Chapter 9
KYLEN
Now that Kole pointed it out, I can’t not see the way Harold flirts with me. Which means I’m always in a constant state of flushed. That’s not anything unusual, of course. Now I’m just self-conscious about it.
I’ve never thought of myself as someone in whom people take an interest. That’s my sister.
Or my brother. Lathan is objectively hot.
I’ve heard enough people say so throughout my life that I believe it.
It’s not clear to me whether I agree. I mean, he’s my brother.
While I throw no shade at people who love their siblings, it’s not for me. I don’t feel that way.
And my sister is beautiful. She’s petite, soft, and confident.
She can also be loud, fierce, and manipulative.
Kole has all the hallmarks of someone who will lead an army into battle while she’s untouched by everything flying through the air around her.
People would die at her feet, but nothing will touch her.
Kole is larger than life. Even as she’s almost always the smallest person in the room. She’s going to do great and terrifying things in life. I’m sure of it.
Me? I think I’m the boring middle child. Not the oldest that everyone looks up to. And not the baby, who everyone coos over. I’m overlooked. Uninteresting.
I don’t think I’ve ever truly been looked at. For the most part, I prefer it that way. But I think it’s also why I’m so easily flustered. Which is not my favorite thing.
I’m not sure how I feel about Harold Carmichael. Kole encouraged me to hang out with him, though I think she has an ulterior motive for urging me to agree to a date. I know my twin. There was something sharp and dangerous in her eyes every time she brought it up.
However, I honestly think I’d spontaneously combust if I went on a date or studied alone with him, so I suggested that maybe he hang out with me and Kole at the hockey game with Nolan.
Nolan goes to most home games because his boyfriend is the coach.
When Kole and I arrive, Nolan is sitting with Coach Tavis’ sons, Orion and Skye.
Skye and I seem to have a lot in common.
He’s quiet and flushes a lot, too. Something I think we both noticed about each other a while ago.
The knowing smiles we share go a long way to set us both at ease.
There’s comfort in knowing that we’re not alone with our continuous nervous energy as we walk through life.
Kole takes the seat beside Nolan, leaving me to take up the end where there’s an empty seat beside me. For Harold. My gut twists as I sit closer to my sister than the empty seat.
“He’s coming, isn’t he?” Kole asks, twisting in her seat to look at the stairs from the top.
“He said he was,” I mumble for maybe the sixth time.
“Who’s coming?” Nolan asks, leaning forward to look around Kole to see me.
“Kylen’s date,” Kole says, grinning wickedly.
I sink deeper into my chair, ignoring the way they’re all looking at me. Arek walks by then, his eyes meeting mine. There’s something hard and dangerous in his expression when I look up. A threat.
My breath catches, and while I’d like to look away, I can’t. He has me trapped.
“Van Doren,” Kole says, and I flinch as he turns his attention to my sister. It felt like someone whipped me with the end of a towel. It stings, though I’m not sure where the point of impact was.
“Demon,” he answers in his low, dark voice.
I swallow, but… tilt my head. There’s something… something about his voice. That tone.
“I didn’t know you liked hockey,” she says.
“I have a professional hockey player for an uncle,” he answers. “I’d be disowned if I didn’t like hockey.”
My eyes flicker back up to him unbidden at those words.
“You do?” Nolan asks. “Who?”
“Elgin Bolingbrook. Technically, I think he’s my great uncle?” Arek’s eyes shift to the ceiling while he contemplates the connection. “Yes. That’s what you call your father’s uncle, no?”
Kole snorts. “No idea. I just call them family. It’s easier that way.”
Arek nods as he leans against the boards, hands pushing into his pockets. While he’s not looking at me, I have this strange feeling like I have his full attention anyway.
“That’s kind of how my family works, too. We don’t pay much attention to technical terms. It’s all about the generation you’re born into. Therefore, Uncle Elgin is simply my uncle.” He shrugs with disinterest.
“That’s cool,” Nolan says. “I have a professional hockey player uncle, too. Actually, two.”
Arek looks in his direction. “Solace…” He trails off.
Nolan grins. “Nah. Solace is my Princess Daddy V’s last name. My Papa Orson’s stepbrother is Owen Vincent. And my Daddy Luca’s brother is Caulder Haines.”
Arek hums. “I’ve met…. Owen, I think? He might have come to Okello’s birthday party.”
“Your cousin?” Kole asks.
He nods. “Yes. They’re Uncle Elgin and Uncle Ara’s child. The queer players in the NHL have a strange little club together. You have to be queer to be a part of it.”
