20. Wolf
Waking up at all was unexpected. Waking to Emi”s face was a sweet joy and flood of relief like I couldn’t describe. I’d been picturing her as I was dying, but I never thought I’d see her again. Warmth pooled in my chest at the sight of her slumbering in the chair across from me, surprising me with just how worried I’d been. I’d only been able to hope she was safe, wherever she was.
Soft, slow breaths fluttered a stray lock of hair that had fallen over her face. For several heartbeats, I watched it rising and falling in time with her breathing. Up and down. Up and down. Something inside me unclenched and fluttered with it. I had no idea how I was alive, but my heart filled with gratitude for my salvation.
When Emi jerked upright in that way of people who hadn’t meant to fall asleep, I closed my eyes. It wouldn’t do for her to catch me staring.
Blinking as if waking for the first time, I opened my eyes to find her upright in the chair again with a dagger resting in her hands on her lap. I’d been too distracted by finding her here, soft and vulnerable, to notice it. The metal was a beautiful swirl of silvers with a faint blue sheen. It looked expertly crafted and fit her hand like it was made just for her. She hadn’t looked so comfortable with a blade the last time I’d seen her.
It wasn’t the only thing that seemed changed about her. She wasn’t the same Emi who’d left a fortnight ago, and my stomach gave a nervous flip.
Now that she was awake, a lot about Emi was different. Her hair still fell in luscious red waves, but the tilt of her chin was less defiant, more confident. Her eyes were steady, not darting to every sound or flicker of firelight. Even the set of her shoulders reflected a poise that hadn’t been there before.
If the Emi before had been a rage-fueled kitten, now she was a proud tigress, and all the more beautiful for it. She was far more than the pretty girl who’d captured my heart, she was stunning.
“I’m not dead.” Why I felt the need to draw her attention to that fact was beyond me.
“Not yet.”
Definitely a tigress. “I should be dead.”
“I think what you mean is, ‘Thank you for healing me, Emi. You saved my life, Emi. You’re amazing, Emi.’”
I already thought she was amazing, but I couldn’t say that out loud. And now apparently she’d healed me. No wonder she seemed so different. My little firecracker had finally claimed her magic. “You should have let me die, witchling, or finished me off. Isn’t that what you wanted?”
“Silence,” she commanded. “I am going to pretend you didn’t just say that to me after I healed you. I’m not the one who—No.” She cut off. “I saved your life, now you’re going to listen to what I have to say. I have questions, and I want answers. Understood?”
I gaped my mouth open and closed, no words coming out. With a look of abject horror, I sat upright to face her and clutched at my throat.
“What’s wrong with you?” Emi flipped to concern so quickly, I had to wonder how much of her anger was feigned, like she couldn’t let me off the hook, but maybe, just maybe, she didn’t truly hate me anymore. Was it just magic that had changed her so much, so fast?
I scrabbled at my throat again and locked my gaze with hers, my eyes wide.
“Your voice? You can’t talk?” She looked stricken. “Oh, clouds! I told you silence. Did my magic—? I—No! Sunbeams, but it’s healing magic, not curse magic. Or maybe it just affects the body however I want. I’m sorry, Wolf. I’ll fix it. I didn’t mean to silence you, not really. I’m just learning how my magic works, but I’ll figure it out, I…”
I couldn’t let her spiral anymore. Laughter burst out of me. “You should see your face, witchling.”
Her jaw dropped. Then, like the wildcat she was, she pounced. She was across the gap from one heartbeat to the next, forcing me to recoil on the couch. The tip of her dagger lifted my chin and I found myself at her mercy and lost in her emerald eyes all at once. It became abundantly clear how much my brain had been addled by the Mist because this right here…yeah, it was insanely hot.
“I can’t believe you! You incorrigible, arrogant, annoying, awful…”
“Any other A-words you want to use, kitten?”
“You realize I could kill you right now, don’t you?” she growled.
“I’m still wondering why you haven’t yet. At least you’re admitting you have magic now. It looks good on you, darling.” My eyes tracked down to her lips, then lower to the pulse hammering at the notch of her throat. Our breaths came together in hot gusts, and I saw the instant she, too, remembered our kiss.
There was heat in her eyes, and it felt like the dagger’s edge could tip us from loathing to lust.
