Chapter 20
Chapter Twenty
Hope
I woke up warm.
Not just warm but cocooned.
Something heavy and soft was tucked under my chin, plush against my cheek. My legs were tangled in warmth. There was weight at my back and my front. I was surrounded by steady breathing and slow heartbeats.
For one blissful second, I didn’t move. Didn’t think. Just existed.
Then memory hit.
My realization last night, followed by a panic attack and then a long sleepless night of crying.
I’d missed breakfast.
Then... Lee’s knock.
My stupid, humiliating breakdown.
Oh no.
I cracked one eye open, and my gaze fell on a velvety, cream-colored blanket. My fingers flexed against it automatically. It was impossibly soft and all I wanted to do was burrow down into it and hide in its folds forever.
But the two warm bodies surrounding me reminded me that wasn’t going to be possible.
My stomach dropped, and carefully, slowly, I shifted.
Lee was behind me, one arm draped securely over my waist, his hand splayed protectively against my stomach. His face was relaxed in sleep, his brow smooth, and his tempting mouth slightly parted. He looked younger like this. Less controlled and in charge.
And in front of me... Perry.
He was curled in close, with one knee nudged between mine, and his arm tucked possessively over my hip like he’d claimed real estate there. His hair was a soft, chaotic mess. His lips were parted in a faint pout even in sleep.
And I was in the middle.
Wrapped up and surrounded.
Guarded on both sides.
My heart and head were a mess of emotions and thoughts, all vying for attention at the same time but before I could indulge in yet another shameful spiral I was distracted by a soft clearing of a throat.
My attention jumped to the chair in the corner of the room.
“Tyrell,” I whispered so softly, I almost couldn’t hear it myself.
His mouth twisted into a wry smile before he leaned forward, resting his chin on an upturned hand, his elbow on his knee. “Heya, button. You doing okay there?” His voice was soft, but his tone was laced with concern.
I bit my lip, unable to come up with a suitable response.
Even though I wasn’t even remotely close to okay, I didn’t want to give voice to my worries and fears. And I didn’t want to lie and pretend that all was hunky-dory either.
So I shrugged.
Which was a mistake.
Because the movement shifted the warm weight behind me.
Lee inhaled slowly, the sound brushing over the shell of my ear before his arm tightened instinctively around my middle.
“Mmm,” he murmured, voice rough with sleep. “You’re awake.”
Heat flooded my cheeks.
“Sorry,” I blurted automatically.
Tyrell’s brows dipped. “For what, exactly?”
“For—” I gestured vaguely. “All of it. The crying. Missing breakfast. Being so dramatic.”
Lee’s hand stilled on my stomach.
“You weren’t dramatic,” he said quietly, his voice no longer sleepy at all. There was steel laced through his tone.
In front of me, Perry made a soft sound and shifted closer, but he didn’t wake. His face was still relaxed, lashes fanned against his cheeks.
“How long was I out?” I asked, trying to push past the lump rising in my throat and ignoring Lee’s firm declaration.
“Couple of hours,” Tyrell answered gently. “You clearly needed it.”
A couple of hours. Oh fuck. “I completely messed up breakfast.”
Lee huffed softly behind me. “We can all survive skipping one meal, sweetheart.”
“But—”
“But nothing,” Tyrell cut in, not unkindly. “You don’t get to feel guilty about falling apart, button.”
“I should at least get up,” I insisted weakly. “Let Perry sleep properly. I can—”
Lee’s arm tightened immediately. “No.” His tone wasn’t harsh or angry.
It was firm in a way that made my breath catch. Stupid of me to forget that Daddies were Doms too.
“You’re going to let us take care of you. Even if, after today, you decide you don’t want anything to do with us, you’ll give yourself this one moment.”
Something in my chest wobbled dangerously.
Tyrell stood then, moving quietly toward the bed. I hadn’t even noticed the small paper bag sitting on the bedside table until he picked it up.
“We brought reinforcements,” he said lightly.
My eyes tracked the bag suspiciously, and a hint of amusement flickered across Tyrell’s face as he reached inside and pulled something out.
A pink pacifier.
A pink pacifier with the prettiest, sparkly bow on the front instead of the usual ring on the shield.
It was delicate. Beautiful. Ridiculous.
Not. Made. For. Me.
But oh, it was perfect.
My heart ached as I stared at the small, delicate binky in his large, masculine hands.
My stomach swooped, and I felt a definite ache and clench between my legs.
“Whose is that?” The words were out of my mouth before I even knew I was thinking them. What did it matter whose it was? I couldn’t use it.
“Hmm,” Tyrell said. “Perry doesn’t share, and I don’t see any other Little girls here, so I guess it must be yours.”
As if summoned by his name, Perry shifted again, mumbling something unintelligible and burrowing closer into my hip.
Tyrell held the pacifier out toward me.
I stared at it.
I wanted it.
Dear Lord, I wanted it.
My mouth practically ached at the thought. My whole body felt too tight, too raw, too exposed in this in-between space of almost-crying again.
But—
“I don’t need that,” I said softly, forcing the words out past the sudden lump in my throat.
Tyrell’s expression didn’t change. “You won’t know until you give it a try.”
Lee’s thumb continued its slow, absent stroke against my stomach, distracting me from the negative thoughts fighting to come to the surface.
My teeth sank into my bottom lip. “I’m not—” I took a deep breath and tried again. “That isn’t for me. I don’t need it.”
Tyrell crouched slightly so he was more level with me. “Button, neither of us will force you into doing something you don’t want to do. If you tell us here and now that you really don’t want it, then I won’t force the issue.”
The words landed somewhere deep.
Lee’s voice softened. “You cried yourself sick, sweetheart. If something helps settle your nervous system, that’s not a weakness.”
My chest squeezed painfully. “I feel stupid,” I admitted in a whisper.
“You’re not,” Lee said immediately.
Tyrell wiggled the pacifier slightly, and my eyes tracked the movement like a predator stalking its prey.
“Just try it,” he encouraged. “Five minutes. If you hate it, I’ll personally throw it in the trash and you’ll never have to see it again.”
I hesitated.
Perry let out a small sigh in his sleep and tightened his grip on my thigh.
Five minutes. I could do that, and no one else had to know.
Slowly, as if I were accepting a live bomb instead of a piece of molded silicone, I reached out and took it. It was lighter than I expected. The sparkles on the bow winked at me in the soft lamplight coming from the bedside table. My pulse thudded in my ears.
Lee and Tyrell didn’t say anything else. Didn’t rush me. Both Daddies patiently waited for me to make the next move.
I glanced once more at Perry—still dead to the world. Then, heart pounding so fast I thought it would escape from my chest, I brought the silicone nipple to my mouth.