16. Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Fifteen
Noah
She wants to see the stars, so the stars she will see. I know this whole murder thing has hit her hard, but I feel like she’s coming around to the idea that everything I’ve done… it’s all for her.
If she chose to leave, if I let her leave, she would find her previous life to be lacking the depth and color it has now. Cement, paperwork, meaningless conversation with assholes who just want to use her.
Friendships that serve no purpose beyond the menial, everyday chit chat that leads to nothing but mind-numbing boredom.
That’s not what life should be about. She’s slowly realizing this. I can see it in the way she’s tilting her head up, trying to point out the constellations as I lead her up the hill, towards the cliff. The other way from the hunting cabin.
No need to set her off again. She’s coming around to the idea of accepting who she really is. Who I saw her to be through the lens of her journals. Where she was uninhibited with her ramblings.
The true Cassidy.
Speaking of the hunting cabin, I’ll need to leave her tonight to clean the mess Dana left. Frustration coils in my gut. I don’t want to leave my girl, especially in the fragile state of mind that she’s in, but I have no real choice. The cabin must be cleaned before Kairo arrives because heaven knows one day he’s going to fuck up and I don’t want my DNA all over the place.
But for now… I pull her down onto the grass with me and we sprawl out, looking up.
“Is that the Big Dipper?” She points up.
I track where her finger is pointing and nod. “And just over there,” I say, moving my hand slightly to the left. “That’s Cassiopeia.”
She turns her head to look at me, a small smile playing on her lips. “Of course you know that one.”
“Why wouldn’t I?” I smirk, soaking in the way she seems lighter out here, more at ease.
“You sure it’s not some ploy to make me think you’re romantic?” She teases, but there’s no accusation in her tone.
“I don’t need tricks to make you see that.” I grasp her hand, running my thumb along her knuckles. “You’ll realize it soon enough.”
“I’m starting to think maybe you’re right,” she admits softly, completely enamored with the stars in the sky.
We lay there for what feels like hours, watching the show unfold above us. The stars are bright and infinite, reminding me of how endless this place is—and how small everything else seems in comparison.
People often inflate their importance. They often think that their lives are the most interesting thing to ever hit this planet. That their problems are so vast, so infinite that they will go on forever.
They forget that there are billions of other people here, living, breathing, struggling just as much as they are.
They forget that there are stars and planets and universes beyond what they can see. And they forget that if they scope outside of their pathetic existence for just a moment, they will see how small, how tiny, how insignificant they are to the planet as a whole.
No one will remember their name. Not beyond their children and perhaps their grandchildren, if they’re lucky enough to survive that long.
There won’t be accolades written about them, there won’t be monuments testifying to their existence.
Everyone is here for but a moment in time and then wiped from the very memory of this planet.
But people want to feel important. They want to ‘win’ at life, when there are no winners, no losers.
Just an existence you choose to follow, a path you choose to take.
And in that existence, if all the little moments that you experience are ones that bring you stress, defeat and failure, then why bother living at all?
That is why I chose to step outside of the neatly made boxes that people live in. Why I live out here, why I took Cassidy.
Because at the end of the day, I see in her, what I have in me.
The yearning to be free of the chains that try telling us who we can be, what we can become.
I could have been anyone. A lawyer. A cop. A politician. There was endless money at my disposal to mold myself into a specific image, to achieve a specific goal.
But the real question is why ?
And no one stops to truly ask themselves why do we do the things we do? Why do we strive for a life of mediocrity, one that will be forgotten in a couple of generations anyway, when our souls long to be free?
“Would you ever let me go back to the city? To see my friends?” Her question is hesitant, breaking the silence between us.
“No,” I tell her truthfully. “But I don’t think you have anyone worth seeing anyway.”
Cassidy breathes out slowly, still looking up at the stars. She doesn’t pull away from me; instead, she presses closer.
“That’s what scares me,” she says quietly. “That my old life is starting to feel more and more distant. That you knew what I needed, when I didn’t even know myself.”
I turn onto my side and pull her against me, feeling the heat of her body through our clothes. She’s cold but doesn’t mention it. Doesn’t even shiver.
“I’m sorry you had to see what I did to Dana.”
“I’m not,” she says, surprising us both. “I think I needed to see it. I think I needed to understand you better. Up until that moment, you’ve been a mystery to me. I also think I had to understand that part of me that you’ve been slowly uncovering.”
It’s the first time she’s admitted needing anything since I took her. The first time she hasn’t outright rejected this life when I’m not balls deep inside her with my clearly magical cock. It sends a thrill through me that I can barely contain.
“Is that what you want?” I ask against her ear. “Need? To know me better?”
I’m ready to take her again, here under the stars, but she shifts and looks at me with those wide eyes nailing me in place.
“I don’t know,” she says. “That’s what scares me too.”
