Chapter 6 #2
The thought made no sense to her. This was a thing of the body, not of the soul. This was anger and pleasure rolled into a confusing cascade of sensation. And yet in all of that, her bear found meaning.
Possessed.
Alan. Mate.
It wasn’t true. It couldn’t be true. And yet, there was a locking sensation inside her. As if he’d found something deep within her and written his name on it.
Oh, shit.
She stared at his face. In truth, her gaze had never left his. She’d seen the moment pleasure had overcome his anger. She’d watched as the hardness in his eyes had given way to hunger and then delight. A moment later, his eyes had rolled back in his head and he’d exploded between her thighs.
And then they’d held like that, each riding wave after wave of pleasure. Wet covered her body—from him, from the hot tub, from her own pleasure. Heat was everywhere, too, steam coming off her skin from what they’d just done.
And yet there was a quiet coldness, too.
The hot tub still roared with bubbles, and her blood continued to pound, though the contractions were easing.
But deep in her heart and in her womb, she felt the emptiness in what they’d done.
It was the human in her that felt it. Her bear purred in possessed delight.
The rational human part of her watched in horror as he froze against her.
His breath came in a harsh rasp, and the hands that caged her on either side curled into fists.
When he opened his eyes, she read horror in his gaze. A self-disgust that chilled her.
“Alan?” she whispered.
“Fucking God, Tonya,” he rasped. “Don’t you get it? Alan isn’t here.”
He shoved himself backward, grabbed his shorts, and climbed out of the hot tub.
He didn’t bother wrapping a towel around his hips until he was halfway across the deck area.
Tall, muscular, sleek. His swimmer’s body with the tight behind that clenched and released as he walked.
She watched him go. He was fully human now, no signs of the clawed creature he could become.
Look back at me, she begged silently. If he turned around, then she would know she could still reach him. That part of him still cared about her.
He didn’t. He left the deck without turning around.
Without even slowing down. And the shock of that took some time for her to process.
Ten minutes. Twenty. She sat in the Jacuzzi.
The bubbles clicked off. She was naked and out in the open.
The remains of her bikini floated on the opposite side, but she couldn’t stir herself to grab them.
She was too busy being bruised by her own sobering realizations.
First off, Alan was no longer vulnerable to her sexually.
She’d never abused that advantage. Not after what she’d done on his fourteenth birthday.
But that didn’t mean she wasn’t aware of his attraction.
She’s always known that with one crook of her finger, he’d come running.
Except now when she desperately needed him to come home, she’d crooked her finger and he’d walked away.
Second, far from being able to control him through sex, she was the one who’d given up everything.
She hadn’t even put up a token protest. He’d gone dark and dangerous, and she’d waded right in.
She was Officer Tonya Kappes, the coldest, deadliest shifter cop in the state.
And yet one dark threat from Alan and she’d turned to mush.
Wet, throbbing, hungry mush. And now she was sitting naked in a hot tub wondering what the hell was wrong with her.
Hell yes, she wanted kids. She was thirty-one years old and the biological clock was ticking.
But she’d never let anyone take her like this.
In the open. Without any regard to her feelings or wants.
It was just what he’d promised he’d do. Exactly as he’d warned her.
But she hadn’t believed him. And when he’d followed through, she’d been both shocked and excited.
Which made her the biggest idiot ever. Normally, she demanded dinner and wooing from her gentlemen.
No man could so much as kiss her until after a few expensive dates and some genuine courtesy.
Which led her to the most horrifying realization of all: Not only was Alan night-and-day different from the man she knew, but she’d changed, too.
Since returning to Gladwin, all she’d thought about was becoming Carl’s Maxima.
She would lead the female half of the clan by Carl’s side.
When he’d thrown her over for Becca, she’d been unsettled.
Sure, he’d made her beta, but it wasn’t the same role she’d trained for.
The responsibilities were different, the place in the clan more prestigious and less assured.
If she sucked at it—which she did—then the clan itself was at risk.
And she sure as hell wouldn’t stay beta for long if things continued the way they were now.
Which all spelled disaster of epic proportions for her. She wasn’t Maxima, and she was failing as beta. So who the hell was she? This needy woman who spread her legs at the first hot man who beckoned? Absolutely not! And yet her current situation suggested otherwise.
What the hell was going on?
Possessed. Mate.
Absolutely not. Her grizzly was still purring, the happiness at finally finding her mate pulsing in a low beat inside her. Her thoughts drowned it out, which is why she kept thinking. But in the pause between question and answer, the whisper sounded.
Possessed. Mate.
Of all the times, of all the people, why had her grizzly chosen Alan? If the creature had spoken up at any point in the last years, Tonya would have listened. She would have balanced the biological needs with her Maxima ambition and made a reasoned, intelligent choice.
But no, it had been silent. For years she’d waited for a sign, some biological imperative that pointed a big red arrow at a man and said, This is the one. But there hadn’t been anything, so she’d given up. She’d focused on Carl and becoming Maxima.
But now she’d heard the voice, now her grizzly purred for a man who was angry and sick.
Maybe she could work around that, but Alan also hated her.
He despised her for toying with him as a teen, for rejecting him as an adult, and forgetting about him in the midst of other crises.
She couldn’t blame him, and normally she would choose to let him be.
He needed to cool off. He needed to sort himself out.
And she needed to be patient until he was in a place where she could reason with him.
She sank deeper into the hot water and did her best to think her way to an answer.
As usual, she got nothing. Alan was the logical thinker.
She was the gut-instinct reactor. But she wasn’t just instinct, right?
She was a deputy in the sheriff’s department.
Her brain could sort through clues and solve crimes.
She’d just have to look at the situation from that perspective.
A crime involved a perpetrator. In this case, Alan’s monster was the problem.
Ergo, she had to eliminate that. Once Alan reverted back to his logical, approachable self, then everything could go back to normal.
She could talk to him, she could seduce him, she could live happily ever after with him. But only if the monster was gone.
Good thing she’d gotten the key to his room from the hotel manager. It was time to take down a monster.