54. Can You Hear Me?
SOUNDTRACK: Shout by Sleeping Wolf
~ brIDGET ~
ME: Sam, I almost died.
ME: I had what they’re calling a *cardiac event.*
ME: I really want to talk to you.
ME: I hate you.
ME: I also think I love you.
ME: Who are you?
ME: Have we met?
ME: I wish you were here.
It was almost a week before they let me out of the hospital. I’d felt fine after the first two days, but the doctors kept insisting I needed “monitoring.” They gave me back my phone, but not my car keys.
I suspected Jeremy’s hand in that. Or maybe Gerald since he said he wasn’t going to sleep from the moment they discharged me.
But I did everything they asked me to. Took every pill, ate every bite, and answered every question with a tone as close to helpful as I could manage. And eventually they had to admit that I was fine.
Well, I was as fine as I had ever been.
Jeremy had already said that he’d give me a ride home from the hospital when they discharged me. But I might have chatted with a nurse who’d heard rumors about me and shared earlier in the week that she’d suffered in former toxic relationships. I might have implied that Jeremy was an abusive ex-boyfriend, and gotten her help to get out of the hospital before he showed up the morning I was discharged.
She even helped me rent a car so I didn’t have to drive mine because they had the keys, and I knew they’d have trackers on it.
When I got home I was wearing hospital sticky-socks, because no one knew what had happened to my shoes. But at least they’d found the rest of my clothes.
And it turned out they’d returned my car to my garage. Which meant they’d also been inside my house.
I parked the rental out on the street.
The first thing I did when I walked in the door was cry. In the shower.
Then, with red eyes and wearing my pajamas, I ventured into my office. And even though nothing had changed, and I couldn’t find anything that had been moved, somehow I knew… Jeremy had sent a team here.
So my car had trackers. And my computer had either been replicated, or was now infested with some kind of mirroring software.
They’d see everything I did.
So, I did what they expected and checked into the dark web, answered messages from Nate. Checked Cain’s profile. And even opened my email, though I ignored the one from Jeremy, because pissing him off was a little tiny thread of joy in the middle of an entire existence of… numbness.
For a second, I considered going back to Vigorí , just to see if I could drum up some enthusiasm for something. But no… When I thought about getting railed by some random Dom my heart rate barely went up.
God, I was dead inside.
I went to bed, and I actually slept…
…and when I woke up the next morning I didn’t want to move. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, or see, or be seen. My blood felt sluggish and cool. I had no energy, and no motivation.
I picked up my phone because it was habit, but the only notification was a text from Gerald, and I didn’t have the energy to read it.
It occurred to me in that moment that if I just lay in this bed and never left it… no one would notice. At least, not for a really long time.
And that thought scared me.
And the first thing I wanted to do was call Sam.
I started to shake and knew I needed to distract myself or this was going to get really dark, so I opened YouTube, looking for something to get my mind off everything… to find the local news channel video, front and center on my homepage.
DARK PRIEST OUT ON BAIL, FORMER PARISHIONER UNEASY.
I couldn’t click the video fast enough and cursed as an ad played first, then finally the story, introduced by the local news anchor who looked like his hair was made of wax.
“Locals are uneasy today as District Court Justice Marklin in Salem confirmed that Samuel Priestley, dubbed the Dark Priest, was released on bail two days ago after several character references that the judge himself described as very earnest, were supplied by highly regarded witnesses that included another judge.
“Parishioners at the Church of Christ in Dayne, where Priestley was recently filling in after the death of the previous pastor, had mixed reactions to the news.”
The image hard cut to an older woman with white hair looking worried, speaking to a nodding journalist holding a microphone in front of her face.
I couldn’t even take in the words, because all I could hear was my own breathing and the thoughts screaming in my head.
Fucking bail?
Sam was out?!
Sam was free?
And he wasn’t replying to my messages?
What the fuck was happening?
I threw back the covers and dressed so fast I almost toppled over before I got my yoga pants pulled all the way up.
“Jeremy,” I whispered as I ran out to the rental car, my heart pounding in my chest. “What the fuck are you doing?”
