Chapter 33 Vaughn #2
He rises up all of a sudden and then groans loudly, probably hurting his ribs, and I grab his shoulders and help him back down, gently but firmly. “Stay still, you have broken ribs and other injuries.”
I reach out to the nightstand and give him a glass of water, figuring he’s parched. He just keeps watching me as if I’m a ghost, so I hold the glass to his lips. “You have to drink some water.”
He does so mechanically, taking all the water I’m giving him until the glass is empty.
A droplet of it trickles down the corner of his lip, and I wipe it, my thumb lingering on his skin longer than needed.
Fuck, I missed him. Missed touching him. Being with him.
I can’t believe I almost lost him.
Yulian pulls away, forcing me to drop my hand, and my chest aches. That’s the first time he’s ever recoiled from my touch.
And it hurts more than I’d like to admit.
Pretending he didn’t just cut me in two, I sit beside him on the edge of the bed, holding the empty glass tight as I speak coolly. “How are you feeling?”
“Where am I?” he asks, his voice craggy and huskier than usual as he stares out the window.
It’s nighttime, so only a few garden lights are visible through the large baroque-style windows—definitely the work of Uncle Tosha’s sophisticated taste, as Uncle Maks is just along for the ride.
“Russia,” I say.
“Russia?”
“Ust-Koksa, to be precise. We’re staying with my uncles at their countryside estate.”
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why did you bring me to Russia?”
“Because it’s safer,” I say matter-of-factly.
“I need to go back.” He starts to move, groaning slightly.
“You’re not going anywhere until you’re better, Yulian.” I push him back firmly but without force. “You can probably barely breathe, let alone move.”
He pants, proving my point, a grimace painting his handsome features as beads of sweat appear at his temples. “You don’t understand. I have to get back to Alya. With me gone, he’ll hurt her…”
“She’s with Cyrus,” I say, still holding him down so he doesn’t do anything stupid.
“Cyrus took her with him before I went to rescue you so that we could avoid Yaroslav using her against you. She’s safe, and you can call her and Cyrus to make sure.
Maybe later, once you’ve recovered, so you don’t sound so out of breath and worry her. ”
His shoulders relax, but his breathing is still too choppy, probably because of the pain. So I pass him one of his prescribed painkillers and help him with another glass of water.
This time, he takes the glass from my hand and drinks on his own.
Damn. His little gestures of rejection are slashing me open one cut at a time.
Death by a thousand cuts.
“You saved me?” he asks, watching me peculiarly.
I set the glass on the table. “I can’t do that?”
“You can, just not sure why you would.” He lifts his shoulder in a casual shrug, then coughs and winces.
“What do you mean why I would? Of course I’d save you, Yulian. You think I’d sit back and watch you be beaten to death by your piece-of-shit dad?”
“Yeah, because you were never really all in with me, so I’m surprised you went to these lengths, that’s all.”
My chest stutters. Fuck. He’s still hurt about that last meeting.
Maybe he’s been mad for a while.
“Yulian—”
“I still want to go back and be with Alya and Cy.”
“I said. You’re not going anywhere until you’re better.”
He raises a brow. “Are you kidnapping me right now?”
“Call it whatever you want.”
He releases a breath, then groans and closes his eyes. The fact that he’s in so much pain and I can’t do anything to lessen it makes me believe I’m useless.
I feel like I can’t even touch him for fear that he’ll pull away again. I don’t think I could handle that rejection anymore.
Yulian’s eyes meet mine, and there’s no color there, as if he’s just…given up. “You should let me leave. I’ll only bring disaster to you and your uncles.”
“No.”
“Vaughn…”
“Yulian,” I mimic him, and he just grunts, but I’m not sure if it’s in frustration or pain.
“Dad won’t let me go,” he whispers softly, running a hand over his face, then wincing and dropping it.
“He’ll track me down eventually. He might beat me the hell up and drive me to death’s door, but he won’t kill me.
He’s spent too much time, money, and energy on making me his heir, and giving up now would only mean he’s admitting defeat, which he never will.
So…just let me go back now before you or your family are any further involved. ”
“Go back to what? To be nearly killed?” My voice rises slightly. “I’ll never allow that, Yulian, do you hear me? So what if he tracks you down? He’ll never be able to find this place. It’s not on the map, and even if he does, I’ll kill him before he touches you again.”
His lips part as he watches me, unblinking, and then he purses his lips. “If you kill him, you’ll start a war between Chicago and New York. Don’t do that.”
“There will be no war if you become the de facto leader.” I smile. “You’ll be the one to decide everything.”
“They don’t respect me enough to let me lead. And I’m not sure I want that anyway. At least, not at this point.” He watches me silently for a long time. It’s disconcerting.
“What?”
“You said we were temporary and that we wouldn’t last, so why…” He swallows, then blows out a charged breath. “Why go through all the trouble to save me and bring me here?”
“Because I lied.” I take his hand in mine. “To myself as well as to you. Truth is, you were never temporary.”
His hand twitches in mine, and I hold it tighter, scared he’ll pull it away.
“But you put distance between us, Vaughn, doing everything under the sun to keep me at arm’s length. Every time I tried to get closer, you just slipped through my fingers like sand.”
“I was…scared.”
“Scared of what? Being found out? Well, it happened anyway, and I’m still alive.”
“No. I mean, yes, there’s that, too, but mostly, I was scared of the strength of my feelings for you.” I squeeze his hand, holding it in both of mine softly, reverently. “You make me a different person, someone I don’t recognize sometimes.”
“Is that so bad?” The pain in his words cuts me open.
“No, it’s actually the person I want to be. You…make me forget about everything, and I crave that feeling of being free whenever I’m with you.”
“But?”
“There’s no but.”
“Are you sure?” He eyes me suspiciously. “There’s always a but with you, Vaughn.”
I purse my lips, not liking how he keeps calling me by my name. “Not this time.”
“Then another time?”
“Why do you keep trying to find fault in everything I say or do?”
“Because I believed the illusion before, whether four years ago or during recent months, but I still ended up getting hurt.”
“Four years ago?”
He pulls his hand from mine, using my moment of bewilderment to slip free. “You left me to die in that cave, remember?”
“No, I didn’t. I would’ve never done that.” I frown. “Wait. Is that what you think happened?”
He stares out the window, and I grab his jaw, stroking the stubble growing there as I turn him to face me. “Do you believe I ever would have left you after you took a bullet for me?”
“But you did.”
“No.” I run a hand through my hair. “I thought I’d take this with me to the grave, but it seems you need to know what truly happened, Yulian.”