Those lips…
I could taste her, savouring the memory of her honeyed breath and the warmth of her tongue against mine. Nothing prepared me for the full-body desire that flooded me to do it again. To do it properly this time, claiming her mouth for my own. I’d been too surprised and worried she didn’t really want it the first time to give myself over to it entirely, but I wanted that with everything I had. I wanted to make Emi mine.
But doubt clashed with desire in her eyes before they hooded, and she withdrew. We both took a moment to breathe.
I felt weak again for the first time since waking. The gorgeous, conflicted character in front of me had saved my life. It was already more than I could have asked for. Expecting forgiveness on top of that was a world too far.
Placing my hands on my knees in what I hoped was a non-threatening gesture, I waited until Emi sank into the chair. She must have sat there watching over me while I was out. The image lifted a bubble of warmth inside me that I cradled and cherished. If that was all I could have, it was enough. It showed that she was exactly the caring, loving person I’d seen through her walls of loneliness and feigned indifference.
“Will you grant a man a dying wish?” I asked hopefully.
“You”re not dying anymore.”
“But I will be if you decide to kill me.”
She arched a brow. “You believe I can, now. Are you worried, Wolf?”
I held her gaze. “You do remember you have magic now, right, witchling? I”m sure you could stop my heart with a single glare.” Or a kiss, I wanted to say, but I did still have an ounce of self-preservation.
“What is it you want?”
Oh, I wanted so very many things. Dirty things. Terrible things. Hopeful things. Mostly, I wanted to take her in my arms, hold her, and protect her from the world that had made her put up her walls in the first place. But since I couldn’t have that, and since she wouldn’t want apologies or platitudes from me, I appealed to her sweeter, caring nature.
“Come with me to the enclave. Meet the people I”m trying to save. I know I can”t undo what happened or bring your grandmother back—”
She cut me off with a muttered curse, and when my brows shot up in surprise, she huffed at the ceiling. “I’m beginning to think that”s for the best.”
What? Since when did she think Ruby deserved to die? “You believe me?”
Frowning, she twitched her head and shoulder together in something that could be either a shrug or a nod. Or halfway between both. “I…maybe? Some of it. I don”t know, but I do know there”s more going on than what I thought. I”m not saying I forgive you—”
“I wouldn’t expect you to.”
”But I do understand why you did it. I learned a lot while I was gone. Someone helped me. She was a friend, which I realized I’ve never had before, and I trust her.”
She told me about two people, Juliet and Locke, who’d taken her in. The corners of Emi’s mouth quirked as she recounted some of her time with Juliet. I wasn’t sure I’d ever been jealous of someone I’d never met before and grateful to them all at the same time. When she explained how she’d awakened magic to save the man who took her from me that day, I might have growled a tiny bit. I don’t think she heard.
“Jules told me all sorts of things, made me see some things in a new light. It’s not just Ruby either, it’s my whole self-serving family. I learned at the knees of people who only ever think of themselves, never considering how it hurts those around them. I thought I was the one being hurt; thought I was different from them. I didn”t think the family selfishness included me, but I”ve been so lost in my own troubles it blinded me to the ones of the world around me.”
“That”s not true, Emi. You’re not selfish. You were coming here to see a woman whom no one else would care for and who, despite you being her only connection to the rest of the world, still never gave you the attention or information or love that you deserved. But you saw the good in her because there”s so much good in you.”
The column of her throat bobbed as she swallowed her emotion. Let it out, sweetheart, I wanted to say. I hated watching her hold it all in and blame herself. “When you claimed your powers, you could have let it twist you into something just like her, but you”re everything she wasn”t. You saved your friend’s life. And now, not only have you not killed me yet, which I know you could if you wanted to…”
“Don”t tempt me,” she said, lifting the dagger thoughtfully and making me smile.
“But you healed me instead. That”s the magic you wished for. Even when you were mired in grief and the need for revenge, you didn”t let it overwhelm your desire to help your friend. Then you came back here and healed your enemy when you could have let me die.”
“Are you my enemy, Wolf?”
“I don’t want to be. I’d rather be a friend, if you’d let me.” I was quiet while my words sank in, conflict warring on her features. She wasn’t quite there yet. “Come with me to the enclave. Meet the others, and then judge for yourself if I”m as much a monster as you want me to be. Because if you can find any good in me, then I know you can see it in yourself too.”
She narrowed her gaze. Considered.
Then nodded once.