Hurt Me Not (Pétale Auction #2)

1. Pearl

Pearl

Who would ever think I would actually get invited to New York's hottest queer BDSM club?

Not me.

But somehow, I found a shiny invitation in my email on Friday morning, and ever since then, I’d been trying to scrounge up something suitable to wear.

Not only that, but I even gave up my shift tonight just for a chance to see what could happen, which is meaningful in itself, since this is the night when I make most of my weekly tips.

Because it’s not only about going to a BDSM club—I was asked to attend an auction. Their first-ever auction.

Maybe attend is the wrong word, since I will be the item being bid on.

Regardless, it was an opportunity for me to pay back all my student loans. The same ones that reminded me every month just how much of a failure I was.

It was dark outside, even with the stars glittering above, watching. There was a small chill to the air, the small neighborhood somehow feeling twenty degrees cooler than the city, calming my heated skin and giving me much-needed clarity.

Clarity to realize that the loans were eating up all my paycheck. I barely had enough to pay for my apartment. All my food came from leftovers at the restaurant.

So I needed to go through with this. I needed to do something to turn my life around.

And yet I couldn’t make myself move any closer to the house. I was just… standing there, looking at it.

You’re already here, Pearl. No backing out now.

I forced one foot in front of the other, gripping my phone tightly in my hand as I walked up to the door of the imposing house. There was a man there, his gaze so hard that I found myself shrinking under the weight of it. Saying nothing, he simply opened the door behind him.

I shifted my mask onto my face before even daring to take a look at what was inside. I had chosen pink, my favorite color, in an attempt to boost up my self-confidence, considering what I was about to do. But as soon as I got a glance of the people around me, I realized it was all for naught.

They're gorgeous.

A girl was standing in the entryway, and behind her were a few people walking in the foyer. Many were holding drinks, laughing, seemingly having a good time, some with partners and others on their own.

All of them had masks, but their beauty shone through. There was an air of sensuality about them in the way their dresses hugged their skin or their suits were unbuttoned just enough to show some chest.

I wondered how they did it. How they felt so at ease in a place like this instead of afraid like me.

I could pretend to be them, though. Try to emulate their easy smiles and straight backs, using the mask as my shield. Fight through the nervousness.

With an uneasy envy in my heart, I faced the girl waiting for me.

Pretending it is.

She met me with a friendly smile, but my eyes were pulled from her face to her skintight red latex suit. My mouth watered at the sight of how good it looked on her, and I wondered if I could pull off anything similar.

“Name?”

“Emmy,” I replied, my skin heating at using a shortened version of her name. She'd be pissed if she knew, but I couldn't think of anyone else. She was the only person who could've given me the strength to do this. The only person I wished could be here. “I am here for the auction.”

The hostess’s face brightened up immediately, and she started typing hastily on her iPad.

“Oh yes!” she gushed. “How exciting! Let me add some stuff in here and I’ll show you where you need to go.”

I followed her through the club, my eyes lingering at the blown-up pictures of queer people together splattered across the walls. The more I saw, the less nervous I felt, and I felt warmth starting to expand in my chest.

I like it here.

This might be the one place where I could find someone who would tend to my wants. To my dark, dirty secret. To my need for something… rougher.

I realized in college that normal sex, no matter how hot the woman was, wouldn’t cut it for me. I wanted more.

And since there was only one person in my mind every single time I came, her harsh, gruff words still very present for me, I knew where that specific need came from.

I’d never like you. You’re a fucking bully, I once told her.

Liar.

But here… I didn’t think I needed to worry about anyone looking at me oddly or judging me for what I was into.

She gave me a mini tour of the place, and my mind was swimming with possibility. I saw three or more people together in one of the viewing rooms. Impact play. Suspension. Piercing.

It was heaven for someone like me, and by the time we got to the almost empty room for the auction, I was actually getting excited about it.

Other girls were already sitting in the audience, talking amongst themselves. The hostess sat me down next to a girl named Juliette, who seemed to be just as on edge as I was, and I saw the way she flinched, giving away the fact that she introduced herself with her true name instead of her alias.

She had beautiful blonde hair and wore an elegant dress that put mine to shame.

“I'm nervous,” she said, her voice with a little shake to it. “I'm afraid no one will buy me.”

She let out a nervous laugh, and I couldn’t help but smile. That was my main fear as well. Getting up there in front of an audience full of people and not one of them giving a damn.

My entire life, I felt like I was invisible. Not that people couldn’t see me, but like they wanted to ignore me on purpose. That they could tell I wasn't worth their time with just one look.

My parents. Kids at school. Her.

No, not her.

After a while, I started to like the shadows. Before I knew it, I was scared to step out of them. I changed from a talkative child who was excited to meet new people to someone who couldn't even hold a conversation with a stranger or even look them in the eye.

I had a few friends, but mostly because they pitied me. They never truly cared about me. Never saw me the way I yearned to be seen.

I had been lonely back then, and I was lonely now. I thought college would change things, but I was quickly proven wrong. The universe put me back into my place in the shadows.

If I didn’t need the money, I would probably stay hidden, protecting myself as much as possible.

Don’t be a coward. The Pearl Meadows I know is no coward.

No matter how scared I was, that line always came back to me. My high school bully said it, and maybe I shouldn’t go back to it. But I couldn't forget it.

