Chapter 18
Tonya held Alan’s gaze while inside every part of her tightened to an agonizing pinprick.
Despite her badass reputation, Tonya didn’t take many big risks.
She calculated the odds, weighted the possibilities, and then went with her gut, which had rarely steered her wrong.
The one notable exception being when she’d pursued Carl instead of Alan.
Dumb-shit thinking is what that had been.
And this right here was mega dumb-shit thinking.
It was too soon to push Alan. The man was still in so much pain it made her ache to even look at him.
He was a civilized man who had abruptly been shoved into kidnapping, torture, and now a body alien to himself and everyone else.
So what did she do? She forced him to look at his beast and gave him an ultimatum. Accept it or lose her forever.
Dumb-shit thinking because, honestly, she belonged to him no matter what he did. Grizzlies mated for life, and, apparently, her bear had picked him. For life. Because that was her kind of luck.
Meanwhile, Alan’s expression went through a dozen different emotions. She saw fury and confusion, but also tenderness and fear. A lot of fear. In the end, he took her hand. Calluses caressed her palm and his jagged fingernails scraped her skin in a pleasing kind of way.
“I’ve never had a problem with your bear,” he finally said. “She’s part of you and she’s wonderful.”
“Uh-huh.” She did her best not to give anything away with that, but he knew her too well. He knew that part of her was calling him a fucking liar, so he released an annoyed snort.
“Okay. Maybe I really liked not ripping through my clothes or randomly getting hairy.”
“Maybe?” she taunted.
“Definitely.”
“Can you even imagine a time when you’d appreciate it?”
He shrugged. “Not that part.”
She sighed. “Didn’t you read The Hulk as a kid? That part where he bursts through his clothes and kicks ass is pretty cool.” Personally she’d enjoyed him more than She-Hulk, but they both worked for her.
“You’re asking me to take a comic book as a role model.” His expression was droll in the most posh way possible. And it was exactly a before-the-change Alan look. Which meant he was finding his way back to himself, or so she hoped.
So she leaned back into a fading sunbeam and gave him a teasing look. “Afraid you can’t pull off the big and green look?”
He leaned into her, crowding her personal space in the best possible way. “Would that turn you on?”
Everything about him turned her on, but she wasn’t going to admit that. “You’ll just have to try it and see.”
He held there, close to her face, and she narrowed the distance even further.
He had to know he didn’t frighten or disgust her.
But as their breaths mingled, the heat curling around her mouth in a delicious way, she realized that what she thought didn’t really matter. It was what he thought about himself.
“Alan, try to imagine something good about you now. Use that big ol’ brain and think of an advantage. I’ll even start you out. You’re stronger, faster—”
“I stink and frighten anyone with a nose.”
“You can shift more often than the rest of us. I’m stuck with every other day at best.”
“My joints ache all the time, and I notice shit that I really don’t want to see.”
She hadn’t known about the pain. “Young shifters get that a lot. It eases after a while. And if you don’t like what you see, look somewhere else. There’s plenty of pretty stuff in the world.”
He closed his eyes and let his forehead drop to hers. “It just isn’t who I am, Tonya.”
She touched his jaw, feeling the hard angle and the scrape of his five-o’clock shadow. She smiled at that. She liked his stubble. Before his change, he’d had a bit of a baby face.
“It’s who you are now, Alan. And I like you a lot.”
She kissed him then, gentle and tender. He responded in the same way, but it wasn’t the commitment she wanted. It didn’t have the passion she craved. He was holding himself back from her and that really pissed her off. Patience had never been her strong suit.
In the end, she pulled back, fighting the frustration inside her.
“Tonya—”
“We need to get to the police station. They might have let Johnny go by now.”
That snapped him to attention. His eyes narrowed and he cupped her elbow as she jumped off the picnic table. “I’ll drive.”
“Bull—”
“You’re tired and cranky. It’s been a rough few days for you. Let me drive.”
It had been a rough few months for her, but it had been a hundred times worse for him.
Still, she appreciated the consideration.
Even more, she realized he was right. She was tired on a bone-deep level and it would be nice to rest while someone else took the lead.
“I’m still a badass,” she grumbled as she passed him the keys.
“Never thought anything different.”
But the moment she climbed into her car, her phone rang.
The news was short and frustrating. Johnny had been bailed out by his wife and was in the wind, probably getting wasted at the nearest bar.
She knew Alan would want to burn rubber to find him, but she needed to delay that.
As important as it was to find Elisabeth, Alan was still her top priority.
And that meant slowing the man down so he had time to adjust to his new body. And that gave her an idea.
