Chapter 4
Chapter Four
Hope
I don’t know why I kept changing my mind.
Master Lee had been wonderful during the art class. Kind. Gentle. And patient in a way that made my chest feel warm and safe. When he asked me whether I’d stay with the Littles or try the submissive program, I felt convinced I’d be going to the dark side.
Well... it would probably be more accurate to describe it as the light side. Everything about the Littles had been bright, fluffy and sweet.
But after I carried my painting back to my room and set it carefully on the dresser, the courage he’d built in me leaked out like air from a punctured balloon.
So when it came time to sign in for the next event, a speed-dating round with Dominants or Daddies, my mouth worked before my brain caught up.
I went with the Dominants.
The big hall looked like every cheesy romantic comedy montage I’d ever watched. Round tables were set with little number cards, and fairy lights had been strung along the rafters. There was a long bar glittering in the corner and another table piled with finger foods that smelled buttery and warm.
A woman with hair streaked with some of the same colors I’d painted with this morning gave me a dimpled smile. “Hi, I’m Luna and you’re…”
When I gave her my name, she checked it off a clipboard and slipped a blue wristband over my hand.
“Blue means you’re meeting with male Dominants,” she explained. “Just normal conversation today. Other than referring to them as Master there are no further protocols or pressure. If you click, you can mark your cards at the end of your time together.”
I heaved a sigh, trying to calm my nerves. This wasn’t a big deal.
But my stomach still felt like it was trying to escape my body.
I almost asked if it was too late to switch back to the Littles’ session. Or maybe I could plead a headache and run back to my room.
Or call a cab and just go all the way home.
Better yet, I could fake my own death and move to a small island where no one expected me to flirt with complete strangers.
Again, I wondered at this sudden change in my own personality. I was good with meeting new people, so I wondered if it was that for the first time in a long time, I was looking for more than meaningless connections.
The stakes were so much higher.
You can do this, Hope. You’re a grown-ass woman who has survived so much more than awkward conversations.
People drifted in around me. There was a shy girl with freckles, twisting her bracelet, and a silver-haired man laughing too loudly at his own jokes as he spoke to someone at a table next to him.
Some of the submissives looked barely old enough to drink while others had wrinkles at the corners of their kind eyes and eager expressions.
But the underlying vibe was a kind of cautious optimism. Everyone was nervous and hopeful.
Just like me.
Somehow, that helped me calm down quite a bit.
When the bell rang and the first Dominant sat down across from me, I smiled easily and introduced myself.
He spent almost the entire time with me talking about his workout routine. If someone had held a gun to my head after our date I would have been unable to name him or describe what he looked like.
The next one was tall, handsome, and had a very confident air about him. He also corrected my grammar twice and asked my opinion on a keto diet versus a low-carb one. And he wasn’t very impressed with my answer.
Another one kept checking his watch, clearly not impressed with what he saw in me, and not very excited to be wasting an entire date with me either.
The one after him wanted to know if I was “obedient” before he even asked my name.
By the fifth round, my shoulders were slumped and my apple juice tasted bland. With each failed date, my answers got shorter and my mood plummeted more and more.
Maybe this had been a mistake. Maybe Master Lee had been right and I belonged with the crayons, glitter glue and giggles of the Littles and Daddies.
The bell went off again, and the chair across from me scraped softly against the floor.
I looked up.
And forgot my own name.
He was tall, even sitting down, broad-shouldered in a soft gray sweater that made his green eyes look brighter. He had dark hair brushed back from his forehead, and a neat beard that framed a mouth that seemed to be on the verge of a smile.
“Hi,” he said, warm and calm, the smooth timbre of his voice sending butterflies alight in my stomach. “I’m Troy Joshua Barker.”
His voice was low and thoughtful, with the faintest hint of a laugh.
“I’m Hope,” I managed past the lump in my throat.
