Chapter Twenty-Eight
Aphrodisiac
MAGNOLIA
Iwoke up to a pounding headache and my body feeling like it was dropped from the Senith.
The blind was closed, and small glimpses of the suns were slowly sweeping through the cracks, letting me know it was almost morning.
Morning.
Which meant the ball was over—
I shot up in bed as images from last night came crashing back to me. I was touching myself and screaming Hael’s name, begging him to replace my fingers…
It was just a dream.
Sitting up, I ripped the covers off. A loose shirt clung over my body that could have passed as a dress. It was soft and it smelled like—leather and vetiver.
I knew that scent. It engulfed me last night. I could still feel the butterflies swarm in my stomach as I… I shook my head, not wanting to go there.
I looked around, recognizing my room, even though I swore last night I was in a different one.
I swallowed.
Suns, I wished it was a dream. But I couldn’t remember everything that happened, only fragmented images that were enough to drown me.
I remembered him tucking me into bed. He brushed strands of my hair away from my face, tucking pieces behind my ears as he kept repeating how sorry he was.
Why was he sorry? I’m the one who… I couldn’t even get myself to think about it. I was so mortified.
I had tried to make sense of it then, tried to keep my eyes open to realize that he was still trembling. His body was burning up, breaking out in a sweat, while mine was slowly ebbing.
Then his words came back to me. He had told me that I needed to come. That someone spiked our drinks with—I don’t remember what he actually called it.
But I was the only one who came. Hael left the moment I was done. I saw him walk toward the door before my eyes fully fluttered closed.
Anger and jealousy and resentment and embarrassment all took turns warring through me.
He wouldn’t touch me, even at the end, my own hand was a barrier between us.
Everything he did was to get me to do it myself.
Did he not want to? Would he rather be in pain than have sex with me?
Because I remembered how it felt in the seconds I wasn’t touching myself.
I was burning alive, like my body was dipped in acid and it was slowly bubbling over and peeling off my bones.
Then another thought came to me.
Did he leave to go get pleasure somewhere else? The thought had me leaping out of bed. I draped the sheet over myself and ran toward the door, pulling it open, and—
The sheet fell from my shoulders as I gripped the door with my other hand.
Hael was sitting against the opposite wall. His back was hunched, his hands resting on his knees, as his head lolled forward.
He jolted the second the door opened. His eyes roamed over me before he forced himself to stand, but he was still leaning heavily against the wall. I didn’t think he could stand up without the support.
He was shirtless and my gaze kept roaming over his muscles and the ‘v’ outline leading down his pants. They were still half buttoned and sagging enough for me to see he was still hard.
“Get back inside,” he ground out, and my eyes flicked back to his. He looked like he was doused in water, every inch of him was coated in sweat. “You’re still—Fuck.” He backed away from me like I was the plague. “Put clothes on.”
I went to open my mouth. Then shut it. I had no idea what to say. I was wearing clothes—kind of. I was in what I assumed was his shirt, based on his lack of one, and it covered me enough.
I bit my lip as more memories from last night rushed through me—his hand trailing up my thigh, pressing down over my stomach, the way his tongue devoured me before he realized we were drugged and then refused to touch me again.
He took two strides and was before me in an instant. I hadn’t realized I fully exited my room until the door slammed shut behind me.
My back hit the wood as Hael was inches from my face, his breath hitting me as his panting quickened. His fingers grazed my mouth, pulling my lip from my teeth just like he had in the hall the night before. He stroked my lower lip twice before he swore.
His fist pounded into the wood as his body curled and he sagged into me.
“Are you okay?” I breathed, not daring to move. Worry replaced any embarrassment I felt for a split second.
He didn’t answer. His eyes were clamped shut.
“Hael, look at me.”
Pale eyes blinked open and my breath caught. He was so Suns-damned attractive that I hated it. Even drenched in sweat. Even shaking and a mess, I wanted him.
But his brows were furrowed—
“You’re in pain.” I didn’t phrase it like a question.
“Get. Back. Inside. Your. Room.” Each word was clipped, but he was still leaning over me, his forearms pressed against the wood of the door, trapping me in. “Please.”
“O-okay,” I mumbled.
He shifted, slowly, his movements taut as he reached around me for the door handle.
He winced, a heavy grunt escaping him the moment he opened the door.