And neither could I forget another thing she told me that night.

You think you’re invisible, that no one cares or sees you. But I…

I liked to think that she did see me. That maybe she was the only person who did. Even if she never did finish that sentence.

“Me too,” I finally told Juliette. “How humiliating would it be to just stand up there with no bids?”

“Now, now, relax. Club Pétale would never let that happen. After all, we have a reputation to uphold, don’t we?”

The comment came from a tall girl with silver-dyed hair that was slicked back and shaven on the sides. My eyes were instantly drawn to her multiple piercings and all her dark tattoos.

Just like everyone in the club, she was breathtaking. But her easygoing nature made me feel comforted. The longer I was there and the more people I met, the readier I was to put myself up for auction.

Her name was Sloan, and her boss was Ax, a woman who had a resting bitch face so powerful that all the nerves from before came back with a vengeance. So it helped that Sloan made sure to let us know that our experience here mattered. It wasn’t just about the people who would be bidding for us.

Sloan's wife, who she introduced as Lillian, was the one who took the pictures all around the club. I was in awe at how talented she was and also taken aback at the chance to be featured in one of them since she’d be photographing the event.

When we moved backstage, another girl was waiting for us, though this one seemed much warmer and more inviting. Her name was Nyx.

“If you need to change, you can do so over there,” she said with a smile, her dark hair dyed purple and pink at the ends swishing as she looked us over.

“We have extra clothes and shoes in case you’re uncomfortable.

I will also be the one to see you to your room after you have signed your contract and your bidding has concluded. ”

I looked in the direction of the dressing rooms and then back down to my clothes. I was wearing a simple dress that fell to my thighs with a lace accent on the neck and hemline.

I wasn’t sure if it would be enough, but I decided to trust Sloan. They wouldn’t leave us hanging.

“Speaking of contracts, you will sign one now and one after the bidder’s bid is accepted and the funds are transferred,” Ax said, her eyes looking over each and every one of us.

“You will get a chance to back out at every step. After the bidding, we will ask if you’re comfortable continuing with your bidder, and there are call buttons in the rooms to alert us if you need help at any time.

Nothing is more important than your safety. ”

The words were comforting, but she was still scary. Until she looked at Nyx, and I watched her expression change just slightly.

They’re together! They're cute. I want something like that.

Just maybe with someone less… intimidating.

But then another voice whispered in the back of my mind.

You also want to be degraded and spat on, so maybe someone like her really is what you need.

I pushed that away immediately, even if my skin heated at the thought. There was fruit and water in front of us, so I took a sip and a few bites, not really knowing if I should say anything.

When Ax was done talking, it was quiet, and our hosts smiled.

“Alright. Shall we get this started?”

I stood up on the stage, the silence deafening as the crowd stared at me.

I wasn’t the first to go up there, but the girl before me, Juliette, had gone for a million fucking dollars. More money than I’d ever seen in my life. I couldn’t even fathom having that amount of money.

I suddenly felt self-conscious in my flirty dress, thinking it wouldn’t even be enough to get someone to spend a few hundred thousand. And my mind started to fill with unwelcome thoughts.

You were stupid to come here.

No one is ever going to buy you.

They’ll think you’re weird.

Not pretty enough.

Not worth it—

I squared my shoulders, keeping my head high and forcing the voice out of my head as I looked at the crowd, pulling myself together.

“Our next beautiful offering is an NYU graduate who is into degradation and bits of impact play. She wants a dom who will help her learn the beauty of submission. We will start the bidding at two hundred thousand.”

Too late to back away now, it’s all out in the open. Do you really think they’re going to want you?

I winced. I had prefilled my introduction, but I didn’t realize it would just be blurted out like that.

Seconds of silence that felt more like hours followed.

Then something happened that slapped those thoughts away.

Shiny, black paddles with numbers carved into them raised one by one until the crowd was swimming with them.

People are interested… in me. The real me, kinks and all.

Confidence burst in my chest. Pride. Something I’d only felt a handful of times in my life.

“Two-fifty!”

“Three hundred!”

“Five-fifty!”

I was going to pay off all my student loans. Erase my failures. What they were offering was more than enough for me to pay it all back and start my life anew.

All my dreams glittered in the lights shining beyond. I could see myself in them, and I allowed myself to feel hope for the first time.

It wasn’t just the money. I was going to get the type of lover I’d always dreamed of and never had. All those bidding, they heard what I was into and didn’t shy away.

They. Want. Me.

“One million.”

That voice.

My heart dropped. Not because of the money on the table… but because I recognized it.

No way.

It’s been years… There’s no way she actually—

The breath was sucked from my lungs when my eyes met hers. It didn’t matter that she was wearing a mask or that the lighting overhead cast shadows over her face.

The same brown wavy hair with a red tint fell just below her chin. The same facial structure. The same intense look in her hazel eyes. The same way she carried herself. The only difference was how much more muscular she’d become since high school.

Emerson Blackwell. The person who tormented me. My high school bully and now my—

“Sold! To bidder fifty-nine for a million dollars!”

My purchaser?

The lights dimmed, allowing me to get a better look at her.

She was still everything I’d dreamed of and the exact person I was imagining buying me when I signed up for the auction.

Emerson’s smile told me all I needed to know.

I didn’t know how or why, but she’d come for me.

And I couldn't wait to see what she’d do with her purchase.