew closer, the heat coming off Connor’s skin magnetic. The house was dark, with only the shadowy flashlights and strikes of lightning to cut through. Sterling set his light on the table outside the bathroom before approaching Connor. When he didn’t pull away, Sterling encircled him with his arms, tugging Connor closer, holding him tightly. “Is this okay?”
Connor set the clothes aside and hummed his approval as Sterling captured his lips, the energy taking hold of both of them. “I think you promised me something like this.”
Sterling nodded, guiding Connor toward his room. They fumbled a little getting the door open. Once inside, Connor’s towel fell to the floor, and Sterling ran his hands down his strong back and over the curve of his incredibly firm ass. Sterling growled from his throat, deepening the kiss, getting a good taste of Connor and wanting more at the same time.
Connor was smooth and strong under his hands, and since it was nearly completely dark, Sterling let his hands do his seeing for him. Curves and ridges of muscle danced under his palms as he explored, Connor shivering. “Are you cold?”
“It’s not the cold,” Connor whispered as he tugged at Sterling’s shirt.
He lifted his arms, and Connor tugged off his polo. He must have dropped it to the floor, because it seemed to disappear, Connor’s warm hands replacing it. “Damn….” Connor rumbled in his throat, pressing their chests together, melding their heat into a fire that Sterling had no hope or will to douse. He had been looking for something like this for a long time, and now it was in his arms. He turned Connor, pressing him back and down onto the bed.
Lightning lit up the windows, illuminating the room and Connor in his bed. He was as masculinely beautiful as Sterling had known he would be, planes of long, sinewy muscle, wide shoulders, narrow hips, and all man. The light flashed away, and Sterling was left in the darkness once more, his eyes adjusting all over again. Not that it mattered. Connor reached for him, tugging him down until he lay next to him.
Deft fingers stripped Sterling of the remainder of his clothes and pressed him back on the bed. Connor straddled him, his hands roaming slowly over him. Sterling ached to explore Connor.
“Let me take my time. I’ve wanted to know what you felt like since I saw you at my great-aunt’s. Now it’s my chance.” Sterling held his breath as Connor’s hands explored his chest, fingers tweaking his sensitive nipples, sending ripples of pleasure racing through him.
Sterling closed his eyes because they did him no good now. He soaked up each of Connor’s caresses like a dry sponge getting its first touch of water. He needed it, wanting more, and Connor gave. It was incredible. Sterling breathed deeply, enclosing Connor in his arms when he leaned forward. Their kiss stopped the world. Everything around them—the house, the storm—all of it disappeared as Connor transported him to another place and time. It was truly like nothing outside the two of them existed.
“I want you,” Connor whispered into Sterling’s ear. Sterling wasn’t sure what he meant until Connor slid down his body, hands and lips blazing a trail of passion that Sterling hoped went on forever. He gasped and grasped the bedding in clenched fists, eyes still closed, the world of their own making taking on even more form and perfection.
Wet heat surrounded him, taking more and more of him, sending Sterling on a flight of ecstasy that went on and on. Breathing became difficult simply because his entire being was centered on wherever Connor touched him. The world began and ended with Connor’s lips and hands. So many times, he had built things up in his mind only for reality to disappoint him. With Connor, it was something he couldn’t have possibly imagined, and it only got better and better the longer the pleasure lasted.
Sterling took Connor by the shoulders and gently drew him upward, for if he didn’t stop it was going to be all over, and Sterling wanted their time together to last.
“What’s wrong?” Connor whispered.
“I need a few minutes.” He kissed him gently, feasting on those incredible lips once again. “You get me so excited.”
“Oh.” Connor grinned. “I like the sound of that.” He ground his hips against Sterling’s, and damned if Connor didn’t get him going again. Sterling had hoped for a respite, but that didn’t look like it was going to happen. Connor was a live wire, grinding, holding him, pressing their bodies together, building heat that was impossible to put out of his mind.
“You’re a minx, you know that.”
Connor lifted away, his gaze boring into Sterling’s. “Is that a bad thing?”
Sterling closed his arms around him, tugging Connor back down. “No way in hell. It’s the best thing I could have hoped for.” Damn, he loved that Connor was uninhibited. Now that he had made up his mind, he seemed to throw himself into their passion with everything he had. Sterling’s only fear was if he would come out the other side in once piece.