I got to Sam’s house in forty-five minutes, with my heart rate just over ninety beats per minute.
The car tires squealed as I tore up his driveway and slammed on the brakes, throwing the car door open and running to the front door, pounding on it like a mad woman.
“Sam?! Sam, I know you’re out! I know you’re free! Open the door!”
But there was nothing. My heart didn’t slow though. I caught a whiff—the tiniest scent of Cain and my entire bloodstream lit up.
I tore around the house towards that back lawn surrounded by the untended gardens and old trees—and slid to a halt when I found Sam standing stock-still on the old, cracked patio, his eyes wide, and his expression wary.
My heart swelled. And then froze.
I opened my mouth and…
“You knew him,” I accused without preamble. “You knew my father.”
Sam’s eyes narrowed, but he shook his head. “Not like that,” he said in Cain’s voice.
“You’re lying.”
His lip tightened in rage. “I am not the liar here.”
He tensed, obviously prepared to march me out of there, but I could finally take a deep breath.
I believed him.
My heart sang.
“Sam—” I rushed forward, but he was already backing up, his hands held up, palms towards me.
“You can’t be here, Bridget. They have a restraining order against me—”
“I don’t give a flying fuck about a restraining order—why aren’t you answering my texts?”
He stopped backing up, but his shock turned to rage. “Because you set me up! I blocked your number! You can’t seriously think—”
I took the two or three steps left between us and threw myself into his chest, wrapping my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck and planted a kiss on his mouth.
He turned his head away, grimacing, his forehead creased to lines. He tried to push me off, but I didn’t miss that he was still careful not to hurt me.
“Stop. Bridget, you have to stop.”
“No!”
“I’m not supposed to be within a hundred feet of you!”
“I don’t care.”
“Well, I do!” he snapped, prying my arms and legs off of him, forcing me to stand in front of him, and putting a hand up in front of me when I took another step closer. “I don’t know what game you’re playing, but I’m not. I’m not touching you, I’m not kissing you, and I’m not going to let you destroy my life— again .”
“I’m not trying to destroy your life, you idiot! I’m trying to talk to you! Because I get it!”
“Get what?!”
“I get it! Cain! Sam! The two of you… you’re one person. Not normal. Definitely not normal—I get it!”
His head was turned slightly away from me, and his brows pinched. There was a moment when his eyes softened and he swallowed, but then his whole face shuttered, and he shook his head and backed away again.
“No, no, you need to get out of here. They’ve already got me on breach of parole. If they listen to you, I’m going back to prison, and I’m not coming back out. I can’t do it, Bridget. I just can’t!”
“You won’t have to.”
“Why? Are you going to get yourself killed before the trial? I guess at least then they’d know that this was on you! ” he spat—and I heard tones of Cain’s growl in the gravel of his voice again.
My heart danced. I knew I shouldn’t be smiling, but I was.
“No! But that’s the point! I don’t want to testify against you. I don’t… you aren’t… you weren’t what I was hunting for, Sam. But you’re everything I need.”
He blinked at me, staring, then shook his head slowly. “You’re out of your mind. Is this another sting? You’re wearing a wire, aren’t you? You’re going to—”
“No!” Even though I was smiling, it was true I was getting a little desperate. He didn’t trust me because I brought the FBI to his door. I understood that. But I needed him to trust me. I needed him to tell me the truth. Then I had a burst of inspiration.
I pulled out my phone with shaking hands, turned it around and set it to video, before starting to record.
“My name is Bridget. My original legal last name was Reynolds, but I go by several different last names now. My father was Gordon Reynolds. And I am a criminal,” I said, confidently.
Sam’s eyes bulged and my heart thumped, and I smiled wider.
“I was looking for guys on the dark web, and when I encountered Sam Priestley, he was the only one who tried to convince me not to get myself killed. He was the only one who tried to help me instead of egging me on. I went after him because I’m deeply attracted to him, and wanted to make him break his vow to God and fuck me silly. He still hasn’t done that, but I’m not giving up.”
“Bridget—” he sighed, dropping his face in his hands, but I kept going.
“I know that Sam Priestley isn’t a murderer. And he isn’t even a criminal anymore. I pulled him into this whole stupid plan. The man is innocent. And… and I’m in love with him.”
