Chapter 56
TERINA
Present
“I need to tell you something before you go pack,” D says once we’re home from Renzo’s. It’s just a quick stop-in to get a bag together before staying at Isa’s dad’s place for the night. It sort of reminds me of packing a bag after the snake incident, except this time, everything’s different.
Instead of feeling scared and alone, I have DiAngelo. Not just as my bodyguard, but as my partner. I’m still worried for him. I don’t think that will ever change. But I’m not battling a constant sense of doom.
“What’s that?” I respond warmly.
“While I was out today, I made a couple of unplanned stops. One of them was to see Kristi.”
“Oh.” That was unexpected. “What for?”
“You already know she was lying to you, but it turns out, she was the one who introduced Craig to her dealer slash bookie. Her shifting any blame to you was pure spite. You know she had a life insurance policy on him?” The disgust drips from his words when he talks about Kristi. I don’t blame him.
“No, I … I had no idea.”
“That woman was pure evil. I don’t know how you put up with her as long as you did.”
His words play in slow-motion through my mind.
“Was? She was pure evil?”
D approaches, cupping my face with his hands, his eyes razor sharp. “Evil will not touch you so long as I have breath in my body. That sort of evil had no place in this world.”
My chest hollows out on a long exhale as though I’ve had the breath knocked out of me.
DiAngelo killed Kristi.
He killed her … for me, and he’s telling me because he doesn’t want secrets between us. Is it wrong that my first reaction is hope? Hope for us and hope that he doesn’t get caught.
“Okay,” I say softly, then wrap my arms around his middle and hold him close. His coiled muscles relax beneath my touch. He was worried about my reaction but told me anyway, and that means the world to me. That means he trusts me.
I pull back and raise my lips for a kiss. He doesn’t keep me waiting.
An hour later, we’re settling into Cosimo’s house with Bonny.
Renzo and Shae arrive shortly after us with little Liora and all her gear.
Isa’s staying the night, as well. The chaos is fun in a way, but it amps up my anxiety.
I have no control over this situation, and when uncertainty like this hits in the evening, it makes everything worse.
“You’re awfully quiet,” DiAngelo whispers so the others don’t overhear.
We’re in the living room chatting with everyone.
He and I are sitting smooshed together on the couch—it’s the first time we’ve been close around family.
Isa and Shae keep grinning at me like idiots.
Ordinarily, it wouldn’t bother me, but with all the uncertainty, their scrutiny, even the happy kind, still feels unsettling.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” My attempt at a smile must not be all that convincing.
D raises a disbelieving brow. “You sure?”
You can be honest, Rina. Trust him, remember?
“It’s just a lot to process—the events, staying at a new place, and lots of people talking and the uncertainty. It’s just a lot.” That’s the best way I know how to describe it.
He presses a kiss to my forehead before rising, bringing me with him. “We’re calling it a night,” he announces to the room. “Renzo, I’ll be ready by seven.”
Relief washes over me when he takes my hand and leads me from the room, Bonny close at our heels.
“Thank you, D.”
“No skin off my back. I’d rather have time alone with you anyway.” He squeezes my hand, bringing a smile to my face that I feel deep in my chest. “I was wondering, though, if you’ve ever talked to someone about this stuff—a professional.”
“Like a therapist?”
“Yeah.”
“Not exactly.”
“How come? I know I’m probably not one to talk, but if you don’t like it when you get overwhelmed, wouldn’t it be good to get help with it?” His tone is feathered with worry rather than judgment, which keeps me from feeling defensive at his question. He genuinely wants the best for me.
“I considered it, but it’s been drilled into me since I was little that we don’t discuss our lives with outsiders. Opening up to a therapist would mean telling them everything. I could never forgive myself if the feds went after my family because of me.”
“That’s honorable of you, babe, but fuck that. Your mental health comes first, and I know your family would agree. Besides, there are some sort of patient confidentiality rules. I say, you should give it a try to see if it helps.”
“That’s what Isa said.”
“You talked to her about it?”
“Yeah.”