“I want you,” Connor groaned, parting Sterling’s legs in a display that made it perfectly clear what he meant. Sterling cupped Connor’s cheeks, drawing him down, their gazes locking, lips an inch apart.
“How about we save that for another day?” It had been a long time since Sterling had bottomed. Alexander had had no interest in playing the driver, and it had been long enough that Sterling wasn’t sure it was something he was capable of. Or maybe it was a residual hangup and now wasn’t the time for him to deal with it. If things progressed between him and Connor, then they would need to have a conversation about it, but now wasn’t the time to deal with his worries and insecurities.
Connor paused, his eyes filling with doubt. “You don’t want….”
“It’s just something you and I should talk about before plumbing the depths, so to speak.” He tried to make light of it, and thankfully Connor smiled. “It’s been a while for me, and….” That was as far as he could open that particular box in his mind, at least for now.
Connor leaned closer. “Okay. Then how about this?” He kissed a trail down Sterling’s chest and belly. Sterling held his breath before those talented lips surrounded him, taking him deep and hard, commanding his body, and damned if it didn’t obey. Connor played him like a fine instrument.
“Sweetheart,” Sterling gasped, his legs shaking as Connor slid all the way down, taking him into his incredible mouth. When Connor took a break, Sterling flipped them on the bed, laying Connor on his back. Finally, this incredible man was all laid out for him. One thing that Sterling knew was that guys tended to give their partners what they wanted to get, and he followed Connor’s playbook to passionate results.
It wasn’t long before Sterling had Connor whimpering softly and his body rigid with desire in all the right places. He brought their lips together, hips just right, holding Connor tightly, and as the second wave of the storm broke over the house, their own passion reached its zenith and the two of them tumbled over into the abyss of ecstasy as the storm raged outside.
The thunder finally dissipated, the storm moving past as they lay together, rain on the roof obliterating the sound of their attempts to catch their breath. “Are you warmer now?” Sterling asked, and Connor snickered.
“Yes. Though I’m not much drier.” He giggled at his own joke.
Sterling rolled his eyes in the darkness and carefully got out of bed to get a cloth to clean them both up before lying down next to him. Connor’s head rested on Sterling’s shoulder, and he gently stroked Connor’s hair as the fatigue of a long day and spent passion caught up with them. Sterling closed his eyes, listening to the now gentler rain, the thunder a distant rumble growing fainter by the minute.
“I hate storms,” Connor said into the darkness. “I used to run into Mom and Dad’s room at the first sign of thunder. Mom would make room for me and tell me stories until the storm passed. When I got older, I used to hide under the covers, and sometimes I’d go into the basement to find something to do just to try to get away from it.”
“I loved them. I used to sit in the backyard looking up at the ridge as the storms gathered. The wind and then the lightning were always just a big show, the thunder another accompaniment. It never bothered me until one really bad storm that brought hail. That was maybe ten years ago. It broke a dozen windows, and I swore someone was attacking the house. The sound of breaking glass seemed to come from everywhere. That really unnerved me for a while. But it’s in the past, and it doesn’t bother me anymore.” He tightened his hold on Connor as they lay there in the dark.
“What were you afraid of?” Connor asked.
“The dark. I never liked it. I always had a night-light growing up. When I got older and Mom took it away, there were times I stayed up all night because I was afraid to go to sleep.” He kept his eyes closed. “Mom and Dad lost patience with me, but eventually I grew out of it.”
“Most of us are afraid of the dark.”
“Yeah. But I was afraid of the dark because I was afraid of the spiders. My monsters under the bed all had eight legs, and to this day I can’t watch that second Harry Potter movie because of the spiders. They give me the willies.” He chuckled even as the fear threatened to well up. It was irrational, but still there nonetheless.
“Spiders, really?” Connor made wiggly motions on Sterling’s belly. “I got a really big spider right here.” His movements grew more pronounced, and Sterling giggled and squirmed to get away.