I hold her as the sky turns, keeping her pressed against my chest until I feel her breathing even out into sleep. She doesn’t know yet, but that fear is good for us. It keeps her on edge, lets me push her further than she’d ever go on her own.
Cassidy will always need a little chaos to make her feel alive; and I’m just the man to give her what she needs to thrive.
The sun is high when we wake, and we’re damp from dew. Cassidy yawns and stretches like a satisfied cat before getting up, dusting herself off.
“How far is the lodge from here?” She asks as we start walking back to our new cabin.
“Why?”
“Because,” she says cautiously, testing my mood as much as the ground beneath us. “I was thinking maybe I should take you up on that job offer.”
I try to keep the surprise from my face but fail miserably. “You were pretty set against it yesterday.” We walk in silence for a beat. “It’s a half an hour walk.”
“I think I’d like to stay busy.”
I eye her, looking for any sign that she’s trying to pull the wool over my eyes and to my surprise, find none. “Okay… I can get you set up in the system, but Cassidy, if you’re planning something, I suggest you stop.”
“I’m not. I’ve been thinking about my life back… home… and after seeing the stars, this knot in my chest released. It’s like… everything I ever worked for, just didn’t matter. I don’t know how to describe it.”
“You don’t have to, I know exactly what you mean.” I hesitate, hating that I need to say it, but she needs to know. “Cass, I have to go back to the hunting cabin. There’s a mess I need to attend.”
She looks at me. “Can I come with?”
“Um.” I’m truly at a loss for words. Do I let her see how I dispose of bodies? Will she want to help me clean? How much of who I am do I really want to show her? “Uh. Sure. I guess.”
“Great, I’ll just shower quick and throw on some grubbies and you can show me what needs to be done.”
We walk into the cabin and before she can head upstairs to shower, I grab her hand. “Why do you want to see this part, Cassidy? Why the change?”
She simply smiles, “I figure if I’m going to take charge of my own life, take control of my destiny, if you will, and live with a man who would murder people to keep me safe, the least I can do is help him clean up. Besides, I saw her bleed to death, the clean up can’t be worse than that. I dunno, Noah. I told you I’ll try and I am. It doesn’t make me as mad as it should, I think is what I’m trying to say.”
This is weird. I feel weird about this, but I can’t tell if I’ve broken her. Did something truly shift or did something break last night? Fuck…
I make a snap decision. “Fine. But if anything starts to get off the rails, you let me know and I’ll bring you back down to the cabin, alright?”
She’s already halfway up the stairs, “Okay!”
When she comes back down, I almost don’t recognize her. Her hair is piled on top of her head in a messy bun and she’s wearing one of my old hoodies with a pair of sweats. She looks cute as fuck.
“Ready?” She beams at me.
I’m still not sure what to make of this version of Cassidy, but I know I want her just as much as every other one she’s been since she got here. So, I’m willing to take the risk that she’s finally come around.
“Ready,” I say, hoping I’m not making a mistake by letting her get this close to the parts of me that don’t see the light of day.
Dana is still hanging when we get there, the bucket overflowing, her blood dried on the floor.
Cassidy steps inside the cabin without hesitation, a curious expression on her face. Her eyes travel over everything, lingering on the blood stains and then on Dana’s body, pale and stiff above the bucket. She looks like something out of a horror movie, but Cassidy doesn’t flinch; if anything, she seems fascinated.
Jesus Christ… maybe seeing Dana really did flip a switch in her. She’s gone through the stages of grief and has landed on acceptance. I hope, anyway. I hold my breath for a few heartbeats before exhaling in relief. “It might get messier before it gets clean,” I warn.
She turns to look at me, brushing a loose strand of hair from her face. “What do you want me to do?”
“You’re serious about this?” I ask, searching her face for any sign that she’ll bolt again.
Instead, she moves closer with an expression I can’t quite read. “Show me.”
I nod slowly, “The bleach is under the sinks over there. I’m going to get her down and take her to the cliffs.”
“Why the cliffs?”
Shit. “It’s where the bodies get dumped. The ocean takes them away.”
“How many times have you done this?” She doesn’t look at me as she asks, rummaging through the cupboards under the sink for the bleach and some cloths.
“A few.”
“Why?” She stands, a grin on her face as she holds out the bleach and a rag.
“They all deserved it, Cassidy. You’ll learn about who deserves it and who doesn’t over time. The bottom line is… anyone who threatens my way of life, goes over the cliff.”
“Seems simple enough.” She says with a shrug, grabbing a plastic bucket and pouring bleach into it before filling the rest with water.
My eyes narrow. “Are you experiencing PTSD? Why are you so calm about this all of a sudden?”
