Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
Despite being elated that André and I were officially living together, my mental health tanked.
I barely left the house and when I did, it was with André by my side. Still terrified of public bathrooms, we never stayed out for very long—or I would just refuse to go. If it weren’t for André’s work schedule, I wouldn’t have known the time of day.
Whatever was only going on inside me only got worse. The pain intensified with every passing day and when I couldn’t go straight away, it was damn-near debilitating.
I did try to suck it up once at a restaurant but the second I couldn’t see the door, I panicked. It led me to staying home, even if I did panic with every noise I heard outside.
One morning, I was desperate for caffeine—and instantly regretted it. I couldn’t stay out of the bathroom. I’d just opened the door after a particularly bad spell to André rummaging through a plastic bag. “What’s that?”
“All the pointless stuff they sent home from the hospital,” he turned the bag upside down, tipping the contents onto the bed. “I don’t know what they expect anyone to do with a year’s worth of baby wash.”
“Save it,” I said, intending to go into the kitchen for a glass of water. “Penn and Amanda might want it.”
“Baby, what’s this?” André called.
I abandoned my drink and went back to the bedroom where André was holding something in his hand.
Fuck. It was Mitchell’s business card. In the time it took me to try and fumble together an answer, André’s tone changed.
“Did he hit on you? I told him to keep his hands off you. I swear to God, if he fucking hit on you…” André slipped into Creole, and I no longer understood what he was saying.
He threw the card in the trash and started searching for his phone.
“No. André!”
The volume of my voice shocked even me. André screeched to a halt, giving me his full attention.
I brought my voice down a notch. “H-he didn’t hit on me.”
“Then why did he give you that card? Go figure the one time I find someone I really care about, he still can’t keep it in his pants.”
I couldn’t hide anything from him anymore. I was going to have to tell him what happened that night. “He gave it to me in case I ever needed anything.”
A twinge shot across my lower belly and up my back. God not now… I willed the feeling to go away.
“What could you possibly need from him? He hardly knows you.”
The burning intensified, and a jolt of pain shot across my back. André was blocking the master. I was in too much pain to speak, so I silently turned toward the hallway.
“David, don’t walk away from me.”
“I just have to use the bathroom—”
“You just came out of the bathroom, just tell me what is going on! Did Mitchell do something to you?”
“It was Regan!” I screamed. The pain had become excruciating, buckling my knees. I held onto the couch to steady myself.
“What?”
“André—”
“No, you’re gonna stand here and talk to me. What are you talking about?”
My body felt like it was on fire. Flames licked across my stomach and rippled up my back.
“Regan was the one who drugged me that night. He followed me into the bathroom and held a knife to me. He’s been following me since I got here.
I’ve never been safe, but he won’t touch me as long as you’re around. ”
André’s eyes filled with tears. His hands began to shake. “Why didn’t you tell me? I would have taken extra steps to keep you safe! I could have worked from home; I could have had someone come sit with you. I—”
“I didn’t want any of that! I—ow…” I couldn’t take it anymore. Tears escaped the corners of my eyes, and my body gave out. I collapsed to my knees, hands around my stomach.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” André took a step toward me.
“Don’t touch me!”
“I-I’m so sorry.” André said, keeping his post at the bedroom door. “I scared you. I’m so sorry; I shouldn’t have yelled.”
“It’s not you,” I choked. God, my back hurt. “Can you please just go to your office for a few minutes?”
“No.” André took another step, cautiously approaching me. “Please let me help.”
Trying to focus on my breathing, I realized that it was time to admit defeat. I couldn’t handle it alone anymore. “I think I need to go to the hospital,” I said quietly.
André took in the sight in front of him: me, on my knees. The patch on the front of my jeans and a small puddle beneath my legs. “What can I do?”
Who would know what to do in that situation?
I started to cry even harder. I was at a new low, and even I didn’t know how to get myself out of this one.
I would never expect for one minute for André to do everything he’s done for me, but I was putting him through more than anyone deserved to deal with.
Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, I centered myself. “I’ll clean the floor. I’m sorry.”
“Forget the floor,” André said. “I’ll do that. Give me your hand.”
I pulled myself out of the ball I’d gotten myself into and let him help me to my feet. My body protested, but settled once André took me into his arms.
