Chapter 31 Vaughn
VAUGHN
Yulian, answer my calls.
Where are you staying? I’ll come meet you.
Listen, I know you’re upset by what I said, but it’s the truth of where we are.
We can’t change our identities, and we can’t live openly in the public eye.
Even you must know that we have to be careful.
But understand this—I love being with you.
It’s not only about sex, and you’re not just a casual fling to me.
I care about you, Yulian, okay? I care about you a lot.
I want to go back to the house, where it’s only the two of us. I’ll take a few days off during the week and make up for my absence this weekend. How does that sound?
Is it so bad to just have each other without the outside world interfering in what we have?
He ignored me.
Didn’t even read my texts.
It’s the following day, and he still hasn’t picked up my calls. His phone goes straight to voicemail, so maybe he’s on a flight back to the island.
I pace the length of my childhood room after a sleepless, restless night. I’d rather be in my own place, but Mom insisted I stay.
Insisted, as in she and Dad barely took their eyes off me after that sudden meeting with Yulian.
I tried to act composed, but undoing my bow tie and checking my phone every two minutes for his name didn’t exactly help.
Their suspicions only grew, which is why I’m here now—tucked under their watchful wings, where they think I’m safer.
And it’s all because Yulian decided to crash the party.
Honestly, I should’ve suspected that he might show up, but then again, he’s so unpredictable sometimes, I don’t know what the hell to expect.
But I don’t like the silence. It’s not like him.
I’d rather he’s upset with me while talking to me instead of this complete withdrawal.
Stopping in the middle of the room, I text Gareth, as himself. He called me for help the other time, shattering the illusion between real-life Gareth and the Reddit one. And now, we just talk normally, as friends, and I need a friend right now.
I complained to him once about how Yulian draws attention like a magnet. People hit on him even when he’s in a damn helmet.
Gareth called him a fuckboy and said that I deserve better.
But that’s not true. Yulian’s been loyal since the moment this started. He never flirts back—though he does smile, and I hate that.
Those smiles are mine.
What? I don’t share.
Me
I think I messed up.
Gaz
Tell me more.
Yulian crashed a gallery opening I attended with my parents in NYC just because I’m taking a weekend off, then demanded I say I have feelings for him, and when I pointed out this situationship is temporary, he got mad and left. Now, he won’t answer my calls or texts.
Yikes. Looks like he’s not a puppy now.
Gaz…
What? You’re the one who said he follows you around like a puppy. You took that for granted, my man.
What do you mean?
It’s obvious he’s always liked you more. He chased more, let you get away with more, probably waiting for you to catch up, and when you didn’t, well, maybe he got fed up.
He can’t be fed up.
Totes can.
So what now? It’s over?
I don’t know. Do you want it to be over?
Of course not.
Then you have to compromise. He probably wants you to be all in.
How do you know that?
I’m smart. Besides, it’s kind of obvious. You always seemed to have a foot out the door, ready to bolt if things got too complicated.
It’s not that. I just don’t want to put either of us at a disadvantage or in danger.
Well, that ship has sailed. If you feel you’re at a disadvantage or in danger, walk away.
I can’t just walk away.
Aw, is our baby Vaughn in love?
I’m not in love.
Bro, you’ve been fixated on this guy for months.
You bought a beach house just for privacy, fly out every weekend to see him, even picked up riding motorcycles—something so not you—just for the thrill of being with him.
Not to mention that most of your conversations center around him.
If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is.
But hey, take your time. Took me forever to admit the heart palpitations I get around Kayden aren’t about wanting to strangle him—they’re about loving him, too much for my own good.
I’m staring at Gareth’s texts when a knock sounds on the door.
“Come in,” I say, pocketing my phone.
Lidya’s shock of purple hair slips past the doorframe before she barges in. She’s smaller than me but built with muscles that make her presence impossible to ignore. Vest, pressed pants, restless energy. She’s always been like this—fun, reckless, a proud tomboy to the core.
She’s entirely different than me. Ever since we were kids, I’d be reading quietly while she’d be testing gravity. She definitely loves sparring and boxing more than I do.
“V, you have to run away!” She lunges at me, grabs my hand, and starts pulling me toward the door. “I’ll smuggle you out. Trust me, I have a plan.”
“Why do I need to run, Li?”
“I’ll explain later. We have to go now. Chop-chop.”
The door she left ajar opens, and she comes to a halt as my parents show up at my doorstep, wearing grave expressions.
