Chapter 4
Chapter Four
NADINE
Grayson doesn’t say a word after I tell him what Landon Tate did to me while I was forced to be with him.
Although I didn’t go into extreme detail, he’s an adult, and I know without a doubt he can envision what I’ve just said.
Even if he does imagine—it wouldn’t be half as bad as what that man actually did.
The silence between us causes my heart to squeeze, though.
It makes my mind wander, and I know that whatever could have been will absolutely never be now.
We are never going to get together.
As much as I wish it could happen, I know it won’t.
However, I still don’t want him to see me in any kind of way.
I don’t want him to think of me as damaged.
I’m not.
I overcame.
At least that’s how I feel inside.
I didn’t fight back, but I ran, and I’ve been trying to survive since the moment my parents handed me over to him.
Something that, when I was in the thick of it all, I didn’t think was possible.
“How old were you when you married him?” Grayson asks.
“Eighteen,” I whisper.
He dips his chin in a single nod, then wordlessly walks away from me and toward the window that overlooks the building across from me.
I can’t take my eyes off him.
I wish I could tell what he is thinking.
There’s no balcony or anything remotely calm and soothing like the safe house condo I just moved out of.
So, the best he can do is look out of the main living room window, but there isn’t much to see.
Following him with my eyes, I wait for him to speak.
He clears his throat but doesn’t turn to face me.
Instead, he continues to affix his gaze out of the window, somewhere in the distance.
“I wanted to kill him when you told me that he abused you,” Grayson begins.
I don’t say anything.
My breath hitches, and I hold it for a moment, then let it out slowly as he continues.
“Knowing what he did to the eighteen-year-old that you were, and how that feels, now I want to torture him.”
My thighs tremble at his words.
His meaning is not lost on me.
In fact, it causes every single nerve ending in my body to stand at full attention.
I think this is the most we’ve said to one another since I told him about Landon originally, a few months ago.
“Grayson?” I call out softly.
“What do you mean by how that feels?” I ask.
Slowly, he turns around to face me.
His eyes meet mine, and his gaze darkens.
As much as I want to cower away from him, to take a step back, maybe two, I don’t.
Instead, I force myself to take a step forward.
Then another step until I’m only a few feet from him.
He dips his chin down, his eyes on mine as if nothing else exists in this world other than us.
“Grayson,” I whisper.
“ What do you mean? ”
He doesn’t say anything immediately.
He stares at me for a moment, then lets out a heavy sigh.
Closing his eyes slowly and keeping them closed as he speaks.
Almost as if he knows that his next words are going to be painful.
“You know exactly what I mean, Nadine.”
Shaking my head, I take another step toward him.
I need him to tell me.
I need to know why he is the way he is and why the men of Securus are the way they are.
Grayson takes half a step toward me as well.
Then stops.
He lifts his hands, and when his fingers curl around my biceps, they grip me there as he looks directly into my eyes.
My arms are no doubt going to wear his marks with the way he’s gripping me, but I don’t care.
I welcome them.
I’m the only person in the world at this moment.
At least that’s how he makes me feel.
Much to my dismay, he releases my arms and then cups my cheeks.
I can see the absolute torture behind his eyes, and I wish I could take it away from him.
When he looks at me with softness and an easy smile, that is my favorite—this is too painful.
“Baby,” he says, letting out a sigh.
“One day, I’ll tell you. But today is not that day.”
Before I can say anything in response, his mouth comes down, his lips press against mine, and he kisses me.
For the first time, he kisses me, and it’s glorious.
It’s perfection, and I wish beyond all wishes that it were under a million different circumstances.
When his tongue slips inside my mouth, my heart begins to slam against my chest at the sensation of his mouth on me and his tongue inside of me.
I imagine it somewhere else, anywhere else, and I can’t hold in the whimper that escapes.
Grayson swallows my sounds, and my entire body breaks out in goose bumps.
His hands leave my face, his fingers dragging down my arms, my sides, my hips, and then I feel them grip my ass before he picks me up.
I wrap my legs around his waist, and he turns us and walks me toward the closest wall.
When my back presses against the cool wall, another moan escapes me.
I don’t know what is happening here or why, but I’m also not going to be questioning a single thing.
I’ve been fantasizing about this moment for years.
Years .
And it’s better than I could have ever imagined.
Grayson slowly unhooks my legs from his waist and guides my feet down to the floor.
He doesn’t break the kiss, though.
He’s devouring me, consuming me, owning me.
And I want him to.
I’m silently begging him to do something that I never imagined I would actually want again.
It’s not that I’m afraid of sex.
It’s just that I didn’t think I could ever actually want it—need it.
There hasn’t been anyone since I left my life with Landon.
I’ve been too focused on attempting to stay out of sight and doing the best job I can at Securus.
Grayson makes me want to be touched, though, for the first time, probably ever.
Just his touch makes me want to be fucked—hard.
When my pants and panties are down around my ankles, I feel his fingers slip between my thighs.
I break the kiss, and my head falls backward, bouncing against the wall behind me.
“Please,” I whisper.
He chuckles, then I feel his forehead rest against mine as he moves closer to me.
His fingers don’t stop moving between my legs.
He slips them through my folds, then swirls them around my clit once before focusing on that little sensitive bundle.
