Chapter 57
The Dead River
MAGNOLIA
Iwas shaking profusely, whole-body tremors I couldn’t control.
But I couldn’t push this off any longer. Today was my first time back in Moriann, my first time stepping into Dahes’ castle since everything happened, and it was harder than I thought it would be.
I’d been avoiding it.
But I couldn’t stop thinking about Dahes’ words, how I left my brother to die, how to him, his last memory of me was me abandoning him.
I tried not to think about it, but I couldn’t help it. My mind compulsively kept drifting to him, and it fucking hurt.
I hated that it was all for nothing, that my years of being Dahes’ slave didn’t save my little brother, but was the reason he died.
I should have done more.
I should have realized it was a trick.
I shouldn’t have been such a coward. I shouldn’t have been so ignorant.
I should have been more careful when he created our deal. I should have paid attention to his wording. I should have known that when he said I had to obey him, it would mean I’d never be able to sneak off and find my little brother like my fifteen year old self had thought.
I should have learned to control my Token instead of cowering over the night he tried to rape me.
If I had, maybe it wouldn’t have been too late for Masin. Maybe I would have learned that Dahes not only couldn’t touch me, but couldn’t control me in that form.
I could have escaped. I could have found him.
I should have done a lot of things.
I knew Hael was behind me. He wouldn’t leave my side, not unless I asked him to, but he also knew I needed to do this on my own.
We walked toward the river together in the underbelly of the castle, and the entire place had never felt so empty. After Dahes died, so many of the ghosts floated toward the Examinis and jumped in.
It was glowing now. It always had an iridescent sheen to it in the streets, but the frothy film cresting over the surface blocked most of the beauty.
Now, it was slowly moving, allowing the purple and blue hues to fully shine underneath the water like the rage of Dahes’ rule had died with the currents.
I sucked in a breath.
Breathe. One. Two. Three. Four. Exhale.
Then I called my Token. It still took me by surprise at how fast I could make it come and go. It was like stepping through a doorway. I could be on either side with one single step, depending on what foot I chose to move.
I didn’t know how I felt about my power being death, that I could walk the thin line between the living and the dead.
I think it terrified me more than gave me comfort, but right now, it was another thing Nessium knew I’d need, and I was so unbelievably thankful. Maybe the future really was set, maybe she knew my little brother was going to die, that I’d need this power to see him again.
I had a lot of time to think about it, to fully explore what came with my Token and what I could do.
But tonight was about Masin, about the past seven years of my life, and about what little had been left of his.
Before I could second guess myself, I jumped into the river. The water was hot. Not enough to burn my skin, but enough to feel like I was surrounded by glowing blue flames.
Honestly, I was surprised I was feeling anything at all. I usually didn’t in this form, but this place was made for ghosts. It was crafted especially for this so it made sense that I felt… something.
I didn’t have to breathe.
I realized when I was using my Token before I mimicked the movements of breaths, but I never paid attention to the fact that I didn’t need to. I was always so worried about my power flickering out, that I’d lose my control, that I never focused on how it actually made me feel—which was nothing.
Except for now…
I swam down and down and down, the water becoming more iridescent the further I went.
The river under the castle was endless. Not only was it the largest opening, but it was the deepest. It was the spot all the currents flowed to. The purest, undiluted entrance to the After.
If I turned around and looked up, I knew I’d glimpse Hael leaning over the edge, waiting for me, but looking down, it was nothing but depthless purple and blue. There wasn’t a bottom.
“Masin,” I spoke his name like a whisper. In this form, the water didn’t enter my lungs and drown me. It was just there, like air was on the surface. You didn’t notice it, didn’t feel it, but it consumed you, still filled every crack of your essence, engulfing you without you even realizing.
My breathing hitched as Masin—my little brother—was instantly in front of me.
It was him, yet it wasn’t. He was older than the last time I saw him alive, his features more mature. I hated it, hated how this was what he’d be like forever. He wouldn’t change anymore, wouldn’t grow, wouldn’t become who he was meant to be.
“Magnolia,” his voice was husky, an octave lower than I remembered.
I didn’t have time to respond before he came crashing into me. We didn’t pass through each other. It was like both of our transparent forms equaled out, and I thanked Nessium for this gift… that I got to hug him one more time.
I wasn’t sure how long we stayed like that, how long we held each other, how long before I finally got the courage to pull back enough to see his face.
“I’m so sorry, Mas. I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t mean to leave you—”
“Shhh,” he soothed. “I know, Nollie.”
Hearing my nickname on his lips shattered something within me.
“It’s all my fault,” I broke. He shouldn’t be like this. He should be breathing outside the river. He should be going into Viven for the first time, finally getting to live life without poverty.
