Chapter 15
Han
He was breaking her heart!
She never wanted to cause anyone she loved this much emotional pain. His distress was almost enough to make her abandon the plan to get the kids.
“I have no intention of leaving you,” she said, shifting in his arms a little so she could put her cheek against his. “I’m not sure I believe in an afterlife, but if there’s anything there, then I’ll find you.”
His body relaxed a little. After entering the emergency shelter, he’d gone still but his breathing never slowed.
She’d kept talking to him, hoping he’d come out of whatever Talin version of a panic attack he was having.
She’d been about ready to try and climb out of his hold when he’d finally started interacting with her.
Now she felt like she had to tread carefully to keep him from dropping back into a scary mental state.
“You are trying to leave me,” he insisted, closing his eyes to rub his scent glands on her face and hair. “You want to put yourself in danger and risk all our lives. That means you don’t love me like you claimed.”
Damn, that was a low blow!
“I do love you,” she cried, struggling in his grip. “Sit down. I need to be able to look at you properly to have this conversation.”
He hesitated but then sat on the low bed. She moved out of his hold but didn’t go far; she didn’t want him to feel rejected.
Grabbing his hands with hers, she met his gaze. “I love you. I love you in a way I’ve never loved anyone else before. Honestly, it feels a little scary.”
“Then why do you want to risk so much?” he asked, his shoulders slumping a little. “I’ve scent-bonded to you. I’ve pledged my life to yours. Why are you so willing to throw that away?”
She was getting a little tired of his dramatics. “I’m not throwing it away. I’m making sure your niece and nephew get to grow up in a place where love isn’t punishable by law. That’s important too. Don’t you want them to have that?”
He sounded a loud, negative rattle instead of his usual softer ‘no’ rumble.
“Not at the expense of everyone I hold dear. I’ve never even met these children.
I’d never be able to pick them out of a crowd.
They are five solars old, which means Sandar and Rensom have only met with them five times. These children are strangers to us.”
Han frowned. “That’s not the kids’ fault; that’s the system your empire has set up. Those kids didn’t do anything wrong other than be born into this time and place.”
He opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off.
“I don’t care if they’re strangers! If I could, I’d take every kid in that cresh with me.
I want them all to know how amazing it is to have a big, messy family.
To be free to explore who they are instead of being shoved into a box and told that’s their identity.
I know you’re scared because you're sure everything is going to go wrong, but I’m good at assessing risk.
This isn’t as high risk as some of the bounties I’ve hunted down. ”
“That doesn’t give me confidence.” His voice was dry, which gave her hope that he was starting to use his higher-functioning brain instead of letting his instincts keep control.
“It should,” she countered with a little laugh. “I’ve been a bounty hunter for five years. Most of the individuals I’ve hunted down weren’t dangerous, but there were some killers mixed in. What kept me alive was planning and being prepared.”
“When we met, you’d been stabbed and were about to be kidnapped,” he pointed out.
She laughed. “The first part was true, the second part wasn’t. I was about to give up fighting them off and use my nuclear option, but then you were there and I didn't need it.”
“Nuclear option?”
“It’s kind of a jolter in grenade form,” she said, pointing to her trusty bag. “It disrupts the nervous system of everything within fifteen feet. It would’ve gotten me too, but at least I’d be safe, and it would give Filsin Station security time to arrive.”
“But you’d be hurt also,” he said.
“I know. That’s why I call it the nuclear option,” she said.
“The whole point of this story is that I was prepared and not anywhere near as helpless as you thought I was. I make plans. Then I make more plans for when those plans fail. And finally I have more plans if the plans for the other plans fail.”
He sounded a negative rumble. “All the planning in the world can be disrupted by one instance of bad luck.”
She considered it a good sign that he was using his rumble instead of his rattle.
“That’s true, but remember, I’ve got some Leemrons who owe me big favors and will do just about anything for credits.
It would use up most of my savings, but I could arrange for us to escape with a three word message to a Leemron broker. ”
He didn’t have an immediate answer, so she continued. “I can’t leave the kids, Zeph. I just can’t. That’s not who I am. If you honestly love me, then you’ll understand that.”
“It’s your best and worst trait,” he grumbled.
That’s when she knew she’d won.
Zeph
This time when Han explained the plan they’d come up with, Zeph listened instead of trying to think of ways to talk her out of it. He had to admit it wasn’t bad.
There were a lot of things they couldn’t plan for because they didn’t have the information yet, but they’d be able to fill the gaps once they landed at Blish’s port and had access to the planet's UniBase.
“You’re clever,” he said once she was done.
She gave him a mischievous grin. “Why does that sound like an insult?”
“It might partially be,” he said with a sigh. “There is one thing you’re not considering.”
She raised an eyebrow at him. “What?”
“The only ship we have is mine,” he reminded her.
Her mouth dropped open. “Oh god, this is going to be a crowded trip.”
“Especially after your brilliant plan succeeds and we add two more little bodies to the group,” he reminded her.
“Aww, you called me brilliant,” she cooed.
He rumbled with amusement at her response. “Your selective hearing is fascinating."
“I thought all of me was fascinating,” she retorted. Wiggling closer, she let go of his hands and raised hers to his face. “We should probably enjoy having some privacy while we have it.”
He sucked in a breath, but before he could agree and start rubbing bonding oil all over Han’s body, the ground under them rolled.
“The jumpers with the storage containers are here,” Han said.
“They don’t need us,” Zeph said.
“You’re right.” Han put her mouth close to his. “Tumoro is out there, young and ready to help.”
Zeph’s Ident chimed. He was going to ignore it but then Rensom’s voice came through the door’s display.
“They won’t release the cargo unless Zeph is here to inspect everything.”
They both let out ragged breaths.
“Damn,” Han cursed. “Someday we’re going to live someplace where everyone can get along without us for an entire day at a time!”
“I’ll beg the ancestors for it,” Zeph agreed.
He’d make sure they got privacy eventually, assuming they all survived the next and last adventure!