Nolan laughs. “Yes, they do. It’s still part of the league, actually. Uncle Owen’s youngest son is a professional hockey player and gay as fuck.”
Arek snorts. Then his head tilts to the side. “Oh. I know Jude well.”
“When you say well… does that mean you fucked?” Kole asks.
He doesn’t respond. The corner of his mouth is curled upward, and he shrugs one shoulder.
“How do you know Jude?” Nolan asks.
“Boat club. Which means I am probably familiar with his parents more than I’m remembering, but I tend to dismiss adults. They’re boring.”
“In fact, I think he’d love your shirt,” Nolan says.
We all turn our attention to Arek’s hoodie. It reads ‘Not gay as in happy, but queer as in fuck you’ with a big middle finger over his chest.
I’m not the only one who can’t hide my laughter.
“Oh my god, he would,” Kole agrees as she pulls out her phone. “I’m sending it to him. Strike a pose, Van Doren.”
Arek doesn’t move as Kole takes his picture. I watch as she sends it to Jude. He may have a game tonight. I haven’t checked his schedule lately.
Jude Vincent isn’t exactly family, but he kind of is in a way.
While he didn’t grow up in the same neighborhood that Nolan, Kole, and I did, because he is Nolan’s cousin, he was there often enough.
Especially since Nolan is one of six children, so there were tons of birthdays in the house.
Not to mention he now has… five or six nieces and nephews.
I might be imagining an extra one that is actually someone else’s kid, though.
“Hey.”
Everyone’s attention turns to the new voice as Harold takes a seat beside me. He smiles, leaning in to kiss my cheek. Of course, that makes my entire body burn hot with embarrassment.
“Thanks for inviting me,” Harold says while I sink into my seat and try to subtly move closer to my sister.
Kole leans forward and offers Harold her hand. “I’m Kole, Kylen’s twin. I will kill you if you upset him,” she says with a happy smile on her face.
Harold hesitates before he takes her hand. There’s no sense of jest in her tone or her expression. “Hi,” he says slowly. His eyes flicker to mine briefly. “I don’t have any intention of upsetting Kylen.”
My sister doesn’t respond as if she’s heard his statement. She leans back and introduces Nolan, Orion, and Skye. And then Arek.
When I look up, Arek is watching Harold with a murderous expression. It’s so hostile that I shrink backward to get further away from him. Harold feels the threat, too. I can’t imagine how he wouldn’t, since it’s pointed firmly at him.
“Jude says he wants that shirt. Where did you get it?” Kole asks.
Arek doesn’t appear to hear her as he continues to glare at Harold.
Kole smirks. “Yo, Van Doren. Are you listening to me?”
“No,” Arek answers without taking his attention away.
Nolan laughs and leans forward to grab Arek’s hand. I tense because I can practically feel the aggressive energy bleeding from Arek. “Sit down, Arek. You’re going to scare him away.”
“Good,” Arek answers, his hard gaze still trained firmly on Harold. “If he’s smart, he’ll heed the warning.”
Harold’s entire body is stiff as he kind of melts under Arek’s stare.
Nolan looks toward Harold with curiosity while he pushes Arek into the seat on Orion’s other side, somewhat forcefully.
He speaks to Arek, though I can’t hear what he says over the noise of the stadium filling and the four seats between us.
“Is he your ex?” Harold asks quietly.
I shake my head. “He’s… my frat brother.”
“But not your ex,” he confirms.
I shake my head again.
“Did you like… fuck or something?”
My face heats, and I shake my head again. “No. I barely talk to him. We’re not even friends.”
Harold leans forward to peek at Arek and quickly sits back again. “I think maybe he likes you or something.”
“Maybe he just doesn’t like you,” I counter. “Do you know him?”
Harold flashes me a smile, his eyes alight with laughter. “You’re my type, Kylen. Cute, twink-ish, sweet.” He looks over my head as if he can see Arek. “He’s not someone I’d go anywhere near.” Harold leans in closer to me and murmurs, “That man is fucking terrifying.”
I nod in agreement. “Everyone thinks so,” I say.
“Hey, Kylen,” Orion calls, and I lean forward to look at him. He’s smiling because this man is always smiling. I see Arek just beyond him, his dark eyes trained in this direction. It’s difficult to ignore the way he looks at me. “Nolan said you’re going to add in groupies to Hush Anonymous.”
“We’re talking about it,” I agree.
“That’s so cool. As an alumnus, do I have access?”
Skye hits him, but Orion’s smile remains firmly on his face. The humor shining in his eyes is loud. Nolan chuckles, too.
