Chapter 38
Chapter Thirty-Eight
NADINE
Slipping into the bathroom stall, I try to breathe.
I don’t know where Lola went, but she’s gone.
It’s been hours, and she hasn’t come back.
Maybe she knows just how bad this guy is, and she wants no part of it, happy to feed me to whatever wolf makes himself known.
Once I’m finished, I slip out of the stall and make my way to the sink.
I don’t know how to get out of this.
I’m not covert.
I’m not smart like that, and I should never have done this.
I seriously freaking hate myself for this.
As much as I want to say that Lucille is at fault, I knew this was dangerous.
I just didn’t think it would feel this…
scary, w hich is naive as hell of me.
And stupid.
I was stupid to even attempt this.
I’m not stronger than this man, this monster.
I know that.
And yet, I thought I could be smarter than him.
I thought this was a little game I could play in an attempt to pull Grayson to me.
I could force him to choose me.
I was stupid—I am stupid.
“Don’t go home with him. You need to get away,” a voice whispers from beside me.
Turning my head, I look over to her.
She’s dressed like everyone else has been in this club, except even more naked, if that’s possible.
She’s only wearing pasties beneath her mesh dress and G-string panties, not even a thong, just teeny-tiny strings.
“But you are staying,” I say.
Another girl comes to my other side.
“We don’t have a choice. You do… so far.”
So far.
I know what this means, and my stomach twists at the thought.
“You don’t have a choice?” I ask.
“You know the answer to that probably better than anyone else, aside from us.”
Sucking in my lips, I press them tightly together and try not to cry.
I don’t want to cry.
But they see me.
See right through me.
They know because they are the same and they’re being hurt.
“Can you get away?” I ask.
“At all?”
I was able to run, but I’m under no illusion that every person kept against their will has an opportunity like I did.
Both of the girls look at one another over my head, then the third one clears her throat behind us.
Turning around, I rest my ass against the sink.
She tilts her head to the side.
“You know that we can’t walk away. That man will kill us. We’re his property. But you aren’t, at least not yet. So I would suggest getting away before you are added to our home.”
“Do you want to be free?” I ask.
I’m probably suggesting this out of turn, but I also know that the men of Securus would not allow women to be kept against their will in a situation like this or any other one.
So, I don’t think I am speaking out of turn when I ask if they want their freedom.
“It doesn’t matter,” the girl standing directly in front of me says.
I start to open my mouth to tell her that it does matter, but she shakes her head once.
“It doesn’t matter because this is what we know. We’re good at it.”
“But—” I begin.
The girl next to me takes my hand and squeezes it, then she releases it and walks toward the one across from me.
She is joined instantly by the third.
Their eyes meet mine, and I can tell that they’re not only resigned to their lives, but I fear they may actually like them.
Or, at the very least, are comfortable in them.
“But nothing. We are happy. We know our world. You need to go. There is a way out the back; turn left instead of right. Just go straight out.”
“I can get you help,” I whisper.
The three of them shake their heads simultaneously.
“We don’t want it,” the one in the middle announces.
“And if he were gone?” I chance asking.
The middle one takes a step forward, lifts her hand, takes mine in hers and squeezes gently before she releases it and speaks.
What she says causes my heart to ache, but more importantly, I think my soul actually cracks at her words.
“There would be another to take his place, and we would stay with him. We are content. Let us be. But you should leave quickly because you are not breakable. And it will be a fun game for him to play to try and break you.”
I know she’s right.
I can see the gleam in his eye when he watches me.
When he touches me and tries to seduce me with honeyed words.
But there is nothing he could offer me to make me want to have anything to do with him.
They know this.
They can see it inside of me.
“I don’t want to leave you here,” I confess.
They smile simultaneously.
My hand is released, and they take a step backward, then wordlessly turn toward the door, and I watch them walk out together, hand in hand, naked asses disappearing one after the other.
It didn’t occur to me.
It never has occurred to me that someone would want to be in the position they’re in, the one I was in at a young age.
That maybe, just maybe, they have found happiness in their bound hands.
When they are gone, I stay in the bathroom for a moment longer, then I do as they suggested.
I slip out of the room, turn left, and walk right out of the back of the club.
I am slammed with the thick air, just like when I walked out of the airport doors.
Struggling to breathe, I close my eyes for just a moment, inhaling and exhaling until I can accept the thick air.
Opening my eyes, I look left and right, realizing that I’m not only in the back of the club, but I’m in an alleyway.
A shiver of dread slithers down my spine.
Moving toward the street, I hope that whatever lurks in the dark shadows around me leaves me alone.
My feet move quickly, carrying me to the public sidewalk, and I let out a sigh of relief the moment I step out and hear the giggling of women’s voices, the loud music pouring out of the club, and the deep voices of the men coming and going.
