Chapter 16
Icould get used to this.
Doesn’t matter how many relationships I’ve been in, this part never gets old. The feeling when everything is fresh and new.
Historically, I then go and fuck everything up by being myself. Too flashy, or spending too much money. Living the life I did before meant that I attracted a certain type of woman that wasn’t exactly the best for me. I know that it will sound shitty that I am enjoying being in this modest little rental house. It’s the polar opposite of the life that I lived before. It’s what I needed and I didn’t even know it. I’m presently so far outside of my comfort zone that it’s surreal.
Kate is curled up against my chest, her hair still slightly damp as she traces nonsensical symbols into my bare skin. The scent of her shampoo and soaps are filling the space we occupy in a sweet way. We’ve been talking about nonsense for hours now.
Also something that I’ve never really done before.
There’s always been a good amount of uneven power dynamic between me and the relationships that I had before. Kate is the first woman to put me in my place and it”s… refreshing.
It’s a whole new me.
I could stay like this for hours. Days. Forever.
The weight of that settles over me without the heft that it perhaps ought to have. Out of all of my previous relationships there was always a part of me that held something back. Something deep within me that just knew that they were going to leave. I knew that one way or another we were doomed to fail.
This… well, for as long as it lasts then I’m going to give it all I have.
It’s just so… easy.
Nothing in my life has ever been easy before.
Kate says something that I don’t catch and she playfully slaps my chest. I make a show of wincing like she’s actually managed to hurt me and flinch away from her with a laugh. Kate swings a leg over my hips until she sits on top of me. Her heat centers over me and I suddenly can’t remember what it was that we were just talking about. It no longer matters. My hands find the outside curve of her knees and slide up the silky smooth skin of her thighs. Rounding higher I’ve just around reached the ample curve of her ass when there’s a knock at the bedroom door.
Damn if I don’t jump like a teenager doing something he shouldn’t do.
Even Kate startles and looks at the door wide eyed. I slide her off me easily and slide in front of her on reflex to put myself between her and whatever else might be on the other side of that door. An internal door. As if that isn’t enough cause for concern.
“Y-yes?” Kate calls.
“Momma?” Her daughter’s small voice comes from the other side of the door. “Why is your door locked, momma?”
Kate’s shoulders slump. “She was asleep.” She mutters to me and then slides off the bed. She pads across the floor softly, the cheap carpet leaving footprints.
I shrug my shoulder hoping that she will realize it’s fine. “Should I…?” I gesture to the bathroom, asking if I should go and hide out while she handles her business there. To my surprise, she shakes her head no, that I should just stay where I am as she unlocks the door and answers it.
Her daughter is standing there with a large stuffed octopus in hand as she blinks up at her mother, her chin wobbling. It must have been a nightmare that woke her up.
“I had a bad dream.” she says softly.
Kate sinks to a knee and pulls her daughter into her chest and smooths her blonde wavy hair back into place. “A nightmare?”
Her daughter nods and wraps her arms tightly around Kate’s neck.
“Do you want to sleep in here with me?” Kate asks.
Her daughter nods again without saying anything out loud. Kate sweeps her up into her arms and carries her over to the bed where I’m sitting. It’s only then that she seems to realize that her mother wasn’t alone in her room.
The girl’s eyes widen in surprise and then almost instantly narrow in suspicion as she looks over Kate’s shoulder to see me better. I get it. The last man that she saw her mother with was likely her father. I know a thing or two about bad dads after all.
I always resented what my father turned me into, but I also craved his approval so desperately. I think, because I hated that I was destined to become a monster, I told myself that all that mattered was that I got the power and the wealth that came with it.
Privately, however, I think I always wanted the family that I never got. My mother was an addict. She tried her best, there’s certainly no denying that, but she was what she was.
My father was a monster. I later found out that he had been responsible for my mother’s death, making it look like an overdose, so that I would join him in the motherland. He was only a father in the biological sense of the word. More like a commander. A drill instructor. More times than I can say, I have thought about how I might have done things differently with a child of my own. Perhaps that’s the real reason that I married so many women – I was just trying over and over again to make it right. To find the right person.
Father said that the only thing that mattered was the Bratva. I could pick any woman in the world as my wife as long as she was of good breeding. Most of all, my father said that I had to find a woman who would do as she was told. That was what he valued most.
That was the reason why I never could have had anything with Lilian, and why I told her that she couldn’t keep Henry. I knew that the moment my father found out about them, he would have had Henry killed in front of the both of us.
Anya, on the other hand, seemed perfect – for a while. My ambition overpowered hers. She was the right fit for my father’s standards of what a good Bratva wife was supposed to be. Our child would have been his dream grandchild – I think subconsciously that’s why I was so determined to make things work with her.
Which is why I had been such a guard dog around her at all times, always forcing her to remain in line no matter how much she rebelled. I just held on tighter and tighter. It was toxic. I can see that now. I can admit that Alek is better for her.
It doesn’t even leave a sour taste in my mouth anymore to say it.
Kate’s daughter’s voice pulls me back to the present.
