Chapter 17 #2
Only something’s wrong. The closer Amriel comes, the more his smile knits tight.
“What?” I rasp. “What is it?”
He and the Shadow exchange glances. The Shadow shakes his head, his mouth thinning, as if he dislikes whatever they’re discussing across their shared mind. But Amriel must add something else, because a moment later, the Shadow sighs and gives a grudging nod.
Icy claws prick my heart. “What? What’re you saying to each other?”
Amriel’s mouth crooks. “Don’t be angry. But…”
I tense, mentally adding that to my list of things a man should never say to a woman.
“…I can’t stay, Princess.”
I blink at him. “No. What? You have to.”
“I can’t.”
I gape. “But you’re not going back to the castle. Not by gyre. You can’t risk it again, can’t—”
He steps close, his scent washing over me. When he reaches for my hand, my fingers instinctively strain to lock with his. But he only cuts my bonds with his blood-soaked dagger, freeing my wrist.
“Look at your bracelet,” he says, his voice terrifyingly soft. “At the hourglass.”
He flips the orb for me, and I bring it close, a sob already rushing up my throat. Sand pours through the glass, too much of it, too fast—
“No,” I choke out, because I’m watching Amriel’s curse solidify. Another hour or two at this rate, and his pain will become permanent. Not only that, I’ll have no way home. “No,” I say again, but it comes out weak and breathy.
He eases closer, cutting the rest of my bonds, catching me when I droop. Fiery needles swarm my hands and feet as sensation rushes back, but I ignore the burn. I hurl myself at him, clutching him around the middle, heedless of the blood and gore that smear him.
A pained grunt jets from his lips, his arms hovering mid-air as if he doesn’t know what to do with them. As if he can’t quite believe my reaction. But I don’t care. I yank his shirt aside and find his chest with my cheek, pressing my skin to his.
The bond snaps tight, stitching us together, banishing his pain. “You can’t go,” I say, shoving the words at him with both my mouth and my mind. “You can’t die.”
Another moment of hesitation before his arms settle around me. But even the strength coiled in his limbs can’t still my trembling.
“It’s all right,” he says. “It’s just another coin toss. Heads or tails. Death or life.”
His voice remains even, but emotion surges beneath his skin, a wild tangle.
His pain has faded, making room for a tide of satisfaction at seeing me safe.
For savage enjoyment at having bathed his hands with the blood of those trolls.
For a wellspring of fierce tenderness, all centered around me, so poignant it makes my sinuses burn.
I bury my face deeper against his chest.
And glimpse something else. Half-dead, long-buried, denied for so long that its continued existence baffles him.
But it survives, nonetheless.
Hope. Not much more than a kernel, a seed, but…
shadows below, I’ve just touched him for the first time.
On purpose. If only he can survive the journey back out of the Wildwood, escape this curse and make himself whole again, reunite with his better half, then maybe when I face those two doors, when I choose between my home and his, I’ll—
“If I live,” he says gruffly, as if trying to stop me from following that thread to its conclusion, “my Shadow will help you through the maze. He’ll keep you safe, better than I can.
But if I die, use your gyre. Go back to the castle.
Someone will return you to Aethrolia. You’ll be free of the treaty. Of the Claiming. Of me.”
“But I don’t—” I bite down so hard I taste iron. I don’t…what? Want to be free of him? Want to go home? No, I want nothing more than to see Aethrolia again. To take my vows and earn my magic.
I force a swallow, try again. “I don’t want you to die.”
Yes. That’s it. My arms twine tighter, even though every second he spends here costs us ten.
Surely there’s another way. Some option that doesn’t include him gambling away his life.
Or staying in the Wildwood and sentencing himself to an eternity of anguish simply because he came in here to save me.
Goddess. This is all my fault, isn’t it? If only I’d let the Shadow accompany me when he offered, I never would have gotten us into this mess.
Then again, Amriel created this whole mess in the first place.
I suppose neither of us is blameless.
“Princess. You’re overthinking this.”
I pull back to stare up into his face, breaking our connection. He winces, then recovers, and I don’t need the bond to catch the bleak determination in his eyes.
He’s going to go. He’s going to chance it.
“No!” My voice pitches upward. I turn to the Shadow, seeking someone with an ounce of sense. “You have to stop him. You can’t let him risk it. Risk you.”
The Shadow gazes back at me, his expression grim, his arms crossed over his chest. “It’s his choice.”