“Tickles… I’ll give you tickles.” He attacked, and Connor squealed as he found his sides, tickling as he thrashed, laughing like crazy. Sterling backed away just before Connor ended up on the floor. “I’m the king of tickle torture. I had a cousin who used to love to tickle me, and I found the best way to get him to back off was to return the favor. I once tickled him until he threw up.”
“Damn, you play to win. Remind me never to get on your bad side in a tickle war.” Connor settled next to him.
The night had grown quiet, the storm now past. Sterling was comfortable and happy, but Connor seemed tense. When Sterling lightly rubbed his arm, he jumped and then settled once again.
“Maybe I should go. I’m sure you had things you needed to do tonight. I got caught outside and needed to get out of the storm.” Before Sterling could stop him, Connor was out of the bed, searching on the floor for the towel. “I’ll return the clothes as soon as I can.”
Sterling wondered if he’d done something wrong. Nothing came to mind, which only confused him more. He hadn’t said anything wrong as far as he could tell, but Connor was jumpy. Maybe things between them hadn’t been as wonderful as he thought and Connor only wanted to get away rather than say anything to him. “Of course.” He swallowed hard and slowly got out of bed himself. So much for the quiet time together. “If that’s what you want.”
Connor wrapped the towel around his waist once again, standing in the mostly dark. Suddenly the lights flashed on in the hallway, and Sterling closed his eyes to shut out the sudden brightness. “I think I should go and leave you in peace.” He didn’t sound so sure of himself this time.
“Like I said, if that’s what you want to do.” Sterling wasn’t going to pressure him or even ask. He had his pride, and if someone didn’t want to stay in his bed, he wasn’t going to beg them to.
Connor crossed his arms over his chest and stepped back, color rising in his cheeks. “Look, this was….”
“If you say it was a mistake, you can walk home in just the towel,” Sterling snapped before Connor could say anything else. “I’ve heard that before, and I don’t need you to say it. I get the picture. You were horny, I was here, and things just happened.” Maybe he had completely misread the signals from Connor. Maybe the guy was just horny, and once he’d gotten what he wanted, it was time to go.
“No. It isn’t that. Well, I was horny… for you. But….” His arms unfolded and dropped to his side. “Look, I don’t know.” Doubt rang in his voice.
“And you were worried about what exactly?” Sterling asked, and Connor cleared his throat nervously.
“I don’t know. I’m not very good at the relationship part of things.” He stepped closer, the towel waving slightly with each step. “I was always good at the sex part of things.” His cheeks reddened, and Sterling approached him slowly.
“That was pretty evident.”
“Yeah. But it’s the afterward part that always gets me into trouble.” He swallowed hard. “Guys want the sex, and then afterwards, there’s nothing to keep them interested. They find out I’m not exciting, and then it’s ‘goodbye’ or ‘help me with my homework’… and they move on to someone else.”
“So you were leaving to get a step ahead? Is that what this is?” Connor shrugged. “This sort of thing has happened before?”
“Well… yeah… I told you. Guys think I’m boring.” He looked down. “I know I look good because I work at it and go the gym. Guys pursue me, and then they find out that I’m not into football or NASCAR or whatever they find interesting.” He shrugged again. “I figured if I left then maybe you and I could be friends and we could work on the project without all kinds of weirdness between us. Things could go back to how they were.”
Sterling took Connor in his arms. “And what if I don’t want them to go back? What if I’m interested in something more? I’m not some stupid kid in college who doesn’t know what’s best for them.”
Connor sighed. “I know. You’re a fashion photographer who’s been all over the world. And I’m a history professor. Eventually you’ll get bored of me too. Just like everyone else.”
Sterling kissed him deeply. At first Connor didn’t respond, and Sterling began to worry. Then Connor’s arms wound around his neck and the towel dropped to the floor.
“Connor,” Sterling whispered as he guided him toward the bed. Sterling didn’t think he was ever going to get bored with this man. Now all he had to do was figure out a way to convince Connor.
STERLING LOOKED over all the images he’d taken so far. In the past week, he’d photographed six of the sets of models. The images themselves were coming out beautifully, but something wasn’t sitting right with him, and he wasn’t sure what.
“Would you give it a rest? You’re hovering over that screen like you expect it to provide the answers to the mysteries of the universe.” Connor grinned, but Sterling continued staring. “They’re all gorgeous. What more do you want? The guys look amazing, and the ladies came through with beautiful flowers.” Connor sighed, and Sterling put his arms around his waist and leaned his head against Connor’s flat belly.
