12. Blood and Lies #5
“Please,” she begged. “I’m scared.” Without the mask of affection, she couldn’t get there. He’d destroyed her flimsy illusion, and she needed it back.
The tension in his shoulders loosened, and he gentled his hold. Something merciful shifted in his eyes. “Relax. Life is full of pain, but we’re much stronger than you realize.”
He traced his fingers over her, easing his way, but the pressure consumed her. He was stretching parts of her that had never felt strain.
“Tensing will only make things harder on yourself.” His swollen cock breached her opening, and she gasped.
He was too big. It was never going to work. Frantically, she dug her nails into his shoulders, but he lowered his weight so she couldn’t escape.
“Look at me.” He framed her face, holding himself in a way that stretched her without penetrating her. “It has to happen.”
“I know.”
She never wanted to stay a virgin this long, but she also didn’t know what drove him to take her virginity from her. She’d always assumed it would feel more meaningful and less like she was a means to an end.
Accepting her fate, she took a deep breath and said, “Do it.”
“As you wish.” He thrust, burying himself to the hilt.
The breath left her lungs in a whoosh. It was done. She’d never felt so possessed or detained. Startled, she gasped when his lips brushed softly over hers, an absolute contrast to the strange sensation of being impaled.
Dragging his lips to her ear, he made soft, shushing sounds as he held her tight. “Hush now, little darling. Let the pain in, and it will pass.”
Her eyes closed, and a jagged breath skipped past her lips, hardly reaching her chest.
He waited, seated deep inside of her, for her to adjust to the intrusion. “Take a deep breath.”
She did as she was told, feeling him in her core.
“No longer an innocent, now, are you?”
The pain was a double-edged sword. As the physical ache faded, the emotional hurt grew in palpability. She wanted to feel connected to him, but logically, she knew better.
She once again wondered if she could break down his walls and build a sense of intimacy between them. Maybe then the impersonal parts would hurt a little less? She needed to try, because she needed that false sense of connection back or she was going to die like this in his arms.
Lifting her face to him, she softly kissed his lips. For a moment, he froze, seemingly startled by her initiative enough to allow it, but when she wreathed her arms around his neck, he growled and shoved her down to the mattress, pinning her there and studying her suspiciously.
“I just wanted to kiss you.”
“No one touches me without my permission.”
What a hypocrite. “I’ll be gentle.” She tried to stroke his arm, but he captured her hand. Forcing her submission with no hint of leniency.
He flexed his hips in warning, reminding her that she was at his mercy. “Don’t push me.”
She gasped but made no objection as the ache in her core shifted to something sensual they both seemed to feel. Their eyes locked, and he appeared as startled by the jolt of pleasure as she.
“I could break you,” he reminded, watching her through narrow, distrustful eyes.
“I think you already have.”
He scoffed. “What a naive thing to say.” He grabbed her breast in a punishing hold and fiercely claimed her mouth.
She met every hard, demanding stroke of his tongue with submission, giving him whatever he wanted, but that only seemed to frustrate him.
He ripped his mouth away and scowled. “You think you can manipulate me?”
“I’m not trying to.”
He shoved his hips forward. “Is this what you want, to see how cruel I can get? Do you think you’re safe now because you’ve given in?”
She gasped, and he did it again, rutted into her with demanding strokes so that she had no choice but to suffer his dominance. But it wasn’t the punishing force he hoped for. Instead, he shocked her with unforeseen pleasure every time he bent her to his will.
She felt him in her stomach, on her skin, and in every tired muscle. He embedded himself so deeply into the hidden parts of her that she doubted she’d ever fully get him out.
Her cries of pleasure destroyed the silence as he thrust faster, forcing moans out of her with each hard flex of his hips. When she slid across the bedding, he tugged her back with greedy need.
“I’m not a fucking game you play.” He arranged her body, and she became his malleable puppet.
His fist knotted in her hair as he ground his hips into her, working hard to get a reaction other than pleasure from her, but she was lost in a haze of sensation.
It was so much more encompassing than she’d ever imagined.
“God damn you.” He crushed his lips to hers in a brutal, unyielding kiss that left no room for escape, purposely using his mass and strength to weigh her down as he fucked her hard, but she didn’t make a sound.
Time slowed and the kiss gentled. Her heart raced as she panted against his lips. Drawing back, he looked down at her in confusion and cursed, “Fuck!”
He sprung off the bed.
Startled by his abrupt withdrawal, she sat up, the ache in her stomach making it palpably clear she was no longer a virgin. The soreness was already setting in. “Is something wrong?”
“Quiet.” He paced the carpet, raking his fingers through his hair as an aching void took shape inside of her.
The sense that she’d somehow bested him should have left her feeling empowered, but she only felt abandoned and confused by his mercurial shifts.
“James?”
He froze, tension noticeably twitching down the muscled back. His voice dropped dangerously low. “I told you not to use my name.”
Gideon also warned her, but without a reason, their warnings seemed pointless. “Why can’t I?”
“Because I fucking said so!” He was on top of her before she saw him move. “Say it again. I dare you. See what happens.”
She wanted to. She wanted to look him in the eyes and call him by name so he knew she wasn’t afraid of him. But that was a lie. She was terrified.
Instead, she bravely caressed his cheek and flinched when he caught her wrist in an unbreakable grip and growled. “Don’t.”
“I only wanted to touch you.”
He flung her touch away and sprang from the bed, leaving her naked and trembling. Snatching up his clothes, he left without dressing and slammed the door.
She gaped at the empty room, confused by what just happened. Dropping her face into her hands, she collapsed onto the pillows and stomped her foot in frustration. “Damn it.”