26. Ghost
Chapter Twenty-Six
Ghost
MAGNOLIA
Ifelt like a ghost as Bran came to my room to get me ready. I couldn’t stop seeing Hael’s flayed back. Did he know that was going to happen? Did he know the moment he took me from the brothel?
I kept telling myself I was only upset because it meant I wasn’t going to see him tonight. There was no way he’d be in any shape to attend and the ball was the official end to the Vargothi.
Dahes said this would be the only week Hael was guaranteed to be at the castle, and then my mind kept spiraling to what he did outside of the Vargothi. What was his daily life like? Who did he spend his time with?
Why did I even care?
Another part of me knew Dahes’ hunt had nothing to do with it. I wasn’t just upset because it meant he wouldn’t be at the ball. I was worried about him, and that terrified me.
I couldn’t afford to feel anything, and it would be stupid if I started now.
I’d been spending too much time away from Moriann, too much time not forcing myself to be numb that I was losing the ability.
My emotions were stirring to the surface, spiraling in waves I couldn’t control.
The past seven years of pent up feelings were rushing out of me, clawing their way free no matter how tightly I tried to hold them back.
It was reckless.
I knew what Dahes wanted. How he was going to exploit Hael, how I was going to help him. That was what I came here to do, and I never hated a hunt more…
I was barely paying attention to Bran as he got me ready.
I vaguely knew he was talking to me. Little pieces clicked in my head—the main topic being how I needed to find someone at the ball tonight.
He rattled off names of drakins who became sterilized last night and listed out my options of potential suitors.
Vague repetitions of him scolding me, drilling into my head that if I made roots here, it would help my chances of Elion letting me stay.
At some point, probably when he realized I wasn’t paying attention, he asked me about my training.
It was another thing I didn’t want to think about. What would Elion do if I couldn’t show him my Token? Or worse, what if Dahes collected me and I still didn’t have any control over it?
Because after yesterday, after the brothel, I knew I had to get over the night Dahes tried to rape me. I just had no idea where to start.
“There. All done,” Bran said, drawing my attention back to him.
I nodded, my vision not focusing on anything in particular.
Should I sneak into MonClem tonight?
A nagging part of my brain was telling me it was a stupid idea.
I just watched Hael get tortured in front of everyone.
Elion ordered a man to flay his back open over nothing, and here I was wanting to risk it again?
If we were caught, I was signing him up for the same thing. I was signing myself up for it too.
Spikes crunching bone rang in my ears, and I shuddered.
But if Hael was too injured and wasn’t going to be at the ball, it was pointless for me to go. I wasn’t here to join their society. I had to push my thoughts aside and focus on what really mattered—on my hunt, on finding Hael’s weaknesses. I had to drop my feelings, had to take risks.
I had to become a ghost again.
Dahes could collect me after tonight… and his wrath would be worse than any punishment Elion could throw my way because Dahes could go back on my deal.
I didn’t have a choice.
Suns, please don’t let me get caught. I didn’t want to find out if I’d lose myself and scream as the spikes tore open my spine. If I’d beg for mercy like I envisioned I would while I watched Hael take it in silence…
“See, I told you I’m amazing.”
“What?” My vision refocused as Bran’s voice came back to me. I blinked and realized he walked me in front of a mirror.
I gasped, taking a step back and nearly knocking him over as I saw my reflection for the first time in seven years.
“On the Suns, Nollie,” Bran cursed as he caught himself before righting my shoulders.
I didn’t know what to say.
The girl staring back at me was familiar.
I thought I wouldn’t recognize her. I thought being Dahes’ slave had changed me so thoroughly that I wouldn’t know my own reflection.
I felt different. Internally, I wasn’t the same girl as I was seven years ago.
That girl was dead, forced to do terrible things until I disassociated.
But I was wrong, it was still me. I was still the Nollie he used to call me before everything happened…
I was taller than I was before. My clavicles more prominent, my breasts only a fraction fuller from when I was fifteen. My cheeks caved in slightly and my eyebrows were thicker than I remembered.
The only real difference was my face was more gaunt, and my eyes… It was the one thing that changed the most. The single part of me that wasn’t… me.
