37. Too Much Talk, Not Enough Cain
SOUNDTRACK: Still Here by Digital Daggers
~ brIDGET ~
Cain disappeared.
He didn’t answer any of my DMs. He didn’t respond to any texts.
It had been five days and I was coming apart at the seams.
He was never online—or at least, he wasn’t letting his profile show it if he was.
I was haunted by scenarios in my mind where he was finding another woman to hunt.
By day six I got so frantic, I asked Nate to help.
---
***SYSTEM NOTE: CHAT ENCRYPTED END-TO-END. ENSURE ALL ACCOUNTS ARE LOGGED OFF BEFORE DISCONNECTING.***
DeadGirlWalking: I need help.
PurplePeoplEater: I thought we established that a while ago.
DeadGirlWalking: Shut up. I mean it. I need actual help in the real world. I need you to use those hacker skills for me.
PurplePeoplEater: You told me if you ever asked me to stalk a guy for you that I was supposed to say no.
DeadGirlWalking: That was a stupid attack of conscience brought on by sleep deprivation and tequila. And besides, this isn’t stalking. Not really.
PurplePeoplEater: Spoken like a true stalker.
DeadGirlWalking: STFU.
DeadGirlWalking: I need you to see if you can track a phone for me.
PurplePeoplEater: So we’re just breezing right past the fact that that is the *literal* definition of stalking?
DeadGirlWalking: I don’t want to find him physically. I want to make sure he’s alive… And maybe find out if he has other phone numbers.
PurplePeoplEater: Unlikely to be in his real name if it’s a number he gave people like you, but I can try.
DeadGirlWalking: You’re a good friend, Nate.
PurplePeoplEater: No I’m not. A good friend would drag you into therapy.
---
Shit. Gerald.
I looked at the calendar and swore loudly and repeatedly.
---
DeadGirlWalking: You aren’t going to believe this, but I have to meet with my guy this afternoon.
PurplePeoplEater: You’re making this up. Or setting me up. Do you get extra crazy on therapy days just to bait me?
DeadGirlWalking: No, but you have a bad habit of reminding me. I like to repress the memories of him anytime I’m not in his presence.
PurplePeoplEater: Seems like he’s doing a bang-up job of helping you.
PurplePeoplEater: /sarcasm
DeadGirlWalking: I don’t need your judgment. Just your skills.
PurplePeoplEater: Well, just don’t shoot the messenger, okay?
DeadGirlWalking: I won’t. I’ll listen to anything you find. I just need to figure out what’s going on with him.
PurplePeoplEater: What’s going on with him is that the number you just gave me isn’t in service anymore.
DeadGirlWalking: HOW THE HELL DID YOU FIND THAT OUT ALREADY?
PurplePeoplEater: Because I called it. Seriously, Bridge. You’re smarter than this.
---
I stared at the screen. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t even thought about calling the phone.
Maybe I really was losing my mind.
And maybe I was going to cry, because a pit opened in my stomach the minute I read that and now I felt shaky and fragile.
He’d cut off the phone?
He was really leaving me?
---
DeadGirlWalking: I have to go. Let me know if you find anything else out.
PurplePeoplEater: Will do, but with no ongoing activity on the device, it’s going to be a little harder.
DeadGirlWalking: Like I said, I won’t hold you responsible. Just… whatever you find out.
PurplePeoplEater: Will do. Have fun at therapy.
DeadGirlWalking: STOP REMINDING ME
PurplePeoplEater: Jesus, Bridge. No need to shout. You hurt my eyeballs.
DeadGirlWalking: Sigh
PurplePeoplEater: You okay?
DeadGirlWalking: No. But I mean, are you?
PurplePeoplEater: Of course not.
DeadGirlWalking: Cool. Let’s lose our minds together.
PurplePeoplEater: I’ll race you.
DeadGirlWalking: What do I get if I win?
PurplePeoplEater: Anything you want since you can just make it up and hallucinate it into reality.
DeadGirlWalking: Why haven’t I thought about this before? Life would have been so much easier.
PurplePeoplEater: You’re welcome.
DeadGirlWalking: Seriously, Nate, I owe you.
PurplePeoplEater: Yes, you do. I’ll look forward to receiving my blowjob forthwith.
DeadGirlWalking: Aaaaaaaaaand now you’re just gross.
PurplePeoplEater: That’s *His Majesty, King of Gross* to you. Get it right. I like my subs mindless and worshiping.
DeadGirlWalking: Did I ask for a favor? I changed my mind.
---
We bantered back and forth a few more times, but my heart wasn’t really in it. And Nate could tell. But I deflected more questions and told him I had to get ready to see Gerald. By the time I logged off the message thread, I was so flat, my limbs felt heavy. My heart sluggish.
