CHAPTER 17 #3
“I thought…” Diego began and then stalled. Wylie resisted the urge to prompt him. He wanted to give him the opportunity to share his feelings without Wylie filling in the blanks. “I thought this thing between us was one-sided,” Diego said at last.
Wylie studied him. In what universe could this relationship ever be considered one-sided? They’d been shoulder-to-shoulder, fighting each other’s battles together this whole time. “What do you mean?”
“I thought it was just me, needing you,” Diego said.
That was clearly a product of Diego’s past trauma because Wylie was pretty sure he’d been expressive to the point of cringe-worthy about his feelings for Diego.
“I knew you liked me–” Diego began again, haltingly.
“Loved you,” Wylie interrupted, needing to clarify that point.
“Loved me,” Diego corrected. “But I didn’t think you needed me.”
Wylie was beginning to understand. Somewhere along the way, Diego must have mistaken his confidence for some kind of extreme self-reliance.
Because Wylie seemed to have it all figured out, he didn’t need Diego or anyone else for that matter.
His little breakdown must have revealed the truth.
Instead of trying to argue that he’d needed him all along, Wylie simply said, “I do need you.”
“And I want to take care of you,” Diego said.
Wylie turned over Diego’s words, afraid to hope, wanting the man to define exactly what he’d meant by it, write that shit down in a memo with annotations and sign on the dotted line.
“I love you,” Wylie said, grabbing his hand, “and as evidenced by what you’ve said and the fact that you came all the way up here to drag me out of my depression spiral and give me a reason to fight again, it seems you have some pretty strong feelings for me too.” Wylie paused there.
“I do,” Diego said with a soft smile.
“And I know you’ve got some work to do and some things to figure out. I don’t want to pressure you into being in a relationship with me, especially if it’s because you’re worried I might fall apart if you don’t.” Wylie didn’t want Diego to think his mental health depended on them being together.
Diego shook his head slowly. “It’s not that.”
“Has something changed?” Wylie asked.
“I’ve had some time to think about things. I think…” He stopped again and seemed to gather himself up as if prepared to make some great declaration. “I think we could be good together.”
Wylie smiled because to him, it was so obvious.
It was what he’d been saying all along. Banging the drums and blasting the horns.
But Wylie operated on instinct and intuition while Diego needed time to process and analyze things from all angles.
It seemed Diego had finally caught up to him.
Still, Wylie was afraid to believe it because what if Diego got home and changed his mind?
What if he decided he wasn’t worth the effort after all?
“I think we could be great together,” Wylie said.
“I don’t know what it looks like or how we’re going to make it happen, but I want to try,” Diego said with earnestness shining in his eyes.
Wylie could cry, or kiss him, or both. This was all that he’d wanted to hear for so long. It was such a reversal in his position that he couldn’t help but question it. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, and I’m sorry that it took me so long.”
Wylie didn’t want Diego to beat himself up about it, especially because the man already had a tendency to blame himself for too much. “Do you trust me?” Wylie asked.
“Yes,” Diego said. “More than anyone.”
“Then hear me out. I want us to be together, just as I always have. But I don’t want you to feel pressured. And I don’t want you to have any regrets, so how about you take a little more time to think about it?”
Diego’s expression shuttered, his face reflecting the disappointment that Wylie felt too, but he tried not to let it sway him. “This isn’t me rejecting you,” Wylie said to reassure him. “This is me giving you more time. And, honestly, this is probably more about me,” he admitted.
“What do you mean?” Diego asked.
“In my past relationships, I moved way too fast, and I usually ended up resenting the men that I dated because they couldn’t give me what I wanted–wouldn’t commit or be faithful or allow me to express myself emotionally.
I never want to feel that way toward you or have some knock-down, drag-out fight on the front lawn because I’ve let the bad feelings build.
” He didn’t want to harbor any bitterness toward Diego or suffer another letdown because the man had simply changed his mind.
“I want you more than anything, but I need you to be sure,” Wylie said.
Diego nodded solemnly, as though he understood exactly what Wylie was placing in his hands and how much they both stood to lose if he let it slip.
“I’ll call you,” Diego said, the simple promise carrying the weight of something far greater. Diego reached up, cupped the back of Wylie's neck, and gently drew him forward until their foreheads rested together. Diego’s fingers tightened ever so slightly, sealing the promise without another word.
“I’d like that,” Wylie whispered.