“It’s okay,” he whispered against my forehead. “You’re safe with me, I promise. I’ve got you.”
André held me as I cried, patiently waiting until I was finished. Only then did he lead me to the ensuite bathroom and run hot water into the tub, carefully undressing me.
“You don’t have to do this,” I said as he tossed my soiled clothes aside.
“I do. Because I love you.” He leaned down to give me a kiss before helping me step into the bath. “You relax. I’ll be right back.”
I didn’t exactly know what he meant by relax. I hadn’t done that since the day I walked out on Regan. Now, he could strike at any given second.
To top it all off, André knew. I never wanted to get him mixed up in all of this in the first place and yet again, Regan took that option away from me. He’d never shown the tendency to back down easily before, I didn’t know why I thought that it would be any different.
I sat in the hot water with my knees drawn to my chest. It was the only position that eased the burning in my stomach. I stayed like that for about fifteen minutes before there was a soft knock at the door.
“Can I come in, baby?” André asked softly.
I mumbled a soft, “yes.” The door crept open and André stepped into the room. He walked slowly and carefully, like he didn’t want to startle me. He nervously shoved his hands in his pockets.
“Do you need anything?”
I know I scared him. If he wasn’t scared of me, he was scared for me. As much as he liked to say he was all in, he didn’t sign up for any of this. He got swept into it, and I hated myself for letting it happen.
I blinked away another threat of tears. “My back really hurts,” I whispered. “Can you sit behind me?”
André grinned and began to undress. “I know that night is a little bit fuzzy, but do you remember Travis?”
“Vaguely.” I sighed with relief when André settled behind me, pulling me onto his chest.
“I called him and got you an appointment for tomorrow.”
“I can’t afford him.”
“I didn’t ask if you could afford him.” André’s voice was low and soothing. “You need help, and I want to give you the best you can possibly get.”
“What do we do now?”
André grabbed a washcloth from the side of the tub and wet it, pulling it over my shoulders and across my chest. The hot water dripped over my skin, soothing me more than I ever thought it would.
“I take care of you. Just like always.”
“You’ve already done so much more than I could ever ask of you.”
“And loving you just means I get to do it over and over again. As long as you’ll have me.”
André washed me, carefully, but it still hurt to have anything rub over my back. The plush washcloth felt like sandpaper.
“How are you not mad at me?” I finally asked.
“What would I be mad at you for?”
“Ruining your floors. Keeping things from you…”
“I’m not worried about the floors,” André reiterated, though it didn’t ease my nerves any.
Regan would have had my head for something like that, and the fear was a hard thing to shake.
“Making sure you’re taken care of right now is more important than me having my feelings hurt.
I understand why you didn’t tell me. You were scared, and it’s my job right now to take care of you. ”
André rinsed me off and let me soak in the hot water until the temperature dropped.
For the first time in weeks, I was comfortable, and I didn’t want to move.
André stayed put as well. He said he wasn’t going to get out until I was ready.
I made it nearly half an hour before André offered to add some more hot water.
“I’d love that, but I should get out before I ruin all the work you did just now cleaning me up.”
I stood up and he helped me out of the tub, drained the water, and wrapped me in a towel.
“What about Regan?” I asked.
“You should call that detective. He knows your case, and he would know more of what to do than the local police would.”
“It’s federal now,” I mentioned. “He crossed state lines, which means other people get involved. This is going to be a lot.”
André dressed me in pajamas and handed me my phone. “I think I can handle it. Everything that happens from here on out is just his plan falling apart, and ours coming together.”
I stared at the phone he was offering me.
I couldn’t bring myself to grab it. I could see what would happen if I did: police, so many police.
Statements, pictures, possibly more court dates.
But if I didn’t, we would never live a normal life.
André would have to live his life with his boyfriend attached to his hip.
It’s a bit less romantic with the threat. I didn’t want that for him.
Seeing that I wasn’t going to take it, André placed my phone on the bed. “I could call for you if you want me to, baby.”
“No… I can do it. Can you get me something to drink, please??”
“Sure.”
André left the room, and I scrolled my contacts with quivering hands. With each ring of the line, my heart thundered. I was risking my life, I was risking Dylan, and I was risking André. But Regan wouldn’t stop until he got to me.
The line connected. “Detective Steele.”