“You should lie down—”
Before I could finish, he pushed me inside, slamming the door in my face before a lock clicked.
I twisted the knob, trying over and over again to open it. I had no idea the doors could even lock from the outside.
A thump followed labored breathing, and I knew he was leaning against the other side.
“Hael,” I shouted, my fists pounding against the wood. “Open the door.”
I had no idea how long we stayed like that—me desperately trying to get his attention, screaming every curse at him to open the door while simultaneously listening to his breathing get more and more labored until eventually another voice sounded.
My fist was mid-air about to pound into the wood again when I heard it.
“I’m here. Now what was so damned urgent that I had to—” the voice paused. “Shit. Hael. What the hell happened?”
“Ahthimil,” he breathed.
I heard shuffling. Then, “Fuck.”
“What do you need me to do?” the new person asked.
“Watch the door.” His voice was tight. “Make sure she doesn’t leave or,” he paused, “no one goes in.”
“Is she—”
“No. I took care of it last night.”
I bristled. Took care of it. I wasn’t sure if I should pound on the door again, but at this point, I didn’t think they were going to let me out, and the second I revealed I was listening, I knew they’d stop talking, and I wanted to know what was happening to him…
“You need to go find—”
“No,” Hael’s voice cracked. “Just. Watch. The. Door.”
Hael wasn’t at breakfast, and whoever he asked to watch over my door was gone as soon as Bran showed up hours later. I looked. I even ran up and down the hallway twice, ignoring Bran’s nagging, asking me what the hell I was doing. But no one was there.
I had asked him what drinks he sent me during the ball, but he had no idea what I was talking about, which meant it was a setup. He didn’t give me any drinks.
“But you said you were in the kitchen,” I protested.
“Yeah, that doesn’t mean I know how to make a Suns-damn drink,” he spat back. “I am a designer. I garnish the plates to make them pretty. Not even a prisoner starved in Dahes’ Hell would trust me to make a drink for them.”
I was a mess. I couldn’t sit still. My fingers kept fidgeting, and at one point I realized I was peeling the skin around my nail beds and nearly every single finger was bleeding.
The only time I could pay attention to what was going on around me was when Hael’s name was brought up.
Elion was furious he wasn’t at breakfast.
Then dinner came, and he still wasn’t there. My brain kept going through every possible scenario in my head.
He hated me. He resented me. He was disgusted by me.
Maybe he was still in pain. Maybe he wasn’t doing well.
Maybe he went to someone else for help…
Then I kept torturing myself by replaying everything I did last night. All the times I begged him to touch me cycled on a constant loop inside my head.
I wanted to die.
Mercifully, Cash didn’t come to my room for training. Although I was on edge waiting for it all night.
I couldn’t sleep—between replaying what happened, wondering if Cash would show up, and trying to figure out where Hael went—I stayed awake the entire night watching the moons replace the suns as they shifted across the horizon.
Right now, the Caerulus moon was slightly closer to the axis, casting a soft blue haze over the mountain range, outshining the other five moons. I knew the suns would come back up soon, knew I should have slept or done something other than just sit here and wallow in self pity.
My head was pounding and I still couldn’t think straight.
I was sitting on the window’s edge, waiting for Bran to get me ready for breakfast the next day when a knock sounded on my door. Just one single knock. Only Bran never knocked. Half the time he barged in before I was even awake.
I pulled the door open and froze.
It was Hael.
I scanned him. His hair was soaking wet, but it didn’t look like sweat this time.
He didn’t seem to be in physical pain like he had been the last time I saw him.
Water stains were peppering his shirt and pants like he had just gotten out of the bath and didn’t even bother drying off before getting dressed, but otherwise he looked fine.
“Can I come in?”
“Sure.” My voice was soft, hesitant. I had no idea how to act or what to say. He was the last person I expected to see after ignoring me for the past twenty-four hours.
“Are you okay?” he asked after I shut the door and turned to face him.
“Me?”
“Yes.” His voice was clipped. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine…” I said slowly. “Are you? Where have you been?”
A muscle in his jaw clenched. He was staring at the ground, refusing to look at me or the bed. “I’m sorry, Nollie.”
That wasn’t an answer. “Sorry for what?”
He still wouldn’t look at me. “I had to touch you at the end. If you didn’t…” he paused like he was searching for the right word. “…finish, it would have only gotten worse.”