“Yes,” I answer. “You have to go through the same screening process as everyone else, though. There are a few more steps because you’re no longer on campus full time as a student. Safety is something we take very seriously to protect our clients.”
“I love that. Also, a groupie would be totally cool. All the dicks and shit.”
“Aren’t you straight?” Kole asks, tilting her head as she considers Orion. “I thought you had a girlfriend for a while.”
Orion shrugs. “I think very few people are actually truly straight. Fear keeps them in the box they’re trained to stay in.”
Kole beams. “Fuck yeah.”
Orion wraps his arm around Skye’s shoulders, and Skye sinks into his seat, glowering at Orion. He halfheartedly tries to push his brother away, but Orion is still grinning hugely.
“Do you like hockey, or do you go to games to hang with your friends?” Harold asks, pulling my attention back to him.
“Uhm, a little of both, I guess. I’m not a huge hockey fan, but I don’t dislike it either. They’re my family, though, so yeah, I guess I tend to go to games when they do.” I gesture in Kole and Nolan’s direction.
“Nolan is your family, too?”
“I mean, kind of? Not genetically related, but the best family isn’t always related by blood.”
Harold grins. “I agree with that.”
Sometimes it’s easier to answer the question about how Nolan is ‘related’ to me by saying he’s a distant cousin. So, family, but not necessarily close family. Not like Kole or Lathan.
The teams clear off the ice at the next buzzer, signaling that the game is getting ready to begin. I settle into my seat, bringing my legs up to curl under me in such a way that I’m leaning closer to my sister than Harold.
I like Harold okay. He’s nice to have in class. But I don’t think I’m attracted to him.
My eyes drop to my wrist, where there’d been a bruise from the last time I’d gone to Hush Anonymous.
It’s been a week and a half since my last visit.
I didn’t go last weekend, though I’m not sure why.
I crave the man in the dark and the way he fucks me.
The way he bends and bruises me. The way he pleases me, almost as if he’s forcing pleasure on me.
It’s terrifyingly addictive. As soon as I saw all the little bruises he left on my body turning a gross green as they began to fade, my first thought was that I needed to go back. I needed his harsh marks on me. I needed to feel the reminder of the way he railed me for hours and hours.
Something in the way those thoughts played through my head scared me, though, and I remembered that this man in the dark is stalking me. That’s not just a red flag. That’s a seriously dangerous, concerning red flag.
He knows when I’m there. He knows which room I’m in. He knew when I covered up the marks he’d left on my neck. More than once, he’s made a comment while he’s fucking me that proves that he does, in fact, watch me outside of our encounters.
The more I thought about it, the more I knew I needed to stop going there. He was possessive. His possession was alarming, always telling me he was going to kill anyone who touched me.
Which might be why I’m subconsciously trying to keep some distance between me and Harold. Everything I know about the man in the dark suggests that he’s here somewhere. Watching me. So he sees Harold next to me. He likely saw Harold kiss my cheek when he arrived.
I sink lower into my seat. If I turn around and look at the faces in the crowd, will I recognize someone I’ve seen every day but didn’t think anything of it? We attend the same school. Obviously, we’re bound to see the same faces often.
When someone hits the back of my seat, I shift in reflex to look over my shoulder. I meet Arek’s dark eyes as he settles into the seat slightly off-center from mine. The seat sits more in the middle between mine and Harold’s.
Harold shifts to see what I’m looking at, and his face turns white when he sees Arek. He turns back to face the rink, but his shoulders rise with his unease.
I frown at Arek, wondering why he doesn’t seem to like Harold. I’m missing something. Something that will probably hit me in the face with how obvious it is later.
Maybe I should ask Arek what he thinks about the guy I’ve been fucking at Hush Anonymous.
If anyone knows about red flags, I bet Arek Van Doren does.
He’s stupidly scary, and I don’t even know why.
It’s the way he looks at people. Like they’re livestock sent to the slaughterhouse to be butchered, and he’s the one holding the knife.
My face twists up at the thought. What is wrong with me for having even thought that? He’s just a person… who tends to fill you with dread as soon as he walks into the same room. But that’s a me problem, right? It’s not like I’ve seen him get violent. I’ve never heard that he’s gotten into a fight.
Besides, he and Nolan are friends. That means he must be a good person.
I glance back again, and Arek isn’t watching Harold anymore. He’s watching me. The corner of his lip curls up. Just the barest hint of a smile.
My heart races, and I turn around to face the rink as the players begin filing out onto the ice.