Chapter 21
TWENTY-ONE
REGAN
“I don’t know how much longer I can stand this.
” I lay on one of the empty beds in the infirmary with a fluffy pillow behind my head.
I tossed my dagger up into the air, let it flip end over end, then caught it a moment before the point jabbed into my stomach.
“I mean, what do they think? They’ll hand over a few criminals and we’ll take them back? ”
Chanel mirrored my pose in the bed next to mine except she balanced the hilt of her sword on her pointer finger. “I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what they think.”
“It’s ridiculous.”
“Completely stupid.”
I scoffed. “We’re Virtues. We do not think taking down serial killers is cute.”
“No, we really don’t.” She shook her head.
Bodhi sat on a chair between the two of us with her feet kicked up on the foot of the bed I lay on.
Somehow the elf slippers with the jingle bell on the curved toes was an insult to injury for my bad mood.
She knew it, too, because she kept moving her feet around to make them jingle. “But like . . . isn’t it?”
“NO!” we snapped at the same time.
She chuckled and held her hands up. “Okayyyy. But, like, they aren’t bad at catching criminals.” She smirked and went back to knitting the grumpy purple bunny rabbit I’d given her for Christmas this morning. She was making quick work of the kit.
I groaned, feeling like the grumpy face on the bunny was mocking me. “Because they are criminals.”
“I don’t know . . .” Bodhi shrugged and the oversized cashmere sweater Chanel gave her for Christmas slid down one shoulder, just the way Bodhi liked. “Seems like they might’ve turned over a new leaf.”
“Ever heard the saying, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks?” I caught my dagger and held it up to my face to inspect the intricate carvings on the blade. Bodhi’s gift to me this year was badass. This dagger would fit perfectly in my boot.
“Are you calling them old dogs?” Bodhi giggled. “They’re too handsome to be dogs.”
“No reason to insult dogs,” Chanel mumbled. She lifted one neon-yellow Ugg boot in the air as she stretched her leg. It still had the pink Christmas ribbon and bow on it from earlier.
I glanced over to the grumpy bunny in Bodhi’s hands and frowned.
Her gifts to us were much better than ours to her.
I made a mental note to fix that. Focus, Regan.
I cleared my throat. “Andreas and Kaso are the oldest vampires I’ve ever met aside from Riven.
They might even be close to his age. They’re not gonna do any new tricks. ”
“I don’t know. I bet I could get Kaso to learn a few.” Chanel turned her face to me and wagged her eyebrows.
I narrowed my eyes at her. “That’s not helping.”
“Technically . . .” Bohdi leaned forward to get our attention, then held her fingers up to make air quotes, “. . . we’re old dogs. Much older.”
“Wow, Merry Christmas to us,” Chanel muttered a curse.
I sat up and caught Bodhi’s eye. “Okay, that’s just rude.”
“Truth hurts.” She shrugged but let out a little giggle. “Guess you two just needed a reality check for Christmas this year.”
“Damn.” Chanel snorted. “Bodhi swooping in for the kill.”
“Ya know . . .” I rolled onto my side and looked to Chanel. “I think she just doesn’t get it.”
Chanel mimicked my pose. “Or she’s jealous.”
I snapped my fingers. “No sexy glasses for her—”
“No swoony suspenders either—”
“Well, if you two aren’t gonna sample them anymore, there’s no reason I can’t.” Bodhi shrugged and went back to knitting the angry eye on the bunny. “I do love cheese and crackers.”
My jaw dropped. “Okay, what—”
“Shots fired—”
“Chanel, did you hear this?”
“I’m trying to pretend I didn’t.”
I shook my head. “Never took you for a sloppy seconds kind of gal, Bodhi.”
“I’m literally a healer who cleans up your wounds. How much sloppier can it get?”
Chanel gasped with mock horror.
“Besides . . .” Bodhi glanced at each of us with a mischievous glint in her grey eyes. “Those two look like the right kind of sloppy—”
“Okay, these are fightin’ words.” I started to sit up.
“No, no.” Chanel motioned for me to stay down. “She’ll just heal the wounds you give her. Won’t learn. We gotta make her feel our pain.”
“Let’s get her a hot yet untouchable, unhaveable boytoy for her birthday this summer.” I nodded. “See how she likes it.”
“Boom.” Chanel held her fist out to me.
I bumped it with my fist. “Boom.”
“Oh no, please don’t . . .” Bodhi said with a dramatic sigh. “How ever will I manage such torture?”
We all cackled.
“Anyways, it doesn’t matter.” Chanel sighed and tossed her sword up and let it flip in the air.
The tip went straight toward her face. At the last minute she let the tip land and balance on her finger.
“We’re Virtues. We can’t just mess with criminals, even if they are hot criminal vampires with wicked fangs. ”
“The fangs do sound enticing,” Bodhi admitted.