“But it isn’t! It’s both of yours! He’s about to kill you, too!”
The Shadow’s mouth flicks downward at the corner. “Maybe. Or maybe not.”
Tears prickle, but the intensity of my outrage prevents them from falling. How can he discuss his death so calmly? Like it doesn’t even matter? Like it wouldn’t eviscerate me the same way he eviscerated those trolls?
And yet I know exactly what carrot Amriel dangled in front of the Shadow’s face to get him to go along with this. Because I’ve seen inside them both—felt their thoughts, held their hearts in my hands. I know what they want, what Amriel has admitted without the surrender of saying so out loud.
Now I spin back to him, fueled by desperation. I can’t promise to stay here, can’t give him that much, but… “Kiss me.” I don’t know where it comes from. Just…anything to keep him from leaving. From bursting into pieces.
Amriel blinks, some fresh new emotion rippling across his face. “What?”
“Kiss me,” I say, louder this time. If I can grab hold of the bond, use it to show him, make him see… “Kiss me right now, or I’ll—”
I don’t get to finish. Because his mouth is suddenly on mine, his hand fisted in my hair. I don’t know how he moved so fast, how he erased the distance like it didn’t exist, and I don’t care. I just need to change his mind, need him to stay, need to… Need to…
When his mouth moves, everything in me bursts into vivid life. The mate bond sings, gathering strength with every slide of his lips.
I cling to him, my tongue tangling with his. I pour everything into the kiss—terror and gratitude, relief and want and please don’t die.
A sound escapes me, half-plea, half-moan. His arm bands around me as my hands snake up his back. Blood smears my palms, still wet, still warm—his, but he doesn’t seem to care. He just angles his head so he can kiss me more deeply. So he can make my stomach tighten and my head swim.
Goddess. Forget the blood, the death, the trolls, the Wildwood.
There’s only this. Only us. And the fact that I need him to stay.
But then light flares, so brightly it reaches me through closed lids. My eyes fly open.
A blaze pours off the gyre in Amriel’s hand. He must have grabbed it without me noticing, must have been holding it this whole time.
“No,” I gasp against his mouth.
His eyes meet mine, devastation and determination warring in those golden depths.
“If I die,” he murmurs, “just know that it was worth it.”
Reality crumples.
I stumble forward into nothing, my lips still parted, my hands clawing at empty air. Somehow, the Shadow is there, catching me, taking us both to the ground.
Instinct has me throwing my arms around his neck, climbing into his lap as if I can fight off death’s claim if I clutch tightly enough. His grip folds around me, and I mash my face against his shoulder, a choked sob bursting from my chest.
“You can’t die,” I babble, squeezing for all I’m worth. “You can’t, you can’t, you can’t, you can’t…”
Terror spins in my mind, questions I don’t want answered. If Amriel explodes, will the Shadow share the same fate? Or will he simply keel over? Will he go limp in my arms, the light draining out of his eyes?
My world narrows to the warmth of his skin, to the barrage of heartbeats battering at my ribcage—mine and his, thudthudthud as one. One two three…four five six…seven eight nine…
I suck in a gasp and hold it. Three seconds have passed, at least. Maybe four? Five? And still, he breathes, his chest rising and falling against mine.
I ease back, forcing my grip to loosen, enough that I can peer into his face. His glowing gaze ensnares me, the satisfaction there summoning a swell of hope. And rage, so potent I pull back and slam my fist into his chest.
He laughs. Laughs.
And cages my hand in his, flattening my palm against the brand I carved into his shoulder. I try to pull away, because goddess, I want nothing more than to hit him again, to hit both of them for putting me through that, but he holds me in place.
Then I realize how close I’ve gotten—my legs clamped around his waist, his hand spanning the small of my back, his mouth just inches from mine. A staticky thrill rolls down my spine, but…
No. No.
I’m angry. I’m livid. I want to slap that gloating triumph right off his face. Tell Amriel exactly what I think of his infuriating little stunt.
So I do. Not through the Shadow this time, but by flipping the orb on my wrist and unleashing a stream of vitriol straight into the crystal.
“You bastard! You…you rude, horrible, reckless, ridiculous man! Do you have any idea how terrifying that was? How awful it would’ve been if you’d died? How not okay I would’ve been? How… How…furious that would’ve made me?”
A sultry laugh rolls from my bracelet as Amriel’s face appears. Some new emotion pierces me, an arrow striking me in the chest and passing clean through to the other side. Because he’s alive, staring out from the orb, sucking at his lower lip as if still tasting our kiss.