“Who is he?” She mutters so softly that I almost don’t hear the words spoken into Kate’s hair.
Kate glances at me. “Oh him? He’s a friend.” She shrugs her shoulder a touch too causally for my liking.
Her daughter shakes her head as if disagreeing with her. “He’s scary.”
“Scary?! Him? He might as well be the easter bunny.”
Oof. Talk about a serious blow to my ego. Out of all the creatures that she could have picked in every realm that’s the one that she chose? Though, from the nearly gleeful look of triumph on her face, I can tell that’s exactly the outcome that she was looking for.
Kate might be the first woman that I can learn to be myself around.
Maybe she can even be the first woman that I let myself… fall for.
If I can truly let the Bratva go and open a new chapter for myself. Maybe I can finally allow myself to live.
“What’s your name?” The girl asks, interrupting my thoughts. I glance at Kate, not sure why I feel the need to make sure that it’s okay that I talk to her kid. I don’t have too much experience with young kids as it is.
She nods encouragingly.
“Liz, the polite thing is to introduce yourself first, and then you hold out your hand to shake and ask for his name after.”
“But he’s scary.”
“He’s not so bad, I promise. Besides, it’s good that he’s a little bit scary. That means that he can keep all of the other scary things away from us. Isn’t that right?” Kate says.
I clear my throat roughly. “Yes, that’s right. I’m Nikolai.”
“Nikolai?” Liz asks, her head tilting to the side. “Why does your voice sound funny?”
“Because I speak another language.”
“Oh! That’s cool!” Liz says, immediately her whole posture and body language toward me shifts. She releases Kate and scoots over on her knees to get closer to me. “What does it sound like?”
I mutter some random lines from a Russian nursery rhyme that my mother once told me. She never got the lines in the right order, or even finished the story – but it does the trick for Liz.
“Can you teach me some?!” Liz says, but before I can answer she is overtaken by a mighty yawn that stops her speech. Sleep is winning. Good. At least the nightmares aren’t going to keep her up all night the way they tend to to for me. She’s clearly a tough little kid.
She snuggles up in the bed beside her mother and Kate wraps Liz up tightly. It doesn’t feel right to lie there with them, so I gesture to the bathroom. I just need a moment.
I close the bathroom door and turn the sink on for a little bit of additional privacy. I splash some cool water on my face and attempt to collect myself better. I never had that sort of relationship with a parent. Seeing them together is just so natural and easy. Even with Anya, Alek, and Henry the other day – I can see now what I’ve missed out on. I’m never going to get another chance with Henry. I know it’s too late now. I don’t blame them. My actions were wholly unforgiveable.
Both Kate and Liz are asleep when I come back into the bedroom. Kate’s eyes stir under her eyelids for a moment as I walk past the bed. Her fingers twitch, beckoning me closer and I pause just long enough to kiss her forehead.
“Don’t worry, I’ll keep everything safe till morning.” I assure her.
She smiles softly. “Stay?”
I want to… but I can’t. That’s not a line that I’m ready to cross just yet.
I head down to the couch, a weird feeling stirring in my gut.
A few hours later
Sun is streaming in through the closed curtains all around the living room and kitchen. I shouldn’t have stayed this late. I should have been good a long time ago.
Every minute longer I stay here while the sun is up is a minute closer to getting caught. I need to get ahold of myself and leave.
But maybe some coffee first.
Only, Kate doesn’t have a damned coffee maker. Just an electric kettle to make tea with. But beggars can’t be choosers, I guess. I start the water and start slowly exploring the cabinets until I find the stash of teabags. Not my style. Then again, I used to wake up and do shots of vodka with my father. I suppose this should be considered an upgrade.
I place everything on the counter and start to try to figure out how to make the damned thing work when there’s a rustling sound behind me that I can’t place. My awareness kicks in instantly as I spin in place to look for anything that doesn’t seem the way it was just a moment ago.
There, just in front of the front door is an envelope. A simple manila envelope that looks like it was shoved under the door somehow. What in the hell could that be? If it was one of Alek’s men, then surely there has to be a more efficient way to get Kate information.
Three knocks bang on the front door so loud and insistently that it almost startles me. It must be Horus, or one of the men. There’s no other explanation. I sure as fuck am not going to open that damned door until I know what’s waiting for me out there. I edge closer – not out of fear but out of a healthy dose of caution. Each and every one of those men has a ton of reasons to want to kick my ass.
Hell, some of the men guarding the very house could be my own that Alek stole. Talk about awkward.
But nothing else ever comes. Nobody knocks again. Nobody attempts to jiggle the handle or call out to see if Kate is awake yet. Fucking strange.
My curiosity ends up getting the better of me. I have no choice but to go and see what the envelope is. I should get Kate or ask for her permission – but I can’t help myself. I pull a single folder out of the envelope. It’s some sort of contract or legal paperwork. I thumb through the contents to see the details of a very generous employment offer made out to Kate. A new client.
Hell, money like that could easily set her up for life. I might have even found it within me to be happy for her new job offer if I didn’t know the client so damned well.
The man who wants me dead more than anything.
Fausto Di Gennaro.