“Oh, they are,” Chanel and I grumbled at the same time.
Our eyes snapped to each other, and I jabbed my dagger in her direction. “You keep his fangs out of your mouth.”
“You keep his fangs out of your neck,” she snapped back at me.
Oh, how I loved his fangs in my neck. “Yeaaaaa.”
Bodhi chuckled. “Maybe I do need a naughty vampire for my birthday.”
“I wasn’t kidding, Bodhi,” I said with a grin. “Prepare thyself.”
She stretched her arms over her head and sighed with a happy little smile. “I like that they’re different.”
“You need to stop romanticizing them.” She was doing a damn good job of making them sound appealing, as if Andreas needed any more appeal when it came to me. All I had to do was look at him and I wanted him. “Effective immediately.”
“Is that for my benefit or yours?” She wagged her purple eyebrows at me.
“Shut up.” I yanked the pillow from behind my head and chucked it at her.
She caught the pillow. “Right. Yours. Got it.”
“If it wasn’t for the . . . glasses—”
“Suspenders.” Chanel winked.
I sat up and turned to the side, kicking my legs over the side of the bed. “Hey, no, we just gotta lick it up—” I jumped. “Lock it up, we have to . . . have to lock it up!”
Chanel and Bodhi burst out laughing.
I sighed. “When is someone gonna kill someone so we can kill them?”
“Preach.” Chanel sat up and turned to face me. She shoved her sword back into its sheath. “I need to beat someone down.”
“Some people would think this show of aggression was just repressed sexual frustration.” Bodhi snort-laughed.
I pointed toward the door. “Get out.”
She made a show of glancing around her. “Pretty sure you all are in my infirmary.”
“Fair.” I curled my hand into a fist. “But you suck.”
“For telling the truth? M’kay.” She shrugged.
Papa, don’t preach blared from Chanel’s pocket and she fumbled for her phone. She pulled it out and held it to her ear. “Merry Christmas, big Zaddy—”
I heard Zuriel’s growl through the phone and giggled. I hopped off the bed and bounced on the balls of my feet. “We got one. Oh, we got one.”
“We’ll be right there.” Chanel shoved her phone back into her pocket. “He said to meet him by the portals.”
I did a couple quick air punches. “That’s right. We got one.”
“I’m going to sit this one out.” Bodhi held her hands up. “I think I’ve had enough for now. I’d like to enjoy the Christmas movie marathons on TV today.”
“That’s cool. There’ll be more.” I nodded toward the door. “Come on, Chanel, we gots things to do.”
“And hopefully kill.” She rolled her shoulders. “Let’s do it.”
We quickened our pace and hurried toward the bank of portals that looked like elevators. “Did he say who it was? Anything on Christopher?”
She shook her head. “Not yet. Did I mention it’s pissing me off that we haven’t caught him yet?”
“Yeah, me too. It’s never taken us this long to catch anyone.”
“No thanks to Andreas,” I growled, trying to hate him but failing horribly.
“And Kaso.”
We turned down the hall toward the portals to find Zuriel standing there waiting. His eyes narrowed on the two of us and he gave a heavy sigh. He lifted a manilla folder up toward us as we approached.
I took it and opened it so Chanel could see the pages as well. “What do we got?”
“It’s in the file,” Zuriel snapped with a whole lot of growl.
I peeked up at him. “Annoyed much?”
“Always.”
“Damn, dude. Merry Christmas to you too,” Chanel mumbled, holding her hands up in surrender. “Guess you didn’t open your presents yet.”
“Some of us are actually doing our jobs,” he snapped. “Your men are pissing me off.”
“They aren’t ours,” I corrected and glanced over the picture before me.
It was a younger mage male with delicate features and a sticky finger. He’d stolen a couple million dollars’ worth of sparkly diamonds.
“Could’ve fooled me,” he muttered.
“Well, they aren’t,” Chanel said more sternly.
“Pain in my ass. All of you.” He glared at the two of us.
“We didn’t do anything.” I handed the folder to Chanel. “Blame them, not us.”
“Who ya blamin’ and what’d they do?” Andreas’s voice came from just behind us.
I spun on my heels. My heart went wild in my chest. I forced my face to stay impassive. And then I spotted the mage slumped between him and Kaso. My eyes widened and my jaw dropped. “What?”
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Chanel said under her breath, and Kaso’s eyes lit up.
Zuriel groaned. “What the hell is this?”
Kaso shoved the mage forward. “You didn’t say no.”
“Didn’t say no to what exactly?” Chanel crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes.
Zuriel just kept his eyes on Kaso and Andreas. “I did say I’d kill you.”
Kaso shrugged. “I liked the other option better.” He winked at Chanel.
Her cheeks flushed but her glare was an adorable attempt.
“Kaso,” Andreas hissed, then pushed the mage toward Zuriel. “A little sample of what we can do, boss.”