“Uh-oh,” Lidya says under her breath. “Too late.”
“We need to talk, son,” Dad says without any inflection.
“Lidya, darling,” Mom says. “Do you mind stepping out for a bit?”
Lidya throws her arms around me in a hug. “I want you to know that I love you to bits, and I’ll totally start a war for you, V.”
“Love you, too, Li.” I pat her, not sure what the hell is going on.
Can’t be good, though, because she whispers, “Can totally still smuggle you out. You just say the word.”
“I’m fine.”
She steps back, salutes with two fingers, then walks out, closing the door behind her.
Mom and Dad settle on the sofa in the sitting area, and I drop into the chair across from them, my weight sinking into the cushions. “Is something wrong?”
“Depends.” Dad slides his glasses up his nose, his expression so guarded, it makes me sit up straighter.
“Just tell him, Kirill,” Mom says softly, but her face is slightly pale.
Dad exhales, slow and heavy, before passing me the phone. “This came from Yaroslav.”
The name alone makes my mouth press in a line. Then I see the photo.
It’s grainy, shot from a distance in last night’s parking lot, zoomed in to show Yulian and me. His hand is crushing me against the bike while his mouth devours mine.
It was both an angry and emotional kiss, and I briefly closed my eyes and gave in, because I can’t just not kiss him.
By the time I remembered we were in public and tried to stop, the damage was done.
Someone obviously caught us.
“Is this what I think it is?” Mom asks softly.
I nod once, my mouth dry as I give Dad his phone. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. We’re not judging you,” Mom says. “We just want to understand the situation.”
“You started taking frequent private jet trips to see him, is that it?” Dad asks, his tone not as gentle as Mom’s, but it’s not harsh either.
“Yes.”
“The girl whom I assumed made you smile after Danika was, in fact, Yulian,” Mom says with a smile, and even though it’s not a question, I nod.
Fuck. I can’t believe they’re finding out this way. There’s no use denying it anyway, not with that type of evidence available.
And maybe…I’m too tired of keeping such a huge part of my life a secret and just need to let it out.
“How long has this been going on?” Dad asks.
“A few months, but in reality, it’s been…four years, Dad.” My voice wavers, the words burning on their way out. A part of me can’t believe I’m actually saying this for the first time, and to Mom and Dad, no less.
“Four years?” he repeats.
I nod. “I had strange feelings toward him four years ago at that summer camp, and they evolved after he took a bullet for me, and I just…panicked about having those feelings toward a guy, buried it all in that cave we were trapped in, and went out with Danika instead. I told myself it would just go away with time once I got back my control and my structured life.”
“It didn’t?” Mom asks sympathetically.
I shake my head. “I never experienced those strange feelings with Danika—no fire in my veins, no shivers under my skin, no instinct to guard her with my life. But with Yulian, four years ago, as he was bleeding out because of me, it felt like my entire purpose was to keep him safe. I smothered it, told myself it was adrenaline, trauma bonding, anything but what it truly was. And with the feud between us and Chicago, plus the fact that we’re both men, I convinced myself it was impossible. So I buried it deep and locked it down.
“But the second he returned, the grave split open, and everything I’d killed inside me came back alive. I fought it, I swear I did, Mom…Dad. I tried so hard to stay away, but I kept running back to him. Every time. I’m so sorry.”
“Why are you sorry?” Dad asks.
“Because this will destroy your hard work after all the time, money, and energy you put in me. I was born to be a leader, and this ruins everything.”
Mom stands up and then sits on the armrest of my chair and wraps an arm around my shoulders.
“First of all, you weren’t born to be a leader, you were born to be yourself and our son.
Before anything else, you’re our son, Vonnie, all right?
Second of all, there’s no such thing as destroying our hard work, because you didn’t do anything wrong.
You can’t choose who you love. I just wish you’d told us earlier. ”
“I couldn’t even admit it to myself, Mom. I still struggle with the weight of responsibility and my feelings, and I’m just stuck.”
“Unstuck yourself, then. Fuck responsibilities.” Dad stands up and sits on the other side of me.
“But…” I look up at him. “I can’t be a leader if I’m with a guy.”
“Says who?”
“The codes of the Bratva.”
“Fuck those. We’ve evolved. The old men will die eventually, so fuck them. And, son, I’m still around. You don’t have to worry about leadership for decades—or forever if you don’t feel like it.”
“No. I do want to be like you, Dad.”