Chapter 22
Chapter Twenty-Two
Hope
My heartbeat was still racing.
The pacifier slipped from my mouth slowly, the silicone teat dragging past my lips as my jaw went slack. It landed somewhere against Master Lee’s chest, forgotten.
For a long moment, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t even think.
All I could feel was the aftermath humming through my limbs. The delicate ache between my thighs and the lingering pressure of Perry’s hard body against mine. My breath was still uneven, matching the unsteady rhythm of my heart.
And then reality began to settle.
Oh my goodness.
What did this mean? What on earth had I just done?
The questions hit hard enough that my stomach dipped.
I’d spiraled all of last night and right into this morning.
Completely unraveled. And then? Then I’d let them hold me, protect me, shelter me.
I’d allowed Perry to grind against me until I came.
Let Master Lee touch me while I hid behind a pink pacifier like that would make it seem less real somehow.
Heat rushed to my face. I suddenly felt very, very aware of my body. Of where I was lying. Of how vulnerable I’d been. My chest tightened.
No. No, don’t do this.
Before the thoughts could properly take root, a large, steady hand tightened gently at my waist.
Master Lee.
His thumb stroked once. And somehow that one gesture was enough to ground me in the present. The simple pressure of his palm anchored me in a way that startled me.
“Breathe,” he murmured quietly above me.
I felt myself following his command and rejoiced in even more stress rolling off my shoulders.
Air filled my lungs slowly. I hadn’t realized how shallow my breathing had been until that moment.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Master Lee’s hand didn’t move away. He didn’t rush me. He didn’t demand anything.
With Perry pressed up close against my front, it only made the question bouncing around in my head all the louder and more impossible to ignore.
What did this all mean?
I had let myself want them. Not just physically, either. That part I could almost dismiss as heat, hormones, and proximity.
But I’d wanted the way they handled me. The way Perry had looked at me like I was something precious and devastating all at once, and the way Master Lee had grounded us both without hesitation.
Not to mention how Master Tyrell was a warm, soothing presence that left me feeling precious and protected. I swallowed.
It wasn’t a mistake. That was the terrifying part. I didn’t regret it.
“I didn’t…” My voice came out smaller than I intended, and I had to clear my throat. “I didn’t think I could feel this good after feeling so low.”
Perry’s thumb brushed gently across my lips but I couldn’t make myself meet his gaze.
The room stayed quiet for a moment after my words settled between us.
Master Lee’s hand continued its slow, absent strokes at my waist. “What happened yesterday, sweetheart?” he asked finally.
Perry shifted slightly, his forehead pressing against my shoulder like he needed to stay connected while we talked. His arm tightened, warming me in a way a blanket—no matter how soft and fluffy—never could.
“You don’t have to give us every detail,” Perry added softly. “Just… help us understand what happened, so we know how to help in the future.”
I swallowed. “I got a text,” I started automatically. “From Master Troy.” Even saying his name felt strange now. Like some kind of betrayal. To him or to them, I wondered.
“And?” Master Lee prompted gently.
“And I realized I’d forgotten about him.
” The words tasted sour. “Completely. I’d spent the time with you, and I hadn’t even thought about him and Master Archie.
Not once.” I worried my bottom lip with my teeth before continuing, “At first I tried to convince myself it was okay, because we’d all been honest and open about what was happening.
.. and wasn’t that the point? For me to get to know everyone and give each date my all?
But then I couldn’t figure out what to say to him, and with all the stress from the gl—”
I broke off, realizing I was about to tell them about the glitter bomb we’d let off in the rope play workshop and my eyes pinged to Perry. His face was just as comical as mine must be, and neither of us knew what exactly to say.
Thankfully, Master Tyrell broke into our guilt-ridden silence. “That’s quite a lot for one Little girl to handle, button. Relationships are hard work, and you’ve been dealing with quite a bit, having to navigate so many of them. No wonder you had a bit of a mental fritz.”
Guilt gnawed at me. I was already hiding the prank of all pranks from them. I couldn’t not tell them the rest too. They deserved to know.
“It wasn’t about Troy and Archie,” I whispered slowly.
My stomach dipped again. “It was about me.” I took a slow breath.
“I’ve spent my whole adult life being… composed.
In control. Independent. Strong.” I laughed softly, but it came out shaky.
“I’ve dated the kinds of men who liked that I knew what I was and what I wanted. ”
My throat tightened. “And then I got here.” My fingers brushed unconsciously toward where the pacifier had fallen. “And last night I finally realized I don’t want that anymore.”
The admission sat between us.
“I don’t want to be that woman anymore,” I said, quieter now. “I don’t want to have to be Big. Or poised. Or desirable in that polished, adult way.” My chest rose and fell slowly. “I want to be Little.”
There it was.
My truth.
“I’ve denied that part of myself my entire life,” I continued, my voice almost steady now. “Because it felt like I had to. Or like it was weak. Now I know better. Now I know that it takes a lot of courage to be who you really want to be, who you really feel like on the inside.”
Perry’s fingers tightened slightly at my hip.
Silence stretched between us all for a while, and I wasn’t sure if the men in the room with me didn’t know what to say or if they were waiting for more.
“What am I supposed to tell them?” I finally murmured. My voice dropped further. “How do I explain to them that I wasn’t the woman they met, and instead I wanted two Daddies, a pink pacifier and an annoying, yet adorable little brother?”
“Pfft,” Perry responded before placing a sweet kiss on the tip of my nose. “I think, pretty girl, you mean big brother. But that’s okay. You don’t need to figure it out. You have two really Big Daddies who can help you do it.”
I looked behind me to the Daddies in question, my heart sitting in my throat. “I do?” I asked.
“You do, button,” Master—no Daddy—Tyrell replied. “As long as you want us.”
Silence settled over us again.
I shifted slightly, becoming more aware of how we were arranged. Daddy Lee steady and grounded behind me. Perry curled close in front. Daddy Tyrell somewhere just beyond my line of sight, quiet but present. They weren’t separate pieces. They were a unit.
And one I could fully acknowledge I didn’t yet understand well.
I didn’t understand how Lee fit into Tyrell and Perry’s dynamic.
I didn’t understand the lines between Daddy and Master and lover and partner.
I didn’t understand what this would look like outside of this room, outside of soft blankets and quiet voices.
There were still things unspoken. I wasn’t na?ve enough to think this would be simple.
Or that feelings alone would smooth out whatever edges existed between the four of us.
But I was so done with pretending that this wasn’t what I really wanted.
Even if I didn’t know how I was going to get it, keep it, and make it work going forward.
However, as the three men surrounded me, none of the hows, what ifs, and whens really mattered.
All that mattered was that I fit. After years of hunting down the real version of me, I’d found her and I wasn’t letting her go.