Zuriel grabbed the mage by the scruff. His upper lip snarled in disgust.
The mage didn’t fight Zuriel’s grasp, but he did look up at him with teary eyes. “I swear I’ll never do it again.”
“You got lots of shiny things to look at in Second Realm,” Kaso said with a laugh as Zuriel lifted him toward the portal for Second Realm.
The mage actually tried to plant his feet and stop Zuriel from shoving him toward the portal. I snickered under my breath.
Zuriel paused and arched one eyebrow. “Really?”
The mage groaned and picked his feet up, letting Zuriel carry him like a naughty puppy right through the portal and out of sight.
I turned to face Andreas. “What the fuck, vampire?”
“What?” He held his hands up in a what gives motion.
“So you’re not just leaving messes now, you’re doing our jobs for us?” I crossed my arms over my chest. Fury coursed through my veins.
“Not for you. With you.” Andreas’s lip tilted up in a smirk. “This way we’re only helpin’ and not leavin’ a mess for you to clean up.”
“So you’re stealing our jobs? Is that what I’m hearing?” Chanel snapped. “This is what we do—”
“And now it’s what we do too.” Kaso gave her a shit-eating grin like he didn’t see her glaring at him. “You didn’t want criminals, so maybe we’ll start calling ourselves Virtues.”
“I will kill you . . . or let Zuriel do it.” I pointed my finger at Andreas’s chest. “You’ve got to be kidding me. This is too much.”
“Or is it just enough?” Andreas pushed his glasses farther up his nose, and I squirmed a little. “You said no cleanin’ up after us . . . so it’s cleaned.”
“I also said we didn’t want to have to worry about you either. Or are you forgetting that part?”
As Virtues we were all too aware of the dangers that came with our duty. Other than Bodhi, the rest of the Virtues were killed doing our work.
“So you’re saying you do care about us?” Kaso wagged his eyebrows and tapped Chanel under the chin to make her blush. “That’s what I’m hearing, love—”
“The no-violence policy does not apply to us—”
“Baby, it’s cold outside, but that’ll heat me right up.” Kaso bit his bottom lip and slid his thumbs under his suspenders.
Chanel turned wide green eyes at me. I knew my cousin well enough to recognize the scream for help in her stare. Kaso knew just which angles to play.
“Look, cheesy bread,” Chanel reached out and grabbed both of his suspenders in her hands, then dragged him flush against her body, “quit the games—”
“Games? I’m one pump away from being melted cheese—”
“Ugh!” Chanel leapt back, then released her hold on his suspenders so they snapped back against his chest with an audible whack. “WHY IS THAT HOT? STOP IT.”
Kaso pursed his lips and made a sound like he liked it while rubbing his chest where they’d slapped. “Cheese goes on everything, baby.”
Chanel let out a growl mixed with a shout as she spun on her toes and marched off. She was mumbling, but all I caught was “. . . Grated cheese pretty soon!” because she shouted that over her shoulder.
Kaso stuck his tongue out and chuckled.
I felt Andreas watching me, so I turned to glare at him with my finger pointed right in his face. “Do it. Make a nasty cracker joke and see what happens.”
Instead, he gave me an angelic smile, then leaned forward and gently nibbled on my fingertip with one of his fangs. There was a little slice on my skin followed by the swipe of his tongue. To my utter horror, I moaned, then I slapped him across the cheek.
I gasped.
He gasped.
Shit. That was a knee-jerk reaction. I didn’t want to hurt him, though I didn’t hate the tingle in my palm.
A slow grin pulled one corner of his mouth. He licked his lips and rubbed his cheek. “You spoil me, lady elf.”
My jaw dropped.
Kaso looked over my shoulder and shouted, “Come back, Mrs. Claus! Where’s my slap—oh shit.”
I glanced over just as Chanel flew up to him with her wings spread. She stopped so close to him their bodies nearly touched. She looked up at him and spoke between clenched teeth. “What’s it gonna take to get you to listen to me?”
Kaso grinned, his golden eyes locked on her mouth. I knew what he was gonna say by that look on his face, but I didn’t get a chance to prevent it. He leaned forward ever so slightly. “I’m so glad you asked, Mrs Claus. Santa here would like a Christmas kiss.”
“Chanel, don’t—”
But it was too late. She grabbed those suspenders and dragged his lips down to hers. He took her face in his hands and took control of their kiss.
“CHANEL!”
She shoved Kaso back, causing him to slide a few feet away. “BE A GOOD BOY, DAMMIT!” Then she screamed and charged away from us.
I looked to Andreas. “Don’t even think about it.”
He chuckled, then licked the fang he’d sliced my finger with. “I already got my taste. Merry Christmas.”
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. He’d actually caught me speechless. So, I copied my cousin’s move and let out a growly-scream, then pushed my wings out and flew after her.
“We are so screwed,” I said mostly to myself.