Cain had cut off the phone?
Then my email popped a screen notification because I was logged on, and I groaned out loud and dropped my face into my hands.
---
FROM: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
TO: Bridget
SUBJECT: (blank subject)
Vigorí , B? Really? You said you were done with that shit. Do we need to discuss terms again? Why did I have to hear about this from Val?
---
Shit. Shit. Why the hell had Valerie told him?
The question was rhetorical. I knew exactly why she’d done it, but it still pissed me off.
But just as I was tapping the reply button, I had an idea that might serve the dual purpose of diverting Jeremy and keeping me in his good books.
---
FROM: Bridget
TO: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
SUBJECT: Re: (blank subject)
I met a guy and thought he was all talk. Turns out he wasn’t.
---
FROM: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
TO: Bridget
SUBJECT: Re: (blank subject)
Were you planning to tell me at any point?
---
FROM: Bridget
TO: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
SUBJECT: Re: (blank subject)
You jealous?
---
FROM: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
TO: Bridget
SUBJECT: Re: (blank subject)
No more fucking games, B.
---
FROM: Bridget
TO: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
SUBJECT: Re: (blank subject)
Fine. Have you heard about Ronald, as in McDonald? He’s got quite the show. Very exclusive. And it turns out the guy is unhinged.
---
FROM: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
TO: Bridget
SUBJECT: Re: (blank subject)
Take me.
---
FROM: Bridget
TO: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
SUBJECT: Re: (blank subject)
First, no. I don’t want to see him again.
Second, you’re getting secrets from Val. You don’t need me.
---
FROM: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
TO: Bridget
SUBJECT: Re: (blank subject)
You and I both know exactly why that’s not true. What are you worried I’m going to find out?
---
FROM: Bridget
TO: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
SUBJECT: Re: (blank subject)
Nothing. I just have better things to do than be your arm-candy.
---
FROM: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
TO: Bridget
SUBJECT: Re: (blank subject)
Actually, you don’t.
---
Fucker.
I scowled at the screen and almost logged off just to be petty. But if I pushed him too hard there was every chance he’d just show up somewhere unannounced. And I did not like surprises. That would be a whole lot worse than meeting him on purpose.
---
FROM: Bridget
TO: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
SUBJECT: Re: (blank subject)
Wow, you really are a charmer.
---
FROM: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
TO: Bridget
SUBJECT: Re: (blank subject)
Cut the fucking games. Are we still in this, or not?
---
FROM: Bridget
TO: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
SUBJECT: Re: (blank subject)
I have a choice?
---
FROM: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
TO: Bridget
SUBJECT: Re: (blank subject)
Not for much longer. You better think this through really carefully, B. We both know you need me more than I need you.
---
Did I?
Probably.
Fuck.
---
FROM: Bridget
TO: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
SUBJECT: Re: (blank subject)
Take the stick out of your ass. You know I’m all talk.
---
FROM: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
TO: Bridget
SUBJECT: Re: (blank subject)
I used to. Then I find out you’re back at Vigorí, and meeting fresh psychos without me.
---
FROM: Bridget
TO: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
SUBJECT: Re: (blank subject)
It was unplanned, a personal thing, and I’m not going back. The dude is dangerous.
---
FROM: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
TO: Bridget
SUBJECT: Re: (blank subject)
Those are my favorite kind.
---
I rolled my eyes, but I also swallowed, because he wasn’t joking.
He was, however, taking the bait. A tiny tingle of anticipation began to thread behind my navel.
---
FROM: Bridget
TO: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
SUBJECT: Re: (blank subject)
He’s a normal psycho. Born with an inferiority complex to go with his delusions of grandeur. But he folds like cheap paper under pressure. You’d be moving on in a couple hours.
---
FROM: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
TO: Bridget
SUBJECT: Re: (blank subject)
You might be surprised. I’m not getting any younger. I could use a palate cleanser. So let’s do this. I need to lay eyes on you to make sure you’re alive and I’m not just talking to a really good AI.
---
Got him.
---
FROM: Bridget
TO: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
SUBJECT: Re: (blank subject)
How about a compromise: I’ll get you in—but without me. If he sees you with me, he’s going to have his guard up. I’ll get you in for his assessment. You can do… whatever it is you want to do. Then if you need me later, I’ll come.
---
FROM: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
TO: Bridget
SUBJECT: Re: (blank subject)
What did you do to him that he’d put his guard up with you?
---
FROM: Bridget
TO: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
SUBJECT: Re: (blank subject)
Didn’t want him when he thought I did.
---
His reply took a few extra seconds, which made my stomach dip.
---
FROM: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
TO: Bridget
SUBJECT: Re: (blank subject)
Did he hurt you?