She thumbed her phone off and turned to him. “Johnny’s out on bail. Our best chance to catch him is in the morning when he’s half awake.”
“Not a chan—”
“So we’re going out to dinner tonight because I have needs.”
That got his attention.
“You have needs,” he drawled in his bedroom voice. The one that made her toes curl even if part of him was mocking her.
“I do. Real food in a real restaurant.” She lifted her chin. “Like on a date. Saginaw isn’t far, and there’s a great Italian restaurant I know. Homemade pasta, locally grown vegetables, and the owner really does serenade each table.”
“You need homemade lasagna?”
“It’s your brother who loves lasagna. I want—”
“Mushroom ravioli,” he said, proving that he did know what she liked.
“And a serenade. He’s got a great voice.”
Alan frowned at her, obviously figuring out that she was stalling. But would he go for it anyway? “Work with me, Alan,” she pleaded. She arched her brows. “I promise to make it worth your while.”
His eyes shifted to blazing in an instant, but he held it back. In the end, he nodded. “Fine. Ravioli and serenades. But then we’re going to work on some of my needs.”
She felt her body heat as he turned the ignition. When all else fails, appeal to a man’s basest desires: food and sex.
* * *
Dinner was amazing. Alan even seemed to enjoy the serenading or maybe it was the expensive bottle of wine.
Or maybe it was the company. Tonya certainly hoped so because she had a great time.
They’d always been able to talk to each other.
They could argue the finer points of police brutality or discuss cheese with equal passion.
And with the promise of sex tonight, the dinner held an extra edge.
An excitement that showed in the banked hunger in his eyes or the slow way she licked the tiramisu off her fork.
He didn’t let her pay, and she didn’t let him drive since he’d consumed most of the wine.
Her shifter metabolism kept her sober even when she wanted to be tipsy.
She had no idea what his metabolism did except allow him to eat three times more than usual.
Even he commented on it as they wandered out to the car.
“I should feel stuffed.”
“You don’t?” She was practically waddling.
“I do. But...” He looked at his hands, stretching them wide in the moonlight. “I think I needed that.”
“Shifting burns a lot of calories.” She touched his face, bringing it around for a kiss. “You still have that lean, hungry look.”
“Like a starving wolf?” he taunted.
“Like a man who has needs.” It was an invitation and he took it, pushing her against the car as he owned her mouth. She’d parked in the back corner of the lot under the shadows of a couple old oaks. Plenty of darkness for what she had in mind.
So she sank into his kiss, feeling the burn in her blood as he thrust into her mouth. She loved the lean strength of him and the hot press of his cock against her pelvis. And when he lifted his head just for a moment, she pulled off her shirt.
He drew back, startled, his gaze automatically sweeping the parking lot. No one was around. She’d kept them late at dinner on purpose. Even so, there was a tiny thrill in her belly at the thought that they were exposed. That someone might see them.
“I never pegged you for an exhibitionist,” he drawled.
She wasn’t. Not really. “I told you,” she said slowly. “I have a need.”
He frowned. “To fuck in public?”
She shook her head and popped her bra. His eyes went straight down as her breasts bounced free.
“Tonya?”
“Ever run as your animal, Alan? Ever played in the moonlight with a grizzly?”
His expression tightened down. “You know I haven’t.”
True. It was too dangerous for a normal person to rumble tumble with a bear. Even if the bear was a shifter who tried to be careful. But he wasn’t normal anymore. She pointed behind her at the trees. “That’s Shiawassee National Wildlife Refuge back there. The river is fabulous this time of year.”
His eyes narrowed. “I knew you didn’t like being serenaded.”
She chuckled. “Not really, though he does have a nice voice.”
“Tonya—” he began, but she tugged at his shirt.
“Let’s try it now. Shift.”
His expression locked down and his body tightened with anger. “No.”
“Why not? Afraid I’ll hurt you?” She could remember a dozen times as a teenager that he’d claimed he could go toe-to-toe with any of them as a grizzly. It had been pure bravado, but she used it now to get what she wanted. “Afraid you can’t keep up?”
“You wish.”
“So prove it.” She stripped out of her pants then tossed everything inside the trunk of the cruiser.
The only thing she kept out were the car keys, which were strapped to her arm on an elastic coil large enough to fit her grizzly body.
Then she stood there, stark naked with her eyebrows raised.
Could she taunt him into joining her? Tempt him?
At the moment he was just staring at her naked body.
God, it was good to be wanted like that.
To induce lust that tented his shorts and made his hands reach for her.
“Catch me,” she said with a laugh. Then she shifted and ran.