Sam went very still, his entire body frozen. His head jerked up and his eyes locked on mine.
Suddenly terrified, I dropped my phone to my side and looked at him, my heart dancing double-time now because I was scared shitless that I’d really fucked this up, and he was just going to call the cops and get me out of here.
“Did you… why did you say that?”
“Because I don’t lie, either. Not when it’s important,” I said quietly, then swallowed hard when the tension on his face disappeared and he scoffed.
“Now I know you’re lying–”
“No, Sam. I didn’t. Everything I told you was the truth.”
“Well, you left a whole fucking lot out!” he bellowed, then cut himself off, rubbing his face with his hand and muttering to himself.
“I mean, I’m not the only one…” I pointed out, but I was wincing. When he just looked at me flatly without responding, I lifted up the phone again. “Look, just tell your lawyers to ask for my phone files for the trial. You have the weapon to destroy me now. Even if I delete it, trust me, the feds can dig it up. But I won’t delete it.”
“Why… why would you do that?”
“I just told you—”
“No, Bridget. Why would you? Is this just another self-sabotage? Is this a game?”
Tears were starting to pinch the backs of my eyes. “No, Sam! This is the opposite of that!”
“Then what—”
“You said it the very first time. The very first line.”
“Said what?”
I swallowed hard and prayed he’d remember. “You said you knew how to make me feel alive. And you were right.”
His entire body slumped, and his eyes went dark. “That was Cain. Cain is a part of me that’s not healthy, Bridget. I’ve been trying to use that monster for good, but—”
“No, Sam. Please. Listen to me.”
He looked down at me warily.
I cleared my throat. “You might have meant it as Cain, but… but it’s true for all of you. You’re perfect. I knew Cain was what I wanted, but he scared me too. And then you came along. And you were everything I needed. But I didn’t think you were strong enough. I thought I’d destroy you.”
Sam raked a hand through his hair, the lines on his face growing deeper. “I hate to break it to you, Bridget, but you already—”
“Please! Don’t! I came here to tell you, I don’t want to testify against you. I don’t want you in jail, or prison. I don’t want them to breach your parole. I don’t want any of this.”
“But you're the one who called the FBI!”
“No, I didn’t. Not until the very last minute and that was when… that was when I thought it was just Cain and I thought… I thought maybe we could get him help and… and maybe there would be a future where… where we could be together…” I said lamely, hearing the emptiness of that crazed hope as the words passed my lips.
“We? You mean you and Cain?”
I nodded.
Sam gaped at me. “Are you actually insane? You thought putting me in prison would make me trust you?!”
“No! No, I just… I knew if you killed me there was no future—”
“I was never going to kill you! I was trying to get you to see that there were things worth living for!” he roared.
I wanted to cry. “But I didn’t know that! I needed you!” I said, my voice cracking so I had to take a second, take a breath, close my eyes, get myself under control. When I got myself together and opened my eyes, Sam was staring at me, searching my watery gaze, his eyes flickering between a fierce blaze, and a confused pleading.
I swallowed hard and made myself speak calmly. “I thought I was losing you,” I said hoarsely. “And that made me desperate. If you were going to be out of my life I wanted to be gone too. So, I thought… I thought if I got Jeremy to catch you there was at least a chance. Maybe they’d lose the case. Maybe I could find a way to help you and then you’d listen… or… I don’t know,” I sighed, shaking my head. “All I know is, the second I heard you were out I came. I had to see you. I need you, Sam–or Cain. I need both of you. And you… you don’t need your lawyer’s help, Sam. You need me.”
A low, tormented noise vibrated in his chest. “You can’t say stuff like that—”
“I can when it’s true.”
His forehead crinkled, and he swayed towards me, but then he shook his head and took another step back. “No, no. This is a trap. They’ve set you up because—”
“No one knows I’m here, Sam. I didn’t bring my car. And this phone is a dummy. I’m not wearing a wire. I’ll show you.” I started unbuttoning my shirt to show him, but his eyes went wide and he rushed forward, grabbing my hands to stop me. But even when I did, he didn’t let go.