---
FROM: Bridget
TO: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
SUBJECT: Re: (blank subject)
And you call me dramatic. Dear God. No. He didn’t get the chance. He just introduced me to his crazy before I got out of there. Seriously, J, I’m telling you, this one isn’t anything interesting. But if you want to go and find out for yourself, I’ll make it happen.
---
FROM: Asshole (Jeremy Haines)
TO: Bridget
SUBJECT: Re: (blank subject)
I’ll go check him out. But if he’s interesting, you’re coming with me when I go back.
---
My body washed in relief. I was pretty sure Jeremy wasn’t going to find what he was looking for in Ronald, but since it was Thursday and he had to wait for an invite, it was going to take him a few days to even get in there.
We went back and forth a few more times as I explained Ronald’s assessment and that Jeremy needed to not be an asshole or he’d get nothing. That if Val was backing Ronald against the rich dudes, she was definitely taking his side against Jeremy.
But that was the thing with Jeremy. He was an asshole, but he wasn’t stupid. And even though I didn’t want to see him, the truth was, if I was ever going back to Vigorí , short of having Cain there, Jeremy would have been my next choice.
He might look like an aging Ken doll, but the dude was deadly.
When I finally got him to accept that he couldn’t side-step the process, I immediately texted Val.
ME: Val, I need a favor.
VAL: You’re in luck. As you know, I run a charity.
ME: Ha ha. I need you to let Jeremy visit and see Ronald.
VAL: Sid? I thought you two weren’t getting along?
ME: That’s exactly why I need you to let Jeremy come in without me.
VAL: I hate him.
ME: So do I. But he won’t cause trouble you can’t handle. And it will put me in your debt.
VAL: You give me your word you won’t dodge out of helping me with recruitment next round, and I’ll let your little cherub come.
ME: Fine.
VAL: He knows he has to participate to get membership?
ME: I’ll make sure he knows.
By the time I’d sent Jeremy the details to tell him how to get in, which days and times Ronald was working, and how to get assessed, I felt like a wrung out rag. But at least Jeremy was going to be preoccupied for a few days.
I just prayed he didn’t want to take me back to Vigorí . There was too much chance either Ronald or Cain would challenge him, and that was never going to end well.
When I could finally log everything off and shut the computer down, I was exhausted. And then I remembered I had to go see Gerald.
God, what was it with all the wrong men in my life requiring things of me?
The surprise though, was that when I got out of the shower, my phone had two notifications. My heart trilled, praying it was Cain. But of course, it wasn’t.
(555) 238-9090: Bridget this is Sam. I’m really sorry I upset you last week. I’ve got some of Richard’s stuff for you.
(555) 238-9090: I found your number in his diary. I hope you don’t mind me using it. I could bring this stuff to you, or you can drop by. I’d like to apologize in person.
I read the messages, then read them again.
He was such a nice guy. How did someone go from what he’d been, to this?
Was it an act?
I didn’t think so. I had a very sensitive radar for the darkness in men, and even though Sam gave me the flutters, it lacked punch. Because even though he had the exterior and the past that gave him an edge, the reality was, he was nice. Thoughtful. Gentle.
I’d destroy him.
I didn’t know what to say, and at that point I really did need to get to Gerald’s office, so I just left the text unanswered.
With any luck, it was an old diary of Richard’s and he’d think it was an old number. Or maybe I would answer another time, because I kind of did want to read Richard’s journal. Just… not in front of Sam.
I didn’t know, and couldn’t decide, so I pussied out and ignored the text.
I’d think about it tomorrow.
Or at 3 am in the morning when I couldn’t sleep anyway.
SOUNDTRACK: Hold Me (Demo) by Bryce Savage
~ CAIN ~
I watched her drive away from her house. I was all hunched down in my car looking out from under a baseball cap like a fucking pervert.
But I didn’t do what I’d been vowing to do for days and turn around and go home.
No.
I waited until she was a mile ahead, then started following her dot on my phone, slamming the gear-shift into first and gripping the steering wheel with white knuckles while my guts twisted up like an old-school phone cord.
I’d done everything I was supposed to do once she said she didn’t want to die.
I left.
I didn’t respond to her messages.
I killed the phone.
And I stopped hunting.
That should have been the end of it. That should have been the moment I walked away entirely and watched for the next mark. But I couldn’t. I could feel her in my hands, and it made me come alive.
If only I hadn’t kissed her and tasted that poison mouth.
If only I could sleep without dreaming about her.
If only I wasn’t on the verge of losing my mind every time I thought about never seeing her again.
I hadn’t showed up for work in three days.
Yet, I had been everywhere Bridget went. And she had no idea. Which was how it should be. Except…
Now she wanted to live.
But now I had a new problem. How the hell was I supposed to live without her?