“I don’t get it myself. They should be perfect, but there’s something missing. At first I thought it was the colors, but they’re all different, and that’s fine. The flowers are different, and….”
“The poses? A few are close, but no two are exactly the same.” Connor patted his head. “Maybe you’re seeing something that isn’t there or you’re expecting something that isn’t possible.”
“But….” Sterling grew anxious.
“Look, these images are going to largely be viewed one at a time. When the calendar is used, it will display one image a month. So looking at how each one appears next to the others isn’t really helpful. I think you need to stop second-guessing yourself and just go with what are amazing images. They’re sexy, hot, and incredibly beautiful. The flowers are front and center, which is what should happen for a garden club calendar.”
“Maybe that’s it,” Sterling said softly, trying to convince himself. He couldn’t put his finger on it anyway. “The images are gorgeous, and the guys picked the best ones.”
“Good, and I found someone willing to pose with me. He’ll borrow one of my kilts. He’s an American studies professor at the college, and his wife is thrilled that he’ll be part of the calendar. Cotten says she’s preparing to buy a number of copies that she can send to her family.” Connor snickered. “Cotten told me that his wife and her sister are very competitive. Apparently her husband was featured in an ad for some gym, so she’s thrilled that her husband is going to be a calendar guy. I guess that beats a gym ad.” They shared a grin.
Sterling was happy Connor had someone to share his month with, but he was jealous as well. Yes, it had been his idea for Connor to take part, and it was his idea for Connor to find someone to do the pictures with, but the idea of another guy, straight or not, being that close to Connor, even holding him, made his blood boil. Not that he could say anything or let on how he felt. This was what he’d wanted. “That’s good, then. Find out when he’s available. I have all the others scheduled. I’m going to be busy in the next couple of days, but I need to get these images solidified so we can move ahead with the rest of the project.”
“I understand.” Connor seemed excited. “I think I’m looking forward to this.”
“I’m a little surprised. I know I talked you into it.”
Connor nodded. “Yeah, you did at first. But after seeing your work….” He paused. “I was afraid that this was going to be cheesy—a beefcake calendar with flowers—but it’s more than that. The images are gorgeous and loving. I don’t know how many copies the club is going to sell, but it will be something we can be proud of.” He slid his arms down Sterling’s shoulders and over his chest, leaning in close. Sterling liked that Connor had taken to touching him. He really was a tactile guy. Sterling placed his hands on Connor’s and closed his eyes. Sometimes the hardest thing was to simply let himself be happy.
“I’ll call him,” Connor said and stepped away, only to return a few minutes later. “How about Friday at four? Does that work?”
Sterling smiled. “If everything works out, the rest will be done by then. The two of you will be the last ones, and then the photography will be completed. I’ll put together a mock-up, and we can show it to your great-aunt before we finalize everything and get it all ready to send off to the printers.” He was in two minds about this project coming to an end. “Have you given any thought to what you might like to do when this is all over?”
Connor chuckled. “You mean after I go back to my nice quiet life and my great-aunt moves on to her next project? Probably plan my senior seminar for the spring and dive back into my research.”
That hadn’t been exactly what he had been asking, but it seemed he had his answer. Connor had said that with his previous relationships, he had immersed himself in work, and that seemed to be what he intended to do now. Sterling noticed that there was no mention of the two of them dating or going out. Anything like that was gone. “I guess I’ll be doing something like that too. There will be portrait appointments, and I’ll go back to what I was doing before.” Right now, that prospect sounded about as exciting as cleaning up the goose poop in the local park.
It wasn’t that Connor hadn’t warned him. As Sterling saw it, he could either make the best of what Connor had said and deal with it, or he could do his best to get Connor to realize that there was more out there than work. “I guess it isn’t every day that you get a project dumped into your lap that turns out to be fun.”
Connor squeezed his shoulders. “You can say that again.”
Sterling closed his eyes, enjoying the touch and the way Connor’s hands felt. He liked the closeness, the intimacy, but it apparently had a time limit on it, and Sterling needed to figure out what he intended to do about that.