“I’m sorry, Princess,” he says, only he isn’t. He sounds anything but. “But you kissed me, and I figured this would be my only chance.”
“Your only chance?” I shriek, glaring at my wrist from over the Shadow’s shoulder. I don’t care if Amriel sees how entangled I’ve gotten with his other half. “For what?”
His lips lift in a gloating half-smile. “To die with your tongue in my mouth.”
Red spots crowd my vision. “To… To…” I sputter, my words tied in knots.
“Maybe don’t talk to him right now,” the Shadow suggests. “Just close the connection and let me carry you. I’ll infuriate you only half as much as he will.”
“Carry her?” Amriel’s mouth pulls into a scowl. “You don’t need to carry her. Just put her down. Let her walk on her own.”
The Shadow’s chest vibrates, his laugh so deep it reaches me as more of a feeling than a sound.
He finds the dagger Amriel discarded, then gathers me close, hoisting me so I’m sitting in the crook of his elbow, my arms draped around his neck.
He bears me up like it costs him nothing, and for all that my heart pumps raw fury right now instead of blood, I let him. I don’t even try to resist.
“You left,” the Shadow rumbles. “I stayed. This is my reward.”
Amriel glowers. “Well, you don’t have to gloat. I can feel her, too, you know. Wrapped around me.”
Another laugh rolls from the Shadow as he starts across the clearing. “Not like I can.”
Amriel opens his mouth. Snicks it shut again. I burrow into the Shadow, tucking my face into his shoulder, until Amriel can only see my eyes. “Jealous?” I say.
Which clearly irks him, because his brows flatten. “No.” Then, after a beat, “All right, yes. I’m jealous of…myself. Somehow. Is that what you wanted to hear?”
“Yes,” I say. “Goodbye, now.”
“No,” Amriel spits. “You can’t shut me out after I just—”
“I can, actually. I can do whatever I want. Especially when I’m this mad at you. And I’m so mad. Mad enough that you’re going to wish you’d exploded. Because the next time I see you, I’m going to kill you myself.”
He pauses. Mulls that over. “But there will be a next time?”
I glare. “No. Or…maybe. I don’t know. Just go see my sister Carina, in Aethrolia, all right? She has healing magic. She can fix your shoulder.”
He snorts. “I’m not going to Aethrolia. Especially not for a scratch.”
My jaw grinds. It’s so much more than a scratch, but I’ve reached the end of my patience with him, and flip the orb before he can say any more, cutting the connection. The hourglass replaces Amriel’s face, and I study it for the first time since the gravity room.
My stomach sinks. Just over half my time remains.
“Damn,” I mutter.
The Shadow grunts. “What is it?”
“I’ve used up so many hours and hardly gotten anywhere. How far can we go tonight? Can we get all the way to the end?”
“I can take you halfway, maybe,” he says. “From here.”
Ugh. It’s not enough, but it’s better than nothing. He cradles me closer, his arm like banded steel beneath me, and I lay my head on his shoulder, staring at the side of his neck. At the interplay of indigo and purple, glowing amid the evening’s shadows.
A cool breeze brushes against my arms and filters through my braids. Darkness deepens around us, the stars brightening overhead.
Little by little, my body relaxes, and I sigh contentedly. I have my own star right here, shining through the dusk. One that makes me feel safer than I have in…well, probably ever.
“Do you want me to put you down?” he rumbles.
I consider. I probably should. That would be the sanest response. But I’ve exhausted my entire repertoire of emotions today, cycled through highs and lows I didn’t even know existed. And I’m tired.
And right now, I don’t want to be strong.
“No,” I say. “I just want you to hold me.”
He flicks a glance at me, his face so close that I catch the longing in his eyes, a mirror of the same ache that thrums through the bond, pulling at me, tugging me closer, pleading with me.
I don’t fight it. I’m too exhausted for that. I just stare into him, acknowledging his want, letting him feel what a mess I am inside. Letting him see how much I need him, too.
“Then I’ll carry you,” he says softly. “For as long as I can.”
“Until sunrise, you mean?”
“Yes.” Regret tightens his expression. “Until sunrise.”
“And then you’ll hunt me again?”
He swallows. Pauses long enough that I almost hope he’ll give me another answer. But he doesn’t.
“Yes. And then I’ll hunt you again.”