He stood over me, his eyes shadowed and fearful… and fierce.
“If you don’t testify, they’ll subpoena you,” he whispered. “And you’ll go to jail if you refuse. You can’t refuse.”
“I don’t care. I’m in love with you and… you’re what I need. I’m alive with you, Sam. I’ve never been alive before. Please.”
He searched my gaze, his handsome face pinched and wary. But then he lifted one hand to my jaw, cupping my face slowly, his eyes still flickering back and forth between mine like he didn’t think he could believe what he was seeing.
He was leaning closer, stepping in, and I leaned in too, up on my toes, sliding hands up his chest to his shoulders, reaching for the back of his neck as he leaned down—but then he froze.
His nose just inches from mine, he froze.
“Is this real?” he whispered.
I nodded, smiling happily. “It’s real—”
He groaned, “God help me,” and took my mouth with a ferocity that set me backwards. Mouth open, tongue delving, fingers clawing at me, a ragged groan in his chest, Sam kissed me.
And he kissed me like fucking Cain.
Ecstatic, I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him closer, almost biting the tip of his tongue off with my enthusiasm. But he just growled and splayed a hand between my shoulder blades, pulling me closer and tilting his head—
“Shit!”
He tore away from me, staggering backwards, clawing both hands into his hair and shaking his head. “We can’t. We can’t—even if we could, we can’t. I can’t let you take the fall for—”
“I don’t care!”
“Well, I do!” he roared. “Don’t you get it, Bridget? The only reason I hunt anymore is to try and intervene. Being the one who a broken woman can trust not to take things too far—you aren’t the only one out there, you know! But now? There’s no winning here—if you take the fall, I go free, but you’re in jail. And if I give myself up, you’ll be alone—God, this is such a mess! You put us in such a mess!”
“But—”
“There’s no fucking buts! Just go home! Leave! Do what they tell you to do! I’ll get my lawyer to try and find a technicality to get me off. I am not going back to prison. I didn’t earn that this time! But… I’m also not letting you throw your life away to save mine.”
“But it’s okay for you to throw away yours?” I asked carefully. “Because you know what they’ll do, Sam. Unless I fail them on purpose, they’ll find a way. All Jeremy sees is your past. But I know that’s not you anymore. I know that. You can’t give yourself up to save me, either!”
He frowned. “I didn’t say I was going to—” He cut off and turned his head, his eyes slowly widening. “Oh my God.”
“What?”
His eyes darted left and right like he was looking for a way through something. He turned further from me, but distracted, like he was so deep in his thoughts he hadn’t realized he was moving. “Would it work, though?”
“What? Sam, what are you—”
He whipped back around to face me. “Are you real, Bridget? Is this for real?”
“Yes!”
“I’m not playing a game—I’m not just… I need to know if you mean all of this.”
I nodded, barely daring to hope. “I came here for you, Sam. I’ve been dead inside since that night. I promise—no games. No lies. I’m not leaving anything out… I mean it.”
He blew out a breath. “Then… do you trust me?”
I blinked, but nodded. “I do, Sam. I… I know you’d never hurt me—not even as Cain. I want… I want out of this… for both of us. We can run together and—”
He took the steps to close the space between us at pace, and I smiled because I thought he was going to kiss me again, but instead he grabbed my elbow and started marching me back towards the end of the house.
“If you’re real, and you trust me, you go home. You say nothing about this to anyone. I’ll contact you tonight. Be ready.”
“But—”
“No buts, Bridget. We can’t risk it. Just go. Go!”
He pushed me ahead of him as we were about to reach the end of the house and be visible to those in the street, but I caught myself and turned back to him before I was out in the open.
“Bridget, please—”
I took his face in my hands and pulled him down, kissing him, deep and soft and slow.
He sucked in a breath, then one arm snaked around my waist and pulled me closer. He tipped his head to deepen the kiss further and I sighed into his mouth.
Moments later, he plunged a hand in my hair, pulled my head back, and rasped. “You have to go now. I will see you tonight.”
Then he gave me one short, desperate kiss and shoved me out past the house, turning on his heel as he sprinted back to the house.