Chapter 34 Vaughn #2
My eyes are burning, and I don’t know if it’s from confusion or adrenaline or the sheer panic at realizing that I like this.
That I need it again.
That I should have more.
I press my mouth deeper to his, nervous but hungry, my tongue tracing his bottom lip in a shaky sweep. My whole body quakes against his, my heart hammering so violently, it feels as if it might give out under the weight of wanting him.
More.
I need more—
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” A sharp voice slices through the silence like a scalpel.
I jerk away, my heart in my throat, my lips still tingling. The world that I forgot existed crashes back in as I stare at the owner of the voice.
A woman stands frozen against the closed door, her eyes wide with horror, her hand clutching her chest as if I’ve gutted her. A scarf wraps her head entirely, her face has drained to a ghostly white, and her frame is so thin, I fear she’ll collapse.
And I just stare as if I’ve been caught with my hand in the cookie jar.
Which I have.
I think.
“Step away from him,” she orders, and I realize I’m still perched over Yulian, holding his hand.
Fuck. I release him as gently as possible and stand, swaying slightly.
My throat constricts while I step back hesitantly.
The woman rushes to Yulian’s side and falls in a heap on the bed, stroking his face lovingly.
Now that I’m not freaking the fuck out, I notice that she’s trembling, her skin as pale as Yulian’s, the kind that’s sickly and off. Her cheekbones are protruding, barely covered by any flesh.
And yet I can see the resemblance, the brown eyes identical to Yulian’s right one and the striking similarities. She must be his mother.
The one he said his mission is to protect.
Her gaze falls on me, and she sits taller, almost as if she can shield Yulian from me, her expression hard, even though her hand is shaking. “Who are you?”
“My name is Vaughn. Vaughn Morozov. I was at the summer camp with Yulian, and he saved my life, so I wanted to check on him and…” I trail off, rubbing a hand over my nape, not knowing what to say.
She already looks like she hates me, and continuing to remind her that her son is in this state because he took a bullet for me will only make it worse.
“And what?” she asks. “You decided to come here and ruin his life as a thank-you? Get him killed?”
“No, that’s not—”
“That’s exactly what would’ve happened if it were his father who’d walked through that door instead of me.” Her lips tremble, and I feel a sense of shame I’ve never experienced before.
What the hell am I doing?
I saw Yaroslav beat Yulian to shit. I know that if he were the one who saw us, an actual war might break out. Both he and Dad think the other did it, and Yaroslav is probably even more pissed off because his son’s life was barely saved.
So just my existence in Chicago could be the spark to ruin everything. My parents’ legacy. Yulian’s life.
And for what?
A selfish feeling?
I let my hand fall lifeless to my side and whisper, “I’m sorry.”
“If you’re sorry, please leave and never get in contact with my son again.
” She tries to sound firm, but her eyes are pleading with me.
“You’re both still young, still haven’t experienced the world.
Whatever happened when you were surviving, was just that—desperate measures for a desperate situation.
It means nothing in the real world. I heard you’re smart, so surely, you understand that? ”
I nod, even though a ball has lodged itself at the back of my throat, making it hard to breathe.
“Yulik has always been reckless and impulsive.” She strokes his hair, smiling softly.
“Even when he was inside me, he was kicking all the time, couldn’t wait to get out.
He’s an affectionate boy who wears his heart on his sleeve and goes all in when he cares, but that gets him in trouble with his dad, and it worries me to no end. You know…”
She looks at me, her eyes bright with an unnatural shine. “When he called me while he was at the camp, he wouldn’t stop talking about you. Vaughn this and Vaughn that. He asked me if he was more like you, would his dad stop hating and hitting him, or would he still find fault in him anyway?”
My heart squeezes as my hands ball into fists. I hate Yaroslav with everything in me.
“I told him he’s perfect the way he is, because he is to me. Everything that’s happened in my life has been worth it because I’ve had him and Alina.” She stares at me, the weight of her eyes sharp. “And I won’t allow him to be hurt more than he already is.”
“I don’t want to hurt him either.”
“You will by just existing near him.” She lets out a sigh. “I’m not an idiot. I know he has some form of crush on you. He’s never spoken about anyone the way he spoke about you.”
My lips tremble and I purse them shut, because for another impulsive heartbeat, I contemplate begging her to let me be with him, even if just for one more moment.
“But you know that’s impossible, right? You can’t be together. I don’t know about your side, but here, he’ll be killed for being with a man. Do you want him dead, Vaughn?”
My gaze strays to him, to his peaceful expression and the bruises, and I remember the protectiveness I felt when I watched his dad beating him up.
I guess it started from there—these dangerous, reckless feelings I can’t stop.
Or maybe they started when I first met him and just continued to grow.
But I have to stop this.
Because his mom is right. This will only end badly, not only for both of us, but also for our families.
With a choked breath, I shake my head as an answer to her question. “Never.”
“Then stay away.” A tear slides down her cheek. “Take that as a sick mother’s dying wish. I just want to protect my boy. You understand, right?”
I want to say so much more, to plead with her to let me be with him for ten more minutes.
No, five is enough.
But no words come out.
With one last look at him, I nod and leave, intent on completely erasing whatever feelings have started to blossom for Yulian.
Nip them in the bud.
Kill them before they’re born.
I just refused to admit I might have abandoned my heart in that hospital room when I left.