Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
Hope
The door clicked shut behind me.
I didn’t move.
For a full five seconds, I just stood there with my back pressed against it, staring at the opposite wall like it might explain what had just happened.
Then I slapped a hand over my mouth.
Oh. My. God.
I had just been walked back to my room by two devastatingly attractive men.
Two.
And they had both kissed me.
I let out a small, strangled noise and dropped my head back against the door.
What was happening to my life?
A week ago, I had been perfectly content reading in bed with a cup of tea, wondering if maybe I just wasn’t built for the whole romance thing. And now? Now I was apparently collecting charming, emotionally intelligent men like limited-edition bookmarks.
This was unhinged behavior.
I pushed off the door and paced the length of the room.
Okay. Breathe.
I dragged a hand down my face and forced myself to stand still.
Because it wasn’t just two men.
It was five.
Five different smiles. Five different voices. Five entirely different ways my stomach had decided to misbehave this week.
There was Lee, with his quiet steadiness and the way he looked at me like he was already building something solid in his head.
There was...
Oh God.
I spun in a slow circle in the middle of the room.
What kind of person had multiple almost-kisses replaying in her brain at once?
Troy’s warmth. Archie’s careful curiosity.
And then Perry and Tyrell with the lingering touches, the almost-moments, the time with them that had felt too easy, too intimate for people who were technically strangers.
This wasn’t just excitement anymore. This was… turning into so much more. Like a snowball rolling down the mountain, slowly picking up momentum.
And I didn’t know how to stop it without having it run over and flatten me. Or worse… one of the men.
I pressed my palms to my cheeks, willing the heat to calm down.
I had never been the girl with options.
I had been the girl who over thought texts. The girl who convinced herself not to wish and dream too hard.
Now I was apparently the girl being walked home and kissed at my bedroom door.
By two men.
“This isn’t happening,” I muttered to the empty room. “Not to mention, it isn’t sustainable.”
And yet…
The thought of narrowing it down too quickly made my chest tighten. Because each of them brought something different out of me. And I wasn’t ready to let any of those versions go.
I knew one thing, though. I’d told both Troy and Archie about my other... suitors. So I needed to be honest with the others too.
Chances were they wouldn’t be okay with it, which would just make my decision easier.
Right?
I stopped pacing.
Right?
My stomach dropped at the thought of any of them pulling away. Of Lee going quiet and guarded and that easy smile disappearing from someone else’s face. Of being looked at as if I’d disappointed them.
Maybe this was the universe correcting itself. Maybe this many good options meant I was about to lose all of them.
“Oh, that’s healthy,” I muttered to myself.
I flopped back onto the bed and stared at the ceiling again, heart racing as if I’d just run a mile instead of walking a few paces from my door.
I was crazy attracted to five men.
Five.
All for completely different reasons.
One made me feel like myself.
One made me feel seen and beautiful.
One made me feel challenged and strong.
One made me feel safe and protected.
One made me feel… brave.
How was I supposed to choose between those things? Between the comfort of the familiar and the curiosity of new things? Between the version of me that felt soft and the version that felt bold?
What if choosing meant losing parts of myself I’d only just discovered?
My throat tightened.
This wasn’t just fun anymore. This wasn’t just flirting and late night kisses.
These were real people. Real feelings. And I had no idea how I was supposed to untangle this without breaking something. Like my own damned heart. I rolled onto my side and hugged a pillow to my chest.
“Okay,” I whispered to the empty room. “You are not having a breakdown over hypothetical heartbreak.”
Deep breath in.
Slow breath out.
I had signed up for this. I had wanted something different. Something bigger than my quiet little routine life.
Well.
This was certainly different. A huge step outside my comfort zone. And let’s face it. I didn’t have to solve this tonight, right? I had time. I had until the end of the event to figure out what I wanted. Who I wanted.
Tomorrow, I would talk to the others. I would be honest. I would let the chips fall where they may.
But tonight?
Tonight I could just admit the truth.
I was overwhelmed.
And exhilarated.
And terrified.
And more alive than I had been in years.
I pressed my face into the pillow to muffle another embarrassed squeal.
“Five,” I groaned.
This was either the best decision of my life.
Or the beginning of a spectacular emotional disaster.