“What happened to me isn’t your fault.”
“It is,” I sobbed. “I made the stupid deal because I thought…” My breath hitched. “I thought you died, but then—”
“Nollie,” Masin cut me off. “I did die that night.”
“But Dahes told me you didn’t fall into the river.”
“I know what he said.”
My breathing hitched. “You do?”
“Yes,” Masin smiled, but it was sad, somber. “I couldn’t move on when he still owned you. I’ve been following you, watching you.”
“H-how?” I never saw Masin as a ghost.
“There’re different levels to the dying. Just because you couldn’t see me doesn’t mean I wasn’t there.”
Suns, I couldn’t do this. I was the older sibling. I was supposed to watch over him, protect him, not the other way around.
“I didn’t fall in the river,” he continued, “but I still died. Dahes slit my throat right before you made the deal. He needed to bring me back for your deal to work.”
“So you didn’t think I abandoned you?”
“No, Nollie. I didn’t fully understand what happened until I died again, but I always suspected he messed with my head somehow. I knew I didn’t have the whole truth, that you didn’t just leave me.”
“But I did. I still left you, Mas. If I was there. If I was with you, I could have—”
“Nollie, stop,” he cut me off. “If you were with me on the streets, I would have already been dead. Dahes wasn’t going to let me live after that night. You saved me, Nollie. You saved me. You gave me four extra years that I never would have had.”
I started sobbing more. Ever since Dahes told me Masin died again after our deal, the question wouldn’t leave my mind. How long?
But now that I knew… Four years. That’s all I gave him.
Four.
“Listen, just because your Token lets you see the dead, doesn’t mean you should. I want you to live, Nollie. I want you to enjoy your future, not be stuck in the past. Don’t look back, don’t visit me again.”
“I can’t—”
“You can. Magnolia, this will not be the last time you see me. We will be together again. Even if it’s not until a thousand years after your Staying Age, we will have all the time in the world together.
I know that seems like a really long time right now, but I promise you, I’ll be waiting.
So don’t rush it. I’ll be here for you regardless of when you come.
You only get to live once, and I’m going to want you to tell me all about it, so you need to live it, okay, Nollie?
You need to live for us, for me.” I was sobbing.
I didn’t think it was possible to cry more, but I was wrong.
I could probably refill the entire Examinis over and over again for how much this was breaking my heart.
“You’re free, Nollie. You’re free to be happy, and so am I. ”
“How can you ask that of me? How can I be happy when I know you’re here? You shouldn’t be here—”
“That’s not true, Nollie. I was always meant to die.
I died the second you made your deal with Dahes.
You prolonged the inevitable. You gave me extra time that was so fucking precious to me, and I’ll always owe you that.
But I was always meant to die. What happened to me wasn’t your fault.
There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
Do you understand me, Nollie? You didn’t do this. ”
I didn’t respond.
“Look at me.” I met my brother’s gaze. As a ghost, everything was varying shades of gray, but his details were ingrained in my memory.
Now that he was before me again, I remembered the exact vibrant shade of blue to his eyes, and the small smudge of green he had on the left corner.
I remembered his ashy hair and the way he had one curl that always fell over his forehead.
“I need you to understand that you didn’t do this.”
I nodded, not sure if I fully believed it yet.
“I’m free, Nollie. This place, the river, it’s a divide, a middle ground. I only stayed here because of you, because I knew you were still with Dahes. But now that you’re free to live, I’m free to move on. We are both free.”
I shook my head, tears falling down my cheeks, mixing with the water.
“I love you, Masin.”
“I love you more, Nollie.”
“I love you most,” we said in unison, and it seemed so real, so much like we did every night when we were younger that I forgot for a second we weren’t on the streets of Moriann, huddled together for warmth.
I wanted to say so much more, but Masin was gone. He left, and I knew he did it on purpose. I wouldn’t have had the strength to if he hadn’t first. Even though I was older, he was always the stronger one. Stronger willed, more resilient.
Suns, he didn’t deserve this.
I swam to the surface and nearly crumbled when I saw Hael waiting for me. He instantly grabbed me, pulling me onto his lap, not caring that I was getting him wet.
We stayed like that. He didn’t stop holding me until I stood.
It was a while before I could talk, before I could tell him what happened.
He listened to everything, not interrupting or asking me to repeat myself even though I knew it was difficult for him to understand me through my tears.
He was patient, understanding, kind—it was why I knew I was going to be okay.
Because even if it wasn’t today, or tomorrow, or next month, I was going to be happy.
Hael and I were going to live one hell of a life, and when my time came, I was going to tell Masin all about it.
I was going to live for him.
Thank you so much for reading Hunted by the Dead King!