“Good.” He leads us into our room and pauses, a smirk teasing his lips. “If it helps you feel more comfortable, I could always have a word with the therapist first to make sure they understand the importance of discretion.”
I purse my lips in thought. “I suppose that would give them valuable insight into what I’m up against.”
“Up against?” His brows rise high on his forehead, playfully. “I’ll show you up against.”
The next thing I know, my back is flush with the wall, and D’s mouth is plundering mine. We shower together in the en suite bathroom. It’s smaller than we’re used to, leading to a lot of touching, which results in a lot of sex.
I’m feeling far more relaxed by the time I crawl into bed. DiAngelo is scrolling on his phone when I join him. He lifts the covers to draw me close to him.
“Come watch with me.”
Tucked against his body, I’m wrapped in contentment while watching a video of a horse splashing in a drainage ditch and covering its rider in mud.
His chest rumbles with muted laughter beneath me, and I outright giggle.
He scrolls to the next video, which is a compilation of dogs twitching and snoring in their sleep.
We spend almost an hour immersed in silly animal videos. It’s an incredible distraction, as he intended. I forget my worries entirely, and when the lights go out, I’m too exhausted to dredge them up. Within minutes, I’m fast asleep.
My fears must stay with me, however, because I wake extra early. The sun isn’t even up, yet I’m wide awake. I know I’ll fidget and disrupt his sleep if I stay, so I ease out of the bed and quietly slip from the room.
We’re staying on the second floor, where most of the bedrooms are located. I could go kill time in the living room downstairs, but I’d feel awkward down there alone with Cosimo if he happened to be up. I’d rather find somewhere else to chill for a bit until the others wake up.
Our bedroom is across from Isa’s, and Renzo’s family is staying down the hall.
There’s another bedroom by theirs and one next to ours.
I decide to check out the one closest to us, hoping I’ll hear D when he gets up.
Cracking open the door, I turn on the light and realize right away where I am. This was Isa’s brother’s room.
It doesn’t appear as though anything has changed since he passed years ago. There’s no dust, so it gets cleaned, but otherwise, the room is a monument to the loss this family suffered.
Their heartbreak bleeds into me.
This room isn’t meant to be disturbed. I begin to back out when my eyes catch sight of a framed photo on the dresser. My body locks down tight, refusing to budge.
A boy who I assume is Isa’s brother stands between a pair of twin boys—DiAngelo and Elio. They’re in their midteens, their bodies in the process of transforming from boys to men. All three wear matching grins of pure joy.
Before I know what I’m doing, I have the picture frame in my hands and am absorbing everything I can about this glimpse into the past. Tragedy struck this group of friends, and poor D is the only one who remains.
I can’t imagine how hard that must have been.
While I lost Craig, DiAngelo lost not only his twin but also their good friend, all in a relatively short timeframe.
My heart breaks for him, yet I’m so grateful I have the chance to bring a hint of that joy back to his life.
I don’t fully understand why my neurotic self appeals to him, but it does, and that makes me incredibly lucky.
I wish sweet Isa could know this feeling.
I’d be willing to bet her avoidance of relationships stems from the same fear I was experiencing. A fear of loss. But what I’m now realizing is the loneliness of isolation is still losing, it’s just a surrender rather than a defeat.
A guarded heart gives up before the battle even starts.
Instead of suffering an acute injury and subsequent recovery, living in fear is a withering starvation that drains the soul over a lifetime. A pain that never heals.
By setting aside our fears, DiAngelo and I are choosing to fight for a better future.
I set down the photo and say a silent prayer that Isa will meet someone who challenges her to do the same. Not wanting to skulk around anymore, I go back to our room and sneak back under the covers. D pulls me into his arms.
“Everything okay?” he murmurs groggily.
“Yeah, everything’s good.” Inspired by my revelation, I decide to be big brave and take a leap of faith. “D?”
“Hmm?”
Do it, you’ve got this.
“I love you, and I’m so grateful you’re in my life.”
His eyes open and shower me with devotion. “I had forgotten what love was until you reminded me. You have become my everything, firefly.”
Tears burn the backs of my eyes as I bring my lips to his in a tender kiss.