He smiled and nodded in response. “Nice to meet you, Hope.” He held out his hand to me, and his strong grasp surrounding my fingers sent a spark through me.
“Let’s get the boring stuff out of the way, shall we?
” he offered. “I’m a research scientist. It’s mostly boring lab work.
I enjoy cooking on the rare occasions I’m home alone, meditation to help me center myself, and flying drones in the park when I feel the need to let my childish side out. ”
He tilted his head to the side when I remained mute. “What makes you happy, Hope?”
Well. That was... unfair.
What kind of question was that to answer in a short speed date? Was I supposed to hand over my soul between bites of cucumber sandwich?
The silence stretched just long enough for panic to creep in. Other than introducing myself, I hadn’t said a single word. The clock on the wall ticked far too loudly. Any second now he’d glance at it, give me a polite nod, and mentally file me under dud.
Instead, his smile softened.
He reached across the table and offered his hand. “Hey,” he said quietly. “Take a breath. It’s not a trick question. Just tell me what you like.”
Oh.
Right.
He wasn’t asking for the meaning of my existence. He just wanted... to know me.
I slipped my hand into his. His palm was warm and comforting.
“I don’t have that many hobbies,” I admitted with a small shrug. “I work. I read when I can. And I jog to keep myself healthy.” I winced. “I’m super boring, honestly.”
Troy studied me for a moment, and instead of looking disappointed, he kept smiling at me.
“Reading and running makes you boring?” he asked gently. “What do you read?”
I struggled not to hide my face behind my hands. I couldn’t have been a more painfully awkward date if I tried, making this man force every bit of conversation.
Obviously, on the first speed date where I actually liked the man across the table, I would turn into a mumbling, bumbling idiot.
Get it together, Hope.
“Mostly fiction,” I said. “Fantasy and historical. I really love reading books where the character’s life is messier than mine.”
His mouth twitched. “I read somewhere that escapism is a perfectly respectable coping mechanism.”
I snorted, sending him a shy smile. “That sounds suspiciously scientific.”
He looked at me with a blank expression on his face. “I am a scientist, after all,” he reminded me, mock serious.
I laughed before I could stop myself.
The tension that had been coiled tight in my chest all afternoon loosened another notch.
“And jogging?” he continued. “Do you enjoy it, or is it just something you feel you need to do?”
I winced. “I... see it as a necessary evil.”
“Hmm,” he responded after a beat. “Then maybe we should find you another way of keeping healthy,” he said calmly. “Movement is supposed to feel good. Not like punishment.”
His choice of words hit me in a way I hadn’t been expecting.
Punishment.
Had I been punishing myself?
Troy didn’t push for a response, just smiled at me as he waited.
“What about you?” I asked, partly to deflect, partly because I genuinely wanted to know. “You mentioned cooking.”
His eyes warmed immediately.
“I love cooking because it comes with the side benefit of feeding people, which is directly correlated to caring for people.” He shrugged again, the color in his cheeks deepening slightly.
“Plus... cooking is like science, isn’t it?
Everything has to be done according to the recipe, with strict instructions to be followed. ”
I smiled at him, appreciating his obvious enjoyment of the subject.
“I also like having control, you know? Being in charge of what’s going to happen next.”
My breath hitched at the implication he was making. It took effort to remain still in my seat and not wiggle around to try and alleviate the sudden pressure I felt between my legs.
“And the drones?” I asked because if I didn’t keep him talking, I might stare at him like a fool. Or worse... drool.
“Well, that’s just for silly fun, obviously. Everyone needs to let go from time to time.” His grin was so wide as he said that, I found myself mirroring his expression.
The bell rang.
The sound made me jump, and for the first time all afternoon, I was genuinely disappointed.
Troy didn’t move immediately. He glanced toward the facilitator, then back at me.
“I’d like to continue this conversation,” he said, calm, assured and confident. “If you would?”
Hope bloomed in my chest so suddenly it almost hurt.
“I’d like that,” I said.
And I meant it.