Chapter 44 #2
Is he talking about losing his brother? God, I hope he hasn’t experienced more than one horrific loss like that in his life.
If it is his brother that haunts him, where does the mistake come into play?
How could he possibly think his actions had anything to do with someone kidnapping and killing his twin?
I’m not sure, but it helps to explain why he takes protection duty so seriously. He’s terrified of losing someone again.
Just like you.
Dear God, I feel bad about giving him hell at first. He was simply doing his best to keep me alive, putting his own soul at risk while knowing he could fail and strap himself with another lifetime of guilt.
D takes his hand from beneath mine and leans back in his chair. “I wanted to talk to you about yoga. I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to leave the apartment until we resolve this.” His brows are drawn together, creasing his forehead with worry.
“I agree,” I quickly assure him.
His eyes cut from his plate back to me. “I appreciate that. I know none of this is easy for you.” His tone is adorably gruff. I think he expected me to put up more of a fight.
I give him a small smile. “It’s not forever, right?”
“I suppose not.” He takes his plate to the sink. “Want some eggs?”
“I’m not hungry yet, thanks.”
“Let me know if you change your mind. I’m gonna get dressed—don’t forget Tommy is on his way over.”
“Yes, sir,” I say playfully.
His eyes grow hooded as he returns to my side, cupping his hands against my head. “Sir is good, but D is better.” He slants his lips over mine, seducing me with a passionate kiss that fills the cracks and crevices of my heart in a way I wasn’t sure was possible.
I told myself no kissing, but that rule never stood a chance with DiAngelo. The first time I experienced the soaring joy of his lips on mine, addiction was born.
Eventually, he pulls away, despite my body listing forward in resistance. The golden starbursts in his eyes blaze with heat. “Eat, firefly. You’re going to need your strength.” He gives my jaw one last caress, then heads to the bedroom.
I stay at the bar for a moment, in awe at how much has changed in the past days and weeks. I’m realizing the changes might be for the better, but it’s no wonder I’ve struggled.
My hand moves to rest protectively over my lower belly, careful not to press on the blistered skin. I went too far the last time. Too hot, too soon after the previous time. Showering last night was painful.
I hate that I’m so weak that I can’t cope without falling apart.
That’s grown into my biggest fear—that D will learn how damaged I am and walk away. The moment of truth is coming. I can’t hide my body from him much longer, and I’m terrified of what he’ll think about my shameful secrets.
It’s a collision course I can’t avoid.
A chill wraps its icy fingers around me until I’m cold to my bones.
I’ll eat, but first, I have to grab a hoodie to stave off the cold settling in my bones. I head to the bedroom but pause when I hear D talking in the bathroom.
“Eleven works, but not my place this time. I’ll come to you.” His voice is low and even. I’d guess he’s dictating a text rather than talking on the phone. Making plans to meet with someone. It could be anyone.
Sure sounds like a booty call.
Stop! Do NOT go there. You are reading into things that you know nothing about.
Hearing that after dwelling on my existing fears drags me deep into muddy waters, despite the pleas of my logical mind. I spin around and march myself back to the living room, where I wrap up in a blanket and sink into the couch.
Every time I take a mental step forward, something pulls me back by half a step. I’m making progress, but it’s a fight, and the constant battle is exhausting.
I get dressed after DiAngelo, and not long after, Tommy arrives. I’ve been so preoccupied with D that I forgot to stress about seeing my brother. It’s the first time we’ve been alone since the phone fiasco.
This day keeps getting better and better.
To my relief, he’s quick to give me a hug, which isn’t exactly his MO. He’s making an effort to show me I have nothing to fear.
“Hey, Mr. T,” I say with a shy smile, using the nickname I gave him as a kid after seeing an old episode of The A-Team. We’re the two youngest of four, so we spent a good amount of time together growing up.
He raises an aristocratic brow. “Oh, really?” No one plays the comedic straight man like a neurodivergent. Tommy has a wicked sense of humor if you’re adept at deciphering it. Knowing that, it doesn’t take much for him to tickle me.
My giggles trail off when I notice DiAngelo securing Bonny’s leash.
“You’re taking her with you?” I ask, surprised. He’s been using a dog walker while I’ve been staying with him so that he doesn’t have to leave me alone, and otherwise, he’s kept Bonny at the apartment.
“I am. Hopefully, you two can manage to be apart for a few hours.”
“I suppose I’ll manage.” Surely, taking the dog with him is a sign that he’s not meeting up with another woman while he’s out. I latch onto that reassurance and give him a smile.
DiAngelo leans down and plants a possessive kiss on my lips right in front of Tommy.
My stomach cannonballs into my feet, then soars high into the sky. D knows exactly what he’s doing—nothing he does is without purpose—and that is especially evident when he pulls away and shoots a glare at my brother.
“I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
Tommy nods, then locks the door behind him. When he turns back to me, my cheeks flame a bright crimson. I don’t need a mirror to know. The heat is telling enough.
“It’s a relief to know I don’t need to put a bullet between his eyes,” Tommy says flatly.
I smack his chest. “Tommaso Donati! He’s your family—you swore an oath.”
Tommy doesn’t flinch. “You’re my blood. You come first. Always have, always will.”
Emotion clogs my throat as love swells in my chest. I’m not sure I can take much more without bursting into tears, and judging by the increasing worry in his eyes, Tommy has reached his capacity for feels as well.
I grin at my little brother and take his hand. “Come on, let’s play cards.”
“You know I hate cards.”
“Yeah, but I’m your big sister, so you’re gonna do it anyway.”
He rolls his eyes but allows me to drag him to the living room. We play two boisterous rounds of war, and by the time we call it quits, I almost feel like a kid again.
Life truly is all about the people we love.
I’ve spent years depriving myself of that essential connection.
I learned a lesson when Craig was killed, but I’m starting to realize I may have learned the wrong lesson.
I thought I needed to protect people by keeping them away from me.
Maybe the lesson I should have learned was to cherish the ones we love at every opportunity.
Rejecting Craig might have saved him, but maybe love was all he truly needed.
Love from me but also his mother. Grappling all alone with the dangers he was facing was a choice that very well may have had nothing to do with me.
That decision could have been purely tied to his own pre-existing struggles.
The realization stuns me.
How had I dismissed the possibility that his issues might have stemmed from childhood with that wretched woman rather than my arrival into his life?
Maybe his ingrained need to prove himself would have been his downfall regardless of threats to my safety.
I have to consider that his death might have truly had nothing to do with me.
My conscience isn’t wiped clean, but this new perspective changes things. The blinders I’ve been wearing have shaken loose, and suddenly, the world looks full of possibilities.