23. Give Me Your Word
23. Give Me Your Word
~ brIDGET ~
FROM: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
TO: Bridget
SUBJECT: No more bullshit or I’m pulling the plug
--
Shit. Shit. I knew I shouldn’t have checked my email.
I usually ran headlong into trouble, rather than away from it. But seeing those words from Jeremy sent my already screaming body into full-on rage-panic.
The temptation was there to ignore the email and just go get drunk or something, but I knew Jeremy didn’t make empty threats. I had to know what he was saying, so I made myself click into it and read it quickly, my heart banging harder and faster with each of the brief sentences that boiled down to one, hard fact: Unless I started keeping contact every day, he was walking.
Fuck!
I tapped out a quick message pointing out that I had replied to his emails.
It took him seconds to reply.
--
FROM: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
TO: Bridget
SUBJECT: RE: No more bullshit or I’m pulling the plug
I’m not doing the back and forth anymore, B. We need to meet. You name the time and place, and I’ll be there.
--
Nonononononononono. Shit. Fuck. Shit.
I hated that he had this kind of control over me. Absolutely despised it—and he knew it. Usually he was pretty good about not using it. But when he did, like this, it made me want to run. Just take what I had and go and never see him or anyone else I knew ever again.
But then, that would mean losing Cain. And I wasn’t prepared to do that yet.
My fingers trembled as I tapped out another reply, taking a little bit more time with this one because I couldn’t push him, but I needed more space than he wanted to give.
--
FROM: Bridget
TO: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
SUBJECT: RE: No more bullshit or I’m pulling the plug
This isn’t back and forth. I can’t meet. Not yet. But we will. I just found out yesterday my old Chaplain from high school died. I’m seeing Gerald tomorrow, then have a meeting with the priest the next day. I can’t really focus on anything right now. Please. I’m not saying no. I just need more time.
--
FROM: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
TO: Bridget
SUBJECT: RE: No more bullshit or I’m pulling the plug
How am I supposed to know if I can trust you when you don’t give me anything? For all I know, you’re out there rage-fucking some dude and hiding him from me.
--
I shrugged to myself. I mean, he wasn’t wrong. That had been my modus operandi since I was fifteen. Until a couple years ago, at least. But I was growing up now… or growing cynical. I wasn’t sure which. But the end result was the same, and Jeremy had been around long enough to know I was changing things now. Even though he was an asshole, he was logical. He would listen to sense. Usually.
–
FROM: Bridget
TO: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
SUBJECT: RE: No more bullshit or I’m pulling the plug
Come on! Two years ago, maybe. You know I’ve been changing things. Losing Richard really fucked my head up. I’m not ready to see you right now. But I’ll tell you as soon as I am. I give you my word.
--
The next reply took a few minutes. He was probably in the office. Or just being a bastard and making me wait, because he knew I was sitting here, sweating.
--
FROM: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
TO: Bridget
SUBJECT: RE: No more bullshit or I’m pulling the plug
You agreed to these rules—or should I say, got me to agree to them. Now I’m the fuckwit? You got yourself here, B. No more silent treatment, or it all stops. All of it.
--
FROM: Bridget
TO: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
SUBJECT: RE: No more bullshit or I’m pulling the plug
Blackmail? Seriously?
--
FROM: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
TO: Bridget
SUBJECT: RE: No more bullshit or I’m pulling the plug
I’ve been doing everything you asked, staying away, leaving you alone, not pushing for months. And nothing. You haven’t left me any choice.
--
The rage that washed over me then was devastating. I wanted to raze the world. Set fire to the house with him in it. I shouted a curse at the screen and shoved out of my seat, pacing my office for a minute before I answered.
Let the fucker sweat like he was doing to me.
I kept pacing back and forth, glaring at the screen, but I knew he’d wait for me to answer now. Because he always knew exactly when to leave me stewing.
Shit.
The blackmail made me want to cut off his balls, but what could I do? I didn’t need the money, but I did need Jeremy. He was my protection. And the one who’d make me legit if I didn’t die—and that was a big if. But just in case, I needed a safety net, and he was it.
Which meant… I couldn’t avoid him forever. But something told me I could still avoid him for now.
--
FROM: Bridget
TO: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
SUBJECT: RE: No more bullshit or I’m pulling the plug
Okay, fine. I will email every day. Check in. And as soon as I have the mental space, we’ll meet.
--
FROM: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
TO: Bridget
SUBJECT: RE: No more bullshit or I’m pulling the plug
We’ll meet before the end of the month, B. Either we have a date, or I just find you. The choice is yours.
--
Fuck!
We went back and forth a few more times—him pushing, me dodging, but in the end I didn’t have to actually commit to more than emailing him every day… for now.
The fact that I’d gotten out of that conversation without making a date was a huge relief. But it also left me a little desperate.
I was starting to freak out. Losing all my balance.
I tried to message Cain, but he wasn’t online and since I couldn’t say anything that he might see as a temptation, I was reduced to inane nothings like, “What’s going on?”
When he didn’t reply—of course—I was left sitting there, once again staring at my computer and feeling that tension twisting tighter and higher inside me.
This always fucking happened when Jeremy wanted to see me. I hated this part.
I shuddered and pushed the asshole right to the back of my mind in a way Gerald had warned me against, but it was necessary for survival.
When I got the computer secure and turned off, I swung away from my desk, swearing.
I needed something good to happen.
Where the fuck was Cain? It had been four fucking days!
My entire body hummed with unspent tension. My heel jumping up and down. Hands shaking. Heart hammering—and not in the good way.
Then I thought about everything that was going on, and everything I’d decided yesterday, and said fuck it.
It was already early afternoon. Vigorí opened in a couple hours.
I could go and maybe see what this Sid character was doing. I would challenge myself to getting into his den without using his invitation, if I could. Though I hadn’t talked to Valerie in months. She might still be pissed at me.
But then, maybe I’d just play some games and come home. At least I wouldn’t be alone tonight. And I wouldn’t be the freak.
So I darted out of the office and into the shower.
An hour later I was dressed up, ready for anything, glossy, and driving into the city. And praying that Cain was watching and would intercept me before I got inside. Because I needed something to happen tonight.
Anything.