With my phone in hand, I find the Uber app so I can go back to the hotel.
I need to pack my shit and go home.
I’m playing a game that is over my head.
I need to go back to my safe life, the one where I go to work and go home, nothing more, nothing less.
And I need to accept who and what I am.
Freedom is not for the weak, and I am indeed not strong enough for it yet.
GRAYSON
Once I am sure that Nadine is safely out of the club and away from the target, I get into the car and drive straight to the hotel where she’s staying.
Theron granted me access to her room, so that’s where I am.
Waiting for her.
Sitting on the sofa in the dark, ready to throttle the absolute shit out of Nadine, I wait.
She appears not long after me.
The door opens, but she doesn’t flip on the lights immediately.
I listen for the door to close and for her to flip the lock into place.
I hear her let out a heavy sigh, then a soft moan, and for a moment, I think she may not be alone, even though I know better.
Nadine came here for me.
She would not bring someone else here, and I saw the way she was with the target.
It wouldn’t be him.
The light flicks on, and she drops her high heels on the floor with a thud.
I can’t take my eyes off her.
She’s stunning.
The dress is far too tight, extremely too short, but she’s sexy as fuck.
Sinking my teeth into my bottom lip, I tilt my head to the side, watching her as she moves toward me, not noticing me at all.
As someone who was on the run and always had to look over her shoulder, she really fucking has no concept of being watched.
She moves toward me, then stops and turns to me, her eyes wide.
She opens her mouth, then snaps her lips closed.
Her eyes stay wide as she stares at me.
Resting my elbows on the arms of the chair, I press my hands together in front of my mouth.
“Grayson?” she asks, having the nerve to sound surprised.
“Did you think I would sit across that bar and watch that man touch you and ogle you without coming to you?”
She has the nerve to blink as if she is surprised by my statement.
As much as I want to stand up and make my way toward her, pick her up, carry her away, and fuck her until she’s screaming my name, I don’t—at least not yet.
“I don’t know,” she whispers.
Arching a brow, I don’t look away.
I stare right at her.
I’m not sure if I should be as pissed off as I am or impressed that she attracted the target so much so that he was clearly into her, ignoring the rest of his women.
“Lucille had a plan. I thought it was crazy, but I thought it might work.”
“And you thought that I would see his hands on you, scoop you up, and we would ride away into the sunset.”
It’s a statement, not a question.
It is what she wanted, and I know this because of the text Theron sent me about taking a vacation.
Nadine doesn’t respond to me.
Instead, I watch as tears fill her eyes.
I’ve hurt her again.
It seems that’s about all I’m good at when it comes to her— to us .
And yet, she was right to think that I would be upset watching another man’s hands on her.
It wouldn’t have mattered who it was, target or not.
But seeing that man touch any part of her was rage-inducing.
“I don’t know. I was desperate. You made these choices for me. Walking away when I’m finally able to live. You took my life away, Grayson.”
Standing, I move toward her in silence.
She stays where she is, unmoving and maybe even unbreathing, I’m not sure.
When I’ve closed the distance between us, I lift my hand to cup her cheek and press my mouth against her forehead for a kiss.
She lets out a heavy sigh.
Shifting my head back slightly, I lower my face and touch my mouth to hers, sliding my tongue along the seam of her lips.
She thankfully parts them for me so I can taste her.
And taste her, I do.
Sliding my tongue inside of her, I swirl it around hers as Nadine moans, melting toward me—into me.
Heaven.
Home.
Happiness.
Breaking the kiss, I look into Nadine’s eyes, searching them.
And I concede to my feelings.
I allow myself to accept them.
To accept that this isn’t just what I want, what she wants—this is what we both need.
We both need each other.
And we both need to live our lives together.
Because there simply is no other way.
“I love you, Nadine. I’m not sure if I’ll make a good partner. I don’t know if I can ever be a father, let alone a good one. I don’t know a lot of things, and that’s what makes this so hard. Because I want to control it all. But I can’t control the way I feel about you.”
“Grayson,” she breathes.
My lips twitch into a smirk as I look into her eyes.
“Let’s go home, baby.”
“Together?” she asks.
I laugh softly.
I know I haven’t made this easy on her, and she’s no doubt questioning everything right now.
But there is no other way than together.
That realization slammed into me the moment I grasped what it would feel like to have anyone else touch any part of her.
Nadine is mine.
She has been mine, and she will always be mine.
She is my calm in the midst of chaos.
She is my sunshine when the darkness invades.
And together, even though we have each been through our own separate hells, we will rise from the ashes that were our past.
We will continue to create a future that we can call our own.
“Together.”