They used to be light gray, but now the outside of my irises were more blue.
The transition blending seamlessly into my natural coloring that it just looked like they were a mix of the two colors, but I knew better.
I knew the blue glowing rings around them were because of Dahes.
It was the same rings that circled his white eyes.
The same rings that changed his coloring, making him look slightly more human.
It was my slavery ring. The moment I signed my soul over to him, I watched his eyes shift as I felt a burning in my own.
I knew my eyes were different from looking at Dahes, but I hadn’t seen what it did to my own face until now.
It made them brighter, more unnatural, while it did the opposite to Dahes.
“Well, what do you think?”
My gaze flicked from myself to Bran in the mirror as realization dawned on me.
His hands were on his hips, his lips pouting, waiting for my answer. “Do you like the dress?”
I hadn’t even noticed what I was wearing.
I was too busy staring at my face. The gown was blue.
Diamonds lined the bodice in varying sizes making it look like an ombre of jewels.
It also meant I’d have to change before going into MonClem.
I wasn’t about to sneak into dragon territory looking like their favorite meal.
Thin straps came up my neck and disappeared over my shoulders.
I shifted, turning my body so I could see more.
The straps spiraled down my back in a criss-cross of patterns before it clasped off above my hips.
I had a mole on my shoulder blade I’d never known about.
It was the size of my fingernail with a smaller one, only a speck in comparison, below it.
I faced the mirror full on again. The material bunched at my feet, flowing out in a cascading pattern after the corset cinched my waist.
“The answer would be yes, Bran, you’re so talented…” he mocked in my voice.
I whirled on him. A smile stretching across my face because I saw my appearance for the first time in seven years and it didn’t scare me. I still looked mostly like myself.
“Thank you, Bran,” I smiled, cutting off whatever else he was going to say.
It gave me comfort knowing that Dahes didn’t take everything from me. I still looked like me, even if I didn’t feel like me, and that had to count for something.
The Suns and Moons were working in my favor tonight. I spent the first hour of the ball keeping a low profile, while making sure my presence was still noticed.
I couldn’t risk going into MonClem when all the drakins came crawling back to their cabins—drunk. And I couldn’t afford not to go. If there was a possibility that this was my last night here, I had to find Hael. I just needed some kind of alibi first. I had to make sure I was seen at the party.
We were in another throne room toward the back of the castle. I had tried breaking into it when I found the opulent double doors earlier in the week, but it’d been locked. Now, the massive doors were wide open, and the room was twice as large as the one from this morning.
I had a drink in my hand, and for once I wasn’t pretending to nurse it—I was actually drinking.
But I nearly dropped the glass when I saw Hael standing to the right of King Elion.
They were both on a raised dais overlooking the room, only the first time I spotted the king, he was on the platform by himself.
I honestly didn’t think he’d even be able to function after this morning, nonetheless, be standing at the ball.
His gaze met mine from across the room, and my stomach flipped as he slowly took me in.
He wasn’t in his drakin leathers, but the suit he wore was just as fitted. All black save for the white woven shirt beneath the tailored jacket. A single button was left undone, exposing a glimpse of his dark skin, contrasting against the pale brown of his eyes.
Suns, he was so striking even when he looked intimidating.
He wasn’t smiling—which meant the dimple on the right side of his cheek wasn’t out—but I kept envisioning it, kept imagining his grin before my own gaze drifted down to his lips. The small chunk of skin missing kept drawing my attention, and I wondered if I’d feel it if he kissed me.
I shook my head. He is your hunt, Magnolia. Stop ogling him and instead figure out what you’re going to use against him. You’re running out of time.
I hated it, hated what I needed to do. I pulled my gaze away from him. I couldn’t talk to him while he stood with Elion. I’d have to find a way to get him alone tonight, but at least him being here meant I didn’t have to sneak into MonClem.
I walked a single lap around the room before another initiate approached me—well, I guess technically he was no longer considered an initiate and was a drakin rider now. Despite no one being in uniform, it was obvious who all the new riders were. They all donned an ebony pin across their chest.
I half listened to his speech before my glass felt heavy in my hands and I took another sip, forcing it down my throat.
The alcohol burned.