GRAYSON
I want to fuck her into this wall, but at the same time, with her past, I’m not sure what she’s capable of handling.
I’ve been imagining this moment for years.
I’m not sure how much self-control I have left inside of me.
“Please what, Nadine?” I ask, my voice sounding rough even to my own ears as I lift my head so I can look into her eyes.
Her hips roll as she meets my touch, needing it, craving it.
I don’t stop moving my fingers against her clit.
I know she’s climbing higher and higher with each stroke.
Her breathing becomes labored, her eyelids are hooded as she looks at me through her lashes.
Her lips parted in awe.
Fuck.
I want to be inside of her right fucking now.
Shifting my head closer to her face, I press my lips against her forehead, trying like hell not to kiss her since I need to hear her words.
I don’t know the gritty details of what she went through with that monster, but I know what I went through with mine, and I’m not going to fuck her up any more than she already is.
So I’ll be taking this one step at a time, one moment at a time, until we’re both comfortable with each other’s boundaries.
And we will be.
Soon enough.
“What do you need, baby?” I ask in a murmur.
I’m not sure what I expect, but it’s not what she does next.
She lifts her hands, and her fingers grip my shoulders, her nails digging into my flesh through my shirt.
If she doesn’t draw blood, it’s only because I haven’t taken my clothes off yet.
Shifting my head back slightly, I look into her eyes, mine wide as I wait for her to speak.
She moans, rolling her hips against my fingers once before she talks.
What she says sends waves of desire throughout my body and causes my control to snap.
It doesn’t bend.
It fucking snaps.
Like a goddamn rubber band.
“I need you to fuck me hard and fast. Make it hurt.”
“Nadine,” I warn.
“Grayson. Fuck . Me .”
Without another word or a moment to delay, I slip my fingers from between her thighs and shove my pants and underwear down around my ankles.
I don’t bother kicking off my shoes or trying to step out of anything.
If Nadine wants to be fucked…
She will be fucked— hard .
Grabbing the backs of her thighs, I pick her up, then press her back against the wall before I align the head of my cock with her center and slowly slide inside of her.
She gasps, her eyes widening as her fingers grip my shoulders even harder.
I open my mouth to ask her if she’s okay.
She’s wet, but she’s also tight.
I’m not sure if it’s because she’s not completely ready for my intrusion, or maybe something else is happening here.
But I don’t get the chance to ask.
Because I feel one of her hands leave my shoulder, her fingers curl around the side of my neck, and her eyes meet mine.
“I am not a fragile flower,” she says through gritted teeth.
I grip her hip with one hand as I keep my hips pressed against her and brace my other hand on the wall next to her face.
My eyes boring into hers, I hold her attention and focus because I want to make sure she is good.
“Nadine,” I warn again.
When she only arches her brow as her response, I know that the time for talking is done.
Time for control is done.
If I fuck this up, then I fuck it up.
But judging by the way she’s looking at me, the way she’s breathing, she wants this as much as I do.
I don’t hesitate for a second longer.
In fact, my veil slips, my mask vanishes, and I rear back, my eyes on hers, before I slam back inside of her, rolling my pelvis when I’m fully seated.
Over and over again, I move inside of her, pulling out until just the head of my cock is still nestled inside of her sweet cunt.
Keeping my eyes on hers, I fuck her hard.
I watch as her head even bounces off the wall a couple of times, but she doesn’t even wince at the movement.
Her fingers grip the side of my neck before they move around to the front of my throat.
Arching a brow, I watch as her eyes darken.
Her fingers curl around my neck as she watches me, her breathing coming out in short pants, her pussy drenching me so goddamn much that the wetness drips down my balls.
Sliding my hand from her hip, I do the same and wrap my fingers around the front of her throat.
Her eyes widen, then her whole body almost melts as her lips part, and she whimpers.
She wants this, and I aim to give it to her.
Squeezing her throat, I continue to move inside of her, to fuck her, to roll my pelvis against her clit.
Her eyes widen, and her lips part as if she is searching for breath, but I know I’m not hurting her.
I can see her nostrils flare, and I can feel her cunt drenching me with each thrust.
I know she wants this.
Needs it.
When she comes, her pussy squeezes me almost violently.
It’s fucking beautiful.
When I bury myself inside of her one last time, my own orgasm is immediately drawn from my body, my balls tingling before they empty inside of her.
Her hand goes limp around my throat, but I pulse mine, matching the rhythm of the way her cunt pulses around my cock.
Shifting my face forward, I touch my lips to her forehead, holding them there for a long kiss before I dip my chin to touch my mouth to hers and release her throat.
She lets out a heavy sigh as I gently guide myself out of her and place her feet firmly and sturdily on the floor.
I don’t move too far from her, though.
My hand loosely stays around her throat.
“Nadine,” I murmur.
She lazily smiles up at me, her eyes glassy, her cheeks flushed, and her smile easy.
“Grayson,” she breathes.
And that’s all I needed to hear.
Whatever the fuck happens from this moment on, I know that she is now mine.
Landon Tate will have to kill me to get to her.
She is my woman, and I will kill to protect her, but what I won’t do is die because nobody is going to be able to touch either of us.
I won’t let them get the first fucking chance.