Chapter 18
Whatever I thought was going to happen, it wasn’t this.
It feels utterly surreal to be sharing a breakfast table with two highly trained killers. Not to mention the fact that my daughter appears to be wholly and utterly at ease with the whole thing. She’s already dug into the sweet rolls. Cinnamon and sticky frosting clings to her face and fingers while she animatedly continues telling the men about something that happened in some cartoon that she’s obsessed with lately. I should remember the name of it -- but I can’t stop staring at Nikolai.
He looks entranced by her story.
Even Horus looks away occasionally to eat something. Nikolai is clinging to her every word and gesture as if it’s the most fascinating thing that he’s ever heard in his life. I know that he doesn’t have any personal experience with children outside of meeting Liz last night. Yet, he’s taking to it all so naturally. At least it seems that way.
I didn’t think that I could find something so simple so damned attractive.
When Liz is finished eating, she pushes away from the table and starts to lick the sugar off of her fingers, her hair unkempt. “Can I go play now?”
To my surprise, she looks from me to Nikolai like she’s also asking him for permission. My eyes widen in surprise.
“Go wash your hands and face please.” I tell her.
“And put your plate in the sink.” Nikolai finishes.
I am frozen for a moment as I watch Liz get up and do exactly as he asks. She rinses her plate in the sink and then her face and hands. She takes her time drying her face with a clean kitchen towel before skipping off to the adjoining living room where the small TV set had been silently playing her cartoons. Only a moment later the high-pitched sound of animals wafts our direction.
Does it bother me that Nikolai just told my daughter what to do?
Or does it bother me that I’m not fazed by it at all.
I can’t seem to tear my gaze from Nikolai but all he does is wink at me.
Cocky bastard.
Horus breaks the silence and nods his head toward the envelope that I’d forgotten. It’s closed and half tucked under Nikolai’s elbow. It’s enough to break me out of my trance. I hadn’t even noticed it. Where did it come from? Did he bring it with him? No. I would have seen it last night when he arrived.
Nikolai doesn’t answer out loud, he simply pushes the folder toward me to examine. I open it and peer at the contents. A contract, that much is obvious at first glance.
“What is this?” I ask. Clearly he’s already read the contents.
Horus glances at them, but doesn’t ask to read them, which surprises me. I would have assumed that he would have been texting the contents to his boss the moment that he saw them. For all he knows, it could be a conflict of interest.
Nikolai pushes his empty plate forward and shrugs one shoulder. It’s almost like he’s trying too hard to appear casual. “Do you know anyone by the name of Di Gennaro?”
The name feels somewhat familiar, but I can’t place the face to the name. So I shake my head.
He doesn’t say anything else which feels terribly ominous. I start to leaf through the contract and Horus moves to read over my shoulder. It’s an impressive offer. More than impressive, actually. I thought that the money that Alek gave me was impressive -- but this? This is early retirement money. This is set Liz up for life money.
But something about the look on Nikolai’s face makes me hesitate.
“Congratulations,” Horus says softly behind me. “It appears that word does indeed spread quickly. I would not be surprised if you start getting many more offers because of your success.”
It’s a compliment. I know that it is. “Thank you,” I mutter as I read through the terms and conditions. Funny that it doesn’t even list the charges that the client is already being held on. Means that it’s something bad. I know that.
Why do I have this itching need to ask Nikolai’s opinion?
Everything about his current reaction makes me think that this is bad news and something that I shouldn’t do. I close the folder and push it aside. I rise to stand from the table, and Nikolai stands at the same time as me.
“I have to get Liz ready for school.” I explain and head to her bedroom to start picking out her outfit so that she can spend a few more minutes on her show. Alek’s men will likely be here at any minute to escort her to her school.
“She can”t.” Nikolai says firmly.
Firm enough that I stop in the middle of the hallway and turn around. My brows furrow as I instantly get defensive. “What?”
“She can’t go to school. In fact, she shouldn’t even leave the house.”
I glance at Liz and move back into the kitchen so that she’s not alarmed by our conversation. I hiss my words through my teeth. “Don’t tell me what to do with my own daughter.”
“She can’t leave the house. Neither can you. No school, no errands, nothing.”
“Are you giving commands now?”
He had better not be. He has no right. Even if this thing between us is developing far more quickly than I could have anticipated, I will never be commanded to do anything by a man, ever again.
Definitely not outside of the bedroom.
I expect more of a fight from Nikolai, but he backs down almost immediately. I wonder how many times he’s backed out of a fight before. He flicks a glance at Horus, almost seeming to dare him to say something, to be fair Horus does look utterly shocked. Then he looks back at me with his palms facing me.
“No, sorry. It’s just…” Nikolai takes a step toward me, speaking more quietly. “It’s not an order, Kate. It’s a necessary precaution.”
I chew on the inside of my cheek, deliberating.
“I’m not talking about this anymore here.” I motion with my head to the door that leads to the adjoining studio in the backyard. The house that I rent is owned by an artist currently living abroad. I haven’t found anything that I’ve needed to use the space for but it will serve as a good meeting room.
Nikolai follows me into the room and Horus follows him. I almost want to tell him that there’s no need to attempt to protect me from Nikolai. If he actually wanted to hurt me, then he would have done so already.
I close the door behind us, sealing us in the warm room filled with tension. It’s maddening. I don’t want to have to force information out of him like pulling teeth but I will do it if I have to.
“Somebody needs to tell me what’s going on, right now.” I say as I glare at Nikolai.
He looks away in contemplation for a moment like he’s debating if this is something that he wants to tell me. If he’s worried about my being involved, he should have just seen that coming. People in my line of work don’t think that they will never see danger. I know what I was doing when I chose to get involved with the mob. Any branch. I went in with my eyes open. Nikolai isn’t going to close them on me now. I will not be sidelined. Period.