She turns to face me, her hands on her hip as she glares at me. “Because, Noah, as I was looking at the stars, I realized that I want to look out at them every night. I want to hear the water rushing from the falls. I want to smell the spring blooms. I hated being a lawyer, when I really boil it down to the basics. I loved defending people, but hated everything else. I fucking hate Carter. I hate the speed of my life. Truthfully, I think I hated Stuart, too. I was doing what was expected of me, because that’s all I knew. Despite the fact that you went about this all wrong, I like you, feel something for you, and if you’d have asked nicely, I would have said yes. You just made it so the yes wasn’t an option, and no wasn’t either. I think that’s what I needed. Someone to take the reigns and make a life altering decision for me, otherwise I’d be stuck, until I die, doing shit I don’t like, for people I can’t stand, going home to my empty apartment and pining over a man I found railing our secretary. In our bed, mind you.”
I let my breath out slowly, feeling the truth of her words sink in.
“So,” she continues, “are you going to let me help or what?”
I don’t need any more convincing. I grab the rope and unhook Dana from her spot on the wall, dragging her body outside while Cassidy starts scrubbing. The blood has dried and set on the concrete floor as she splashes her bucket over the stains. It starts running in small rivers that gather into pools, staining the cement with a brownish hue.
It’s a mess, and irritation spikes up my spine, but Cassidy tackles it with determination, her expression focused as she works. I watch her for a beat longer than necessary before hauling Dana out to the cliffs.
The wind is fierce and cold as I make my way to the edge, Dana’s body thumping behind me as it catches on rocks and roots. She’s heavier than Mike was; not physically, but emotionally. Something about this body feels different—like it’s tethered to more than just dead weight. Like I’m letting go of something bigger than her.
The fear of a life without Cassidy. Something seems to have clicked, and if that was Dana’s death, then she did some good in her miserable life.
I kick her over the side without much effort, watching as she tumbles down to join Mike below. He’s long gone, but perhaps somewhere in their watery grave, they will find each other. Waves crash over her bodies and send sprays of cold sea water up into the air, stinging my skin as I turn away from them.
It’s done.
Back in the cabin, Cassidy is still scrubbing furiously at the floor. She looks up when I come in, strands of hair sticking to her face where sweat has dampened them.
“Well?” Her eyes are wide with something that looks like exhilaration.
“Gone,” I say simply.
She nods and turns back to her task as I grab more rags and get down on my knees beside her.
We work in silence, the only sound the splash of bleach and the rustle of clothes as we scrub away the evidence. She’s not squeamish about this life—or if she is, she’s doing a damn good job of hiding it. I steal glances at her as she works. She’s perfect.
After a while, Cassidy sits back on her heels, wiping sweat from her brow with the back of her hand. “That’s the last of it,” she says, surveying our work.
“Not bad for a city girl.” I’m trying to keep my voice casual.
She stands and stretches, a satisfied smile playing at the corners of her lips. “And you said it’d be hard.”
“I’ll have to bring you along more often.” It’s half a joke to test her reaction, but when she doesn’t flinch or tell me to fuck myself, I know we’ve crossed into new territory.
“Are we done?” Her eyes are bright, eager.
“Depends,” I say, pulling her towards me. “How dirty do you feel?”
Her laugh is breathless as I wrap my arms around her waist. “You don’t waste any time.”
“Not when it comes to you.” I bury my face in her neck, breathing in the scent of bleach and sweat and Cassidy—a wild mix that makes my pulse spike.
“So, it doesn’t matter that I stink like chemicals and hard work?” She teases as my hands find their way under her hoodie.
“No,” I say, pulling my hand back out, “But bleach on skin is bad, so let’s go wash our hands and run to the cabin to shower. I want to fuck you raw.”
She gasps and rushes to the sink, washing her hands vigorously before turning to me, “Can we try something?”
I step in and wash mine, drying them on some paper towel before we head out and close the door behind us. “Sure.”
“I feel weird asking, but can you put on your mask and chase me? Like you did before?” Her cheeks turn beet red as she stares at the ground while we walk.
“Hmmm, you liked that did you?” I chuckle and grab her hand, brushing her knuckles across my lips. “Oh, minx, if fear gets you off, I will terrify you any day.”
“Can you also tie me up… and have your way with me?”
“Oh? I don’t see that as being a problem.” My cock strains against my pants. I stop walking, grabbing her hand and making her cup my pants. “Maybe losing control is the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”
She groans as she palms my cock, “If you keep fucking me like you do, then I’d agree. I might even agree to let you put a baby in me.”
“Oh, there’s no choice in that, Cassidy. I will put a baby in you, it’s just a matter of time.”
“I’ve got the implant.” She says, smiling as if she’s won.
I pull her hand off my dick and wave her words off. “Nothing a bit of home surgery can’t cure.”
She gasps, “You would not!”
“I definitely would.” My hand comes down hard on her ass, “Run, little minx, my cock can only get so hard before I start fighting the need to fuck you where you stand.”
With a squeal, she takes off running towards our home.