Nikolai scrubs a hand up the back of his head, through his hair, tugging at strands for a moment.
Now is absolutely not the time to notice the way that his shirt rode up above the hem of his pants, giving me a glimpse at the toned muscles underneath. I will not allow myself to become distracted by the memories of last night. I refuse.
Even if my core is heating from not thinking about it.
“Di Gennaro is the head of an organization that I fucked over.” Nikolai admits.
As effective as dumping water over my head.
“My Bratva was working on closing in on the territory that they were also interested in. We feigned details on a trade from the Cartel in Mexico… made a deal with border patrol… got the whole clan put behind bars and obtained the property that we needed. Access directly into Mexico. Plus, the added bonus of a better reputation never hurts.” Nikolai explains without any remorse. He speaks about it plainly, as if he were choosing what socks to wear.
Horus’ eyes widen a fraction as he realizes something that I don’t. “May I?” he asks as he gestures for the folder, which I give him. He thumbs through the contents and glances at Nikolai.
I don’t like being left outside of the loop.
“When they were arrested, they were sent to the same high security wing that I’ve been staying in.” Nikolai says flatly. I glance down at the fading bruises on his body and assume that’s the same group who has been trying to kill him. The same ones who hurt him and made it nearly impossible for him to sleep.
“I don’t have to take the job, Nikolai.” I say softly. I take a half step closer. “In fact, I won’t work with him. I’ll refuse.” The last thing that this world needs is more actual monsters walking around these streets. It almost feels uncomfortable to speak to him so informally in front of company. Like I’m doing something that I shouldn’t or revealing too much information. Silly, I know, but I can’t seem to shake the feeling.
“You will not be safe as long as you’re within the Camorra’s reach. Just because they are behind bars…” Emotion clogs Nikolai’s throat and he cuts himself off.
“Then where is out of the Camorra’s reach?!” I ask. I knew that getting involved was going to come with strings attached. Blindly I had assumed that Alek and his men would keep me safe. I would still feel that way if Billy hadn’t shown up on my front goddamned doorstep and attacked me.
Absently, my hand drifts to my throat, touching the abused skin gingerly as I remember the fear of seeing my ex-husband again.
Nikolai notices the movement.
I can tell just what he’s thinking by the way his fist clenches and his knuckles turn white, despite the bruises he has from beating said husband.
“Russia,” he answers.
Horus immediately starts to protest. No doubt that’s well outside of Alek’s reach.
Russia. The word clatters through me. I walk across the studio to the closest chair and sink into it heavily. I can’t take Liz to Russia! I can’t just pick up my whole life and move out of the country! Never mind the legal red tape that I would have to navigate through in order to make that happen.
If I take the case, then it will be a clear implication that Nikolai is free game for all involved because he will have been abandoned by his last line of defense. It shouldn’t matter. His fate shouldn’t be in my hands or even a consideration. Liz should be my only priority. Damn him for becoming important to me. So swiftly he’s anchored himself in my heart and doesn’t have any intentions of leaving. I don’t want him to.
If Nikolai leaves… I’ll never see him again.
There has to be a solution. There’s always a choice to make. I’m strong enough to figure this out. I just need to come up with something, but nothing comes to mind. There’s nothing but an endless bleating panic that is making my head foggy and my vision blurry.
I can’t let Liz live in fear. We can’t stay trapped in this small house forever.
What the hell would I even do for work in Russia? My American law degree would be of absolutely no use at all!
I don’t notice that Nikolai is on his knees in front of me until his hands warm the tops of my thighs. Sadness and rage boil in equal measures inside of me. I’ve allowed this man in front of me to pull me further into his world and I want to be here. I don’t want to lose him.
“Everything will be okay.” Nikolai says with such confidence and assuredness that it’s hard not to immediately feel better by how sure he is. “One way or another, we will find a solution.”
If Nikolai goes Liz will be safer. The longer I’m involved with this man in front of me, the more danger she’s in. This secretly soft, handsome man that’s trying his best to comfort me when I know how unnatural that has to feel to him.
Nikolai is the only reason that I’ve been feeling safe.
He can’t protect me from Russia.
Liz can’t be safe if he stays.
The only way to ensure that everybody makes it out of this is for him to leave.
There’s no other way. Then why does my heart feel like it’s breaking?
“You already told me that you’re considered a rogue, Nikolai. There is nobody backing you. You’re too… you’re too vulnerable.” I say, my voice no louder than a whisper. I think if I try to speak any louder that I will cry. That’s the last thing that I need right now.
Nikolai’s shoulders round forward and he breaks eye contact with me. His head dips resolutely because he knows as well as I do that I’m right.
I cup his face in my hands and lift his painfully handsome face to look at me. Even as I say my next words, they feel like a lie. “Liz’s safety is the only thing that matters to me.”
Nikolai says nothing, just surges forward and kisses me. He wraps me up until I feel his warmth enveloping me wholly. It feels like he’s kissing me with his whole being, audience be damned. Even I forget where we are for a moment as I let myself surrender to his kiss. It’s a goodbye, I know that, but it doesn”t feel like one.
When he lets me go I don’t even have time to utter a word before he turns heel and walks out of the studio.
“Wait,” I whisper. The word is small and weak as I plead for him to stay despite what I just said. It’s too soon. It’s too abrupt. He doesn’t have to go now. Does he?
My feet follow behind him too late. My every movement is sluggish as I fling open the door that he slammed shut behind him just seconds ago.
“Wait,” I try to speak again, but my voice is just as small as before.
But Nikolai is nowhere to be found.